Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Firstly, I am terribly insecure. Very much so.
And I somewhat recently got into a relationship with an amazingly fantastic wonderful and-several-other-words-that-mean-wonderful guy.
And I am overweight, while he is maybe 100lbs soaking wet.
So I have a looot of body insecurity.

So the question is this::::

When you took testosterone, did you loose a lot of your insecurity, about how attractive you are phsyically, or did it hang around?
Because I'm pretty sure it's not due to dysphoria, and just general insecurity, but a lot of it, is because I am in the body of a female and maybe it's just something I need to unlearn?

And the second part of the question is, how do you guys deal with something like this? Cause like, I know he loves me, and I love him, but it's really difficult to not feel insecure because at some level I feel like I don't deserve to be with him, because I'm overweight and he's not  >.<

T greatly helped my insecurities, my confidence rose a lot since starting T, because I felt like now i'm becoming more masculine looking. My girl is bigger than me, and she feels insecure about her weight, I usually try to tell her who cares, I think your hot still and love you, but at times shes still insecure. Shes taller and bigger than me, but I can give two ->-bleeped-<-s, I'm sure he feels the same about you. Going to the gym also helped my insecurities, so might help yours too.

Yeah I lost a lot of insecurity and gained more confidence. I still feel dysphoric and insecure about how I look because I'm female shaped, very effeminate looking, and don't look how I want, but I have hope that I will one day look how I want.

Speaking as someone who is dating someone overweight, I doubt he cares as much about your weight as you feel. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would be, but he's not. what does "deserve" mean and what bearing does it have on reality?

I feel less insecure about my weight, but then, my insecurity wasn't because I had any issue with being fat or being seen as fat, my issue was that it was distributed in such a way that men's clothes didn't fit well and I felt like eyes were drawn to feminine parts of my body.

Once the fat redistributed I stopped caring. I do have to lose some weight for my cholesterol levels and for my chest surgery to avoid loose skin, but I don't feel like it makes me unattractive and I don't feel insecure about my weight.

T did make me more secure, but it isn't a magical cure that will take away all of your issues. When I see a hot, tall guy I immediately revert back to the idea of being less than him etc. It's something that T may or may not cure. I've never been lucky enough to find a man who wants me, but if I do find one, I'm sure I would get jealous of his body at times, and as a result insecure about my own. 

But it shouldn't matter what he thinks of your weight. What you think of your weight does. And that is not T related. It seems you are unhappy about your weight, so why not take control and change the things you can change? If you already are, keep on doing it. It feels great to take control of things that make you unhappy because there are so very few things that you can actively control and change.

T didn't change my fat at all and after one year I got fed up with it. I took control and started a strict regime of dieting and exercising and now finally I'm starting to see the fat go. Knowing that I'm actively helping makes me feel a whole lot better.

Oh god, I feel so much more secure now... I've always had some level of protective narcissism throughout transition, so I can't relate entirely, but a lot of my feelings of not being good enough for people subsided really quickly. I've always been overweight, but (while I've been losing weight lately) I felt a lot better once my weight was distributed in a more male pattern.
Although it sounds less dysphoria related with you and more like a personal thing- testosterone is really great, like really really great, but you still have to learn to believe that you're enough, with or without t.

I have lost some weight, and I do work out, but it doesn't help too much, because the fat is going gone, but the skin is still there, so it just makes it worse.

It is mostly a personal thing, yeh, though it does sound like going on HRT is going to help, at least a little bit.
But like,
the second part of the question, How do you guys deal with insecurity? Do you just ignore it and hope it goes away, or you tell yourself positive stuff all the time, or...?

Ryan, man, thanks. I don't go to the gym, but I have been gathering a small collection of free-weights, so I work out at home quite often.

Quote from: Rawb on July 29, 2014, 05:59:16 PM
I have lost some weight, and I do work out, but it doesn't help too much, because the fat is going gone, but the skin is still there, so it just makes it worse.

It is mostly a personal thing, yeh, though it does sound like going on HRT is going to help, at least a little bit.
But like,
the second part of the question, How do you guys deal with insecurity? Do you just ignore it and hope it goes away, or you tell yourself positive stuff all the time, or...?

Ryan, man, thanks. I don't go to the gym, but I have been gathering a small collection of free-weights, so I work out at home quite often.

when i'm feeling insecure i will work out but if i can't, i try to put it out of my mind by doing something else. when i had a girlfriend, she would make me feel better and less ->-bleeped-<-ty about how i felt because i know she loved how i looked even if i didn't. having that person there can make the difference but since i'm single, working out has helped my self esteem a lot, especially since starting t. i think t helps people with their insecurities because you start to see the changes you want, you know?