Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi, do you ever regret being trans and you feel like me before? Not sure where this thread exactly fits.
I know that since I'm the only person who can determine who I truly am, I want opinions.
Does anyone here not have dysphoria at all or very mildly? Sure, being a guy is good but I sometimes become attracted to femininity to where I wish (even jokingly) I could be a woman one day. And I currently present as my birth sex, so I have a long ways coming.

Did anybody start out with similar issues to me?

I would rather have been born cis female but wasn't. I'd rather be a trans woman than a cis guy so I work with what I've been dealt. I would say, being a woman for a day is a very different proposition to living your life and every day as a woman. The longer I live as a woman the less I care about not being a cis female anyway.

I'm just trying to find out for sure who I am.

I didn't mention just being a female for one day.

My brain since early, early childhood has forced me down this path ,so I've always been aware I didn't belong as a male.

Quote from: redhot1 on August 07, 2014, 04:35:48 PM
Sure, being a guy is good but I sometimes become attracted to femininity to where I wish (even jokingly) I could be a woman one day.

Sorry, I was working from this... I read it as "for one day" oops! It's morning where I am!

Whether I regret being trans is irrelevant. I am trans whether I like it or not.

I agree with Grace. My preference would be to be born a cis woman but I would rather be a trans woman than not a woman at all. My only regret is that I can never transition and live full time as a woman,but so be it!
I think it is fair to say that everybody that comes here has suffered dysphoria at some point at least. Many of us suffer it regularly. It comes with the patch I suppose.

I guess I'm not going to be a woman then, sorry.

I think you might be getting a lot of "I would rather have just been born a cis*" I wish I would have been born cis female, but I wasn't, so I have to do whatever I can to address that. That's a personal thing, the response to that state of affairs depends on age, the involvement with other people and to what degree you can tolerate gender dysphoria. For some, it means HRT, expensive and painful surgical procedures, isolation, and rebirth. You need to talk to a licensed psychotherapist (psychology PhD or a psychiatrist) who is well acquainted with treating gender dysphoria if you want some help finding out who you are, but ultimately, knowing yourself must come from within. You will find that people here have many things in common, as regards gender identity, but we are not all the same. Read the threads here, learn about other peoples' journeys, try to compare that honestly to yourself, ask questions. These things will help you figure it out. I know how difficult this is, but you do have resources here.
Hope this helps :)

i wish i was born in a gender i feel comfortable with and never had any questions or worries about it that being male or female, as it is i do have problems with being very uncomfortable with my body and the way i present myself. as for if i am trans or not, i dont really know, all i know is i have feelings which i guess normal guys dont have.

if i could make it so i never felt these feelings, i dont know if i would, as essentially i wouldn't be the same person as i am right now, but it sure would make life alot easier.

also, at least in my opinion, don't ever be sorry for being yourself, male or female. i believe we all have different feelings towards how we feel about it, so dont feel sorry.  :)

I don't regret being trans, really. I am who I am.

The only thing I really regret was not coming out at 21 once I was out on my own. I could have knocked out all of the electro and just got started earlier. I don't regret not coming at at ages 10 or 19. I wanted to do it, but there were different things that was going on both times that prevented me from doing anything. So, as I tend to say a lot these days, it was what it was.

Oh, well.

I'm a bit confused. In the topic title it seems like you're asking if we regret being trans, where in the topic itself it seems like you're asking if you really are trans or not because you like being a guy but are jealous of women.

I guess I'll respond to both.

In terms of regret, it's hard to regret being trans. Because regret means that you feel disappointed over something that you did. And, well, I didn't choose to be trans. I don't necessarily like it all the time, because it plays dirty tricks with my self-esteem all too often, but it's hard to regret something that I had no control over in the first place. My options were either to live as male and live in perpetual discomfort with my own body and my social role, or face the potential ridicule and ostracization for a shot at being happy with myself. So yeah, I don't like being trans all the time. I wish I didn't have to make that decision. But there's nothing I can do about it, so I can't really regret what I never had the option over. If you mean do I regret transition, though? No. Now I can finally lay in bed at night without hating my body, I finally feel like my mind and my sex-drive are working right after 13 years of them feeling wrong, I can wear the clothes that I want, and act socially how I want. I'm never going back to being male. Hell no.

In response to your question... it's hard to tell just from the limited information that you've given. I'll give you the same thing that I give to every other person who's new to the site and questioning if they're trans or not... the official DSM defintion of gender dysphoria, as well as the criteria for diagnosis. If you fit at least two of the following criteria, and they are persistent desires which have lasted at least 6 months or more continuously, you very well could be diagnosed as trans, and it's worth talking with a psychologist to investigate your possibilities further.


"Gender dysphoria: "A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender, and assigned gender... of at least 6 months duration, and manifested by 2 or more of the following indicators:"

1. Incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender, and one's actual primary/secondary sexual characteristics. (We call this "body dysphoria.")

2. A strong desire to be rid of one's primary/secondary sexual characteristics due to this incongruence. (Or in young adolescents a desire to prevent the development of anticipated secondary sexual characteristics.)

3. A strong desire for the primary/secondary sexual characteristics of the other gender.

4. A strong desire to be the other gender. (Or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender.)

5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender. (Or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender.)

6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender. (Or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender.)"

I think you can only regret decisions you made.  I certainly did not decide to be trans.  Who would choose dysphoria?

If you mean regretting transition, no.  Zero regrets there.  I did what I had to do in order to live.  Everything else is just gravy.

Never had a choice, I was born female and I will die female,,,,

I don't have an issue with being trans.  Clearly I'd rather have been born CIS, but the coin landed on the wrong side I suppose.  What I do regret is that I didn't realize earlier.  I regret trying to fool myself into thinking it would all just go away.

Regret implies a decision was made.

I didn't decide to be Trans. I was probably born that way, so I can't regret it.

Do I regret transitioning? Not for a fraction of a second.

I never had huge body dysphoria, I was aware that it was wrong, but it didn't cause me great distress. My main issue was always with the social side of things, how others percieved me as a man.

Even with my apparent lack of dysphoria, I was considered by my therapist to be a good candidate for transition.. He was right. Transition is a decision I don't regret for a second..

I'm hoping that if I transition the regret will go away, but I just don't know...

Yeah, I can't regret something I never had a choice in.  I didn't choose to be trans.  What I DO regret is not doing extensive research on this in high school and not getting a job then to help pay for top surgery.  Had I gotten a job at 16, I could have at least had the money top surgery by 18.  I regret not telling my parents constantly at a younger age that I was trans.

i cant begin to tell you how awful being trans is. its like in my opinion the worse possible thing but its an unavoidable fate. either which way you look at it, its ingrained so a born female would want to be a male or a boy male feels as if they should of been born female, but its the price we pay. as far as regret goes, i let go of the feeling of regret for i had no saying what so ever so the only thing i can to is let go and go with the flow.

I have been staying away from this tread:

I think it is a good one but for me i never had a regret for myself.

I do regret everything that my children, family and extended family had to deal with.

I with help got the tools i needed to move forward, they kinda where left in the dust to speak

I think there needs to be a better support network for them. With something like that in place i feel could turn the society's view of things around way faster then it is moving now.

So Yes i regret being transgender in respect for my family alone.

Me i feel it has made me a much better person

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on August 07, 2014, 09:30:45 PM
i cant begin to tell you how awful being trans is. its like in my opinion the worse possible thing but its an unavoidable fate. either which way you look at it, its ingrained so a born female would want to be a male or a boy male feels as if they should of been born female, but its the price we pay. as far as regret goes, i let go of the feeling of regret for i had no saying what so ever so the only thing i can to is let go and go with the flow.

I'd rather be trans than HIV positive or have some other kind of long term illness. Being trans, it seems to me, is as bad or as good as you let it be..

I too had a great life as a male - 4 children, successful business and world class athelete BUT I am ever so much happier today. I don't regret my choices in life, we have one life there are no practice runs. I am Trans and I look at the positives and the wonders and new experiences it will bring. I will not have a boring life and thats wonderful.

I don't regret being trans, but I will regret what I will be putting my family through one day, when I'm ready.

To me, regret refers to the way I feel when I've done something I wish I hadn't--in a situation over which I had some control.

I have no control over being trans. Therefore, I have nothing to regret. But that's just how I look at it.

Nothing to regret really. Its not my choice. I just wish people weren't buttholes about it.

Regret would imply I had a choice, I had no choice as I needed to change; I had to be who my mind told me I was or die as I simply could not look in the mirror anymore and see that man looking back

Stevie

Regret; I agree with everyone who states it was not a choice and regret is not an option.

Manifestation of inner conflict with external world: I am probably going to a therapist so I can wail "But I don't WANT to be trans*!"

I feel better trans*. I'm having a bad day because yesterday was a big "not hiding in the wardrobe day" and today is " get cis for work tomorrow" day.

Quote from: King Malachite on August 07, 2014, 09:19:19 PM
Yeah, I can't regret something I never had a choice in.  I didn't choose to be trans.  What I DO regret is not doing extensive research on this in high school and not getting a job then to help pay for top surgery.  Had I gotten a job at 16, I could have at least had the money top surgery by 18.  I regret not telling my parents constantly at a younger age that I was trans.

same, same. i regret not being honesty with myself sooner so i didn't have to deal with "coming out" when i started college

The only regrets that I can honestly say that I have is not coming out sooner in life. I know that I would be a happier person if I had.  :) Maybe if I could invent a time machine and travel back twenty years and change my history maybe than I'd be happier!  :) Where's Doc Brown when you need him???

I have brief moments where I think "if I hadn't done this my life would be normal in so many more ways." But you can't call that regret. Delaying the transition for the sake of being normal was slowly leading my mental health in a downward spiral. When I remember how I was before, it's kind of impossible to regret it.

Oh, so if your not trans, you can't physically alter your body right?
I'm not being a butthole about it, but I would never choose to have dysphoria either. I don't.
If not, I may be taking up my time here.

I can not have regret for being trans, for reasons others stated.

I regret not being able to be myself when young. In fact I am pretty angry with my parents for a few things (they are deceased).

Dysphoria has many layers and has many different manifestations.  I had been going to my gender therapist about 3 months when I asked what dysphoria was. She rambled off a dozen examples I have of dysphoria. She said I had it very bad. I knew what she described about myself was killing me. I asked why is it getting so bad now and why can't I put it out of my mind and why is it overwhelming. She said it has gotten to the point where it is overwhelming my ability to cope and my tried and true defenses were no match. She also said it is common for dysphoria to get worse as we get older.

My advise it to see a gender therapist and explore who you are. If one questions their gender is usually a sign they are not binary. 

Do not confuse regret with self hate. I am just learning to like myself for who I am and I have "some" flaws I am working on.

what I regret is a social and educational system that wasn't able to help me early on even though it was obvious I had a severe problem.

Quote from: CiCi Confused on August 07, 2014, 11:50:19 PM
I don't regret being trans, but I will regret what I will be putting my family through one day, when I'm ready.

Pretty much this.

It may sound kinda weird, but finding out that I'm trans after so long has, strangely, made me happy.  I always felt different and never felt masculine.  I started experimenting with cross-dressing, and that's all she wrote, so to speak.  It's like I finally found the true "me" (yes, cheesy, I know)

My family will be devastated and angry once I have to come out, though :(

I guess I could talk about being trans is the worst thing ever. But after seeing a man sleeping on a street corner the other night I can safely say I got it pretty dang good. And what little problems I have pale in comparison to what other people are going through daily just to survive in this world. So I don't regret being myself one bit. And yes while being trans can be hard it's most definitely not the worse thing in life that can happen to a person.

My only regret along the lines of being trans is that I can't transition currently and it's driving me loony, literally.

Quote from: redhot1 on August 07, 2014, 04:35:48 PM
Hi, do you ever regret being trans and you feel like me before? Not sure where this thread exactly fits.
I know that since I'm the only person who can determine who I truly am, I want opinions.
Does anyone here not have dysphoria at all or very mildly? Sure, being a guy is good but I sometimes become attracted to femininity to where I wish (even jokingly) I could be a woman one day. And I currently present as my birth sex, so I have a long ways coming.

Did anybody start out with similar issues to me?

I would disagree that I would hope to be a woman one day. I am how I feel and I have felt this way since I was a child, able to think for myself, many years ago; in that I knew I wasn't a boy and certainly was a girl. As others have said already, I was never given a choice to choose to be like this, so there is no regret on that part. For me it was an internally driven force to be female despite my assigned gender. If there was any regret, it was not accepting it sooner and having suppressed it for so long. What I have learnt is that the dysphoria became stronger the longer I left it. The more I tried to suppress it, the harder it fought back mentally.

I sometimes regret having come out about it and asking people to avoid male pronouns, because now that I know others know and still don't at least use "they" when referring to me it just makes me even more dysphoric. I don't present any differently except for a couple of baby tees, and don't shave daily so the stubble starts to show. So, really, I'm not helping myself. I think maybe I should have waited until I got on HRT.

As far as regretting being trans, not at all. That would be like regretting having a brain. I am who I am, and I fully embrace that now. Sure, I would prefer to be genetically female as we all probably do, but that's not in the cards. Wouldn't it be awesome, though, to just change sexes at will? I'd change and never go back, though. haha.

If I could reverse time where I never decided to transition or tell anyone, I wouldn't do it. It's just another obstacle I have to endure for the betterment of my life and mental health, and despite all of the troubles we may have to deal with, it'll still be completely worth it.