Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So yesterday I decided to be really stupid and took a crazy amount OTC drugs which I wont mention. I feel like my life is going down to the ->-bleeped-<-ter because of my mental illnesses. So yesterday because I didn't want to feel alone and extremely bored I decided to try them. I eventually blacked out into a dream like state. It couldhave gotten me killed. When I came down from my high I imediatly regret it, I've been crying about it for a good amount of today. My mental situation is getting way too out of hand and I don't know what to do. I don't want to abuse drugs and get myself killed but I'm starting to lose control over that will finally, I'm scared...

Oh dear, I would recommend that you get rid of every drug you have left and start exercising a lot more, my sister suffers from borderline disorder, she has tried to kill herself numerous times in the past but she is making progress finally. It always gets really bad before it gets better. I'm telling you because of her and my experience, exercise is such a life saver when it comes to anxiety and depression, you always feel like you've accomplished something really big after a good workout, and you have! also I would recommend that you keep a journal where you write how you feel everyday and read it whenever you feel good, it might give you a different perspective towards it. And last but not least, remember to rely on the people you love, it might seem like you're alone, but the thing is after a long period of feeling lonely and depressed you get used to playing the victim, even when there's people that want to help you and love you no matter what. Open yourself to those people, you'll see what a difference it makes and whenever you feel like you're about to have a crisis tell someone immediately, if you're alone go out for a walk and take deep breaths, listen to music that fills your head with positive thoughts.

I hope everything goes well for you. :)

Get to your therapist ASAP.

Or get yourself to the local hospital and ask for help.

Depression and darkness is all so real in our lives and tends for us to do stupid things out of relief.

SO again get yourself some face to face help now. Please.

I'm sorry to hear that :( I think it's good that you regret it though.  Do you think you are addicted to any of the stuff that made you high? Or is it just at that phase where you use it to feel better emotionally?  If you're not addicted yet, get away from it as soon as possible, throw it away or flush it down the toilet so that you won't have something to regret again later.

I felt the same as you describe you did, but I cut myself. I also regretted it afterwards and I promised myself to never ever to it again.  Things got better for me, and I'm sure they can get better for you too  :icon_hug: *huuuug*

 I thought you were  in a PHP program

I don't have anything left because I consumed it all, it was an insane amount is all I'll say. I'm getting down the road of not caring about myself at all and eventually I probably won't care if I live another day. Problem is I'd go to the hospital if it didn't make me feel trapped and isolated, it usually makes me feel worse... I used to workout like a fiend but the deteriorated very fast last year unfortunately. I was just starting to get back in the habit but derailed myself this past week. Its a problem that I don't feel like I have friends and I feel alone and hate myself, I'm terrified...

Quote from: stephaniec on August 02, 2014, 01:10:35 PM
I thought you were  in a PHP program

I was and it completely failed and never addressed any of my problems. I'm becoming vonvinced that the mental health industry on LI is pretty ineffectual.....

I'm so sorry to hear that you felt in so much pain that that you did that to yourself. Nobody should ever be in such distress that doing these things seems the easiest thing to do. I don't want you to feel ashamed that you did it; but I'd really hope you can find the strength to call someone, or ask them if they could go to a nearby ER.

It's really important that someone can make sure that your body is as healthy as it can be; they'll not judge you. They're there to help you. It'll be safe environment for you to talk about problems. If you don't feel able to go to ER, I could suggest some other safe resources to look at; but I really do urge you to go to ER if you can.

Please don't be afraid to speak to any of us about your feelings. We're all here to help each other.

As i said we all have these moments but they can be moved past.

For me i used my therapist all the time when i felt this way.

I also had good friends i could see and talk about things.

You can get past this. You can.

Exercising increases endorphins. So, it makes sense.

I need a safe space and I may need to find housing to help me and have others around. I refuse to go to the ER and the mental ward. It hurts every time I go unfortunately. I just don't feel like I have many people to be with physically. I also don't have a safe space at all and I feel trapped and isolated... Drugs are seaming more and more the better option than sobriety....

Then go to the local AAA or sobriety center in your area and try and get some help.

Being alone is hard and brings lots of fears and so much time to think.

I am guessing you do not have a therapist?

I can't do any 12 step programs because of the religious aspects, I don't believe in god nor any higher power. It would be worthless. and I need prevention actually.

Riley, get help. OTC drugs ODing may not kill you it will definatley take a toll on your health. If you are taking that many and not caring what happens seek help, call a suicide hotline or so on. But definately find help. Find a therapist to help you work through things.

I know inside you know you need help and where to get it.

Now is the time to get help.

Quote from: Riley Skye on August 02, 2014, 01:39:17 PM
I can't do any 12 step programs because of the religious aspects, I don't believe in god nor any higher power. It would be worthless. and I need prevention actually.

Really Hon, you don't have to believe in god or any higher power but you do have to believe in yourself. You don't even need to go into a twelve step program just one step and that is seeking help. We don't want to lose anymore friends tha we love and consider family than we already have.

I just recognize that I need help and am powerless to stop myself. In all honesty there are only three drugs I'll allow myself to take as they've helped me stay alive

Now take this moment in time knowing you need the help and reach out for it.

Not tomorrow or the next day.

Now today is the time.

Hugs

Quote from: mind is quiet now on August 02, 2014, 01:59:20 PM
Now take this moment in time knowing you need the help and reach out for it.

Not tomorrow or the next day.

Now today is the time.

Hugs

I'm doing what I can and talking to a few people

Remember helplines are always open.

We are always here to help when you feel blah, but professional help should be sought out when there is a possible of self harm.

We truly care for everyone here and most of us have been there and do not want things to happen.

Hugs

and will they not judge me about current drug use? and can I message you details about it?

Help centers only care that you are going to be safe and if not make sure you are.

No one should be judged of the past being it has been set.

You need to find the help that will help you, now, today and tomorrow out. That is the important part of life.

None of us can change the past but sure puts a huge burden on our live sometimes.

Keep us up to date as needed. Many supportive people here in the forum.
Hugs

I hope you managed to speak to someone. But if not, please don't forget that you're not alone and can speak to any of us any time.

I talked to a crisis counselor and it didn't really help. I've been crying and in a bad depressive episode for over a week. I'm hoping someone can spend time with me soon, I'm just tired as hell...

Hon,
You have said before that you don't want to go to hospital and i have no idea of the USA system. But I want you alive and happy. There is no reason why you cannot be.

First thing is if you feel like self harming or cannot  cope seek the ER services.

Guess what Honey? You have friends here, lots of us. Hell you can come to Australia and the girls will give you a blast.

There is a future and it is good.
Hang in Hon

I need to have friends where I live. I'm so lonely, I never go out anymore and have fun, I lost so many people. I'm not going to the hospital because It's a boring piece of ->-bleeped-<- here. I went twice and I did absolutely nothing, they're a waste of time.They don't even treat us like people but rather prisoners!

Quote from: Riley Skye on August 03, 2014, 11:20:54 AM
I talked to a crisis counselor and it didn't really help. I've been crying and in a bad depressive episode for over a week. I'm hoping someone can spend time with me soon, I'm just tired as hell...

I am sorry you are still in this funk. I know sooo much how it gets.

I wish i could do more other then show you that there are people who care for you and your safety.

I worked through all the crap and i did it with friends i had online and a few with in driving range of where i lived. On top i have a great therapist that understood and worked with me through all the pain.

I was alone, lost my marriage and everything i owned.

I gave up, but for some reason i am here and i will take that.

I feel i am here to keep helping others past the darkness and back into a healthy light and life.

Hugs via a post is best i can do at the moment. Hope it finds its way there.

It's so hard, I've been suffering from mental illness from when I was little and it just keeps attacking me to no end. I'm NOT suicidal but I'm losing my will to live. I thought friends supported me but they turned out to be very abussive towards my mental illness and transition. I'm left with only one friend and I get to see her for maybe a couple times a week for only a few hours. I'm not getting out and having fun. I don't know where to go and being autistic I'm terrified of socializing because I never fit in and get ostracized a lot. I just want this all to stop.... I haven't been nice to myself in almost two years..... :'(

Are you any where close to Stoney brook university?

About 20 minutes, why is that?

Look Riley. I have done drugs. Let me tell you, my freakin' halo is tarnished. I have done just about everything but for a good time only. When you don't care what you do or how much you do then there is a big problem. Self destructive behavior is not a good thing at all. I know. If you ever need to talk Hon, PM me. I have been there and still visit from time to time and now is one of those times. Like I said earlier, we don't need to lose anymore of our friends. Pretty much we are all we got. I can live with that because in  my personal opinion, we are way more than the is populous "cause we know and experience both sides of gender. But we don't need to lose anyone else we love purposely or accidentally in order to kill the pain.

Believe it or not I pray every night for all the people here at Susan's that are having so many problems with GID and so on. But God don't even answer my prayers but I still pray every night regardless. I could care less if God answers what I want, but I still think and hope and pray for the best for everyone else.

Quote from: Riley Skye on August 03, 2014, 04:59:27 PM
About 20 minutes, why is that?

Google it they have lots of resources for the lgbtq community. All types of services.

Maybe a place for you to get out and about?

Quote from: mrs izzy on August 04, 2014, 11:58:18 PM
Google it they have lots of resources for the lgbtq community. All types of services.

Maybe a place for you to get out and about?

I refuse to even try there. They abused me in the emergency room two years ago and when I called several time to get help with my asd the receptionists were cold jerks. I don't like Stony Brook at all

Quote from: Jess42 on August 04, 2014, 11:48:35 PM
Look Riley. I have done drugs. Let me tell you, my freakin' halo is tarnished. I have done just about everything but for a good time only. When you don't care what you do or how much you do then there is a big problem. Self destructive behavior is not a good thing at all. I know. If you ever need to talk Hon, PM me. I have been there and still visit from time to time and now is one of those times. Like I said earlier, we don't need to lose anymore of our friends. Pretty much we are all we got. I can live with that because in  my personal opinion, we are way more than the is populous "cause we know and experience both sides of gender. But we don't need to lose anyone else we love purposely or accidentally in order to kill the pain.

Believe it or not I pray every night for all the people here at Susan's that are having so many problems with GID and so on. But God don't even answer my prayers but I still pray every night regardless. I could care less if God answers what I want, but I still think and hope and pray for the best for everyone else.

And unfortunately I really don't care. I'm being put through the ringer with this terrible mental health system. I've seen a lot of professionals and no one has done anything to help me. I get bad depressive episodes and lash out worse and worse. I'm just not getting better, in fact I'm getting worse, I got no hope and I'm just about to stop trying to seek help :'(

Quote from: Riley Skye on August 05, 2014, 09:11:14 AM
And unfortunately I really don't care. I'm being put through the ringer with this terrible mental health system. I've seen a lot of professionals and no one has done anything to help me. I get bad depressive episodes and lash out worse and worse. I'm just not getting better, in fact I'm getting worse, I got no hope and I'm just about to stop trying to seek help :'(

Well I care. Everyone here cares. Sometimes we can have psychological problems that is rooted in something totally different than what we even think. Or it is in a part of your psyche that you have built indestructable walls around or it is such a guarded secret and we are very protective of it. Let me see if I can describe some of how you feel. You feel like you are going in circles? You feel like if the therapist would just ask the right question you could let it all out but they never seem to ask that question do they? You probably wonder why they can't see the obvious. Does any of that sound familiar?

Never give up hope Riley. There is always hope. Sometimes it is the right combination of meds. Sometimes it is tearing down that industructable wall or at least cracking it enough to let a little bit out at a time.

Quote from: Jess42 on August 05, 2014, 10:00:55 AM
Well I care. Everyone here cares. Sometimes we can have psychological problems that is rooted in something totally different than what we even think. Or it is in a part of your psyche that you have built indestructable walls around or it is such a guarded secret and we are very protective of it. Let me see if I can describe some of how you feel. You feel like you are going in circles? You feel like if the therapist would just ask the right question you could let it all out but they never seem to ask that question do they? You probably wonder why they can't see the obvious. Does any of that sound familiar?

Never give up hope Riley. There is always hope. Sometimes it is the right combination of meds. Sometimes it is tearing down that industructable wall or at least cracking it enough to let a little bit out at a time.

More like no one can understand me and that they all have to be strict hard headed. They don't understand and don't get me the help I need. It's totaly ridiculous!

Edit out strong language.

Quote from: Riley Skye on August 05, 2014, 09:11:14 AM
I refuse to even try there. They abused me in the emergency room two years ago and when I called several time to get help with my asd the receptionists were cold jerks. I don't like Stony Brook at all

And unfortunately I really don't care. I'm being put through the ringer with this terrible mental health system. I've seen a lot of professionals and no one has done anything to help me. I get bad depressive episodes and lash out worse and worse. I'm just not getting better, in fact I'm getting worse, I got no hope and I'm just about to stop trying to seek help :'(

Well i seen they had outside groups in the LGBTQ community and i though i would give you the information. Nothing more or less.

You have to want to help yourself if you want others to help you.

I spent 2 times in my local mental floor of the hospital. First time it was just a vacation being no one had a idea of that to do. But the second time i got the most help. Staff changes on rotation and it was a different group of doctors and nurses.

I wish you the best and hope you can get out of this i can not and start i will work on getting some type of help.

Your closed in room is not the answer. Out in the world is where the help lies.

Hugs and truly wish i had more to offer on the help side.

We all here care and try and give you tools to help. You need to pick up the tools to try and fix things.

Quote from: Riley Skye on August 05, 2014, 10:19:42 AM
More like no one can understand me and that they all have to be strict hard headed. They don't understand and don't get me the help I need. It's totaly ridiculous!

Yeah it gets that way sometimes. I know it's none of my business but what are the be so strict about if you want to say?

Don't forget too you are on HRT and that can reek havoc like going through puberty again.

You have to try to make them understand. I know how hard it is because I would talk about any and everything except the thing that was causing me the most problems. It took quite a while to let that part out because I hid it so good and wasn't wanting to share it with anyone else. When I finally did, therapy started being way more productive. With therapy we have to be extremely honest especially with ourselves. I had one therapist that said she couldn't even help me anymore and gave up on me. That hurt, but I didn't give up on myself and the next therapist wouldn't give up on me and eventually between him and the psychiatrist coaxed it out of me. This took over a year.

Edit quote for language