Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all, Today was the hardest day of my life...I am 57, soon to be 58. I have held in and hidden the fact I have always wanted to be female. In my preteen and teen age years I would slip into my sister room, steal her clothing, when none was around I would dress up and walk around the house. I have been in the closet for about 50 years now...Two months ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I was heartbroken and devastated, my entire world collapsed. She also told me we could no longer afford to pay the property taxes on our home...long story short, we should lose the house by the end of the year. When she told she wanted a divorce my first thoughts were "she found out" I felt completely alone in the world, I didn't know what to do, where to go, or who to turn to...I was completely lost. As the days passed I became more and more depressed and feeling hopeless. I kept asking why did I have to be like this? Why was I born this way? I don't want to be like this...I just want to be normal...I realized that I hated my self and have for most of my life, never feeling good enough, always ashamed, guilty, hiding in a closet if you will. I sat and asked God if He would forgive me if I took my own life. I love to pray and talk to God, one day about 10 days ago I was on my knees asking again "why" then I admitted to Him that I was gay and always wanted to be a girl, and asked for forgiveness and what should I do? It felt like someone turned a switch on or off I am sure which way, but I knew everything would be ok. A few days went by and I decided it was time to come clean, get help and let the chip fall where they may. Today, I told my mother I was gay and had always wanted to be girl, I cried like a little girl while telling her. She just smiled and said, you are mine, I will always love you no matter what, don't ever be afraid to come to me...I love you!

Hi Frankie..
Your story really brought a tear to my eye, thanks so much for sharing, and joining the forum here..
I'm 54, so I can understand what the years can do to us.. We also lost our home 3 years ago, its a terrible feeling..
Please feel free to use the resources here, and the knowledge and experiences those here have had, I know everyone will be happy to help in any way..
Welcome again,
Mark

What a refreshing revelation. Coming out to your mom and her being so accepting is just bonus. Welcome to Susan's where you are welcome to share your journey with its highs and lows. I'm glad you chose life as you may find that life can now really begin.


Here are some links to site rules and answers to often asked questions. I hope you read them and feel at home. Have some cookies and you will find new friends fairly quickly I think.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
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You guys...you're making me cry...THANK YOU...

Plenty of tissue boxes around.  You might find that we turn into a second family of sorts.

Welcome! I'm so glad you've found some support in your personal life. That can be a really great thing. :)

I'm also glad you've found your way here. There's lots of great people, lots of great wisdom, insight, and experience to learn from. :)

I can see I am going to love being here, I have shied away from people all my life and was always called a loner, ignorant, stuck up, etc...I hope to make many friends and maybe some new family too!
xoxoxo <3

Frankie
I am sorry you are loosing your home and wife and glad you are feeling better.
You inspired me. I am 52 and been holding things in praying every night God will take me but never happens. You inspired me to pray for forgiveness and strength. I need that switch to flip and feel everything will be ok. Thank you for sharing. You helped me!!

Hi Melanie, wow such a pretty name :) I am very much into the bible, I have also prayed that God take me home where I won't have to be confused and suffer with this anymore, one day He will, I continue to ask for forgiveness for being born this way. I have suppressed and denied this as long as I can remember, I am not sure that I know what "normal" is or feels like. I don't think I ever felt like a man inside. I knew around 6 or 7 years old there was something different about me, maybe it was that I had the biggest crush on Glen Campbell (the singer) back in the early 60's when people didn't talk about these things let along tell your parents or family doctor. This dysphoria has made me shy away from people for fear someone would see me for who I and what I really am. I am glad you feel better. If you ever need to talk I am here, I could use some friends like me.

Frankie
I did pray for help and it helped me so far but I still need strength talking with my wife and family. We are so much alike growing up in the 60s when you had to hide our feelings. I felt this way since I was 4. I'll keep praying.

Melanie

Keep praying, I prayed for a favor for 16 years before it was answered. He will answer, He is a God of mercy. I have been praying for relief from this (one way or the other) for years, I like to add at the end of my prayer " Lord, let it be to me according to your will, if this is the cross that I must carry, so be it" I will also pray for you.