Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Emma_ on July 29, 2014, 01:22:37 AM Return to Full Version
Title: I came out to my father
Post by: Emma_ on July 29, 2014, 01:22:37 AM
Post by: Emma_ on July 29, 2014, 01:22:37 AM
Hello again!
I'm returning with the same problem - coming out.
As I was writing here a couple months ago, I haven't got any progress since this time.
I decided that I should say to my parents about it LITERALLY - without any other words, because they will not understand my problem in whole life.
Unfortunately right now my parents live in Spain, and I live in Eastern Europe.
I was in Spain during a weekend to visit my family. Unfortunately my visit was a little bit too short, and as I was doing a lot of things I couldn't manage too much time to talk with them about that :/
So I was postponing this talk till the latest moment - during a drive to the airport :/
I was driving with my mum and dad.
I came out to my father (as to my mum I've already came out - see my previous topic), just by saying literally that I want and will change my gender, because I don't feel happy and normal as a boy, and I want to be a girl.
My father was in a big shock. At the first time he didn't say anything. Finally after a minute he asked something like 'what?'. I repeated that I want to correct my gender.
He's started to say that who said that to me? (And was repeating mostly this question). I was responding that nobody said it to me. I had this problem for whole life, but I wasn't saying anything to you (parents).
I was repeating that I'm not crazy. I was mentioning that i have a very good job now, finished my academic year with a very high GPA, got a scholarship, so I'm not crazy.
Also he said something that 'but I was born as a boy, and I can't be a girl'.
And the main question - why I haven't said that earlier?
My mum didn't say anything - just listening.
Unfortunately we didn't have a lot of time, because we were close to the airport, and then we had to finish the talk.
To sum it up - I know that my parents don't have a lot of knowledge about transgender problems, so that's why they are saying something like that.
I want and I will go to the doctor in a few days. But still don't know what to do with my parents.
Should I Skype to them and talk again about me? I don't see any other possibility to talk with them now :/
Unfortunately I don't thing that I will be able to meet them for a few months :/
I'm returning with the same problem - coming out.
As I was writing here a couple months ago, I haven't got any progress since this time.
I decided that I should say to my parents about it LITERALLY - without any other words, because they will not understand my problem in whole life.
Unfortunately right now my parents live in Spain, and I live in Eastern Europe.
I was in Spain during a weekend to visit my family. Unfortunately my visit was a little bit too short, and as I was doing a lot of things I couldn't manage too much time to talk with them about that :/
So I was postponing this talk till the latest moment - during a drive to the airport :/
I was driving with my mum and dad.
I came out to my father (as to my mum I've already came out - see my previous topic), just by saying literally that I want and will change my gender, because I don't feel happy and normal as a boy, and I want to be a girl.
My father was in a big shock. At the first time he didn't say anything. Finally after a minute he asked something like 'what?'. I repeated that I want to correct my gender.
He's started to say that who said that to me? (And was repeating mostly this question). I was responding that nobody said it to me. I had this problem for whole life, but I wasn't saying anything to you (parents).
I was repeating that I'm not crazy. I was mentioning that i have a very good job now, finished my academic year with a very high GPA, got a scholarship, so I'm not crazy.
Also he said something that 'but I was born as a boy, and I can't be a girl'.
And the main question - why I haven't said that earlier?
My mum didn't say anything - just listening.
Unfortunately we didn't have a lot of time, because we were close to the airport, and then we had to finish the talk.
To sum it up - I know that my parents don't have a lot of knowledge about transgender problems, so that's why they are saying something like that.
I want and I will go to the doctor in a few days. But still don't know what to do with my parents.
Should I Skype to them and talk again about me? I don't see any other possibility to talk with them now :/
Unfortunately I don't thing that I will be able to meet them for a few months :/
Title: Re: I came out to my father
Post by: Evienne on July 29, 2014, 01:30:37 AM
Post by: Evienne on July 29, 2014, 01:30:37 AM
Well good that you finally got the courage to tell your dad.
As for contacting, that is rather hard. Personally I believe that technology isn't the best way to communicate about something serious due to the fact that there is something about actually being fact to face in person that has more power than thru online. But perhaps you could try skype. At least at first. Clear things up, and when you guys all meet again, then you could have a deeper talk about it.
As for contacting, that is rather hard. Personally I believe that technology isn't the best way to communicate about something serious due to the fact that there is something about actually being fact to face in person that has more power than thru online. But perhaps you could try skype. At least at first. Clear things up, and when you guys all meet again, then you could have a deeper talk about it.
Title: Re: I came out to my father
Post by: helen2010 on July 29, 2014, 01:51:33 AM
Post by: helen2010 on July 29, 2014, 01:51:33 AM
Emma
Nothing better than talking with someone as you can see whether you are moving too fast etc. Skype could work. Email may help you get your thoughts sorted. If your parents have not previously been exposed to trans* issues or folk then they may feel more than a little over whelmed, confused and concerned for you. Being so far from home they will worry. If your relationship is good and it sounds like it is - plenty of mail, Skype calls etc. They want to know that you are ok, that you are safe and that you love them. Suspect they would find it very, very difficult if you don't talk with them before you see them again in person.
Safe travels
Aisla
Nothing better than talking with someone as you can see whether you are moving too fast etc. Skype could work. Email may help you get your thoughts sorted. If your parents have not previously been exposed to trans* issues or folk then they may feel more than a little over whelmed, confused and concerned for you. Being so far from home they will worry. If your relationship is good and it sounds like it is - plenty of mail, Skype calls etc. They want to know that you are ok, that you are safe and that you love them. Suspect they would find it very, very difficult if you don't talk with them before you see them again in person.
Safe travels
Aisla
Title: Re: I came out to my father
Post by: Bombadil on August 04, 2014, 10:52:30 PM
Post by: Bombadil on August 04, 2014, 10:52:30 PM
I completely agree with what Aisla said. Communicating is important and a long silence will let them worry and come to conclusions that are wrong. It may take them time to adjust but if you can skype and be firm and willing to answer questions there's a good chance they will gain understanding.