Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The first time at around 4  I remember it being quite euphoric   .  I remember how pretty  the clothes were and how perfectly normal I felt. I don't really feel any difference between then  and now many years latter. I just know that for some reason I always wanted to wear those clothes.

One of my friends dared me to walk through my neighbourhood to the local park in a girls' top and wig. Never one to care what society thinks, I put them on and set out. I thought I'd feel nervous, but oddly, it was the least self-conscious I had felt in... I don't know. Maybe ever. I didn't pass at all, nor was I trying to, but just wearing something clearly feminine and having long hair (another first for me), made me feel... Almost giddy, really.

That was a few years ago.

i can add to this one :)

when i was around 12 and was first allowed to be left home alone, i started sneaking into my sister's closet ... it was euphoric, and also somewhat arousing (i was starting puberty at this age). I was also really confused by it ... I didn't understand why I felt the desire to wear girls' clothes.

starting when i was 13, i would stay up late at night playing with makeup after everyone was asleep ... it felt nice to wear, but looking in the mirror just made me feel like "welp ... this sucks ..."

The first time in public was at church camp when i was maybe 15 ... I was hanging out with this girl, and we decided it would be fun to switch clothes ... the look on the pastor's face when he saw us made me feel soooo ashamed!

The first time I seriously tried in earnest to look female in private, with my fiance looking, I felt relief.

Until I was around 5, my mom used me time to time as a 'model' when she was making dresses for her friend's daughter (born a couple of days before me).
I remember it felt natural.
It's maybe how everything started...

For me...it just felt comfortable, it felt right, it felt like what I should be wearing.

yea, that feeling of being so right just stayed in my mind

I felt horny.

I no longer feel that way when I wear female clothes since starting HRT.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 22, 2014, 06:57:56 AM
yea, that feeling of being so right just stayed in my mind

Yeah, I remember having to wear my cousin's panties when all my underwear were in the laundry. It just felt right and normal. I got to where I would throw clean underwear in the dirty clothes just to feel normal.

Quote from: Hideyoshi on August 22, 2014, 07:16:42 AM
I felt horny.

I no longer feel that way when I wear female clothes since starting HRT.

I started quite early so I didn't feel horny, but when I hit puberty all hell broke loose.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 22, 2014, 07:24:31 AM
I started quite early so I didn't feel horny, but when I hit puberty all hell broke loose.

The excitement never bit me. Even during puberty when the hormones run all over the place. maybe I'm just weird or abnormal. Or just that screwed up. ???

Quote from: Jess42 on August 22, 2014, 07:27:10 AM
The excitement never bit me. Even during puberty when the hormones run all over the place. maybe I'm just weird or abnormal. Or just that screwed up. ???

I don't know, dysphoria is a curious creature

Quote from: stephaniec on August 22, 2014, 07:37:20 AM
I don't know, dysphoria is a curious creature

Yeah it is. To me it was nothing more than feeling normal and comfortable. Clothing never ever has done anything other than make me feel natural. But my God, I never got all the "little soldier standing at attention" all the other boys got either during those certain ages. Like I said, I may just be weird or something not quite right.

I wasn't counting underwear in my initial reply to this topic. I was wearing panties long before, but I can't remember what that felt like the first time. I might have felt aroused then. My first pair were rather sexy (in my opinion. They weren't the kind that were designed to be sexy, but they appealed to me.)

Quote from: Jess42 on August 22, 2014, 08:13:56 AM
Yeah it is. To me it was nothing more than feeling normal and comfortable. Clothing never ever has done anything other than make me feel natural. But my God, I never got all the "little soldier standing at attention" all the other boys got either during those certain ages. Like I said, I may just be weird or something not quite right.

well puberty was hell, but before and after just like finding a comfortable chair

Quote from: stephaniec on August 22, 2014, 08:25:03 AM
well puberty was hell, but before and after just like finding a comfortable chair or putting your brain in a non twisted position

It just felt right for me when I got my first chance, and I have chased that feeling since.

I have a somewhat love hate relationship with crossdressing though, it feels right, but only as long as I don't catch a glimpse of myself doing it, then it reminds me of just how much of the journey to womanhood is still left.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 22, 2014, 08:25:03 AM
well puberty was hell, but before and after just like finding a comfortable chair

I hear you Stephanie. It was kind of a mixed blessing and curse at the same time. I got quite a name with the girls ironically just because it took so long. The girls would tell the guys and so on. The guys would ask me how. I had their respect even with a short "pencil". I felt like Dr. Freaking Ruth of my high school. It was also kind of awkward, 'cause it ain't big by a long shot and way shorter than other guys. :embarrassed: Being a lesbian was my saving grace. A lot of girls actually laughed. How's that for messed up? That is why I said I must be screwed up. ??? The only thing I really got out of puberty was little "A" cups and some pimples. It is still the same size now as it was when I was 11. But now, It ain;t no big thing, no pun intended. :)

The first time was when I was about 4 1/2. It was mom's pantyhose. It felt absolutely wonderful and liberating until I was caught then I felt extremely embarrassed.

When puberty kicked in though, ugh. He would stand at attention whenever I wore panties. When putting them on, it felt wonderful but when he decided to take over it kicked me back to reality. At one point I almost took a knife to it. I must have been like 11 or 12.

When mom and dad split I would sometimes spend a week or two at her house. She'd often leave me home alone. I didn't mind. I would try on all her stuff. Bras were a problem though as she is a 32C bordering on D. Padding them just didn't feel "right" either.

I was also intrigued and depressed to see my cousins go through puberty. One of them developed breasts really fast and full and she was like a B cup when she was 14. I was secretly envious... my mom would talk about her development too, made me even more jealous.

Quote from: Jess42 on August 22, 2014, 08:37:12 AM
I hear you Stephanie. It was kind of a mixed blessing and curse at the same time. I got quite a name with the girls ironically just because it took so long. The girls would tell the guys and so on. The guys would ask me how. I had their respect even with a short "pencil". I felt like Dr. Freaking Ruth of my high school. It was also kind of awkward, 'cause it ain't big by a long shot and way shorter than other guys. :embarrassed: Being a lesbian was my saving grace. A lot of girls actually laughed. How's that for messed up? That is why I said I must be screwed up. ??? The only thing I really got out of puberty was little "A" cups and some pimples. It is still the same size now as it was when I was 11. But now, It ain;t no big thing, no pun intended. :)

well, mines got quite a bit shorter since HRT

Quote from: stephaniec on August 22, 2014, 08:42:22 AM
well, mines got quite a bit shorter since HRT

It used to get me laughed at all the time, especially during PE. :P And not to mention Basic Training and AIT in the military. I tried to take showers after the shower time or at least one of the last ones in line. AIT wasn't that bad 'cause I could take a shower after everyone else went their bunks to sleep. During the rest of the four year, no problem. Private bathrooms in the barracks. Unless we went to NTC at FT Irwin and then the same deal as AIT, after everyone went to sleep in tent city. Yeah it was a little embarrassing. But now, thank God. :P

Quote from: Paeonia on August 22, 2014, 08:35:08 AM
It just felt right for me when I got my first chance, and I have chased that feeling since.

I have a somewhat love hate relationship with crossdressing though, it feels right, but only as long as I don't catch a glimpse of myself doing it, then it reminds me of just how much of the journey to womanhood is still left.

I am the same...I try to avoid the mirrors in my house when I am dressed, because I don't want to be reminded of what needs to be done.

Quote from: Hideyoshi on August 22, 2014, 07:16:42 AM
I felt horny.

I no longer feel that way when I wear female clothes since starting HRT.

It was the same for me. And this caused that I was confused for many years. Now on HRT I don't feel any major arousal anymore, it just feels good and normal.

Let me just hop into my phonebox and see what happened when I first crossdressed. ;)

I was about 6 when I first tried wearing girl's clothes. I don't really remember experiencing any kind of sexual pleasure while wearing the clothes. I've never "played" with myself, either. Wearing skirts or dresses for me is not much different to wearing shorts and trousers.

Quote from: Sarah84 on August 23, 2014, 04:24:37 AM
It was the same for me. And this caused that I was confused for many years. Now on HRT I don't feel any major arousal anymore, it just feels good and normal.

it seems HRT does an amazing job of untwisting the brain back to normal

It felt very euphoric.

Now, I briefly feel horny followed by comfort.  It feels quite normal to me.

I felt confused.

I was 4ish and dressed as my mum knew.
It didn't make sense what was wrong and why. It felt so normal.
I usually cried as I was forced to put on boy clothes. It still is a very strong memory and awful.
Hated wearing pants early on.

Things changed when I was 9. It could have been wonderful but alas. :'(

I felt euphoria, comfortable happy, and nervous incase someone will see me

Quote from: Mikaela_ on August 23, 2014, 06:24:48 AM
I felt euphoria, comfortable happy, and nervous incase someone will see me

the fear my sister would catch me  with her dress on

"What is wrong with me?" is what I thought to myself, and I was pretty disgusted later.

My urge was so strong that night, that I stole my mom's clothes from right under her nose while she was sleeping. I realized that the urge was really strong, and I risked getting caught just to see how it felt.

I was 14-15, I thought I looked pretty good, I had a huge mirror in my room. lol.

I quietly put her clothes back where it belonged.

I felt like I was possessed by a female demon that night. At least that's what I thought the next day.

Depression. Because whenever I put on anything feminine, it didn't make me look female like I wanted to look, it just made me look like a cross-dresser.

It's always been very physical for me. If I could have actually looked female while doing it, maybe I would have done it more, but with my hideous massive pre-transition body, I didn't even bother. For me, it was always about actually being a girl, not just dressing up like a girl.

I'd maybe cross-dressed once before I started hormones.

I was much more likely to do things like tape certain genital anatomy to my body so that I could experience, even for a short painful time, the feeling of looking down and seeing an flat pubis, or sticking water balloons in my shirt to give myself fake boobs. An the first time I did those, they felt VERY good. I did that a hell of a lot. Because even though it was painful, it let me feel whole for just a few short hours.

I don't remember.  I was too young to feel anything at all.  There was a dress lying around, I put it on without even thinking about it.  I didn't really know what I was doing.

I soon found out what I was doing--something very, very bad.  It was made clear to me that I would never, ever, ever do that again.  So of course I never did.  I always obeyed my parents.

Quote from: Foxglove on August 23, 2014, 02:51:01 PM
I don't remember.  I was too young to feel anything at all.  There was a dress lying around, I put it on without even thinking about it.  I didn't really know what I was doing.

I soon found out what I was doing--something very, very bad.  It was made clear to me that I would never, ever, ever do that again.  So of course I never did.  I always obeyed my parents.

wow

Quote from: Foxglove on August 23, 2014, 02:51:01 PM
I don't remember.  I was too young to feel anything at all.  There was a dress lying around, I put it on without even thinking about it.  I didn't really know what I was doing.

I soon found out what I was doing--something very, very bad.  It was made clear to me that I would never, ever, ever do that again.  So of course I never did.  I always obeyed my parents.

*sigh*

Sounds a lot like my childhood. I was too scared of my dad's reaction to dress or do anything feminine even in secret. :(

I was pretty lucky, my parents knew , but never confronted me

Quote from: Hideyoshi on August 22, 2014, 07:16:42 AM
I felt horny.

I no longer feel that way when I wear female clothes since starting HRT.

THIS.

But also...

EUPHORIA.

The first time I can remember, was about age 13 visiting at my aunt's house in another city.

My aunt had big beautiful breasts, and I wanted to have those, too.

I slept many times in one of the bedrooms of her big house, where she had lots of spare female "goodies" such as extra bras.

I now confess, I tried them on many times.

I slept much or most of the nights wearing them.

I was scared to death she would wake up, and find me sleeping in her bras.

She was an early riser, at usually 5 am.  So I always need to wake up very early, carefully take her bra off that I had been sleeping in, and try to fold it and put it back in the dresser drawer in a way that, I desperately hoped, she wouldn't notice.

Was I successful in my stealth?  I never lied to hier, she never asked, so maybe she never knew.

Or maybe she DID know, but just said nothing.

Who knows?

To me, breasts are the ESSENCE of physical femininity.

It is really quite simple:

1) Girls have breasts.

2) Men don't have breasts (other than ugly MOOBS sometimes).

NOW I HAVE MY OWN BREASTS.  My female boss at the University was staring at my breasts about 75% of the time she was talking to me this morning, for a good solid 3 minutes.

:)

Quote from: JohannaJohn on August 23, 2014, 08:06:09 PM
It is really quite simple:

1) Girls have breasts.

2) Men don't have breasts (other than ugly MOOBS sometimes).

NOW I HAVE MY OWN BREASTS.  My female boss at the University was staring at my breasts about 75% of the time she was talking to me this morning, for a good solid 3 minutes.

:)

I have breasts not MOOBS. I have had them since I was in my early teens. The Dr. that did diagnose the Gynecomastia said that he could give me testosterone, which I really don't think I could have handled or have surgery to remove them. Hmmm.. I didn't think so. So I kept them.

Female boss staring at your breasts. Isn't that sexual harassment? Or for us gender elation?

Quote from: Jess42 on August 23, 2014, 08:15:39 PM
I have breasts not MOOBS. I have had them since I was in my early teens. The Dr. that did diagnose the Gynecomastia said that he could give me testosterone, which I really don't think I could have handled or have surgery to remove them. Hmmm.. I didn't think so. So I kept them.

Female boss staring at your breasts. Isn't that sexual harassment? Or for us gender elation?

GENDER ELATION!!!!!

Johanna.
FEMALE.

Quote from: Jess42 on August 23, 2014, 08:15:39 PM
I have breasts not MOOBS. I have had them since I was in my early teens. The Dr. that did diagnose the Gynecomastia said that he could give me testosterone, which I really don't think I could have handled or have surgery to remove them. Hmmm.. I didn't think so. So I kept them.

Female boss staring at your breasts. Isn't that sexual harassment? Or for us gender elation?

Or depending on the beard shadow or mustache - just straight up queer? ;D

Quote from: Foxglove on August 23, 2014, 02:51:01 PM
  It was made clear to me that I would never, ever, ever do that again.  So of course I never did.  I always obeyed my parents.

I was of course joking about this part.  I didn't always obey my parents.  But they were the real fire and brimstone type, and if they'd ever found out what was going on inside me, there would have been hell to pay.  I believe that if they'd found out, I wouldn't have survived.  I mean that literally.  I wouldn't have survived.  There are LGBT people who eventually die because of what was done to them when it was discovered they were what they were.  I believe I would have been one of them.

And I did come desperately close to getting caught two or three times. Gives me the shivers when I think about it.

I was around 4. It felt "correct". When I was in fourth grade, I appeared in a school play as an elf, had to wear rights. That's where the euphoria started.

Quote from: EllieM on August 24, 2014, 05:47:55 AM
I was around 4. It felt "correct". When I was in fourth grade, I appeared in a school play as an elf, had to wear rights. That's where the euphoria started.

I started back  then, but with the changing of my body on HRT the feel of correctness is so real,