Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Sushifruit on August 03, 2014, 12:13:21 AM Return to Full Version
Title: The difference 2 Weeks can make.
Post by: Sushifruit on August 03, 2014, 12:13:21 AM
Post by: Sushifruit on August 03, 2014, 12:13:21 AM
You know...just 2 weeks ago I was picking out the most frilly awful wedding dress I could find with my patient and loving boyfriend.
Just 2 weeks ago I was desperate to turn everything in my life pink and be as girly as possible, all the while still holding an empty place in my chest.
Just 2 weeks ago I was making huge plans for horribly frilly dresses that knew I didn't really want to wear...
It wasn't really sudden... It wasn't something I didn't know about... It wasn't even really a surprise...
I just, don't know what to do now, all the memories of the past are coming back to haunt me, but even so, just admitting to myself that I'm a man inside makes the clouds go away.
The only person in the world who knows is my boyfriend, and he's already there... It's even hard to hear my female name... In just 2 weeks it's like my whole world changed...
And I have to admit... On the inside, I couldn't be happier. What I'm scared of, is the outside.
Just 2 weeks ago I was desperate to turn everything in my life pink and be as girly as possible, all the while still holding an empty place in my chest.
Just 2 weeks ago I was making huge plans for horribly frilly dresses that knew I didn't really want to wear...
It wasn't really sudden... It wasn't something I didn't know about... It wasn't even really a surprise...
I just, don't know what to do now, all the memories of the past are coming back to haunt me, but even so, just admitting to myself that I'm a man inside makes the clouds go away.
The only person in the world who knows is my boyfriend, and he's already there... It's even hard to hear my female name... In just 2 weeks it's like my whole world changed...
And I have to admit... On the inside, I couldn't be happier. What I'm scared of, is the outside.
Title: Re: The difference 2 Weeks can make.
Post by: Bombadil on August 03, 2014, 12:16:19 AM
Post by: Bombadil on August 03, 2014, 12:16:19 AM
I can so relate. In some ways, once I made the decision it seemed like things went very fast. It was like all those feelings, wants and dislikes finally broke free and I didn't ever want to deal with being female again. It's sort of a roller coaster ride but it's so freeing. Congratulations on being true to yourself.
Title: Re: The difference 2 Weeks can make.
Post by: mrs izzy on August 03, 2014, 12:19:39 AM
Post by: mrs izzy on August 03, 2014, 12:19:39 AM
I have put my memories in folders in my mind.
Yes they are part of what made up your past but there is nothing we can do today that will change what is in these memories.
I visit my memories on occasion and pick the ones that made me happy and try to not open the X folder.
I have 2 children so it is hard to forget the x is there mother.
I work now on making new memories of me and my husband. Hope maybe someday a new child in our lives.
So yes the past memories will be there but its how much we let them effect us is the key.
Hugs
Yes they are part of what made up your past but there is nothing we can do today that will change what is in these memories.
I visit my memories on occasion and pick the ones that made me happy and try to not open the X folder.
I have 2 children so it is hard to forget the x is there mother.
I work now on making new memories of me and my husband. Hope maybe someday a new child in our lives.
So yes the past memories will be there but its how much we let them effect us is the key.
Hugs