Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So yesterday the weather was decidedly rubbish and with that I decided to stay in put on make up and dress up. It was also a good opportunity to try out the new foundation and brow pencil I had bought recently as well. I haven't been able to put make up on for probably a month as it's been very hot here lately, but yesterday was cooler and perfect for it.

I took a number of photos, one of which is here (for the mean time) https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162746.msg1495038.html#msg1495038 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162746.msg1495038.html#msg1495038)

The trouble I have is that the more I look at myself in these photos the less I am convinced it is me. I've taken selfies before and always before I can see a part of the old me in them, but for some reason I cannot make that connection to my previous male self in any of those that i took yesterday.

I've had moments in the past before when I look in the mirror and I see a woman and later on in the day I see a guy trying to look like a woman, it's as if my mind has added back my masculine flaws to reassure me that I am still me.

How am I able to get over this body dismorphia I am currently feeling?

I wish I knew....I really do.

All I can say is from my perspective not only do you pass 100% you actually look really good.

We all our own worst critics.

You will have to move past the I can not to I do not care and go about your life.

You just need to get out to build the confidence.

It truly is the passing key.

You look sooo great.

I would have never guessed. Never.

I agree that we are our worst critics.

I agree with Hikari, you look so pretty and like you didn't even try to look pretty since the makeup is so natural.

I don't know how to overcome the dismorphia though. Is it like , you don't miss how you looked as a male but you want to see it in yourself to make sure you're still the same person?  I'm just trying to understand better because I don't think I understand how you feel

I looked at the picture. You look fabulous. Seriously. Believe it.

There was a point early in my transition where I felt the more I looked at my photos the more I looked like a man in a dress trying too hard to look feminine. However it seems to have gone the extreme polar opposite and now I can't seem to even convince myself the person I see is actually me in them. I mean, I know it's me (I took the photo for goodness sake) but my brain says nope. i feel so conflicted about this.

Hon, if you see a boy it's all in your head.  And I wouldn't lie about this-most people here don't pass at all.  I know I never will-looking at your photo actually makes me feel dysphoric.  You do.  Genuinely.  I actually can't tell in that photograph at all. 

Also-people change a lot.  We are continually evolving, it's just how we grow.  Sometimes it's hard to reconcile how much you have changed with the person you used to be, but you can always continue to move closer towards whoever you want to be-masculine, feminine, straight, gay, loud, quiet-anything you'd like.

Yo all lucky none of you lived closer.

I would drag you out kicking and screaming if I had to just to prove it all is good.

99% of people are so wrapped up in the fast lane lives they do not have the time to care about anything past there phones.

I so wish I had the benefit of a younger age.

Quote from: melanie maritz on August 11, 2014, 04:03:00 PM
Is it like , you don't miss how you looked as a male but you want to see it in yourself to make sure you're still the same person?  I'm just trying to understand better because I don't think I understand how you feel

I suppose it is a bit like that, the link to the old me has been broken by a modest amount of make up. My brain can't seem to compute that it is me. The face is familiar (a female relative, perhaps? my subconscious keeps asking), but I am unable to relate it back as me because it can't see the masculine flaws it's so used to seeing to tie it back to me.

I have found that the longer i look in the mirror or at pictures, the crazier i get. I'm at my happiest when I just put on a smile and quickly walk past the mirror. You just have to be positive and fight the neurotic impulses. Welcome to womanhood.

When all else fails, but some new clothes, that makes everything better. ^.^

I don't know if there is a psychological term for this phenomena , but we all have it. I get all made up and look in the mirror and go wow, I look pretty good , then an hour later the floor drops out

Remember the evil queen who said, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is fairest of them all?" The mirror lied to her because she was an evil bitch and told her what she wanted, with us the converse of that is true and instead of the mirror lying to us we lie to ourselves and remind ourselves that we were once that man and so that's what our brain tells us that we see. You are a beautiful woman, everyone here sees that clearly, so my best recommendation would be to spend less time believing that voice in your brain and get over the fact that guy is gone for good and move on with your life. 90 % of the membership here would trade places with you in a heartbeat, myself included.

I expect it will sort itself out over time as you become accustomed to how awesome you now look.

First world problems huh :D

Quote from: Shantel on August 11, 2014, 06:22:29 PM
Remember the evil queen who said, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is fairest of them all?" The mirror lied to her because she was an evil bitch and told her what she wanted, with us the converse of that is true and instead of the mirror lying to us we lie to ourselves and remind ourselves that we were once that man and so that's what our brain tells us that we see. You are a beautiful woman, everyone here sees that clearly, so my best recommendation would be to spend less time believing that voice in your brain and get over the fact that guy is gone for good and move on with your life. 90 % of the membership here would trade places with you in a heartbeat, myself included.

yep...

Quote from: androgynouspainter26 on August 11, 2014, 04:09:17 PM
Hon, if you see a boy it's all in your head.  And I wouldn't lie about this-most people here don't pass at all.  I know I never will-looking at your photo actually makes me feel dysphoric.  You do.  Genuinely.  I actually can't tell in that photograph at all. 

Also-people change a lot.  We are continually evolving, it's just how we grow.  Sometimes it's hard to reconcile how much you have changed with the person you used to be, but you can always continue to move closer towards whoever you want to be-masculine, feminine, straight, gay, loud, quiet-anything you'd like.

Idk I think quite a few people here pass :)

If you're a guy trying to look like a girl, you're doing a pretty good job and would have fooled me. But I don't think that's the case - I think you're a girl looking like a girl.

As time goes by, the memories of the 'old' you will fade, and the superimposing of remembered details on every image you see will stop. Guaranteed. If it helps, just avoid looking in the mirror for a few months. The day will come when you'll sneak a look, and... Wow!

So be Happy!

It's been two days and I still can't get over this. Aargh! Should I take more photos in a bid to convince myself it really is me?

I am working through this same thing in therapy.. My therapist and both endo's say I dont need FFS and my therapist says I am a solid 8 even before I get a lift.
I showed her my latest pic now that I am getting better with makeup and she freaked out..said you have to be happy with that right???
I still see a male...
My sister says I am a total chic... and I even got a can I help you mam in boy mode at Target...
I think in time when I am full time the more I am accepted as female maybe I will be ok but for now Its hard..
Going full time soon... only because its getting harder to pass as male. Yea
Carrie

Quote from: Leila on August 12, 2014, 02:54:28 PM
It's been two days and I still can't get over this. Aargh! Should I take more photos in a bid to convince myself it really is me?

I do this, it does usually help me.

Quote from: EllieM on August 11, 2014, 04:05:09 PM

I looked at the picture. You look fabulous. Seriously. Believe it.

I second this^^___^^. I too saw that photo and even complimented you on it on how great you look. I'll repeat what some others have said because I firmly believe it -"we are our own worse critics."

Quote from: Suziack on August 12, 2014, 11:45:37 AM
If you're a guy trying to look like a girl, you're doing a pretty good job and would have fooled me. But I don't think that's the case - I think you're a girl looking like a girl.

As time goes by, the memories of the 'old' you will fade, and the superimposing of remembered details on every image you see will stop. Guaranteed. If it helps, just avoid looking in the mirror for a few months. The day will come when you'll sneak a look, and... Wow!

So be Happy!

And this^^___^^  is some of the best advice I've heard. Believe me I know these feelings all too well and sympathize with you and those doubts your having. I myself have the same issues only a bit different in origin but I have come to a conclusion that has helped me get past it, that is proven time and time again here on this website when a very pretty girl posts her photo's on one of the "can/do I pass as female" threads questioning her passability even though she easily more so than most, would have no problem passing: We don't see ourselves at 'face value' as others see us for our minds are clouded with the image of our old appearance. So even after a very successful facial and body feminization, we can't accurately see it right away because we are so used to an image of ourselves imprinted upon our brain through years seeing ourselves in the wrong body it takes time for us, and a lot of support mind you, for our brains or "minds eyes" to adjust to the new version of ourselves, and begin seeing us at face value as others see us.

I still don't see myself in the least bit attractive yet guys are hitting on me and asking me out, my friends both local and on here tell me I'm overreacting or being too hard on myself, same with my doctors and nurses -they can't all be wrong can they? ???

Taking more photos with different outfits on may help you I dunno. I wish you all my best. You'll get through this, it just takes time as do all things in transition.

Ali :icon_flower:

Quote from: Hikari on August 12, 2014, 02:59:46 PM
I do this, it does usually help me.

I took your advice and put on some make up, then proceeded to take lots of photos from all angles and positions. What I noticed was that there were a few that came out looking like the old me. It was these few that gave me back the link to my old self amongst the many more that I felt so detached from. What was apparent was that it had become easier to take a "nice" photo. In the past I could take forty photos and only keep a few, but now I am discarding a lot less on the grounds that I looked hideous and manly.