Susan's Place Transgender Resources

When I got up this morning and somehow I just knew I would go out dressed as myself today.  I can't explain it.  Perhaps it was on my mind through the night.  I woke up with no more f*&^s to give.

I put on a really a light make-up of foundation, hint of blush, subtle lipstick, eyeliner and mascara.

So... what clothes?  I wanted to make my first time 'really express me'.  A slightly quirky artist chick in her thirties.

I wore a charcoal and black subtle striped jumper, black top, black skirt to the knee, black woolen stockings, doc martins laced high and because it is killer cold right now, finished the look with a boho scarf some fingerless wrist gloves (copies of Alice Cullens from twilight: new moon - see pic below- I got them off etsy).

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sTzBdGjowrs/TzrUJq4zTWI/AAAAAAAAAQY/1lrm6INuCdM/s1600/Alice+Cullen+Fingerless+gloves.jpg (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sTzBdGjowrs/TzrUJq4zTWI/AAAAAAAAAQY/1lrm6INuCdM/s1600/Alice+Cullen+Fingerless+gloves.jpg)

Actually my hair isnt far off her look in that film either, now I think of it.  I certainly look as pale as her.  :)

I actually took lots of pics to remember this and show, but dropped my phone on the trip home.  She's dead Jim.  Damn Samsung to hell.

So Delaney King's first adventure?  I took down the trash, walked down the street, went past my local shops, went down to the bay, passed a cafe and ended up at the park, where I sat at a bench and did my morning emails.  The unisex disabled toilet was, horrifically, bolted shut (wtf?) so I actually was forced to use the ladies.  That was frightening.  I hadn't planned on that.  But I managed to time it so I left after some women entered the stalls next to me, so it actually worked perfectly.  I was forced out of my comfort zone.

I was expecting going out to be this terrifying, thrilling, heart pounding experience.  But to my amusement, it felt perfectly fine.  As I walked along the only feelings I really had where of the comfort and freedom of movement my clothes gave me, and a sense of caution... about how men would react.  I passed a few people but they glanced and went about their business.  No stares.

When I returned home, I changed into womens jeans, wiped off my makeup and glanced in the mirror to toned down the feminine a bit before heading to work... but something had changed.  I didn't want to.  I have heard girls talking about this experience as a jack in the box moment- it is really hard to go back to playing 'him' again.  It is not that it is addictive, I wouldn't describe it as that, it feels lighter.  Putting back on the boy felt like a heavy load.  So I didn't tone it down.  I kept on the scarf and gloves, the womans black top and jumper.  I went to work, got the team together and told them I was transitioning and not to freak out by my appearance.  I told them about D.E.S, what it had done to me, and hrt.  I told them I would be speaking at two games conferences this year, and that I would be doing it as a woman- and that I would need all of their support whilst I was there.  It went perfectly.  I now have an army of guys watching my back.

I know I don't yet pass completely, which was my goal before I went part time, my face certainly is getting passable now- my neck, belly and waist not quite there yet.  But given the rate I am going, I can see myself full time by october.

Sounds like you had a good day then? ;)

M'yep!

Better have that coffee with me and Grace soon, otherwise you will miss out on seeing what I looked like in boy mode hon!

Awesome! Nothing like the first time to get you pumped - congratumulations!!  ;D

You should follow this up fairly soon with another outing and ramp them up so you can further build on your confidence. Mix it up with a number of situations and start to blend in social outings where there are people around that may end up talking with you and/or overhear you talking. For me that was the most scary moment. There's a lot to juggle in your memory at first, the way women stand, speak, sit, interact, etc is subtly different so while you're working on remembering to do one thing it can be pretty easy to totally forget the other/s. The more you force yourself to do these things the easier they become (and pretty quickly too).

Congrats on taking that first step Emmaline  :icon_chick:

Hugs

A wonderful story. It seems you have come home to yourself.

Awesome! Well done.

Yes, it is hard to put the genie back into that bottle now that you've experienced your authentic self in the real world.

There is a saying about the comfort zone - "You only experience personal growth past the end of your comfort zone". I think you grew a bit today.

Congrats on the getting out today. I think using one of the public loos was a fairly brave thing to do! Don't know what you mean by cold though - 14 degrees isn't too bad, although I'll let you off if you were up early!  :)

The outfit sounds as if it was really well chosen and suits your style (from the avatar pic). Shame about the phone... There is a sense in which going out locally first off can be even more daunting than heading off into the city. It's great though just to be yourself and be relaxed. I really loved how you described that feeling.

You may now have to sleep all weekend to take it all in!?!

Good advice everyone!

Congratulations! Liberating, isn't it?

I'm just looking forward to legal name and gender change then the way I present at home and in public can become the way I present at work. Soon!

Very addictive being the real you, isn't it? I applaud your courage and hope the future is bright and alive and you never feel the burden of a fake life ever again.  :)

Atta Girl Emmaline!  :eusa_clap: :icon_bunch:

Gaww, thanks everyone.
:D

So I am currently sitting at work (Aftrs film school) writing this.

In a skirt.

I decided to go for my second outing this morning and just... Well... Kept.. Going...

Instead of a walk around the block, I got on a bus, bought something from a newsagent, bought lunch... Then I just walked to work.  Everyone has been great.

I suspect my part timing is going to be very short.

  You will find the more you do it the more comfortable it feels and just becomes an everyday thing you don't even think about.What a wonderful feeling ! People get used to seeing you as you and don't really pay attention. Enjoy life it is beautiful.  I am also a DES son and hid my feelings for 63 years.  Patty

Thanks.  I hope that des marker test research project succeeds.  I could do with those bastards paying my medical bills.  Sigh.

Quote from: Emmaline on August 24, 2014, 11:53:53 PM
So I am currently sitting at work (Aftrs film school) writing this.

In a skirt.

I decided to go for my second outing this morning and just... Well... Kept.. Going...

Instead of a walk around the block, I got on a bus, bought something from a newsagent, bought lunch... Then I just walked to work.  Everyone has been great.

I suspect my part timing is going to be very short.

Congrats again.....all good stuff.

Yeah!!!!

All we need now is a little energon, and a lot of luc...oops, wrong situation for that reference!

Just a quick 80's movie training montage and you'd be ready for full time lickity split.  Find some awesome heels, some big steps and run up and down them repeatedly...while applying mascara... Go chasing chihuahuas and pink flamingos with bare hands...all while listening to Europe... :)

Loves ya mush, really big well donez :) xxx

It has been an eye of the tiger kinda day. :)

Lickety split should be the lesbian speedy Gonzalez.

Quote from: Emmaline on August 25, 2014, 08:08:19 AM
It has been an eye of the tiger kinda day. :)

You went running up and down the Opera House steps?  ;)

Maybe after the art house meet up!