Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So yeah, as the title says, im new here, stumbled on to this site and figured it couldn't hurt to try and get some input and advice, maby make some friends. And if this is the wrong place to put this, let me know or move it i guess. So where to begin? well just a few days ago i came out and told my gf of 1 year and four months i may be transsexual, iv hidden it this intire time, i should have told her sooner, i know, especially seeing as shes bi-sexual and would probably have accepted it, i was just so scared and ashamed. But i finally spilled the beans, and told her everything, how iv been unsure of myself as long as i remember, how i was ''girly'' as a child, how i first tried on girls cloths around 9, i could never happily imagine myself as a man, was always an outcast, shy, always stressed, by the time i was 16 i never left my room, was just not happy. Then i started crossdressing anytime i could, and could only sexually satisfy by picturing myself as a female. I felt great shame from all this, and thought maby i just had some strange fetish, i could not accept the fact it may something more. So i just chalked it up to a fetish, i still saw myself as a straight male, i would accept nothing less. Well then i turn 17 and ended having my first sexual experience, with a guy, (don't worry he was my age) and that turned my world upside down, i still didn't see myself as gay, because i saw myself as and played out the role of a girl. (btw sorry if were not suppose to talk about that stuff here, but its kinda need to be said for the story) and ofcourse i felt terrible about it, i think the reason i rejected those feelings so much is because one time as a kid when i was at my dads house he told my he would shoot me if i ever turned out gay or anything, harsh i know, but thats him. But after that i tried my best to lock those feeling away, but they only got stronger. Turned 18, and met my girlfriend and fell in love, she moved in, and i stopped thinking of it for about four months, then it came in like a wrecking ball. Started having a huge identity crisis, whenever i looked at myself in the mirror i would (still) hate what i saw, want to shave all my body hair off, hate the fact im tall, be terrified of getting muscle and becoming manly, and just desperately wanting to look like and be a girl. But still never told her, until now. When i told her, she was shocked, but took it very well, part of her likes it because in a way she can explore her bi-sexual side. And she is more comfortable and open with me now. She was upset i lied and never told her tho. She is worried that if i do transition il want to leave her, and she wants to have kids with me, and if i start hormones at some point, and i want to, il become infertile. Besides that, iv been trying on cloths and make up around her, and despite her being fine with it and me liking it im very selfconscious and feel ugly. So now i just hafta decide where to go from here, were losing our place soon and we will be moving in with my mom till were back on our feet. And with our car broke down there's no way to get anywhere. We are thinking about sitting her down one night and telling her, i mean, i know she will still love me, just not how she will take it, and im scared to death. Were hoping after that i can find a Gender therapist, that's how everyone says to start out. But money is a big factor. Well that's it, sorry if its really long, had to get that off my chest, so uhh, tell me what you think? or not, that's fine to.

A big warm welcome to the family! We are glad to have you with us and hope you get a lot out of this great place. The information is from real people going through all different stages of transition. You can see what works or doesn't and how things really go. Definitely a great idea to get a Therapist first. I will warn you however far you decide to go it can get real expensive, real fast.  :)

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Welcome to Susan's, WhiteFyre! Finding someone to talk to about your gender identity is an important first step, it would at least allow you to start sorting out how you feel and where to next. I understand costs can be an issue but there may be community centres or university services that can help out there.

Thanks for the replys!  :) right now the next step is telling my mom and seeing how she takes it, then i hope to find a therapist, tho iv heard not everyone has had the best luck with them. I really don't know where to start lol. Im still accepting it to be honest, but i know my heart wants ir, just getting there seems so hard tho :(

Welcome WhiteFyre. You got a lot going on so relax and explore. It's encouraging that your gf appears to be supportive. Getting over our initial fears of presenting female when we look decidedly male can be difficult, but can be overcome.

Best wishes on your journey.

hugs,

Whitefyre

Your story is not uncommon.   Honest and timely communication is difficult, particularly when trying to initially deal with and address your dysphoria.   However once you spend time with a gender therapist you should have a sense as to where you wish to head.   If this involves HRT and you are in a relationship where your SO wants you to father children, then sperm banking will be needed before HRT impacts your reproductive ability.

Safe travels

Aisla

Yeah i had brought up the sperm bank thing, but that brings up the money issue like everything else  :-\