Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is kind of related to the "what does it feel like to be pretty?" topic.

How do you know if you are pretty? There are many girls on here who think they are ugly that are really pretty to me but you won't be able to convince them they are pretty.

I know how they feel though, because when people compliment me I almost always think they are lying to me.

So how can you know you are pretty if you can't see it? I want to see myself through someone else's eyes because I feel plane and average at best, which is okay with me.

And pretty people aren't always treated as gods and goddesses, are they? So really, if you have a bad self image there isn't much that can convince you you are pretty , so how would you know if you are?

I think that everyone is pretty to someone.

Looks are subjective to the one doing the looking.

Everyone holds there own perspective of what pretty is.

I find your avatar pretty but some might have another opinion.

Build your transition on confidence of who you are.

That will show to the world more then the shape of your eye brows, etc.

No one compliments me, no one bothers to lie to me. I know i'm not pretty. The do I pass thread has 50+ pages of women gushing over each other and how pretty they are. I posted in there and the only person who noticed was kind enough to say that I looked happy and that's it.

I'm not pretty but if I take about 25 pictures I might get one that works and looks pretty. But in everyday situations I don't think you can do that and people see all angles of your face. I wish I attracted guys but I never seen to get any attention.

I would like to really know this as well...when people call me pretty I discount it out of hand because they are just trying to make me feel good, and when someone calls me ugly I discount that out of hand for them being a hater.....

So how do I figure out what people really think?

I feel the same as naturally blonde, like I might take an attractive picture now and then but in real life I think I look not as good.

I never attract male attention either , but oh well. 

Hikari, you are one of the girls I was talking about, I truly find you pretty but I know you won't believe me.

And Juliet, you ToTaLy pass , you shouldn't even be questioning that. You look 100% female to me.

I wouldn't know.

I feel pretty sometimes, but mostly I feel average and plain, sometimes invisible. I still have to present as male, so I kinda feel ugly too sometimes.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So you can feel pretty, but someone will always find you plain or average. You can feel ugly or average bu someone will find you pretty. It's very subjective. Sometimes it's not really that you have an inaccurate perception of our appearance, we ourselves have beauty standards and we may not fit ours ourselves, but to another person's beauty standards we may actually fit more easily and vice-versa. And also, finding someone pretty doesn't mean you'll be attracted to them. I have found many guys who were quite handsome, but I was never attracted to them, and the one guy I have been attracted to is actually kinda plain, pretty but not really hot.

And don't worry about attracting attention, sometimes people are shy to approach the more beautiful ones, it's all because they may be intimidated. And yes, you may not believe me, but I find you very pretty. :)

I have been told before that I'm attractive but I still see every flaw in the mirror and I tend not to believe people, or think that they are just trying to humor me. Such is the life of a 51 year old trans woman.

I guess that we will never know what other people are really thinking.

I know I am pretty, people tell me I have nice eyes and smile. However I have days i feel fat and ugly

When you can say it to yourself in the mirror and believe it.

I would say, you know when your pretty when you can take a photo from any angle and still love yourself in it.   Unlike me I have to have everything just right to say "hey I look good!" otherwise I feel like I look horrid.

When I first wake and haven't quite switched on my brain to pick out my flaws and look in the mirror I think "wow I look very fem, just need to brush my hair to look even better" and then later in the day I over think things and wonder "why there is this freakishly effeminate man staring back at me".

Something subconsciously is filtering back in the flaws.

People have told me I look stunning or amazing both in the flesh and online, but the self doubt crushes it in an instant.

I am not pretty and have absolutely no desire to be as I feel pretty belongs with nice in the dustbin of mediocrity. I look entirely like Rosie and anyone who finds that objectionable is welcome to tell a rock as it cares a great deal more what they think than I do.

Rosie

I think most people if not all consider themselves pretty or handsome. If so then they could be called vain. Most people have humility and they also see all their flaws where others don't. So you may not think yourself as pretty but you are. But beauty isn't just limited to outward appearances, there also has to be an attitude, humility, caring, good personality and so on. I have seen drop dead gorgeous people with such ugly attitudes and personalities that it definately ruined their physical beauty.

Easy ;D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi59.tinypic.com%2F2jdnhpv.jpg&hash=644016d44429cbad832adc05de1ed74215f57ebf)

Quote from: jamienicoled on August 06, 2014, 04:27:42 PM
Pretty and attractive are words that warrant no definition really ...and honestly, they mean next to nothing when it comes to love, which is way more important than pretty.

However, I think you know your pretty when people let you know your pretty ...and if no one lets you know your pretty, then your probably associating with the wrong kind of people.

Very well said  :eusa_clap:

Quote from: melanie maritz on August 06, 2014, 02:08:04 PM
Hikari, you are one of the girls I was talking about, I truly find you pretty but I know you won't believe me.

I truly find you pretty! I remember when you were asking advice for which selfie to use on Facebook and just remarking of how soft and beautiful your face looked...

As far as me I want to believe you, I know this is a support site though...On Facebook, I have been getting a few compliments and some attention from pervy guys (I am totally a lesbian though, so this does nothing for me).

So recently I have been wondering a bit if it might be true then an Ex who had seen A post HRT picture of me told me that no amount of good skin and thin eyebrows would make me look like a woman :( and after I told her I was trans (it had been 11 years since we last talked) she told me I was a cute girl.... Like I can't win, one of those statements had to be a lie and it really was a blow to my confidence.... Combine that with all the long stares those guys at that art gallery were giving me recently and it is starting to make me really wonder if I am even passing much less attractive...

How do cisgirls I know if they are looking good or not?

Several men and women have said so, my children say so, the mirror says so, the pictures say so...

who I am to argue with so many people... LOL

I know I'm pretty cause I look in the mirror and see a cute girl looking back.

Sometimes, even I have days where I forget that, though.

I could literally bishe slap some of you girls lol, you realise that what you are going through(and asking how cis-girls just seem to know and are all super confident) is ridiculous and EXACTLY the stuff that goes through a cis-girls head right? It's an unknowable answer to a somewhat subjective question. This question and all the insecurities that go with it is what billions of cis-women wake upto each day. Alot of 'models' are terribly insecure about there looks and whatever, I know my sister was a model, and man was she a wreck and thats why she left that industry. Thats why we have eating disorders and mental issues regarding this question.
I guess you should just be happy that your no longer thinking(if you ever where) like a guy, who's max carefactor used to be, have I showered today and gee I guess I better brush my teeth and slap on some deodorant :)
Coz you know what makes you attractive? Being happy, smiling, being positive, having fun, a goal, being genuine, THAT'S what actually attracts ppl. End rant :P

I have no clue. If I were pretty, maybe I would know, but...


sigh


*crawls back under my rock*

well, I don't know, if I were an aardvark seeing myself in a mirror for the first time would I consider myself pretty

You know you are pretty when you feel pretty and the only way to look pretty is to feel pretty, so build up your confidence, shoulders back, arched back and smile.

Every time someone says you are pretty take the complement, if someone opens the door for you, holds the elevator or just beams you a smile take if for the complement it is and smile back.

I wish I knew... I've never felt pretty.

But Melanie, having seen your selfies thread - you're not merely pretty, you're gorgeous.

Juliett : Wow, now I feel bad. I never post to those threads b/c I won't ever post pics (long story, involving privacy paranoia), but every time I see your pictures or your avatar I literally think "I wish I looked half as pretty as you do." You look like you have a body type similar to mine, but your face is about 100X prettier.

Pretty is as pretty does..to judge on the depth of skin is the culture and the sad state of humanity.
The women ive respected here are the ones with real profile pics who transitioned knowing that the world would never accept them but were true to themselves..pure beauty.

Quote from: mrs izzy on August 06, 2014, 01:44:00 PM
I think that everyone is pretty to someone.

Looks are subjective to the one doing the looking.

Everyone holds there own perspective of what pretty is.

I find your avatar pretty but some might have another opinion.

Build your transition on confidence of who you are.

That will show to the world more then the shape of your eye brows, etc.

I have to say this is the most spot on answer. Beauty is subjective. What one person finds beautiful someone else will find ugly and vice versa. I personally prefer women on the curvy side, but have also dated women who were skinnier than I personally like due to personality and it made them absolutely beautiful to me. I dated one woman for a while that no one wanted to go near because she shaved her head on a regular basis, but she was hilarious, intelligent, and just all around beautiful without being my "preferred" type.

TL;DR version: Beauty is subjective, if you can find beauty in yourself rather than hating yourself, others will find beauty in you. Just remember, your type is not the same as someone else's type. Be yourself, be honest, and don't ever doubt your own beauty.

I know this is gonna sound terrible probably but I just go by what's considered to be ideal by many as to what being beautiful is in today's society. If you have full lips, a small nose, proportionate breasts, wide hips, skinny waist, big eyes, full cheeks and so on then you're more than likely to be perceived as "beautiful" Every era and culture in human history has had different definitions as to what beauty is, so that's another issue to consider. Of course there are exceptions to what I listed above.

I take terrible pictures, but I think I am pretty IRL. I do get male attention, and I have cis-gender female friends who compliment me frequently.

Good enough for me.

And...I know that I am progressing, and looking better every day.

/shrug

Maybe some people don't think I'm "pretty", but enough do...and I do.

Quote from: Lady_Oracle on August 06, 2014, 10:38:28 PM
I know this is gonna sound terrible probably but I just go by what's considered to be ideal by many as to what being beautiful is in today's society. If you have full lips, a small nose, proportionate breasts, wide hips, skinny waist, big eyes, full cheeks and so on then you're more than likely to be perceived as "beautiful" Every era and culture in human history has had different definitions as to what beauty is, so that's another issue to consider. Of course there are exceptions to what I listed above.

Meanwhile you use Callisto as an avatar. ;)

Huh, I googled that and still don't get it lol  :'(

First of I cant say I am pretty still ugly male self lol.  But I have known an old greek that told me some of those old cliché stories.  One was about the most pretty on the outside woman and the other was ugly on the outside yet the winner for the most beautiful was the ugly one (inner beauty is far more important).  Big reason ones considered pretty tend to be gods gift to men and sometimes a real beotch.  Of course this is not always true.  So to all of you that feel you are not pretty try really hard either to not think about it or focus on the good in life like your inner beauty:)  I hope I can one day be prettier on the outside but long road to see if this ever happens. Yet I have to keep the mental side boost since my self esteem is probably on the low side.  Like the quote from the song I have listed below For every day that stings better days it brings:)

And my bad manners a lot of you girls look fabulous!:)

The very definition of 'beautiful' is "pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically."

In other words, there basically is no way for an individual to know, because whether they are beautiful or not is completely dependent on whether other people find you visually appealing or not.

You kinda just have to take people's word for it when they compliment you. And likewise, if people don't compliment you, you have to realize that this is just the subjective opinion of others, and it doesn't mean that you're not beautiful, because odds are that there is indeed someone who does find you beautiful. And guess what? Even the most beautiful celebrities still have a bunch of haters constantly telling them that they're ugly. So that's really what it comes down to, is learning to take compliments when people tell you that you're pretty, and let the haters roll off of you because it's just their subjective opinion. (And again, being beautiful completely depends on whether others find you appealing, so beauty in and of itself completely depends on the personality of the person looking at you. There's a lot of people that you shouldn't care whether they think you're pretty or not because they have a distorted narrow view of what being beautiful is in the first place.)

Me personally, I'm of the school of thought that being female in and of itself makes you beautiful. There's so many of you who post about how they don't feel beautiful, and I just want to jump through the computer and give you a big hug and tell you that you are beautiful. :)

(Plus, as was mentioned, if you find yourself appealing in your own eyes, you can call yourself beautiful, because again, being beautiful just means pleasing to the senses or mind aesthetically. So if you find yourself pretty, you can call yourself pretty with no shame, because you fit the definition.)

Quote from: Lady_Oracle on August 06, 2014, 11:02:27 PM
Huh, I googled that and still don't get it lol  :'(

A character in Xena: Warrior Princess. Xena being my role model, and Gabrielle being the woman I want. I'm weird. That being said Callisto was a great character and also good looking.

I had a poor self-image when I transitioned and the two things that bolstered my confidence most were overhearing what people said when they thought I couldn't hear and the attention I got from guys.

Well here's another question, how do I know if I'm pretty on the inside? I don't feel pretty on the inside either.

This woman from my support group just told me today that she saw me yesterday when I was standing at the bus stop and that she thought I'm possibly the most beautiful person she has ever met.

I just said thank you to her and smiled, it made me feel a bit better but I still wonder if she just said it. She said she wouldn't just say so.

I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it does seem like one type of beauty is appealing to more beholders than another.

Like one girl said, the idea of what beauty is changes the whole time and has done so from long ago. So I would just like to kind of fit into our generation's idea of what outside beauty is

Quote from: melanie maritz on August 07, 2014, 08:18:06 AM
Well here's another question, how do I know if I'm pretty on the inside? I don't feel pretty on the inside either.

How many responses have you gotten to your question? Do you cuss people out if they make a mistake like they overcharge you for something or are you nice about it? Generally just how nice of a person are you? That will give you the answer of pretty on the inside.

I think your are pretty when people say it to you. I mean - they TALK to you and look in your eyes and your face. The virtual world can be deceitful - selfies can be deceitful. Its only a picture and you've to get a look at the real person.

For that case/rule i'm not pretty because nobody ever said it to me personally and i believe to myself too that i'm not pretty. For real prettiness i'm to old and startet HRT to late. Thats the bitter truth and yes, it hurts a lot.

Galaxy

I'm always nice to people but that doesn't mean I don't think mean things sometimes

Quote from: melanie maritz on August 07, 2014, 08:18:06 AM
This woman from my support group just told me today that she saw me yesterday when I was standing at the bus stop and that she thought I'm possibly the most beautiful person she has ever met.

I just said thank you to her and smiled, it made me feel a bit better but I still wonder if she just said it. She said she wouldn't just say so.

Wow. No kidding. When someone says that, trust me, they mean it. People who are just paying you lip service would be way more reserved and basic than that. And any time that ANYONE compliments you without being prompted, when you're not even looking for compliments but they give you one anyway, you can be sure that they mean it.

Seriously, take the damned compliment. The rest of us can only wish we could hear something like that. :P

Quote from: melanie maritz on August 07, 2014, 08:18:06 AM
Well here's another question, how do I know if I'm pretty on the inside? I don't feel pretty on the inside either.

To be totally honest, I am not really sure what feeling pretty on the inside would or wouldn't feel like. I have always taken it to be an awkward way of saying if someone is a good person or not. For that I would just assume that if your character stands to the moral ideals you have then you are.

While I doubt my outward attractiveness there isn't a doubt in my mind that I am a good person, and an interesting person. Which does feel a bit reassuring to me.

Quote from: GenTechJ on August 07, 2014, 05:50:49 AM
A character in Xena: Warrior Princess. Xena being my role model, and Gabrielle being the woman I want. I'm weird. That being said Callisto was a great character and also good looking.

ohhh I feel silly for not knowing this. I think I need to go back and watch Xena all over again. Not weird at all!  :D I had a huge crush on Gabrielle

Quote from: melanie maritz on August 07, 2014, 08:42:42 AM
I'm always nice to people but that doesn't mean I don't think mean things sometimes

This, Melanie made me laugh. We all think mean things. The person that cuts you off in traffic and then flips you off when you honk your horn. The person that treats you rudely like you are putting them through some type of hell asking for help at a store. God how many people I shoot in the butt with a bb gun in my imagination. But how you react to it is generally what I meant. So the one that cuts me off and then flips me the bird, I don't chase down and want to cuss out. The rude clerk, well I really don't know how bad of a day this person had or what kind of problems in their personal life and I don't want to add to their possible bad time by being rude back. They still get the imaginary BB in the butt though. It's all how you react back to these situations at a face to face situation. Not what you think. Do you know what I mean?

Yes, I get what you mean and I see why that made you laugh :p .

It's just that sometimes I feel like I am a bitter person and I don't want to be.  bitter about bullying I went through in high school and bitter about being a transexual in general. It's only sometimes though, it's getting better

Quote from: melanie maritz on August 07, 2014, 02:25:56 PM
Yes, I get what you mean and I see why that made you laugh :p .

It's just that sometimes I feel like I am a bitter person and I don't want to be.  bitter about bullying I went through in high school and bitter about being a transexual in general. It's only sometimes though, it's getting better

You're not the only one that has that little bit of bitterness. I didn't get bullied but had very few real friends, everyone else it was just what I could do for them and so on. But about the trans part, most definitely. But that definitely doesn't make you a bad person or ugly inside. If anything use it to have empathy for others that are facing the same thing and try to help them. Does that make sense?

Honestly I never really feel pretty. Its part of the reason I look to strangers on the interwebz for validation. Most of the time though I don't care, I'm happy. I'm loved and that matters more to me than anything anyone will say about how I look. But somedays I love hearing nice thing ls about how I look. I will say that I believe you girls here are lovely.

It's not about being pretty. It's about being attractive. Two different things.

Not everyone can be pretty. You just have to look in the mirror, and find what you can become. 

Anyone can be beautiful except the very ugly. Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, are not beautiful, but through hard work they could become beautiful.

Hmm, I just returned from clothes shopping, and everyone was very positive and jealous of my legs....I dunno sometimes I wonder, I mean I understand why my friends would give me total compliments, but why would strangers? I mean with nothing to gain perhaps, that is the way to know how pretty or not you are, to hear total strangers say it?

I am always fashionably late...

As to the pretty/attractive subject, if you get slew of the sexually toned gazes from the guys, get approached when at the club with multitude of short stupid yet somewhat empowering statements about being attractive to their T driven desires, or see the grown man behave like little boys trying to master enough courage to approach you and say some of the lines I have mentioned before....You probably are pretty.
Now, if you work with multitude of people and female customers do tell you how pretty you are, then even more so, you are probably very pretty.
And even then, even though the feeling is extremely pleasant and reassuring, even then, you your self do find what is wrong with your look, and you keep on looking for improvements.

I know of some famous models, whose success had proven that they should believe without a single doubt that they are in fact gorgeous, yet reality proves otherwise and leaves them wondering just the same.

I guess, the uncertainty is just a part of being a real woman.....