Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi gals, Johanna here again.  I would like to bring up the subject of how we should, as trans-girls, and especially those of us newly into-HRT (for me, 8 weeks into HRT), just newly coming out in different aspects of our lives...

How can we effectively handle alpha males in our lives?  At work, in social situations, and in personal situations.  Maybe we can each other out here...

First, for me personally, pre-HRT, I have always been a beta-male in my life.  I have an MBA, so I know how to "give orders" when I am the boss of many employees.  But I would regard this more as "being assertive" on my part, rather than being an aggressive alpha-male-type.

Since I am now coming out as female to more people in my life, I regard this as maybe "being an assertive female" when necessary at work.

In the bedroom, I am definitely now, and always have been, a "bottom" never a "top."  Both as a male, and now as a new female.

Now that I have small but GENUINE female breasts which I am over the moon in happiness about...

But for me the MENTAL changes are the most amazing...

I am crying at unpredictable times...I FEEL the joy and suffering of others...

All of my relationships, work and personal, are much better starting about 3 weeks into HRT...

Verbals fights are gone...my relationships skills have dramatically improved...

**************************************************************************

So now, how about dealing with alpha males?

We all know the type...aggressive, super testosterone-driven, in work and personal situations.

I have great news, gals...

For me, my skill level at handling alpha males in work situations is now DRASTICALLY better, compared with pre-HRT.

In dealing with nearly all cis girls and women, I can intuitively FEEL them now, and they are responding so much better to me...I am now much more skilled in understanding how girls FEEL..so all of my relationships with females is the best it has been in my entire life...for SURE.

But with alpha males, I have found different methods to handle these guys...

Mostly, on these strong female hormones, I now FEEL at an intuitive level, NOT to challenge alpha males in the heat of the moment.  As a man, I used to do that.  Now, as a newly-developing female -- even when I now still present as "male" at work -- in my heart and in my emotions I am female, these strong hormones of estrogen and progesterone have basically taken over (WOW AM I EUPHORICALLY HAPPY ABOUT THIS!!!), I am becoming a new person...

I now have a truly great FEEL for how and when to do this that I never had or understood previously.  I don't get into verbal fights now, at ALL.  Even bad things don't worry me so much any more.  I am at peace with the world, as my mind is now at peace, too.

So I find that I now UNDERSTAND how to deftly "deflect" challenges from alpha males, diffusing the situation before it ever ignites...

Then, if any unresolved issues TRULY need further interaction with the alpha male, I present them in a another way, in another context, at a different time, without directly challenging his "alpha male fighting instinct."

In other words, I think I am much more SKILLED now, in how to handle alpha males, in a female way.

:)

Wow, I am in the sky with happiness.  My nipples just started tingling again, when I think of how happy I FEEL now.

Hugs to all, waiting for YOUR thoughts on how you handle these alpha-male types,
Johanna, a newly-free female.

For me i was in the construction field.

Project management and had 99% male counterparts working below me.

Then on top of all that i moved between new jobs and then again everyone i had contact with (other construction trades) where again 99% male.

As a male in female i never had anyone question my knowledge or understand of my projects. Never

As a female i had to prove myself to each new project leadership 3 fold.

It is just the male ego in the work force and construction is for the men club only.

So the funny thing was i was more the alpha being i had to prove beyond anything they knew to gain there acceptance and more so there respect.

It truly is a uneven playing field.

So need to keep strong and not put up with the men club norm.

I'm still dying to know what the OP looks like. (Those constant breast & nipple references) :D

Johanna I also touch upon some of these things in this thread:

Felt small, emasculated at StarBucks when two suits where standing next to me.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,163028.msg1401311.html

I still haven't figured out how to deal with the alpha male. As a very strong minded girl I can be pretty assertive when absolutely necessary however these are extreme instances which have not yet come up since I began hrt. There was that one time on April 11th where I went to see this therapist who turned out to be a jack arse and I told him that's what he was and I wouldn't be back, however I'm not that sure if that's the type of example Johanna was/is looking for.

Quote from: Evelyn K on August 10, 2014, 04:47:52 PM
I'm still dying to know what the OP looks like. (Those constant breast & nipple references) :D

Yes, I second your curiosity Evelyn.

Ali :icon_flower:

Haven't had much luck. I approach them with the same lack of finesse I seem to approach much of life. I look them in the eye and say what I need to say. If they interrupt me, I say "I'm not done yet". Doesn't seem to have made me many friends, but it's what comes naturally.

Quote from: Allyda on August 10, 2014, 05:15:09 PM

Yes, I second your curiosity Evelyn.

Ali :icon_flower:

C'mon Johanna! We want to see! Back up your game! ;D

Quote from: Allyda on August 10, 2014, 05:15:09 PM
I still haven't figured out how to deal with the alpha male. As a very strong minded girl I can be pretty assertive when absolutely necessary however these are extreme instances which have not yet come up since I began hrt. There was that one time on April 11th where I went to see this therapist who turned out to be a jack arse and I told him that's what he was and I wouldn't be back, however I'm not that sure if that's the type of example Johanna was/is looking for.
Yes, I second your curiosity Evelyn.

Ali :icon_flower:

Ali, being a strong-minded girl is great.  (In intimate times in bed, I have always been strongly attracted to this whether the other person has been male or female.  And they are the "top.")  What you did on April 11 was great...you handled it exactly the way many highly competent cis females I know would have handled it.  You didn't yell or scream, no fights, just "state your mind" and walk out...

...sort of like the way any competent female ends a romantic or sexual relationship she doesn't want anymore...
Just tell the guy "how it is" -- no yelling -- "sorry, babe, we're history!"

Ali, I think you solved your brief problem with this alpha jack --- type male in the BEST way -- strong female style -- kudos to you, honey -- well-played...you aren't giving yourself enough credit my dear, for how well and competently you handled this alpha male issue on that occasion.

Well, gals, to briefly your comments about the other "things" up "top" --

Let's just say that THIS IS NOW IRREVERSIBLE.  It is 100% for sure I will have to get periodic breast exams by a doctor or nurse for the rest of my life.  Not all the time, but at regular intervals.  These "girls" are with me for good -- cannot turn back now.  Although small right now, they are big enough to be a health risk to me if I don't get breasts exams starting soon.

< smiles very broadly >

< feels euphoria, and tingling sensations "up there" >

I WANT MORE! I WANT MORE! I WANT MORE!

Am I being too greedy, girls?  Is enough enough?  Or do I deserve more?

I WANT MORE! I WANT MORE! I WANT MORE!

Hey, I now have to confess...I feel greedy as heck...I WANT MORE!

Johanna.

Self breast exams is your first line of offense.

Many a Web site to explain. Then after tanner stage 5 and age will warrant the pancake flatter. Lol.

So learn to know your own body first. Know the feel of the landscape.

Quote from: Evelyn K on August 10, 2014, 05:24:20 PM
C'mon Johanna! We want to see! Back up your game! ;D

I 3rd this and no cheating we all know what Amanda Lepore looks like

Quote from: mrs izzy on August 10, 2014, 04:33:41 PM
For me i was in the construction field.

Project management and had 99% male counterparts working below me.

Then on top of all that i moved between new jobs and then again everyone i had contact with (other construction trades) where again 99% male.

As a male in female i never had anyone question my knowledge or understand of my projects. Never

As a female i had to prove myself to each new project leadership 3 fold.

It is just the male ego in the work force and construction is for the men club only.

So the funny thing was i was more the alpha being i had to prove beyond anything they knew to gain there acceptance and more so there respect.

It truly is a uneven playing field.

So need to keep strong and not put up with the men club norm.

It isn't an even playing field, Mrs. Izzy.  You are so right.

I have long observed these "construction types", and how they behave when a good-looking female walks by.  I live in Colombia, where it is "machista" (more or less means in English "macho-man" culture.  I sure have felt sad for the beautiful girl when it gets out of hand, as it usually quickly does.

The sexual comments can be quite demeaning.  I mean, I am glad the girl can be herself and dress up princess pretty, and attract male eyes...sure, that is fine...

But then these alpha male construction types makes the most rude comments you can imagine.  It is as bad in Spanish, here, as in English in North America.  Maybe even worse.

I know one 24 year old cis girl here who quit her work as a secretary at a major housing construction company over this.  Sure, she is hot and beautiful...but this doesn't merit being totally mistreated, with multiple rude sexual comments to her all day, every day, at her job.  They don't have sexual harassment laws here like in North America, unfortunately.  She told me it was a horrible experience for her.  She had no choice but to quit her job and find work in a field with fewer alpha males.

Interesting, Mrs. Izzy, and very astute observations about having to prove in an more "alpha" fashion, your professional competence.

Yes, men don't respect women enough in the workplace.  I have usually taken the female side on this issue, and this viewpoint has sometimes gotten me a nasty look from some other guys when I don't "agree" with their view of females.

Johanna.

I had a discussion with my boss that got to the edge. I backed down and deescalated the discussion. After the fact I e-mailed him apologizing ( he was aggressive not me). I had stated the facts and he did not want to hear it ( I told the truth). The other senior director there was silent but he felt the same way and is also alpha male. The EVP came to my office later and we talked.  He said he edged me on and that was not right.  I said it was the hormones, I just could not stop. I felt this inner strength but I knew my limits. Then I asked how do I deal with an alpha male when delivering unpleasant information he does not want to hear. He sent me a YouTube of a Ted Talk from McGonagall at Harvard (he listened to her when he was there for a class).

I have to be carful to be tactful and gentle. I never was nor am I alpha but now I have an inner strength. 

Quote from: mrs izzy on August 10, 2014, 05:45:29 PM
Self breast exams is your first line of offense.

Many a Web site to explain. Then after tanner stage 5 and age will warrant the pancake flatter. Lol.

So learn to know your own body first. Know the feel of the landscape.

Thank you so much Mrs. Izzy.  Yes, that I can do first.  Saves on some time and expense for a doctor trip, for the moment.  By going to youtube, and then learning to do it myself.

Johanna.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 10, 2014, 05:45:53 PM
I 3rd this and no cheating we all know what Amanda Lepore looks like

When I come out with photos on Susans soon, as I have stated a few times, this will be totally honest, tasteful, in a dress, no push-up bras only natural, no extensions, no wigs...

Yes on hair makeover at a beauty salon after my hair is just a little longer, get my nails polished, let the girls at the salon do all my make-up perfectly, then my cis girlfriend, beauty salon employee, or other friend will snap some photos on my digital camera.

I want to look as beautiful as possible for this photo -- but all natural...hair and everything, natural only.

Johanna.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on August 10, 2014, 05:53:06 PM
I had a discussion with my boss that got to the edge. I backed down and deescalated the discussion. After the fact I e-mailed him apologizing ( he was aggressive not me). I had stated the facts and he did not want to hear it ( I told the truth). The other senior director there was silent but he felt the same way and is also alpha male. The EVP came to my office later and we talked.  He said he edged me on and that was not right.  I said it was the hormones, I just could not stop. I felt this inner strength but I knew my limits. Then I asked how do I deal with an alpha male when delivering unpleasant information he does not want to hear. He sent me a YouTube of a Ted Talk from McGonagall at Harvard (he listened to her when he was there for a class).

I have to be carful to be tactful and gentle. I newer was nor am I alpha but now I have an inner strength.

Cynthia, the inner strength I have FELT so much stronger since on HRT.  I agree with you it is an absolute blessing.

TED has some great talks on their Website.  Maybe I will go watch this video from McGonagall you are referring to.  I give TED a big thumbs-up for the academic quality and innovative and world-changing ideas they present there.

Johanna.

@Johanna: Thanks I really appreciate it. Your right I didn't yell, just told him he was a jack arse, and that I won't be back. The girl out front was setting my next appointment and I had to tell her the same thing. She then said "you know, we get that a lot about him" and I replied, "and you'll continue to get it as long as he's on staff here." then walked out as she smiled at me. This guy looked like a bald headed Lurch from the Addams family anyway Deep sunk in eyes, and skin as pale as can be. He had a real long head very disproportionate to his body too. Scary looking.

Ali :icon_flower:

How to deal with alpha males? Let them think they're right and give 'em enough rope to hang themselves because eventually they will. ;D Arrogance will always get the best of them.

I like women, alpha males happen to be attracted to me. Ugh fml lol

Alphas are hilarious

At least you can hear them coming with their knuckles dragging along the ground. 

We don't tend to get alphas in my industry (games)- being a tall, bold woman kinda makes you the alpha.  We do get sociopaths though.  Similar skill set in dealing with them though.

In the real world a good pair of shoes and a suprisingly good vertical jump.

At work (gambeling) I get a few but I usually disarm them with my very dark sense of humor, the fact that I have good tips so they should listen to me to make money. Finally I control there money, that makes me someone you don't want to get on the bad side of

I tried my best just to ignore them for twenty years even though they'll try their best to tear you down

I think confidence is key with alpha males personally. When I was trapped in male mode, I was def an alpha male.. Not the dragging knuckles, but handsome guy in a power suit at the head of social circles, no one messed with me either. Now, funny enough in my new fabulous beautiful form, I still exude the confidence that I have had. Most of the "alpha" guys make their stupid mouths open or do stupid things when they think the target is weak. I put every single guy that's tried to be alpha in front of his friends right in their place, but they honestly are few and far between around me. (the only ones that ever even attempt to be cool or alpha are typical mid 20s "bros").. Also, the minute i think i see one.. B!tch face on, eyebrow up! lololol


Regardless, just keep your head up.. and look through them, you have better things to think and worry about!!
<3

Jocelyn Rose

I agree, there are few things on this planet that will shut up an alpha faster than a girl in a power suit that can emasculate them with a single look.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F31.media.tumblr.com%2Faabd0c2b7849ffbc223ce7b0715ff0a4%2Ftumblr_mj5emjDg3i1rawb5do1_500.jpg&hash=61e96f028158cff9cb21921e230c9f0db7c5f1fd)

Quote from: Jocelyn Rose on August 11, 2014, 08:46:46 PM
I think confidence is key with alpha males personally. When I was trapped in male mode, I was def an alpha male.. Not the dragging knuckles, but handsome guy in a power suit at the head of social circles, no one messed with me either. Now, funny enough in my new fabulous beautiful form, I still exude the confidence that I have had. Most of the "alpha" guys make their stupid mouths open or do stupid things when they think the target is weak. I put every single guy that's tried to be alpha in front of his friends right in their place, but they honestly are few and far between around me. (the only ones that ever even attempt to be cool or alpha are typical mid 20s "bros").. Also, the minute i think i see one.. B!tch face on, eyebrow up! lololol


Regardless, just keep your head up.. and look through them, you have better things to think and worry about!!
<3

Jocelyn Rose

Quote from: antonia on August 11, 2014, 09:47:54 PM
I agree, there are few things on this planet that will shut up an alpha faster than a girl in a power suit that can emasculate them with a single look.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F31.media.tumblr.com%2Faabd0c2b7849ffbc223ce7b0715ff0a4%2Ftumblr_mj5emjDg3i1rawb5do1_500.jpg&hash=61e96f028158cff9cb21921e230c9f0db7c5f1fd)

Exactly! HAHA LOVE THE PIC, probably a bad idea for me to carry a spray bottle tho.. LOL

Quote from: antonia on August 11, 2014, 09:47:54 PM
I agree, there are few things on this planet that will shut up an alpha faster than a girl in a power suit that can emasculate them with a single look.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F31.media.tumblr.com%2Faabd0c2b7849ffbc223ce7b0715ff0a4%2Ftumblr_mj5emjDg3i1rawb5do1_500.jpg&hash=61e96f028158cff9cb21921e230c9f0db7c5f1fd)

I too love this photo -Just hose em down! Maybe they'll cool off, lol! :icon_eek: :icon_female: :icon_peace:

Ali :icon_flower:

Well first off learn to develope a thick skin because men generally don't like women bosses. So get used to having your decisions second guessed by them and they calling you a b**** and other names behind your back. Another thing is just because your transitioning doesn't mean you need to drop your assertiveness. That can be a very useful skill to have when in management. And you'll probably have to be twice as assertive as before because men will not show you the same level of respect they showed you as a male.