Susan's Place Transgender Resources

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So, I was on Dorian411's channel (a famous drag queen) and I heard her say that transsexual people, the moment they could speak/act, they did the opposite gender's things. I felt ashamed of myself: I never felt that way when I was younger. I was surrounded by fellow brothers and a conservative dad, so one may assume I did'nt get exposed to girlhood. Yes, I did feel I was in the wrong body, but no, I did not get the chance to experience any female acts.  (I didn't feel the person I looked into the mirror was me.) In 4th grade, when other boys were like 'ew girls' I would alway hang out with the girls. Anyway, in 6th grade, I noticed I started doing things in a feminine way. One day in 7th grade, someone said 'you do tnings like a female.' I guess I took it to heart then that I do feminine things. Confusion #1:This bothers me to this day because I'm not sure if that moment triggered my thoughts of being a female or not. Then, in early 9th grade, I was undecided on being a female. Confusion #2: This year, I carefuly decided I wanted to be a female (even though I thought transitioning was irreversable) Can I even be called transgender at all if I decided this late? Confusion #3: Does me happening to me being attracted to males since 7 nave anything to do with it? Confusion #4: Although I am fully decided to be a transexual at 18, I read this anti-transgender article saying trans teens change their mind completely when they are adults! I fear that in the future, I might change my mind. I know for people my age, there is a phase where teens want to be the opposite sex?* *I dont know if its true or not. I would like any help you can give, thanks!
unravel me plz

My recommendation is to speak to a therapist who deals with gender identity....

That being said, in my view you don't have anything to prove to anyone. What others think about transsexualism is largely irrelevant, the important part is what gender identity do you feel. I am a transsexual because I want my body to be female, I feel I am mentally a woman, and I want my body to match. For me it becomes as simple as that. It doesn't really matter when, or how my feelings came about. It doesn't matter if another transwoman is more or less feminine than me, or what Harry Benjamin or anyone else thinks.

Quote from: Hikari on August 01, 2014, 02:35:57 PM
My recommendation is to speak to a therapist who deals with gender identity....

That being said, in my view you don't have anything to prove to anyone. What others think about transsexualism is largely irrelevant, the important part is what gender identity do you feel. I am a transsexual because I want my body to be female, I feel I am mentally a woman, and I want my body to match. For me it becomes as simple as that. It doesn't really matter when, or how my feelings came about. It doesn't matter if another transwoman is more or less feminine than me, or what Harry Benjamin or anyone else thinks.

THIS...

Hikari speaks from the voice of experience here for you...heed her excellent words of advice...

"Gatekeepers" will try to dissuade...in the end, only YOU can decide if you are FEMALE...

Even with a battery of MD's and therapist, who can and should help you, in the end, only YOU can FEEL if you know you are female...

When, and if, you reach this feeling, then...I have great news for you...

I can PERSONALLY attest that strong medical grade, quality pure estrogen and pure progesterone...not the dangerous synthetic derivatives...can quiet your mind...

Make your mind resonate and SING with feminine happiness...

And align your body with breasts and nipples and smooth skin and more feminine eyes and no more ugly male body odor and silky smooth palms of your hands as all of these things have happened to me, with only 7 weeks into HRT (taking strong female hormones, medical-grade and purity).

A hug and an embrace, on your journey...you are starting YOUNG...so if I can do this starting age 56...yes, seriously it is working great for me at age 56...

Gosh, at age 18 or maybe less, you could maybe be a model if you are lucky...

Exploit your youthful beauty after you attain it via hormones...you only get one time period in your life to be a model, and this is when you are young and female...

But first YOU have to decide your true FEELINGS about whether you are female.

Johanna.

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 02:19:30 PM
So, I was on Dorian411's channel (a famous drag queen) and I heard her say that transsexual people, the moment they could speak/act, they did the opposite gender's things.

BS, malarkey, ridiculous, and just plain wrong. Many of us lived as our birth sex (because we didn't know any better).

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 02:19:30 PM
Can I even be called transgender at all if I decided this late?

There's no time limit, dear. I didn't realize I was trans until I was 50. I have many friends who discovered even older.

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 02:19:30 PM
Does me happening to me being attracted to males since 7 nave anything to do with it?

No. Sexual interest has nothing to do with gender identity. Two completely different parts of the brain. Some transwomen like men. Some like women. Some like both, and others can't be bothered with the whole thing.

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 02:19:30 PM
I read this anti-transgender article saying trans teens change their mind completely when they are adults! I fear that in the future, I might change my mind. I know for people my age, there is a phase where teens want to be the opposite sex?* *I dont know if its true or not.

If you are truly transgender, you were wired that way from when you were born. That will not change.

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 02:19:30 PMI would like any help you can give, thanks!
unravel me plz

In addition to Hikari's excellent suggestion, I suggest you keep posting here and reading posts.

You'll find that there is no one rule about the way trans people are. There are as many different experiences of being transgender as there are transgender people. You can't EVER say "I didn't/wasn't ... so I'm not trans."

Good luck SR. I hope this helps.

Silent Rain, there is no "standard" way of recognizing that we are trans when younger. Don't measure yourself by any such false standard. Some of us even lacked the language to discuss this in meaningful terms until later in life. The mere fact that you knew something was different very early on is significant. It does not matter if you acted in feminine ways or not.

Find a good therapist who has experience in handling GID patients and start trying to find yourself. Where you go from there is something that only you and your therapist can determine.

SilentRain,

No need to feel so raveled!  This is heavy stuff to think about, but important.  There are many people who can't confront this aspect of themselves.  It's wonderful that you have the courage to do so.  Now, on to business:

Firstly, Dorian411 is a drag queen.  A very sassy and smart person for sure-but Dorian is not transsexual.  They are not a leading authority on gender, and as someone who is probably a bit more educated on the subject than Dorian, I can tell you that there are no requirements for being transgender other than feeling transgender.  You don't need to have acted a certain way in your childhood or "cross-dressed" (I despise that term because it only reinforces traditional gender norms), you don't need to have known from the day you were born, and you don't need to fit into somebody else's idea of what gender really is.  Wanting to be more feminine is not a reason to transition.  But wanting to be female is.  And looking at this-dude, you're probably a girl.

Ok, so here's a bit of my own experience as it relates to yours; I hope it can help: I was very very effeminate as a child; between three and six, I played dress-up every day.  I would imagine myself as female all of the time.  I never consciously realized that what I was doing wasn't "normal", but I think I internalized that on some level.  I shut myself off from the world around that time without knowing why.  Then, when I was fourteen, I remember looking in the mirror and thinking: "I might look good as a girl".  I didn't know why I asked that question then, but it was my mind's way of bringing up the topic in a "safer" way.  Things went from there, and when I was sixteen I decided to transition.  I waited for two years to do it, and I haven't looked back since.  Now back to that inciting moment: When you suppress something major, be it abuse, dysphoria, sexuality, or anything else, it tends to emerge when provoked.  And for you, I think someone commenting on your feminine mannerisms was that for you: it wasn't what caused your gender issues, but it allowed your suppressed feelings of dysphoria to surface, albeit only a little. So, #1: It takes time for a stream to become a waterfall, but there is always the same lake behind it.

#2: eighteen is not late at all to discover your identity-there are many people on this site who didn't discover who they were until far later.  Eighteen is a perfectly normal age to discover you are transgender.  Try not to panic!  You're not discovering this late at all.  Our world is not kind to transgender people, and it takes a lot of time to come to terms with who and what we are because of that.

#3: Nope.  Trans 101: gender and sexuality are completely different things.  Some of us are attracted to men.  Some of us like girls.  I happen to like both.  Who you like is totally a different issue! 

#4: Also completely untrue.  Actually, I ran into something like that, except it wasn't an article-it was the transgender themed episode of south park.  That set me back about a year-but I've since realized just how moronic and poorly informed that episode really was.  Your identity is an ever-evolving thing, it is that way for all of us.  But this isn't something that just goes away.  Knowing yourself to be female when you were assigned male at birth isn't something that everyone goes through-you need to start surrounding yourself with some more progressive ideas about what it means to be transgender!  I highly recommend Kate Bornstein's "My Gender Workbook".  It's thought-provoking, funny, and a really useful tool.  Actually, everything she's written could probably help you discover more about yourself.  It certainly helped me.

Keep calm and stay strong.  You aren't confused, you are transgender.  You aren't too old, your childhood wasn't too male, you aren't creating this entire crisis because of some comment you heard in 7th grade.  Keep your head high-and feel free to shoot me a message or an email.  I didn't know anyone when I was just starting out, and I really wish I had.  You have a hard road ahead of you, but the journey will be more rewarding than anything you can imagine.

Best,
Sasha

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 01, 2014, 03:51:30 PM
SilentRain,

No need to feel so raveled!  This is heavy stuff to think about, but important.  There are many people who can't confront this aspect of themselves.  It's wonderful that you have the courage to do so.  Now, on to business:

Firstly, Dorian411 is a drag queen.  A very sassy and smart person for sure-but Dorian is not transsexual.  They are not a leading authority on gender, and as someone who is probably a bit more educated on the subject than Dorian, I can tell you that there are no requirements for being transgender other than feeling transgender.  You don't need to have acted a certain way in your childhood or "cross-dressed" (I despise that term because it only reinforces traditional gender norms), you don't need to have known from the day you were born, and you don't need to fit into somebody else's idea of what gender really is.  Wanting to be more feminine is not a reason to transition.  But wanting to be female is.  And looking at this-dude, you're probably a girl.

Ok, so here's a bit of my own experience as it relates to yours; I hope it can help: I was very very effeminate as a child; between three and six, I played dress-up every day.  I would imagine myself as female all of the time.  I never consciously realized that what I was doing wasn't "normal", but I think I internalized that on some level.  I shut myself off from the world around that time without knowing why.  Then, when I was fourteen, I remember looking in the mirror and thinking: "I might look good as a girl".  I didn't know why I asked that question then, but it was my mind's way of bringing up the topic in a "safer" way.  Things went from there, and when I was sixteen I decided to transition.  I waited for two years to do it, and I haven't looked back since.  Now back to that inciting moment: When you suppress something major, be it abuse, dysphoria, sexuality, or anything else, it tends to emerge when provoked.  And for you, I think someone commenting on your feminine mannerisms was that for you: it wasn't what caused your gender issues, but it allowed your suppressed feelings of dysphoria to surface, albeit only a little. So, #1: It takes time for a stream to become a waterfall, but there is always the same lake behind it.

#2: eighteen is not late at all to discover your identity-there are many people on this site who didn't discover who they were until far later.  Eighteen is a perfectly normal age to discover you are transgender.  Try not to panic!  You're not discovering this late at all.  Our world is not kind to transgender people, and it takes a lot of time to come to terms with who and what we are because of that.

#3: Nope.  Trans 101: gender and sexuality are completely different things.  Some of us are attracted to men.  Some of us like girls.  I happen to like both.  Who you like is totally a different issue! 

#4: Also completely untrue.  Actually, I ran into something like that, except it wasn't an article-it was the transgender themed episode of south park.  That set me back about a year-but I've since realized just how moronic and poorly informed that episode really was.  Your identity is an ever-evolving thing, it is that way for all of us.  But this isn't something that just goes away.  Knowing yourself to be female when you were assigned male at birth isn't something that everyone goes through-you need to start surrounding yourself with some more progressive ideas about what it means to be transgender!  I highly recommend Kate Bornstein's "My Gender Workbook".  It's thought-provoking, funny, and a really useful tool.  Actually, everything she's written could probably help you discover more about yourself.  It certainly helped me.

Keep calm and stay strong.  You aren't confused, you are transgender.  You aren't too old, your childhood wasn't too male, you aren't creating this entire crisis because of some comment you heard in 7th grade.  Keep your head high-and feel free to shoot me a message or an email.  I didn't know anyone when I was just starting out, and I really wish I had.  You have a hard road ahead of you, but the journey will be more rewarding than anything you can imagine.

Best,
Sasha

"1 applause to you Sasha.  What an inspirational sharing of your feelings and analysis to her...

#3: Nope.  Trans 101: gender and sexuality are completely different things.  Some of us are attracted to men.  Some of us like girls.  I happen to like both.  Who you like is totally a different issue!

This is a quote on your point number 3.

Right on, Sasha.  You "hit the nail on the head."  I identity as bi as a male, and bi as a female, like you.

SilentRain

Now that you had some excellent advice it is time for some work.  Self study, reading, reflection and therapy.  You are unique and your narrative and identity are unique.  Discovering, understanding, accepting and expressing your identity requires work but the rewards are immense and will be truly transformational.  The roads you will travel, the friends you will meet and the life you will create are just around the corner.

Safe travels

Aisla

Oh my! I understand it now! Also, you are one of the sweetest people on earth! You are so kind and generous that I am so happy to have found this website! Of course I identify as female, as I now know that it shouldn't matter what people think about you, it's who you are inside! Yes, I also understand age is not a factor in transitioning, in the respect that you can get a certain feeling at any time of your life.Yes, I was looking into a gender therapist already and I will continue to do so! Also Johanna, thanks so much for the compliment, I do plan on becoming the model when I transition! Thanks so much, you are all so sweet. Nevertheless, my main confusion was that I wanted to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, but I don't feel I do. Suffering drom depression, I "feel" illness, I cannot feel dysphoria, so I expect it is not there.
All the best, thanks!

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 06:11:54 PM
Oh my! I understand it now! Also, you are one of the sweetest people on earth! You are so kind and generous that I am so happy to have found this website! Of course I identify as female, as I now know that it shouldn't matter what people think about you, it's who you are inside! Yes, I also understand age is not a factor in transitioning, in the respect that you can get a certain feeling at any time of your life.Yes, I was looking into a gender therapist already and I will continue to do so! Also Johanna, thanks so much for the compliment, I do plan on becoming the model when I transition! Thanks so much, you are all so sweet. Nevertheless, my main confusion was that I wanted to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, but I don't feel I do. Suffering drom depression, I "feel" illness, I cannot feel dysphoria, so I expect it is not there.
All the best, thanks!

Silent Rain...your name reminds of the beautiful short story by science fiction author Ray Bradbury that had "There Will Come Soft Rains" which as I may recall it has been a long time, this MAY be originally from a poem from famous American poet Walt Whitman...

"There Will Come Soft Rains, and the Smell of the Earth..."  Google it if you like.

Right right right right right...DEPRESSION IS NOT DYSPHORIA, although if you are female trapped in a male body, then I suppose it could add to any depression.

Kisses, honey, about your great decision to become a model after you transition, or even while transitioning if you become beautiful enough and pass well...

YOU GO GIRL.

:)

Johanna.

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 06:11:54 PM
Suffering drom depression, I "feel" illness, I cannot feel dysphoria, so I expect it is not there.

Good luck with whatever path you choose and exploring your identity, though your energetic posts and insightful openness suggest you won't need luck to achieve success and happiness.

With regard to the above quote: I don't think dysphoria is necessary to be trans or to transition but I would suggest caution with regard to assuming dysphoria isn't present at all. Obviously, you know who and what you are best and I apologise if I'm being intrusive but my wholly anecdotal experience suggests depression is a lot less subtle than dysphoria, can hide dysphoria, that you can sometimes only realise certain aspects of dysphoria have been omnipresent for years in sudden revelations, and dysphoria evolves so can arise or disappear across time. For instance, I know people that were oblivious to the full extent and presence of dysphoria until after starting HRT or transitioning. An outside force of some kind was necessary to get them to become aware of it.

I like to think that dypsohira is a cause, and depression is a symptom.  I am depressed because of my dysphoria-I'm depressed about my body, the way I look, the fact that things actually aren't going to get much better for me, and the way my family treats me.  So I'm depressed because of my gender issues, but keep in mind-once you transition, you'll still be depressed.  There will still be other things to contend with afterwards.  So many people think only about transitioning and then find themselves looking ahead after that journey is finished and not seeing a road ahead. 

Also, and I really have reservations about bringing this up, if you want to model, that's awesome!  Just be aware that you're buying into a system that rewards gender-normative behavior with objectification and devalues everything about you besides your looks.  I know that road, I've flirted with it, and just know that you can be a lot more than pretty.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 01, 2014, 06:57:55 PM
I like to think that dypsohira is a cause, and depression is a symptom.  I am depressed because of my dysphoria-I'm depressed about my body, the way I look, the fact that things actually aren't going to get much better for me, and the way my family treats me.  So I'm depressed because of my gender issues, but keep in mind-once you transition, you'll still be depressed.  There will still be other things to contend with afterwards.  So many people think only about transitioning and then find themselves looking ahead after that journey is finished and not seeing a road ahead. 

Also, and I really have reservations about bringing this up, if you want to model, that's awesome!  Just be aware that you're buying into a system that rewards gender-normative behavior with objectification and devalues everything about you besides your looks.  I know that road, I've flirted with it, and just know that you can be a lot more than pretty.

Hi Painter, You have some very valid points there.  My thought is that if any younger female, cis or trans, has "it" and can be a model, and WANTS do it, I say, go for it Girl!

It is true what you say that it is accepting a kind of "objectification" of supremely beautiful bodies, usually female (although there are a much smaller number of male models, too).  This is a hot topic of debate in some other forums and contexts.

Without getting into TOO much detail, for my beautiful princess 6 year old daughter Nicole who has long flowing beautiful blond hair and possibly might be beautiful enough by modeling standards to be even a CHILD model or dancer...

Nicole is the BEST in her class academically in math, Spanish, and English, she is the popular girl, highly skilled socially, and drop-dead gorgeous for a 6 year old girl.

She tells me she wants to be a model, and I say, great.  You can be a model, but you are also super intelligent and can a doctor, or a teacher, and many other things.

I am encouraging her on ALL of the above, and other possibilities, too, so that when she is 16 or more probably 18 years old, she will have all options open to her...
including modeling or dancing.

Johanna.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 01, 2014, 06:57:55 PM
I like to think that dypsohira is a cause, and depression is a symptom.  I am depressed because of my dysphoria-I'm depressed about my body, the way I look, the fact that things actually aren't going to get much better for me, and the way my family treats me.  So I'm depressed because of my gender issues, but keep in mind-once you transition, you'll still be depressed.  There will still be other things to contend with afterwards.  So many people think only about transitioning and then find themselves looking ahead after that journey is finished and not seeing a road ahead. 

Also, and I really have reservations about bringing this up, if you want to model, that's awesome!  Just be aware that you're buying into a system that rewards gender-normative behavior with objectification and devalues everything about you besides your looks.  I know that road, I've flirted with it, and just know that you can be a lot more than pretty.

Very excellent advice here... Even if you do transition the world with all its problems will still be there.

Sorry if I got slightly off-topic in replying to Painter.

You go girl!

Be a model if you can and want to!

Now, you have here lots of great help from the great ladies here.

Time to get into action!!!

:)

Johanna.

Perhaps...not gonna let this devolve into a debate on the subject (that was more meant for the OP) but the idea that some girls are simply better than others is utterly insulting and is, in fact, very devaluing.  Take me for example: I'm young, very thin, but because my hands are too big and my shoulders are an inch too broad and I weigh 125 pounds instead of 110 (both of which make me underweight) the modeling world considers someone like myself ugly.  I could never encourage anyone to model...I just think that there are so many more meaningful ways to contribute to society.  Models contribute nothing.  They look pretty and then when they age or begin to eat a healthy diet they are cast aside.  Sorry to derail, but I had to say something, it's an important dialogue to be having.

-Sasha

Hi Sasha, Thanks so very much your points.  You have made some excellent points.  I suppose ideally if one is going to model, one could do some other great things, too...

Hey Sasha, Maybe a great idea might be if someone were to start a new thread about this subject...but elsewhere on this Website...I am not sure which section...what do you think...

SILENT RAIN...

I feel SO great you are enjoying the advice and help from the gals here...some great stuff here...so much material...

Johanna.

Quote from: JohannaJohn on August 01, 2014, 07:50:10 PM
Hi Sasha, Thanks so very much your points.  You have made some excellent points.  I suppose ideally if one is going to model, one could do some other great things, too...

Hey Sasha, Maybe a great idea might be if someone were to start a new thread about this subject...but elsewhere on this Website...I am not sure which section...what do you think...

SILENT RAIN...

I feel SO great you are enjoying the advice and help from the gals here...some great stuff here...so much material...

Johanna.

M....me?
Um, okie!
I will make a forum about modeling if you wish. Also, I believe there was a person who was androgynous, so I think saying "gals" might be a put-down, since they were a part of the conversation too. Back on topic, what do you want me to write on the forum.
And yas, I am happy to have such a generous audience of people, for someone as uknown as me!

As a young person you have a tremendous advantage over those who have been struggling with this exceedingly challenging conundrum for many years.  You problem really is quite simple.  How do you transform your male body into a female body.

If that is your goal, then all you really have to do is focus all of your energy towards that singular goal.  Everything else, is just a distraction.  Obviously transform your body from male to female takes some time, some good medical procedures and....lots of money.

At your age, I would advise you to try to delay that tendency towards  'instant gratification', (transition with no real plan), and follow the money.

Susan :(  There's way more to life than transitioning!

Don't focus all of your energy on this!  You need to balance this part of your life with other things too!  Or...whatever, this is getting way to long for an advice column :P  Other things in life though-they're really great.  Transition is for a few years; life goes on after that.  Don't decide to have a life you aren't satisfied with just so you can transition.  It's a balance. 

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 08:14:04 PM
M....me?
Um, okie!
I will make a forum about modeling if you wish. Also, I believe there was a person who was androgynous, so I think saying "gals" might be a put-down, since they were a part of the conversation too. Back on topic, what do you want me to write on the forum.
And yas, I am happy to have such a generous audience of people, for someone as uknown as me!

Silent rain...very kind of you dear...I was really responding to androgynouspainter26...

But, sure, if YOU would like to start a thread on modeling, feel free...

And, that is true, I probably wasn't being fair to use the word "gals" when not necessarily everyone reading would consider themselves "gal" -- sorry, my bad you are right --

As to which forum here on this website --- not sure --- does anyone else have any suggestions as to where to start such a thread?

Thanks,
Johanna.

Quote from: SilentRain on August 01, 2014, 08:14:04 PM
I am happy to have such a generous audience of people, for someone as uknown as me!

We have a habit around here of making people known! Besides, your family now!  :)

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 01, 2014, 10:11:40 PM
Susan :(  There's way more to life than transitioning!

Obviously.  Nevertheless until the mind, soul and body are one.  Confusion and dsyphoria, (that feeling of not really having a good fit in your body), will persist.  Many choose to live their life like that which is their choice to make.  However, if the goals to transform the body to fit the mind, then why f**K around?

I am happy to have such a generous audience of people, for someone as uknown as me!
We have a habit around here of making people known! Besides, your family now!  :)

Well, Jessica...you gals and guys here have done a GREAT job of making ME feel I am part of this great family.

The diversity of experience in our family here is SO wonderful.

Overall, I still find it a little hard to believe how great this HRT is...especially the mental changes...I still feel "high" with happiness...

Johanna.

Hey everyone!  I went to the library and read a few pages of Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw. I had to stop when she claimed she a misgender (I think) I thought to myself, do I really want to be a female? You can be gender nuetral. So I thought and thought, and well I realized I didn't specify which gender when I looked into the mirror and said "this is not me." Was I thinking of being non-human? Was I thinking of being an old man? This confuses me a lot. I might as well tell you I'm a little raveled again. I still want to be a female but the question is: Will I look like my body reflects my mental state?

I think that Kate's message is that there are as many genders as there are folk.  That we should take the time to understand our gender identity and not simply choose the pink box or choose the blue box.  Fully understanding, accepting and appropriately addressing  your gender identity is a necessary step in achieving an authentic and powerful life.

Aisla

Rain,

It's confusing stuff as first!  I think the issues related to your body have nothing to do with your gender, although that's just my view on the subject and I'm sure many other people don't agree.  I am going to alter my body, or continue to do so, because that is what I need to do in order to feel comfortable with myself.  But gender, for me, is a separate thing-I cut my hair short, wear pants more often than not, and like looking androgynous.  I think the best way to explain it is that this is an identity that you are going to adopt for yourself-you don't need to fit into any mould.  Female, or any gender for that matter, is just a category our society creates, so don't think in terms of female or male.  Think in terms of what you WANT to see.  Do you want to have an innie or an outie down below?  How do you want to style your hair and what would you like to be wearing?  These questions should be asked independently of the social norms that dictate what is "male" or "female.  That's what Kate was trying to say in my opinion.  Am I making any sense?  Also, if you can you should really try to read the whole thing.  It confounded me at first but eventually I made sense of it and the payoff was huge.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 02, 2014, 06:27:29 PM
Rain,

It's confusing stuff as first!  I think the issues related to your body have nothing to do with your gender, although that's just my view on the subject and I'm sure many other people don't agree.  I am going to alter my body, or continue to do so, because that is what I need to do in order to feel comfortable with myself.  But gender, for me, is a separate thing-I cut my hair short, wear pants more often than not, and like looking androgynous.  I think the best way to explain it is that this is an identity that you are going to adopt for yourself-you don't need to fit into any mould.  Female, or any gender for that matter, is just a category our society creates, so don't think in terms of female or male.  Think in terms of what you WANT to see.  Do you want to have an innie or an outie down below?  How do you want to style your hair and what would you like to be wearing?  These questions should be asked independently of the social norms that dictate what is "male" or "female.  That's what Kate was trying to say in my opinion.  Am I making any sense?  Also, if you can you should really try to read the whole thing.  It confounded me at first but eventually I made sense of it and the payoff was huge.

Well, in my opinion, I wish to have no sexual organs at all! I find it disgusting, homestly. However, in between the two choices, I would like to an innie. I would like to style my in a female fashion, and paint my nails, and wear purses (because it is very useful.) I like the feeling of freedom, yet I hate getting hurt physically and emotionally.....I'd best tell these emotions to a gender therapist! Sorry, if I'm wasting your time, I didn't mean too!

No, not at all.  I like giving advice to people now that I finally have enough of my own stuff together to do so :P  Besides, you remind me of me two years ago.  It's all good!  I wouldn't keep replying if I didn't want to help.

Yeah, you and me both.  I don't think most therapists are comfortable with the idea of someone not wanting sexual organs, but it makes perfect sense to me.  Both are gross!  I think it's great that you know you want to do these things, and how you want to look.  And that's the first step.  Not raising money for surgery, not secretly starting hormones.  The first step is beginning to explore who you are and who you want to be.  As for getting hurt-well, I've got some news for you: If you violate traditional gender norms, you are going to face adversity.  Unless you are able to pass from day one (in which case I hate you), things are not going to be easy for a while.  You might get hurt-emotionally, and even physically if you aren't careful (self defense courses-very important for people like us).  But doing nothing hurts a lot too, doesn't it?  That's why you're here.  You need to be prepared for a bumpy road, but chances are you'll be so much happier moving forward than just staying where you are.

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 02, 2014, 07:02:37 PM
No, not at all.  I like giving advice to people now that I finally have enough of my own stuff together to do so :P  Besides, you remind me of me two years ago.  It's all good!  I wouldn't keep replying if I didn't want to help.

Yeah, you and me both.  I don't think most therapists are comfortable with the idea of someone not wanting sexual organs, but it makes perfect sense to me.  Both are gross!  I think it's great that you know you want to do these things, and how you want to look.  And that's the first step.  Not raising money for surgery, not secretly starting hormones.  The first step is beginning to explore who you are and who you want to be.  As for getting hurt-well, I've got some news for you: If you violate traditional gender norms, you are going to face adversity.  Unless you are able to pass from day one (in which case I hate you), things are not going to be easy for a while.  You might get hurt-emotionally, and even physically if you aren't careful (self defense courses-very important for people like us).  But doing nothing hurts a lot too, doesn't it?  That's why you're here.  You need to be prepared for a bumpy road, but chances are you'll be so much happier moving forward than just staying where you are.

Aww! I do? That's so sweet of you! I do have to take self defense courses, shouldn't I? And when I face adversity, I'll have all of you, right? Thank you everyone for maiking me warm and fuzzy inside! I'm so happy I met people like you! I will look into self-defense when I can, is there any the community recommends?

Now I understand why some t-peeps actually hate me.  I 'passed' from day one.  But that is extremely besides the point.  Knowing who you are is paramount.  For many, as evidenced by the many trans-people on this forum, that can take decades.

If like androgynouspainter, that makes you happy, then you are good to go.  I have a couple of friends who are GQ and they seem very happy.  If on the other hand, you know that you are female then IMHO you had better get to putting things in order.

"Female, or any gender for that matter, is just a category our society creates, so don't think in terms of female or male." 

I strongly disagree.  Humans are born male or female except for a tiny statistically insignificant percentage who are born with missing or ambiguous genitalia, (inter-sex). Bornstein is talking about gender, gender roles and how individuals relate to and/or interact vis-à-vis gender within our society.  Bornstein advocates for a kind of gender anarchy where there are no accepted "rules" of behavior.  While personally I have no real problem with the existing set-up in society, if someone wants to violate those  rules or norms, I think that as A-painter points out, you do so at your own peril

Rain,

Aww, thanks!

Self defense is important to know no matter what you are-het, cis, trans or gay, or anything in between.  It's gotten me out of a nasty situation before, although I should probably mention that I probably have more training than anyone on this forum who isn't ex-military; I've been practicing tikwandoh for eleven years.  If you want basic self defense, RAID is a good solid choice.  It's designed for people who tend to be smaller in size who just need to know how to respond to an aggressor.  Pepper spray is also very nice.

Susan,

I guess it depends on what you call "gender"-for me, the sex you are born and the sex you feel yourself to be have nothing to do with gender.  I don't believe in gender, but I do believe that my sex was incorrect when I was born.  Sorry, but the existing set-up in society is an oppressive one designed to relegate people into different roles depending on their sex.  It's not a good system, it's an oppressive one, and I violate it because I personally believe that I have a moral obligation to do so.  And because anyone who tries hard to fit into these tightly defined roles is just making things hard for themselves.  For the record, I am putting things in order to physically transition as well.  But physical transition is only a small piece of the puzzle for anyone-there's so much more to this than flying to Thailand and then disappearing into a world of normative sexuality and gender standards.  I think it's important that people realize that.

Not to say that any of this is one size fits all...but I just think it's important that more people have a broader view of all of this. 

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 02, 2014, 08:11:27 PM
Rain,

Aww, thanks!

Self defense is important to know no matter what you are-het, cis, trans or gay, or anything in between.  It's gotten me out of a nasty situation before, although I should probably mention that I probably have more training than anyone on this forum who isn't ex-military; I've been practicing tikwandoh for eleven years.  If you want basic self defense, RAID is a good solid choice.  It's designed for people who tend to be smaller in size who just need to know how to respond to an aggressor.  Pepper spray is also very nice.

Susan,

I guess it depends on what you call "gender"-for me, the sex you are born and the sex you feel yourself to be have nothing to do with gender.  I don't believe in gender, but I do believe that my sex was incorrect when I was born.  Sorry, but the existing set-up in society is an oppressive one designed to relegate people into different roles depending on their sex.  It's not a good system, it's an oppressive one, and I violate it because I personally believe that I have a moral obligation to do so.  And because anyone who tries hard to fit into these tightly defined roles is just making things hard for themselves.  For the record, I am putting things in order to physically transition as well.  But physical transition is only a small piece of the puzzle for anyone-there's so much more to this than flying to Thailand and then disappearing into a world of normative sexuality and gender standards.  I think it's important that people realize that.

I'm not trying to expose you or anything but is RAID a course in a country thay's not America? Also, thank you very much for bringing this up, I like the idea for both exercise amd self defense! :) Thank you very much AndrogynousPaint26! I am looking into a course in my home country right now, in the province I live in.

What?  No, I'm from the states.  Rape defense-that's basically what it is. 

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 02, 2014, 08:38:48 PM
What?  No, I'm from the states.  Rape defense-that's basically what it is.

Oooooooooooo, okay, I'll search it under those terms! Are you sure it's not RAD? Also, I'm a minor, so does it cost money?