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I just woke from another restless night, terrified and crying. I dreamt of her again... My ex and the abuse she put me through. I thought I had almost been able to forget her, but I see now the clear difference between "forgetting" and "blocking out." Since we split up, I have avoided anything that might remind me of her. Everything from things that were direct triggers to the abuse, to even little things that reminded me of her, like music or television series she liked. I did my best to block her from my mind completely. I eventually thought I had gotten to a point where I was better... where I thought I was perhaps strong enough to face these triggers without them impacting me as strongly... after all, I don't want to live my life in fear of her memory forever. But now... My dreams are once again consumed by nightmares of her, and a significant portion of my days are spent seething with anger. I know I'll be able to move past it in time... right? But right now, I really need some comfort. So to all the friends I've made here... Please, please, offer me whatever comfort you can? :'(

<<<< Hugs>>>>

(((((((((Hug)))))))
Id offer a platitude if i thought it would help..maybe tell you to not hurt butt some people are dicks and cruel and it hurts...just life i guess.

Im sorry for your pain.

A hug for one who needs it now, from one who cares

It will get better in time but you have to be ready for when it does come.

Its just a dream, painful but a dream.

Sometimes i wonder if when we try to block thing out our mind will re run things to help in the healing of the fear?

So the first hug i sent was one to be kept for later.

This one <<<<<<<< HUG>>>>>>> is for now.

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Yes, time will heal the anger. The way I moved past mine with an ex and the way she treated me when I told her I had a trans history was to know I was better than her and better off without her. Everyday I moved past her was a day I succeeded at my life.

*BIG HUG* It will take time but it will eventually get better with time. Maybe ask your therapist how to deal with the abuse you went through.

Great big HUGS coming your way! :icon_hug: You are not alone, I feel your pain. The mean things people do is a projection of themselves, not you. While easier said than done, ignoring small minded opinions can free you from much suffering. Things do get better with time. :)

:icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

I don't know you so I apologise if I'm intruding here but I hope it would be okay to say that you seem like a fantastic and astounding person from the posts I've seen. *offers duvet and tea* Triggers are such awful things; they can be so random and seem so innocuous. Obviously, I can't comment on whether things will improve but so, so many people do and your past words suggest you have incredible introspection skills and resilience so I hope that ability to adapt is true for you. You're entitled to as much freedom from this as possible so you can seek relatively unfettered happiness. Wishing you the best.

How about some chocolates and a box of tissues?
Feeling very down myself after an awful week and just want to cry.


I have been there but in different circumstances about my ex. For a long time any memory triggered me doing the things I loved and shared with her that I would break down in tears as she lay in a coma. It takes time and is very hard so do the best you can. You can't do any more.

I need some more tissues. :'(

((((((((Hugs))))))))

It takes time, but you'll get there. Those dreams are just your subconscious mind's way of trying to digest the emotions surrounding your break-up. The fact that you're having those dreams is actually a good thing (even if it doesn't feel that way at the time) because they're part of the healing process. If you can acknowledge how they're making you feel, you'll get through this more quickly.

I'm going through a slow, drawn-out split myself... and it's at times like these that I like to refer to the wise words of Messrs Andersson and Ulvaeus:

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go
And the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again
And the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving.

First of all a massive hugs

If I may offer a suggestion, take 1 trigger at a time. Say a song you used to like but it reminds you of her, find something you really like to do and maybe start listening to it while doing what you enjoy time to time. Try to take the negative triggers and turn them into a positive association.
Most of all remember she is out of your life you don't have to fear her anymore.

Thank you all so, so much! Reading your responses has made me feel so much better, and it really helped to hear what many of you have went through or are going through.

@Jenny: I so wish I could be there to share a good cry with you and give you a hug. I'm so sorry to hear what happened. :'(

@FTMDiaries: Thank you so much for saying that. It's a relief to think that these recent painful emotions may be what I need to go through to exorcise her from my life for good.

I'm sure you're very well aware that you can contact me on Skype at any time.
I just appear offline while I'm actually there.
/hugs you/

It's true that the dreams mean you are stronger and ready to process the emotions. It really sucks though. I'm sending some positive thoughts your way.

Quote from: Pikachu on August 08, 2014, 07:21:00 AM
I just woke from another restless night, terrified and crying. I dreamt of her again... My ex and the abuse she put me through. I thought I had almost been able to forget her, but I see now the clear difference between "forgetting" and "blocking out." Since we split up, I have avoided anything that might remind me of her. Everything from things that were direct triggers to the abuse, to even little things that reminded me of her, like music or television series she liked. I did my best to block her from my mind completely. I eventually thought I had gotten to a point where I was better... where I thought I was perhaps strong enough to face these triggers without them impacting me as strongly... after all, I don't want to live my life in fear of her memory forever. But now... My dreams are once again consumed by nightmares of her, and a significant portion of my days are spent seething with anger. I know I'll be able to move past it in time... right? But right now, I really need some comfort. So to all the friends I've made here... Please, please, offer me whatever comfort you can? :'(

*Hugs* If you ever need to talk, feel free to friend my Facebook and send me a message there, I check it like 5 times a day. I am here for you! I know getting over a situation like this is a very hard thing to do. You deserve to be happy, never forget that.

Big hugs to you, Pikachu.  You are stronger than you know.

I am a big fan of meditation for unraveling and healing painful memories.  Transcendental.  Ishaya's Ascension.  Zen Buddhism.  Silent prayer.  There are some very powerful, highly beneficial forms of meditation out there.

Just as brushing our teeth 2 or 3 times a day leads to healthy teeth and fresh breath, so it happens that 15 or 20 minutes of quiet meditation 2 or 3 times a day leads to healthy emotions and a fresh outlook on the past, the present and the future. 

First and foremost, be kind to yourself.  You deserve it.

:)

*warm comforting hug*

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs26.postimg.org%2Fq3pkivpah%2FPikachu_Hug.png&hash=dba858ee2ce9ac22c107105ae9b3c65d2834ee61)

I got to this late but...

H.    H.   U.    U.  GGG
H.    H.   U.    U. G.    G
H.    H.   U.    U. G
HHHH.   U.    U. G
H.    H.   U.    U.  G.  GG
H.    H.   U.    U.  G.    G
H.    H.      UU.       GG

*hugs*

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc03.deviantart.net%2Ffs71%2Ff%2F2011%2F016%2F1%2Fa%2Fpikachu_hug_by_amymaxie-d37anb0.png&hash=a79fba160f4530be1287f4a28a13c443568318a5)

You're all so sweet. :')

When I made this thread this morning, I expected, maybe, three or four replies over the course of the day. I feel so warm and fuzzy now, seeing such an outpouring of support. Thank you all. Both the ones who responded quickly, and the ones who filled the rest of my day with hugs as well. :)

Ellie and Carrie, those images are so adorable! Thank you for going to the trouble of finding them.

Miharu Barbie, I've never tried meditation before. Would you mind going into a bit more detail? I'd be interested in learning.

Hugs honey.

We are all here for you

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HUGS

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More cat hugs!

Take care of yourself!!

Love,


Ros

-BIG HUGS-

There's more of those when you need them.  :)

HUGS to you with welcoming arms.

**Hugs**

I'm giving you a big fat *hug* Pikachu. I'm sorry that you are reliving those bad times via your dreams. Time heals all wounds and this one will eventually heal too. And we are always here for you when the times get rough.

Quote from: Pikachu on August 08, 2014, 07:08:14 PM
You're all so sweet. :')

When I made this thread this morning, I expected, maybe, three or four replies over the course of the day. I feel so warm and fuzzy now, seeing such an outpouring of support. Thank you all. Both the ones who responded quickly, and the ones who filled the rest of my day with hugs as well. :)

Ellie and Carrie, those images are so adorable! Thank you for going to the trouble of finding them.

Miharu Barbie, I've never tried meditation before. Would you mind going into a bit more detail? I'd be interested in learning.

OK Pikachu. What did you expect? No one here would care? That hurts. ;D But seriously though we all got each other so that should be all that matters.

Maybe society could learn a thing or two from us, seriously though. :P

Quote from: Jess42 on August 08, 2014, 10:35:59 PM
OK Pikachu. What did you expect? No one here would care? That hurts. ;D But seriously though we all got each other so that should be all that matters.

Maybe society could learn a thing or two from us, seriously though. :P

Aw, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I see threads all the time that don't get many responses, and I figured a thread in the complain-y section would garner even less, I suppose...

Anyway, just wow... This is the most posted in thread of the day, even. I really can't describe how much it means to me. I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You're all the best brothers and sisters ever, and I love you so much!

Quote from: Pikachu on August 08, 2014, 10:40:25 PM
Aw, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I see threads all the time that don't get many responses, and I figured a thread in the complain-y section would garner even less, I suppose...

Anyway, just wow... This is the most posted in thread of the day, even. I really can't describe how much it means to me. I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You're all the best brothers and sisters ever, and I love you so much!

We love you too.

Hugs,

Jen

Quote from: Pikachu on August 08, 2014, 10:40:25 PM
Aw, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I see threads all the time that don't get many responses, and I figured a thread in the complain-y section would garner even less, I suppose...

Anyway, just wow... This is the most posted in thread of the day, even. I really can't describe how much it means to me. I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You're all the best brothers and sisters ever, and I love you so much!

I know you didn't mean it like that. Sometimes we just need a little encouragement, sympathy, empathy and compassion. If we don't have each other, who else do we have?

I didn't find your post "complain-y" in the least little bit. Sometimes we do need a little sympathy so don't feel so freakin' "complain-y" OK? You still get another *hug * though. ;)

Big hugs darlin I hope it helps xx

Gives you the biggest hug i can possibly give :), you will be fine...with time she will dissappear and you won't even care, now you've just came off a bad relationship...but i promise you with time, it will all go away.

Hi Pikachu... here's a hug!!!  I've never been in a relationship if that makes you feel any better....

Awwwww, big hugs girl! You know I'm a message away if you need to talk:)

Well, this is a pretty old thread and it has gotten easier for me since. So don't worry, I'll be okay. The hugs and caring words are always appreciated, though, so thank you both very much for that. :)

*huggles back*

I didn't realize it was so old, hugs still apply...

Haha me either, just saw the date;D

No worries. I think you two are really sweet, and seeing your posts made me smile.

More hugs  :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

Quote from: Pikachu on August 27, 2014, 09:30:42 PM
No worries. I think you two are really sweet, and seeing your posts made me smile.

Awwwww that just made my day;D

Another hug GF, you take care of yourself & maybe time will heal your wounds.

<3

Love and hugs back to all of you. Hope you're having an awesome day. :)

Glad things have gotten better for you! Warm hugs sent your way regardless :)

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*huggles back*

It's much appreciated. I'm having one of those days where it seems nothing's going right. *sigh*

On top of running into my ex this morning, which was all kinds of unpleasant, my modem died. Now I've got to pay for a new one. And wait for it to come in the mail, too.

Quote from: Pikachu on August 30, 2014, 06:10:36 PM
*huggles back*

It's much appreciated. I'm having one of those days where it seems nothing's going right. *sigh*

On top of running into my ex this morning, which was all kinds of unpleasant, my modem died. Now I've got to pay for a new one. And wait for it to come in the mail, too.

Oh you do know you have an eternal hug form me, right? Aagian, thank you so much sis.

Hugs , jelly beans and chocolate work well :)

*pulls you two into a tight, warm hug*

I love you all so much! :)

*snugglesnuggle*

Awwwww hugs girl, ex drama is no fun. Big hugs!^-^

Quote from: Pikachu on August 30, 2014, 07:31:38 PM
*pulls you two into a tight, warm hug*

I love you all so much! :)

*snugglesnuggle*

And you know we love you too right? *BIG HUG* Or you better know it or else. ;)

*supermassivehugwiththreecherriesontop* ;)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia-cache-ec0.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F8b%2F2d%2F57%2F8b2d576184a9502242e8c4142cd88388.jpg&hash=d0c014de733e646fd8d903a700a0c7a5f12f4830)

and a nice HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG :D

Quote from: Sephirah on August 30, 2014, 08:01:39 PM
*supermassivehugwiththreecherriesontop* ;)

Sorry to hijack this thread, but where do you get those avatars Sephira. My god, they are so freakin' cool and kind of reflects me inside.

Quote from: Jess42 on August 30, 2014, 08:10:54 PM
Sorry to hijack this thread, but where do you get those avatars Sephira. My god, they are so freakin' cool and kind of reflects me inside.

She's definitely got a talent for finding beautiful artwork. Very suited to such a breathtakingly beautiful woman.

Quote from: Pikachu on August 30, 2014, 08:41:41 PM
She's definitely got a talent for finding beautiful artwork. Very suited to such a breathtakingly beautiful woman.

I just definitely love the darkness and mystery or her avatars. No doubt though she is a beautiful woman. And did I mention Dark at that? Or at least the avatars seem like darkness and mystery. I love them.

 :ic :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

(((HUGS))) :D

Hehe~ It's really amazing how this thread keeps getting bumped. So many hugs... I feel so happy. :)

Your just a huggable person apparently!;D

Quote from: RockerGirl on August 31, 2014, 08:25:00 PM
Your just a huggable person apparently!;D

So are you! *snugglehugs*

Your adorable! You just made my day girl!:-* mwah!

Quote from: Pikachu on August 31, 2014, 08:22:50 PM
Hehe~ It's really amazing how this thread keeps getting bumped. So many hugs... I feel so happy. :)

What Pikachu? You didn't thing anyone would care? You should all know we love you and anytime you need a hug you are gonna' have plenty. Especially from me. ^-^

Hugs

*smiles*

Good morning, forum. I love you~

*yawns*

*sleepy hugs for RockerGirl, Jess and Jen*

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