Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have been out to some people for awhile now, but most of the people that I am out to are cis. they don't have a huge understanding of how to deal with trans people. I am very non confrontational so I haven't really forced the issue with being called the right pronoun. a few of them have come around and asked me and I told them she/hers. Every time I get called it I get an initial freak out. then I am like beaming ;D for a good ten minutes. im just so not used to being called referred to as female. my initial reaction when I do get called her is like "OH!!!! your talking about me!" anyone else have a struggle getting used to it.

I can say that after over 3 years I am fairly use to it....but there are times that I think ....oh, there talking about me!!

It didn't take me long not to answer someone calling out sir in a line or something. I think I did it once maybe twice....and though WTF am I doing. I never got a weird look and just turned away when the guy they were initially calling stepped forward. LOL

When people first started to refer to me using female pronouns it just felt so natural. I never had any moments like that, it was a bit odd at first but that's because I wasn't used to it but it just feels right. I never had any reactions like that but I cringe every time I'm called he, etc. Absolutely hate it and it destroys my mood completely. I really don't like confrontation too lol.

yea I think I can get used to it. when ever I think of other people talking to me I think of them using she but for some reason when ever they do it always suprises me. oh and shelley, that would be another thing to get me worried about. I never thought about when im out as a girl, will I respond to guy pronouns? im really ditzy so that will probably get me a few times.

Two friends of mine started using female pronouns late last year regardles how I'm dressed. Even today when they are talking about me in my presence it sometimes takes a moment to click that the her/she I'm hearing is me :D

I've always thought pronouns were confusing. Honestly as a little kid I had a hard time remembering the differences between them, or whether or not people were one gender or not. Eventually as I got older I just started referring to everyone younger than me as "kid" and everyone older than me as "person" and people the same age as "You" or whatever their name was, casting off all attempts at grammatical accuracy. Around about 15 or so, when I finally got better at remembering names I just referred to most people by their names, or "person" or "people". The whole idea of gendered pronouns just seemed like a nuisance to me, (don't even get me started on Spanish or other languages that insist on gendering everything) So when people ask me about preferred gender pronouns, I usually just say I don't care what they use. Because I don't. They can call me "it" or even "that thing" or whatever, it doesn't ruffle me, people have called me much much worse things, and those didn't really bother me that much either.  But Other people care so much about pronouns, trans and cis alike, so I don't have a choice but to try and figure out which ones to use, which is just tiresome. Trans people are at least more tolerant of mistakes, but the second you accidently use he to refer to your mother, or her to refer to some famous football player, everyone gets up in arms, like I'm trying to insult them or something. It's not my fault I speak a language that was stupid enough to lose its neutral gender. But at least pronouns are the only thing I have to remember gender, so I guess its not that bad.

I've been female full time for over a year now. When someone uses "she" to refer to me, I still look around to see whom they're talking about.

lol I think my heart skips a beat every time lol. but in a good way!!!

Quote from: amber roskamp on August 07, 2014, 10:27:31 PM
I have been out to some people for awhile now, but most of the people that I am out to are cis. they don't have a huge understanding of how to deal with trans people. I am very non confrontational so I haven't really forced the issue with being called the right pronoun. a few of them have come around and asked me and I told them she/hers. Every time I get called it I get an initial freak out. then I am like beaming ;D for a good ten minutes. im just so not used to being called referred to as female. my initial reaction when I do get called her is like "OH!!!! your talking about me!" anyone else have a struggle getting used to it.

Ha ha! This totally happens to me, too!

PS: I didn't actually laugh out loud, but I do share the amusement.

I must admit that it still gives me a bit of a thrill to hear people use female pronouns for me.  Especially in a work setting where I only made the change a month ago.

As for when people get it wrong, mostly my mother for reasons I can well understand, if the slip is made in private I gently correct and fine the offender €1.   It's a joke but not quite.  In public most people get it right, thankfully, but when they get it wrong it feels a bit like a lightning-bolt.

No one uses my preferred pronouns yet. I've told people to please use ANYTHING but male ones, but it just hasn't sunk in yet, and I don't want to be a bitch about it. I think it'll be easier for them when I actually have a physically female appearance through HRT and clothing, and that's just around the corner.

But when I imagine a situation where I'm being called 'she' I feel all warm and fuzzy like when you think about someone you really like who just happens to like you, too; and the anticipation for that very moment is like the same anxious feeling when you're waiting to see that person on the weekend. I can't imagine I'd react any differently when it actually happens.

Until then, I just have to deal while I get everything situated.

Quote from: sororcaeli on August 11, 2014, 07:42:41 AM
No one uses my preferred pronouns yet. I've told people to please use ANYTHING but male ones, but it just hasn't sunk in yet, and I don't want to be a bitch about it. I think it'll be easier for them when I actually have a physically female appearance through HRT and clothing, and that's just around the corner.

But when I imagine a situation where I'm being called 'she' I feel all warm and fuzzy like when you think about someone you really like who just happens to like you, too; and the anticipation for that very moment is like the same anxious feeling when you're waiting to see that person on the weekend. I can't imagine I'd react any differently when it actually happens.

Until then, I just have to deal while I get everything situated.

I always imagine people referring to me as her, when it actually happens I'm like "woah where they talking to me!" lol. and the same thing happened to me with the not using the right pronoun. I think they forgot because they were like "do you want me to start using she?" when I started dressing up.  im like :icon_confused2: :icon_yes: :icon_cute:

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on August 08, 2014, 05:53:52 PM
I must admit that it still gives me a bit of a thrill to hear people use female pronouns for me.  Especially in a work setting where I only made the change a month ago.

Julia, how in the world did you pass as a guy as recently as a month ago?!?  Doesn't seem possible.

[/OT]

I think "yay!!" And do a little happy dance inside my mind! ;D

Quote from: katiej on August 13, 2014, 03:54:22 AM
Julia, how in the world did you pass as a guy as recently as a month ago?!?  Doesn't seem possible.

[/OT]

Hi Katie

I honestly don't know ... makeup definitely helps but I confess that I was one of the people most surprised to see how I looked as a girl.  My avatar, BTW is a hastily-taken selfie, unretouched.

Make no mistake, I realise how lucky I am... :)   And I am grateful for my luck!

My wife referred to me as "she" for the first time yesterday.  It took a second to sink in but when it did I was smiling.ear to ear.  :)

that's awesome ruth. I've never told anyone that I am that close to about my gender, but I could imagine how good it would feel. that's a big step for your relationship. hope she continues to acknowledge your gender.

Great topic. This is something I've been wondering about, how other people react... The few times in my life where I had a really really fit body and hair past my shoulder blades, I'd have my back to someone at work. I'd turn around and have people go "whoa I thought you were a girl do you have a sister" and I couldn't believe how good it made me feel. I'd been trying to be ok with being a guy for a long long time at that point. The feeling of validation from that, as opposed to any male form of address where I felt glum or nothing was shocking. Has anyone else had an experience like that?

It does take getting used to but it's wonderful when someone uses the right pronoun to you. Whenever my spouse and I are out together we are called ladies.


:)

pronouns are funny when used wrong, but otherwise rather unimportant.
i never had problems knowing which pronouns to use for people (you kind of amaze me, hyacinth), but my daughter had. kept making mistakes for years before she finally learned that you can't use he and her for everybody, there are she and his as well (they sound a little more similar in norwegian).
but that's my fault, for speaking a very genderless language to her. she also learns that at school, so it really takes a whole lot of talking to other kids and adults for her to sort out the odd grammar quirks of the majority language here.

the words i have problems with are all the things that you call people outside pronouns. call me he or she as you like, but no girl or daughter or babe or whatever. someone please kill gender specific terms about people.

Quote from: Lazarus Plus on August 17, 2014, 01:09:35 PM
Great topic. This is something I've been wondering about, how other people react... The few times in my life where I had a really really fit body and hair past my shoulder blades, I'd have my back to someone at work. I'd turn around and have people go "whoa I thought you were a girl do you have a sister" and I couldn't believe how good it made me feel. I'd been trying to be ok with being a guy for a long long time at that point. The feeling of validation from that, as opposed to any male form of address where I felt glum or nothing was shocking. Has anyone else had an experience like that?

yea i have definitely been told i look like a girl from behind, it also made feel awesome. being refered to as male is pretty disappointing to me though

It took me awhile to get used to it, but like Hyacinth I've always had trouble (especially in childhood) mixing up even cispeople's pronouns. And I would get called "he" a lot before transition until I learned to pitch my voice higher and do all the other right girl cues, and I dressed boyish, so I had a lifetime of people using male pronouns at first glance and then profusely apologizing. Or people on the phone thinking I was a teenaged boy. So then in transition that kept happening for awhile, and then it reversed for awhile, where someone would say "she" and then apologize (though lol not as profusely), and it all just felt interchangeable. I didn't start getting used to hearing for-sure male pronouns until I had been consistently read as male for a long time.

Now I think I'm pretty used to it, but sometimes I falsely think I hear "she" in reference to me, sorta like how you think your phone is vibrating when it's not. Old habits die hard. It doesn't help that there are a few people in my life who are not accepting of my transition and won't stop misgendering me, but luckily those people are in the minority.

It's nice to take hearing the right pronouns for granted, but I hope I always remember to notice occasionally how good it makes me feel. :)

Quote from: Felix on August 20, 2014, 08:18:32 PM
Now I think I'm pretty used to it, but sometimes I falsely think I hear "she" in reference to me, sorta like how you think your phone is vibrating when it's not. Old habits die hard.

Yeah, the "mishearing" of things is a pain, isn't it?   Occasionally I'm not sure if people are calling me "señor" instead of "señora" or "chico" instead of "chica" (girl). 

And this past weekend I was with a Portuguese female friend who kept using the pronoun "we" in the masculine when making travel and dinner arrangements for us.  Well, it's a natural error - there is no feminine version in Portuguese, but eventually I was like "Aaaaaargh.  If you keep saying 'nosotros' they're going to think that one of us is male!"

However, FFS has pretty much fixed this (YAY!)  :D; if only the damn hair removal would work now!  :(