Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Sorry I had to ask it. Also do we have to share our past when dating? I know a transwoman who didn't tell her husband for twenty five years!

Depends on your definition, I suppose.

I've never dated them, but I've met several men who are "trans-oriented" who are very respectful and polite.

To make an all encompassing statement like that is unfair. Yes there are the perverts out there but there are also nice guys who have a slightly different sexuality then most.

beauty is in the mind of the beholder.  One person's perversion is another's passion?

I think it depends. I have to ask WHY someone would prefer a transsexual over someone who is cis. The only difference is that we have parts of our bodies that are different and we are often not at peace with, so my guards go up when someone says they prefer trans people. Some people fetishize trans people based on the parts we hate about ourselves (or often hate about ourselves), like I've heard more than one story where a guy gets with a trans woman and then when she wants surgery he tries to convince her not to get it or he wants to leave her. I think that's bull and that suggests to me that they care more about the sexual aspect than about the person.

Quote from: birkin on August 25, 2014, 12:26:48 PM
I think it depends. I have to ask WHY someone would prefer a transsexual over someone who is cis. The only difference is that we have parts of our bodies that are different and we are often not at peace with, so my guards go up when someone says they prefer trans people. Some people fetishize trans people based on the parts we hate about ourselves (or often hate about ourselves), like I've heard more than one story where a guy gets with a trans woman and then when she wants surgery he tries to convince her not to get it or he wants to leave her. I think that's bull and that suggests to me that they care more about the sexual aspect than about the person.

I'm an equal opportunist. :laugh: A guy's wife decides one day to have a phalloplasty. He tries to convince her that it would not be in the interest of their relationship if she goes ahead with it. The wife then chastises her husband for being too fixated on genitals and for not transcending the sexual aspect. I wonder how many guy's would be so laid back about being placed in such predicament. And those that break up the relationship solely because of this aspect, are they all 'perverts'?

Some are, some aren't. There is nothing wrong with being a pervert so long as it's all safe, sane and consensual.

Rosie

I don't think I'd want to be anyone's fetish. I want someone who loves me for me. All of me.

As for telling them about your past, that's really your choice and is a pretty controversial issue. I don't know how I'd feel if that secret was kept from me for 25 years. I know some people say if you're passable and/or transitioned when young you can get away with it and go deep stealth, but it could catch up with you and the results could be devastating.

The ideal person would be someone who loves you for you and who you are. Not because of who you are, not in spite of it, but someone who loves you and accepts you with all of your qualities.

Hmmm......

Are all British people pasty?

Do all men have big muscles?

These sorts of questions don't have definitive answers. If you meet a dude and he's a pervert...well, then HE is a pervert.

As far as telling people, that's up to the individual. Personally, as someone just starting and wary of problems.....I think it's better to just get it out there and deal accordingly. Don't want someone to beat me up thinking they "had a reason" in my silence on the issue.

Finally, do I see transwomen as something unusual? Nope. We just had a condition for which we rec'd treatment. Like hormonal braces to straighten our bodies.

It also depends on your definition of pervert. If you are some ultra conservative church lady, walking around in shorts makes you a pervert.
It is my belief that everyone has their own kink, furries bdsm foot fetish and many other types of fetishes. So to me even the ->-bleeped-<-s aren't perverts, they may be jerks scum of the earth bottom feeders that try to take advantage of vulnerable trans women but not perverts. Men that happen to like the feel of a woman but just happen to want to be penetrated with a penis can be decent caring guys who will be helpful and supportive of the trans woman's needs and no way is that perverted.

The people of nambla I would consider perverts.

I really wish we could avoid using this word "pervert".  It's applied to us so often, I have a hard time applying it to anyone else, no matter who they are.  If they're really bad people, why not say, "really bad people"?

It seems odd to me, too, that we should label people who are attracted to us "perverts".  What does that say about us?  "You'd have to be a pervert to be attracted to me."

And finally, if word got out that we transsexuals are calling certain people perverts, I can hear all our dedicated enemies roaring with laughter.  "The pot and the kettle, eh?"

I think men (or women, for that matter) who are attracted to pre-op trans women are far, far too demonized by our community. Here's why I think so:

The person is attracted to a woman with a penis. That isn't inherently wrong, just as it isn't wrong for someone to be attracted to the same sex. The person does not get to decide their sexuality.

The second stage would be the personality. Is the person objectifying their point of attraction with no interest in/respect for the trans woman's humanity? If so, then this is a problem. If not, then it is the same as anyone else seeking out a partner who fits their sexual needs.

Since it has been established that objectification is a problem, let's move onto the alternative. The man (or again, woman) wants to enter a relationship with a pre-op trans woman and enjoy her company, respect her needs, and so on. I think this is completely fine.

Finally, the question comes up of how the man/woman will react if the trans woman desires GRS. I think it's unfair to demonize someone who would not want to stay in the relationship -- the same way it's not necessarily fair to demonize someone who feels uncomfortable with a transitioning partner. It disregards the man/woman's sexuality, and makes it difficult for them to fulfill the needs they initially set out for. I think, with that in mind, it would be wise to discuss wishes for both parties when entering a relationship. If there is a desire for GRS and the partner opposes it, then it may not be a good idea to proceed; in that same vein, it shouldn't be assumed that all trans women have a problem with retaining their initial genitals. Not all trans women mind having a penis.

It would be an issue if one party lied about their desires or their intentions during the relationship's onset. Otherwise, I think there is no issue, and that humans should be free to pursue happiness -- it is a question of individuality.

Edit: some of my prose was irritating me.

i think it would be incredibly unfair and mean to class a guy who is attracted to transpeople in general as perverts. in my opinion its the same as being gay, or even trans, you cant control it, so saying that they are perverts by default is wrong to me.

personally i find vaginas a bit disgusting and weird, where penis seem more normal, however i am not completely attracted to just guys, as hot as they may be, as i think the female body is a beautiful and amazing thing.

might sound weird, but that's just how it is

Quote from: Sybil on August 25, 2014, 01:39:45 PM
I think men (or women, for that matter) who are attracted to pre-op trans women are far, far too demonized by our community. Here's why I think so:

The person is attracted to a woman with a penis. That isn't inherently wrong, just as it isn't wrong for someone to be attracted to the same sex. The person does not get to decide their sexuality.

The second stage would be the personality. Is the person objectifying their point of attraction with no interest in/respect for the trans woman's humanity? If so, then this is a problem. If not, then it is the same as anyone else seeking out a partner who fits their sexual needs.

Since it has been established that objectification is a problem, let's move onto the alternative. The man (or again, woman) wants to enter a relationship with a pre-op trans woman and enjoy her company, respect her needs, and so on. I think this is completely fine.

Finally, the question comes up of how will the man/woman react if the trans woman desires GRS. I think it's unfair to demonize someone who would not want to stay in the relationship -- the same way it's not necessarily fair to demonize someone who feels uncomfortable with a transitioning partner. It disregards the man/woman's sexuality, and makes it difficult for them to fulfill the needs they initially set out for. I think, with that in mind, it would be wise to discuss wishes for both parties when entering a relationship. If there is a desire to get GRS, then it may not be a good idea to enter a relationship; in that same vein, it shouldn't be assumed that all trans women have a problem with retaining their initial genitals. Not all trans women mind having a penis.

It would be an issue if one party lied about their desires or their intentions during the relationship's onset. Otherwise, I think there is no issue, and that humans should be free to pursue happiness.

Thank you for the insight. I have learned something new. People attracted to trans people do not choose their attraction. It is their very nature. Just like gay people do not choose their sexual orientation. My apologies if I made anyone feel bad. -Jaz

I hate "->-bleeped-<-s".
These guys only want you for your body and what extra parts you have.
They do not want to get to know you and you will never change them. You'll never have them love you.

With the exception of children and violence, there is no such thing as "perverse" It is an abstract nothing that is entirely fictional and arbitrary.

I'm sorry, but I don't much care for your title...
In fact as a CIS guy who adores many trans people, I'm kind of insulted anyone would even ask if I am a pervert for doing so..??
I better not say any more on this.. *bites tongue*

Quote from: Nicole on August 25, 2014, 06:21:29 PM
I hate "->-bleeped-<-s".
These guys only want you for your body and what extra parts you have.
They do not want to get to know you and you will never change them. You'll never have them love you.

what are ->-bleeped-<-s? Like guys who chase transsexuals?

Quote from: Mark3 on August 25, 2014, 08:51:45 PM
I'm sorry, but I don't much care for your title...
In fact as a CIS guy who adores many trans people, I'm kind of insulted anyone would even ask if I am a pervert for doing so..??
I better not say any more on this.. *bites tongue*

Sorry if I insulted you. I really am. I'm new to all of this, and I'm just trying to learn. I've never met other trans friends, and I do not know any guys who like trans people. Sorry again to you, and to anybody I offended.

Quote from: Jaz650 on August 25, 2014, 09:08:07 PM
what are ->-bleeped-<-s? Like guys who chase transsexuals?

I might be showing my age, but its a term for men who want the "she-male" type of transgendered female.

It's like they hunt for them, they want the female body, yet want a penis that acts like its still on a male.

On facebook about 3 years ago (this made me get very tight with who I add) I had a guy add me, all he wanted to know was if I had srs or not, when I wouldn't tell him he went insane, calling me every name under the sun and said that "->-bleeped-<-'s should get their di*ks removed because of guys like him".

I was shocked, my facebook account went into full lockdown after that.

Quote from: Jaz650 on August 25, 2014, 09:11:45 PM
Sorry if I insulted you. I really am. I'm new to all of this, and I'm just trying to learn. I've never met other trans friends, and I do not know any guys who like trans people. Sorry again to you, and to anybody I offended.

Its okay, I think I know what you really meant by it...  :)
I'd just respectfully suggest that you choose your words more carefully, I have a tough skin, but some here are in a fragile place emotionally, and words that might not bother you or I, might hurt others feelings..

Just an observation, I dont think men(or women for that matter) cis or otherwise are the problem. I think its individual ppl who are. Its like thinking from an entirely cis-male point of view, they like certain body parts, they might be a 'boobs' or 'ass' men etc, like long legs and so on. Yes they probably almost fetish those body parts, but they are essentially just physical markers that turns them on enough to gain the courage to go speak/chat/flirt/get to know the person. Do some of them turn out to be idiots and "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s" sure, but maybe some of them actually fall in love with YOU. Coz you know essentially if we are worried about 'pervs' you might as well forget men in general, they all do it, and Im pretty sure some of you used to be that way too along time ago. One of our strengths over cis-genders, is we have a unique position of seeing both sides of the coin. Dont forget it :)

Quote from: Nicole on August 25, 2014, 09:24:20 PM
I might be showing my age, but its a term for men who want the "she-male" type of transgendered female.

It's like they hunt for them, they want the female body, yet want a penis that acts like its still on a male.

On facebook about 3 years ago (this made me get very tight with who I add) I had a guy add me, all he wanted to know was if I had srs or not, when I wouldn't tell him he went insane, calling me every name under the sun and said that "->-bleeped-<-'s should get their di*ks removed because of guys like him".

I was shocked, my facebook account went into full lockdown after

Oh gosh that's terrifying! That's actually what I meant when I used the word "pervert". I will rephrase my question: Are all guys who like transsexuals "->-bleeped-<-s"? Or are there good guys who actually want to fall in love with trans women?

To be completely honest... Yeah, I used to think that any person who had a preference for trans people were perverts who had zero respect to the people they're attracted to. It was only until very recently that I started to reconsider (nothing happened to make me change my mind, either - it was completely out of the blue lol).

Now though, I can see how it's not too much different from having a preference for any other type of body part.

I hope this isn't inappropriate or offensive, but.. there're guys who prefer different shaped vagina's in women - long labia minora, hairy, chubby.. And it just so happens that some people prefer women with penises, or men with vagina's.

I used to think "If you're so attracted to penises, why don't you just date cis men?" or "If you're so attracted to vagina's, why don't you just date cis women?", but then I got to thinking that maybe it isn't just about genitals.

I mean, if it was, it would be so much easier to just do what I just said - date cis people with the genitals they're attracted to. So I figure there must be more to it, right?

With that said, though, I don't think it's unreasonable for a trans person to feel uncomfortable around, and refuse to date people who want to date them because they're attracted to their genitals - I know it would make me uncomfortable if someone was attracted to that part of me, because I would be afraid that if I ever decided to physically transition in the future.. That they'd no longer be attracted to me, and leave.

And since a lot of trans people want to transition, or feel like they might want to someday, it makes sense that few would be comfortable with that - and that's something people with that sort of attraction should acknowledge and respect.

On the flip side, I suppose for some trans people, having someone love that part of you can feel amazing, because most people treat us like we're disgusting and unlovable for the same reason some people are attracted to us.


Anyway, I'm sorry that was really unorganized. I hope it made sense, at least.  :eusa_doh:

Quote from: Jaz650 on August 25, 2014, 09:31:52 PM
I will rephrase my question: Are all guys who like transsexuals "->-bleeped-<-s"? Or are there good guys who actually want to fall in love with trans women?

Thank you for asking that so well, I'm Happy to reply to that..  :)
Most guys on my Fb page who also are attracted to trans women, are mostly just attracted to women in general.. I know there are stalkers or preditors out there, but the same can be said about guys who chase models, celebs etc.. I run 3 woman's fashion pages and the biggest Andreja Pejic trans fan page on Fb, and I can tell you for a fact we get far more rude, sexist and disrespectful comments and emails on the woman's general fashion pages by far than on the trans celeb fan page,..

As for me, my attractions started on my fashion pages, I love models and fashion, and when I discovered trans supermodels like Ines Rau, Andreja, Lea T, Carmen Carrara, Niki Mnray etc I was just blown away.. From there i met and befriended several trans women, and learned more and more, and began to develops the passion as Ally I am today.. Because of the other fan pages I do, I'm pretty well immersed in trans issues and stuff every day...
Well that's my view & story, for what its worth...?

Quote from: Mark3 on August 25, 2014, 10:07:07 PM


Thank you for asking that so well, I'm Happy to reply to that..  :)
Most guys on my Fb page who also are attracted to trans women, are mostly just attracted to women in general.. I know there are stalkers or preditors out there, but the same can be said about guys who chase models, celebs etc.. I run 3 woman's fashion pages and the biggest Andreja Pejic trans fan page on Fb, and I can tell you for a fact we get far more rude, sexist and disrespectful comments and emails on the woman's general fashion pages by far than on the trans celeb fan page,..

As for me, my attractions started on my fashion pages, I love models and fashion, and when I discovered trans supermodels like Ines Rau, Andreja, Lea T, Carmen Carrara, Niki Mnray etc I was just blown away.. From there i met and befriended several trans women, and learned more and more, and began to develops the passion as Ally I am today.. Because of the other fan pages I do, I'm pretty well immersed in trans issues and stuff every day...
Well that's my view & story, for what its worth...?

interesting very interesting.

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on August 25, 2014, 10:06:03 PM
To be completely honest... Yeah, I used to think that any person who had a preference for trans people were perverts who had zero respect to the people they're attracted to. It was only until very recently that I started to reconsider (nothing happened to make me change my mind, either - it was completely out of the blue lol).

Now though, I can see how it's not too much different from having a preference for any other type of body part.

I hope this isn't inappropriate or offensive, but.. there're guys who prefer different shaped vagina's in women - long labia minora, hairy, chubby.. And it just so happens that some people prefer women with penises, or men with vagina's.

I used to think "If you're so attracted to penises, why don't you just date cis men?" or "If you're so attracted to vagina's, why don't you just date cis women?", but then I got to thinking that maybe it isn't just about genitals.

I mean, if it was, it would be so much easier to just do what I just said - date cis people with the genitals they're attracted to. So I figure there must be more to it, right?

With that said, though, I don't think it's unreasonable for a trans person to feel uncomfortable around, and refuse to date people who want to date them because they're attracted to their genitals - I know it would make me uncomfortable if someone was attracted to that part of me, because I would be afraid that if I ever decided to physically transition in the future.. That they'd no longer be attracted to me, and leave.

And since a lot of trans people want to transition, or feel like they might want to someday, it makes sense that few would be comfortable with that - and that's something people with that sort of attraction should acknowledge and respect.

On the flip side, I suppose for some trans people, having someone love that part of you can feel amazing, because most people treat us like we're disgusting and unlovable for the same reason some people are attracted to us.


Anyway, I'm sorry that was really unorganized. I hope it made sense, at least.  :eusa_doh:

I wouldn't date a guy who liked my penis. That's freaking disgusting, at least to me. Un less we would go on with our lives celibate till after SRS and after marriage and we must be head over heels for each other. I wouldn't have sex with a guy anyways, until after we were married in front of a priest. Have to go take my hormones!

Quote from: Mark3 on August 25, 2014, 08:51:45 PM
I'm sorry, but I don't much care for your title...
In fact as a CIS guy who adores many trans people, I'm kind of insulted anyone would even ask if I am a pervert for doing so..??
I better not say any more on this.. *bites tongue*

I understand how you can be frustrated Mark.  Many trans women that are new don't quite grasp realities and terminologies. 

In my opinion, I say "no". By far not all men are perverts.  Unfortunately the few men that view transsexualism as a fetish or fantasy stand out in the crowd.

Quote from: monica93304 on August 26, 2014, 12:36:58 AM
I understand how you can be frustrated Mark.  Many trans women that are new don't quite grasp realities and terminologies. 

In my opinion, I say "no". By far not all men are perverts.  Unfortunately the few men that view transsexualism as a fetish or fantasy stand out in the crowd.

Thanks.. Yes I'm realizing that..  :)
But honestly, I don't know of any trans/trans couples.? Of all the life stories and videos and blogs I see, trans couples are always trans/CIS..? Maybe I'm wrong.??

I kinda feel that anyone interested in dating/relationship with a trans woman must deal with her with such extra sensitivity on so many emotional/mental levels, that with all of that effort and care he needs to have, the bond of love, if it happens, would be much deeper than with most CIS women who never faced any of these personal transgender feelings..? Because of that, maybe sex or which genitalia is there wouldn't matter so much, because of the deeper emotional bond.??

Quote from: Mark3 on August 26, 2014, 01:13:05 AM

I kinda feel that anyone interested in dating/relationship with a trans woman must deal with her with such extra sensitivity on so many emotional/mental levels, that with all of that effort and care he needs to have, the bond of love, if it happens, would be much deeper than with most CIS women who never faced any of these personal transgender feelings..? Because of that, maybe sex or which genitalia is there wouldn't matter so much, because of the deeper emotional bond.??

Yes...

Depends on the person....but a lot of (very masculine, 'straight')  'admirers' have tv/cd or even ts tendencies themselves....and I'm most certainly not into women, 'hidden inside' or not.

Those 'admirers' tend to like MTF not for who they are, but for what they are and (secretly) wish they could be themselves.

Fine with me, but count me out. I keep that kind of guys at an arm's length distance...and/or run away as fast as I can.

Quote from: Mark3 on August 26, 2014, 01:13:05 AM

But honestly, I don't know of any trans/trans couples.? Of all the life stories and videos and blogs I see, trans couples are always trans/CIS..? Maybe I'm wrong.??

Almost all ts/cis couples consist of mtf and a ciswoman (who stayed after hubby transitioned to MTF)
I know several mtf/mtf couples who met post transition that is.

I also know wives/gf's of MTF who -understably-  quit the relationship for not being a lesbian and not willing to invest in a "one way relationship" with someone who's totally self absorbed because of transitioning etc.
And not willing to trade hubby's ID crisis for one of their own.

OK, this is just the way I see it. There are good guys and there are bad guys. Guys that like trans women I consider straight, Girls that like trans men, I consider straight. Then the other sexual orientations in between. You have really good guys out there and you have really bad guys out there.

To me a ->-bleeped-<- is like a Dawg, hit it, get it and gone. There are guys out there that do the same thing to cis women. While it may be the one thing these few guys like about us, there is only one thing that some guys like about cis women. So really they are one in the same. If a guy likes trans women and it is the person they are more interested in then they are good guys, just like if a guy like cis women and it is the person they are interested in they are good guys.

Quote from: Mark3 on August 26, 2014, 01:13:05 AM

I kinda feel that anyone interested in dating/relationship with a trans woman must deal with her with such extra sensitivity on so many emotional/mental levels, that with all of that effort and care he needs to have, the bond of love, if it happens, would be much deeper than with most CIS women who never faced any of these personal transgender feelings..? Because of that, maybe sex or which genitalia is there wouldn't matter so much, because of the deeper emotional bond.??

That is the whole thing right there. You deserve a cookie Mark. It's about emotional bonds and maybe later on love. Sex and genitalia and so on should take a backseat to the person and getting to know that person on deeper levels.

Dawgs are Dawgs and no matter what they prefer cis or trans, it is all about sex in their minds first and foremost.

Quote from: Dahlia on August 26, 2014, 06:39:21 AM
Those 'admirers' tend to like MTF not for who they are, but for what they are and (secretly) wish they could be themselves

Dahlia, you've nailed it.  If a guy is interested in me because of what I am, then yeah, there's a chance that he's a "pervert".  If he's interested in me because of who I am, then no, it's just regular attraction.  It's the same for any fetish - it's an attraction to a specific characteristic or act, not an attraction to the person as a whole.

Whether that's right or wrong, good or bad, is a whole different conversation...

Quote from: Brenda E on August 26, 2014, 08:50:34 AM
Dahlia, you've nailed it.  If a guy is interested in me because of what I am, then yeah, there's a chance that he's a "pervert".  If he's interested in me because of who I am, then no, it's just regular attraction.  It's the same for any fetish - it's an attraction to a specific characteristic or act, not an attraction to the person as a whole.

Whether that's right or wrong, good or bad, is a whole different conversation...

I like that! That they like me for me. I can live with that. They have to like me as a person. See when I was younger, I tried dating straight guys without them knowing, so that hopefully they'd fall in love with me before they found out. Hopefully they'd fall in love with as a person before they found out I was trans. I was disappointed a lot.

Great question and no need to rephrase because I know what your mind is wondering.  There is no definitive answer because it would depend on sexual preferences, orientation, etc. To me, some are and some are not. I've met mostly 'nots'. I will offer up my experience in a quick synopsis with timeframes and you decide. To date I am pre-op or whatever-op.
Senior HS year – First boyfriend. He knew and some of my school mates knew of my pre-op. We never had sex.  He was the football star and 'the' guy. Had a huge crush on me and walked me to some of my classes, etc. normal stuff like that. Yes, some people gawked and all the other girls were jealous.
Age barely 18: Meet first husband. He was a marine. Never knew or had experience with a 't'girl. When I explained, he only saw me as a very unique woman. He called me his treasure and his rare jewel (as he put it). I experienced a military style wedding. He was my first love and still in my memories to this day. Divorce came about in unusual circumstances. He is presently married to a bio-woman.
Early to Late 20's:  Dating. Move to a resort town and work as a bartender in a high profile resort. Meet many men from all parts of the world. Get to meet and date some very interesting guys. I make an exception for the one guy whom all the girls want (he was all that!).  The intense attraction is mutual. I explain 'things'. He says nothing for a moment. Then, he says 'that is so cool'.  We are 'the' couple in town. He then moves to Florida but I do not follow. Long story. He is now married to a bio-woman.
Late 20's: Marry second husband.  He was a banker. He did not know or had any previous experience or thoughts of a girl like me. I explain and he was in disbelief. Tells me "I am still in love with you". That was first time he said he loved me. Divorce after 17 years. Sadness but has to be. He is now married to a bio-woman.
40's: Marry third husband. I purposely set out to look for someone who will know from the beginning. Someone who is kinda seeking a girl like me. And just like that, I meet him. He has never met a girl in my situation. He has two previous marriages (biowomen). When we met, it was a 'there you are'! type moment. We date for two years and marry. We raise his 2 year old son. Life is good. He is the love of my life and I his. To us, our families and the world, we are a beautiful couple and we celebrate our love
One day when I am old and wrinkled and hubby has passed before me, I lay on a morticians slab. The mortician will know. He will probably think "perverts, freaks".  So I leave you to decide :-)

Oh my, that's probably the most interesting love life I've ever read about..? The rest of us can only dream.....  :)

I kinda agree with those who think the best relationships are with guys who are sincerely looking for a trans partner specifically, rather than just falling into it by chance and not knowing at the start, but every relationship is different of course.? I think that is what your story (above) shows, at least in your case..

I can't say that I ever had to decide that, I've been married to the same woman my whole life and can't imagine that ever changing..
But if I was single again, 25, and knowing everything I know now..? Who knows, I might be very interested if I met the right trans woman.?
I certainly would be a very good father to a trans child, that's probably more of what my calling would be, rather than a relationship myself.

Quote from: Mark3 on August 26, 2014, 03:28:51 PM
Oh my, that's probably the most interesting love life I've ever read about..? The rest of us can only dream.....  :)

I kinda agree with those who think the best relationships are with guys who are sincerely looking for a trans partner specifically, rather than just falling into it by chance and not knowing at the start, but every relationship is different of course.? I think that is what your story (above) shows, at least in your case..

I can't say that I ever had to decide that, I've been married to the same woman my whole life and can't imagine that ever changing..
But if I was single again, 25, and knowing everything I know now..? Who knows, I might be very interested if I met the right trans woman.?
I certainly would be a very good father to a trans child, that's probably more of what my calling would be, rather than a relationship myself.

I truly wish there were more guys in the world like you. You got any older brothers or cousins that think like you? Just kidding. ;) But seriously though, any older brothers or cousins as sweet as you?

Quote from: herekitten on August 26, 2014, 11:56:49 AM

I lay on a morticians slab. The mortician will know. He will probably think "perverts, freaks".  So I leave you to decide :-)

Great story! I guess you're non op? Or not?

Quote from: Jaz650 on August 25, 2014, 09:31:52 PMI will rephrase my question: Are all guys who like transsexuals "->-bleeped-<-s"?

In the same spirit, I am changing the subject line for this thread. Some of the replies might not make a lot of sense after that, but I can't leave the topic heading as it is.

Of course, that action doesn't seem to affect everyone else's response subject lines. I'm working on that.

I deal with ->-bleeped-<-s on a regular basis and they creep me the hell out. I work as a waitress in a drag club a couple of nights a week and the ->-bleeped-<-s find it appropriate to say sexual things to me, try to touch me and follow me out to my car. Telling them I like girls isnt a good enough answer for them. I had a guy grab my crotch one night without any provocation, he quickly found out how bad a light jab to his adams apple hurts. Ive had them follow me into the bathroom in clubs. There is a reason I carry a switchblade and pepper spray in my purse, specifically for ->-bleeped-<-s.

Quote from: michelle666 on August 26, 2014, 04:00:58 PM
There is a reason I carry a switchblade and pepper spray in my purse, specifically for ->-bleeped-<-s.

Right on!

Quote from: michelle666 on August 26, 2014, 04:00:58 PM
I deal with ->-bleeped-<-s on a regular basis and they creep me the hell out. I work as a waitress in a drag club a couple of nights a week and the ->-bleeped-<-s find it appropriate to say sexual things to me, try to touch me and follow me out to my car. Telling them I like girls isnt a good enough answer for them. I had a guy grab my crotch one night without any provocation, he quickly found out how bad a light jab to his adams apple hurts. Ive had them follow me into the bathroom in clubs. There is a reason I carry a switchblade and pepper spray in my purse, specifically for ->-bleeped-<-s.

Not to make light of things michelle but send them my way, I'll show them all about what 666 is all about. >:-) But seriously though if you like girls and tell them they should respect that at least. Follow you into the bathroom and then violate you, good for you sis.

Nah. Pepper spray isn't good enough and switchblades are illegal. Tasers work really good and then when the idiot has to walk with a wet spot on his pants, that is priceless. ;D

I'm a man and I got no idea even what to think of myself. Honnestly its weird to explain but I like women and transsexuals too I guess. I'm a bit filosofical so I'm openminded to most things. So like I sed its hard to explain. I just love the feminine way of thinking and seeing women and transsexuals both have female hormones I guess that would be the same. That being sed If I would meet a transsexual woman I absolutly love, I wouldn't have issues with it. However it would make me feel good/trusted if she would tell she was transsexual after a while and not like wait years.  Finding out later on wouldn't make me feel cheated cause she is transsexual but rather because it would feel like she didn't trust me.

About the men ->-bleeped-<-s. I mostly find that there is a big society expectation to see everything in squares. Men are hunters, sexual, aggro, strong, ... Women are emotions, semi-sexual, happy, ... .
I suppose I'm not a part of such society cause every time I hear of men abusing women I think 'Why would you do that!' or when they shout things in the street. While of course I feel sexually attracted to women as well I just don't always feel/think about them sexually or judge them in my mind. If I would shout or do something mean like that I would feel extremely bad. The same also counts towards females judging males. I absolutely hate it when women think to know how/what I think cause I'm a man. And I feel there are many men like that out there who also wear masks above their kindness. In some way we aren't accepted by society.

Ugh like I have probably shown in my writing I'm confused about a lot of this subject. But perhaps one bottom-line as to my idea about transsexuals at this moment: I see transsexuals/women pretty equal when talking about falling in love. Besides that I would really love to chat/befriend/discuss (and suppose I have to say normal cause i'm male or hopefully for some that wasn't necessery) with some just to know more about them and hear their story as I feel transgender is something completely new to me.

To Me:

Who cares what you want to name them.

The ONLY thing that should matter is how they love,care, and treat us.

Quote from: Brenda E on August 26, 2014, 08:50:34 AM
Dahlia, you've nailed it.  If a guy is interested in me because of what I am, then yeah, there's a chance that he's a "pervert".  If he's interested in me because of who I am, then no, it's just regular attraction.  It's the same for any fetish - it's an attraction to a specific characteristic or act, not an attraction to the person as a whole.

Whether that's right or wrong, good or bad, is a whole different conversation...

100% agree with the post you quoted!!


From what I know with the "->-bleeped-<-s" that I've come across is that many of them are rude pigs.
While I'll never say that all are, a huge number on the internet are.

For some reason they want a pair of boobs & a dick, not the person, not the wonderful mind & heart and the second you think about SRS they dumb you.

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on August 25, 2014, 10:06:03 PM
I used to think "If you're so attracted to penises, why don't you just date cis men?" or "If you're so attracted to vagina's, why don't you just date cis women?", but then I got to thinking that maybe it isn't just about genitals.

that's the kind of thinking which kept me from even considering doing anything about my transness, for several years. i like guys, guys would love me with the body i have right now. why go through all the trouble to transition into a body that neither men nor women would like (because women couldn't possibly accept something as incomplete as a neo penis. etc.)
in the end i realized that's just bias learned from society and parents. nothing to do with reality, nothing to do with my own instinct and true feelings. opening my mind to minority sexualities also opened the door to my true self and enabled me to accept the person i really am.

Quote from: Jess42 on August 26, 2014, 08:23:35 AM
That is the whole thing right there. You deserve a cookie Mark. It's about emotional bonds and maybe later on love. Sex and genitalia and so on should take a backseat to the person and getting to know that person on deeper levels.

but genitalia matter. sex hormones matter. looks matter. the whole person matters when it comes to sexuality, everything from theri personality to the tiniest details of their body. but what parts matter differs from person to person. there are some body scents that i can't stand, no matter how perfect everything else of that person is, i wouldn't be able to have a good relationship with them. i can see the same with genitals, vagina or penis matters, but they stand apart from the person's looks, personality, gender, or sex hormones.
to me, genitals don't matter. but that's only me. if a guy can't love a woman "just" because she removes her penis, it's not much different from a woman who can't become a lesbian just for the sake of maintaining a relationship with her suddenly wife. and if a guy needs boobs and vagina on his partner, it is unfair to tell him to accept his no longer girlfriend after a full transition.
relationships that involve sex have other rules than other relationships. one of the rules is that the persons must be sexually compatible, like having parts that the other person either loves or at least doesn't mind. genitals don't matter in friendships, but you can't tell a person to love you both emotionally and sexually based solely of a strong emotional bond.

Quote from: chronicle on August 26, 2014, 06:09:34 PM
[long post]

the discrimination from women towards men is really interesting, though probably also hurtful to men who are way closer to loving and caring than the stereotype. i always present male on online forums, but having grown up female, i don't have a good enough feel for what's appropriate for a man to say in places where there are also women. some of my opinions will be interpreted with an added bias against men in general, and the responses i get are completely different from what i would have gotten if i were to present female. i already know what women can say, and it's a whole lot more, and terrible, and aggressive, and perverted, and sexist, than what women allow any man to say before he's tagged pervert, sexist, and all kinds of things that women who make the same statements aren't.

i like your view on relationships and love.

I know women who appear to really like trans guys. I have met some of them socially, and liked them. They have become part of the larger LGBT community in that they become allies, in some cases strong ones. I would hate to characterize people like that. OTOH, there are creepy gals who try and get admission into all guy trans groups to kind stalk trans men. (I know this was oriented to MTFs but it goes the other way too, and I don't know any men who prefer trans women, but there are alternative sexualities. I don't, anymore, automatically consider these weird or strange.

--Jay

The only time something like this has bothered me was a girl I briefly dated once saying she liked my trans-ness because it meant I understood how women think and ergo this would make me a better boyfriend. I was like...well not really...just because I had the outer casing for a large part of my life doesn't mean I have a perfect grasp on "the female brain" ... whatever that means :P I might be able to sympathise with how much periods suck but other than that the whole point of transition is that I do not have a female brain.

If anyone has ever watched the IT crowd there was a storyline at one point where the boss dated a trans woman and he liked her so much because she acted like a man. (the usual stereotypical stuff...drinking beer, watching sports, blah blah) They did the exact same thing in two and a half men with a trans-man character too, he acted like a stereotypical woman. I realise these are just comedy shows and yeah, I still laughed; but it is interesting how a lot of people seem to think that we transition and then proceed to act/think/behave as our birth sex. (I also realise that there's no specific set of behaviour and thoughts for each gender...but hopefully my point still comes across)

I've dated many guys who have said they liked me because I was a "man in a womans body" - this was before I came out, they pretty much hit the nail on the head, what they actually meant was I had all the female parts they wanted but at the same time I acted like one of the guys. That type of attraction often dies pretty quickly once physical changes start to come about but the same could be said for somebody putting on 100lbs while in a relationship, would it be wrong of their partner to no longer find them attractive? Some might say so, but at the same time we spout about how sexuality isn't a choice. That mantra shouldn't only apply to gay people who like the plain vanilla variety of same sex relationships.

My current partner could be classified as a ->-bleeped-<- in some peoples eyes. Like someone who posted above his reaction to me explaining my situation was "that's so cool"  - he's totally into any sort of gender bending and enjoys TS porn. I fail to see how this is a problem, he thinks my body is awesome. When I had boobs, great, he loves boobs. Now I have a man-chest, great, he loves that too. I have a V - he's down with that, if I wanted phallo, cool, D's are great too :P We also happen to have a strong emotional bond, but even if that wasn't there I wouldn't have had a problem jumping in the sack with him for some fun times.

I just find it confusing how some TS people automatically dismiss anyone who finds their body attractive. What's the alternative? That they like your personality but hate your body and wish you were cis? That seems much worse to me. I understand that for some people this only becomes an issue when the person in question doesn't have any interest in the actual person and just their body (and may or may not use trickery to get them in the sack before dumping them) - but you know what, that doesn't just apply to TS people. There's endless amounts of people who will tell the object of their affections that they're the love of their life and then never call them again once they sleep together; but dismissing every single person who hints at the fact they like the idea of a TS body could lead to missing an opportunity to get to know someone great.

There's many trans people who don't like the idea of dating other trans people (there's many a thread on the subject) - does that make them cis-->-bleeped-<-s?

Quote from: chronicle on August 26, 2014, 06:09:34 PM
I'm a man and I got no idea even what to think of myself. Honnestly its weird to explain but I like women and transsexuals too I guess. I'm a bit filosofical so I'm openminded to most things. So like I sed its hard to explain. I just love the feminine way of thinking and seeing women and transsexuals both have female hormones I guess that would be the same. That being sed If I would meet a transsexual woman I absolutly love, I wouldn't have issues with it. However it would make me feel good/trusted if she would tell she was transsexual after a while and not like wait years.  Finding out later on wouldn't make me feel cheated cause she is transsexual but rather because it would feel like she didn't trust me.

About the men ->-bleeped-<-s. I mostly find that there is a big society expectation to see everything in squares. Men are hunters, sexual, aggro, strong, ... Women are emotions, semi-sexual, happy, ... .
I suppose I'm not a part of such society cause every time I hear of men abusing women I think 'Why would you do that!' or when they shout things in the street. While of course I feel sexually attracted to women as well I just don't always feel/think about them sexually or judge them in my mind. If I would shout or do something mean like that I would feel extremely bad. The same also counts towards females judging males. I absolutely hate it when women think to know how/what I think cause I'm a man. And I feel there are many men like that out there who also wear masks above their kindness. In some way we aren't accepted by society.

Ugh like I have probably shown in my writing I'm confused about a lot of this subject. But perhaps one bottom-line as to my idea about transsexuals at this moment: I see transsexuals/women pretty equal when talking about falling in love. Besides that I would really love to chat/befriend/discuss (and suppose I have to say normal cause i'm male or hopefully for some that wasn't necessery) with some just to know more about them and hear their story as I feel transgender is something completely new to me.

Have you ever met MTF in 3d?

Quote from: Taka on August 27, 2014, 06:34:35 AM
but genitalia matter. sex hormones matter. looks matter. the whole person matters when it comes to sexuality, everything from theri personality to the tiniest details of their body. but what parts matter differs from person to person. there are some body scents that i can't stand, no matter how perfect everything else of that person is, i wouldn't be able to have a good relationship with them. i can see the same with genitals, vagina or penis matters, but they stand apart from the person's looks, personality, gender, or sex hormones.
to me, genitals don't matter. but that's only me. if a guy can't love a woman "just" because she removes her penis, it's not much different from a woman who can't become a lesbian just for the sake of maintaining a relationship with her suddenly wife. and if a guy needs boobs and vagina on his partner, it is unfair to tell him to accept his no longer girlfriend after a full transition.
relationships that involve sex have other rules than other relationships. one of the rules is that the persons must be sexually compatible, like having parts that the other person either loves or at least doesn't mind. genitals don't matter in friendships, but you can't tell a person to love you both emotionally and sexually based solely of a strong emotional bond.

Your right Taka. Genitals do matter in a sexual relationship. We all like what we like and prefer what we prefer. But in a loving relationship a lot of people can overlook "certain things". I like people with two arms and two legs, but if I met a really special someone that there was some sort of emotional bond. I wouldn't care because I would be drawn to that emotional attraction. Same way with looks, god I love beautiful girls and handsome guys, and looks can turn me on. :embarrassed: But I am always drawn to the personalities and how well theirs fit mine.

So I definitely agree with you, but when it comes to loving someone and forming emotional bonds, the sexual characteristics can be overlooked. Say I met a wonderful guy, cute, romantic, caring, treated me with respect, makes me laugh, makes me feel good about myself and so on. If that same guy couldn't "perform" in that way, it would in no way be a deal breaker for me. I would much rather have those characteristics in a romantic interest than the sexual things. As a matter of fact I would much rather have those emotional characteristics and personality than looks even. But I'm not normal anyway. :-\

Quote from: Dahlia on August 26, 2014, 07:48:28 AM
Almost all ts/cis couples consist of mtf and a ciswoman (who stayed after hubby transitioned to MTF)
I know several mtf/mtf couples who met post transition that is.

I also know wives/gf's of MTF who -understably-  quit the relationship for not being a lesbian and not willing to invest in a "one way relationship" with someone who's totally self absorbed because of transitioning etc.
And not willing to trade hubby's ID crisis for one of their own.

Do you have any evidence for this?

I checked with my wife, who has been doing outreach to other couples all over the place for years, and she says "almost all" is not accurate according to her experiences - that there are maybe a few more cis woman/trans woman couples than the other possibilities, but she hears from quite a lot of cis woman/trans man couples, for example.

(A peek into Susan's SO section shows the same; plus there's even a cis man in this thread dating a trans woman, and one trans guy on this site whose husband stayed after he transitioned.)

Quote from: Jenna Marie on August 29, 2014, 05:21:39 PM
(A peek into Susan's SO section shows the same; plus there's even a cis man in this thread dating a trans woman, and one trans guy on this site whose husband stayed after he transitioned.)

For what it's worth, I've been with a cis man for a few months now. He isn't into pre-op trans women; simply put, he's extremely fond of me and willing to wait until I can "fix" things.

I've known of several other trans woman/cis man couples as well. I don't think it's too terribly rare.

Sybil, I don't think so either, based on what I've seen! :) Still waiting patiently for Dahlia's evidence; perhaps there *have* been studies done, and you and I are just in unusual circles.

Personally, I'm not able to have an intimate relationship with anyone until after my SRS due to my crippling genital dysphoria. That being said, Though I'm getting a lot of attention from guys while I'm out and about it has nothing to do with my being trans or IS for they simply don't have any way of knowing about it.

Those guys that do know me though, are an all together different story. I've actually had a former friend approach me and ask me if I've had my operation yet. I know I prolly don't need to explain the look on my face when he said this. Well, after assuring him it wasn't any of his business, I asked him why he wanted to know. Which, he explained to me he wanted to ask me out, but not if I've already had my surgery, and asked me out to dinner assumingly.

This is when I explained to him I'm lesbian, and what that means to me. To keep the peace where I live though I was as polite as possible. I've known the guy for quite a while and have never known him to be perverted. He left on good terms. Does him not wanting a date after I've had my surgery make him a pervert? In his case I don't think so. It only makes him a normal guy with a fantasy.

Best wishes everyone! :icon_bunch:
Ali :icon_flower:

I think that guys that are only interested in transexual women for the genital part for a fetish are ->-bleeped-<-s.

Quote from: Allyda on August 30, 2014, 03:35:32 PM
Personally, I'm not able to have an intimate relationship with anyone until after my SRS due to my crippling genital dysphoria. That being said, Though I'm getting a lot of attention from guys while I'm out and about it has nothing to do with my being trans or IS for they simply don't have any way of knowing about it.

Those guys that do know me though, are an all together different story. I've actually had a former friend approach me and ask me if I've had my operation yet. I know I prolly don't need to explain the look on my face when he said this. Well, after assuring him it wasn't any of his business, I asked him why he wanted to know. Which, he explained to me he wanted to ask me out, but not if I've already had my surgery, and asked me out to dinner assumingly.

This is when I explained to him I'm lesbian, and what that means to me. To keep the peace where I live though I was as polite as possible. I've known the guy for quite a while and have never known him to be perverted. He left on good terms. Does him not wanting a date after I've had my surgery make him a pervert? In his case I don't think so. It only makes him a normal guy with a fantasy.

Best wishes everyone! :icon_bunch:
Ali :icon_flower:

OK I may be different, maybe a little strange and maybe a little weird, a little insane and a little crazy. I don't have crippling gender dysphoria even though I would rather have something than what I got. I guess my little eccentricities really give me and accepting view of everyone. This is just me though. You have to do and feel what is right for you. But some guys like the woman better than the genitals. But again Allyda, you have to do what you feel is right for you and no one else. :) But love comes from really strange places. Not fetishistic places but sometimes out of the blue, regardless. So in my experience don't deny it if it comes your way.

Quote from: Emily29 on August 30, 2014, 04:06:49 PM
I think that guys that are only interested in transexual women for the genital part for a fetish are ->-bleeped-<-s.

I agree if it is only for the genitalia part. Sorry Emily but in my experiences a lot fall for the feminine and the way we embrace the femininity and are not attracted by the genitalia we have but the femininity we so much hold dear to our hearts and express. I mean, I don't go even one day with cactus legs. But with me, no Boudoir relations until after three or four dates. Three or four extremely romantic dates to prove that I am worth it by them. Kissing and "first base" is fine but I will not give it up on the first date. This weeds out the Dawgs. Some if not most are attracted to the femininity more than the genitalia and as long as you make them feel like are real masculine man, that is all that a lot of them care for. As long as you can make them feel like really masculine men, they can be yours.

The ones that are interested in genitalia, I even give them a chance as long as they treat me like a woman and not a hit it and get it dawg. I have been a conquest before and no more. You gotta prove to me I am worth it. Does that make Sense? 

Quote from: Jeatyn on August 28, 2014, 06:34:18 AM
I just find it confusing how some TS people automatically dismiss anyone who finds their body attractive. What's the alternative? That they like your personality but hate your body and wish you were cis? That seems much worse to me. I understand that for some people this only becomes an issue when the person in question doesn't have any interest in the actual person and just their body (and may or may not use trickery to get them in the sack before dumping them) - but you know what, that doesn't just apply to TS people. There's endless amounts of people who will tell the object of their affections that they're the love of their life and then never call them again once they sleep together; but dismissing every single person who hints at the fact they like the idea of a TS body could lead to missing an opportunity to get to know someone great.

I totally see where you are coming from, but for me, my ideal situation would be someone who just accepted that I don't have a penis. But it seems so often it goes further than that...people thinking that a man with a vagina is sexy. Well, no, for me, it's NOT sexy, it's horrible and I really try to ignore the fact that I have that part. I know not everyone is the same and some are OK with what they have but I'm not and it would creep me out if someone told me my vag was sexy, period. I mean hey, you can think I have a handsome face, or nice arms (if I was ripped lol), or a great butt or whatever. You can find my personality sexy. But I don't trust people who want near the vag.

Like if a cis dude lost his penis and all he had left was a little insensate stump, I doubt people would go "omg your stump is so sexy I want to touch it." They'd be like "meh he doesn't have a dick but he's handsome and the rest of him is hot."

Quote from: chronicle on August 26, 2014, 06:09:34 PMI see transsexuals/women pretty equal when talking about falling in love. Besides that I would really love to chat/befriend/discuss (and suppose I have to say normal cause i'm male or hopefully for some that wasn't necessery) with some just to know more about them and hear their story as I feel transgender is something completely new to me.

That was also pretty much me 4-5 years ago... 
Obviously I don't or would not "chase" anyone even before I was married cuz I was so shy/withdrawn, but anyone female was within my preferred attractiveness scale.. But after thinking more about it since my earlier post, I don't know how I would handle the trans issues in a new relationship unless I'd actually have done it, to be 100% honest..?
I'd like to think it wouldn't matter, or even add some level of uniqueness and difference I would find even more attractive within her person, but until faced with it, I don't really know..?

Quote from: Jess42 on August 30, 2014, 07:57:29 PM
OK I may be different, maybe a little strange and maybe a little weird, a little insane and a little crazy. I don't have crippling gender dysphoria even though I would rather have something than what I got. I guess my little eccentricities really give me and accepting view of everyone. This is just me though. You have to do and feel what is right for you. But some guys like the woman better than the genitals. But again Allyda, you have to do what you feel is right for you and no one else. :) But love comes from really strange places. Not fetishistic places but sometimes out of the blue, regardless. So in my experience don't deny it if it comes your way.

Oh if that, true love were to come my way, no, I'd never turn it down. But alas, I don't think love other than friendship is in the cards for me. So I have nothing to worry about.

Ali :icon_flower:

Quote from: Mark3 on August 31, 2014, 02:19:40 PM


That was also pretty much me 4-5 years ago... 
Obviously I don't or would not "chase" anyone even before I was married cuz I was so shy/withdrawn, but anyone female was within my preferred attractiveness scale.. But after thinking more about it since my earlier post, I don't know how I would handle the trans issues in a new relationship unless I'd actually have done it, to be 100% honest..?
I'd like to think it wouldn't matter, or even add some level of uniqueness and difference I would find even more attractive within her person, but until faced with it, I don't really know..?

OK. I may be a little different. Life experience and all even a little wild, but anyone that wants to "chase" me is perfectly welcome. As long as it is because they are interested in the femininity in me, not because of the one thing that I have that most women don't and that is an outtie instead of an innie. I am definitely not proud but have had one night stands because of that. but it was mutual regardless :embarrassed: I am definitely not innocent and never claimed to be. :( Now I really want so much more, I guess it is one of the downfalls or one of he virtues of getting older. ??? Which one I really haven't decided though, but please don't judge. :(

Mark, you are a good guy, never change. Anyone transwoman ciswoman or anyone else would be lucky to have a boyfriend or husband like you cis tans or anything else. You seem like one in a million. No BS.

Quote from: Allyda on August 31, 2014, 09:43:03 PM
Oh if that, true love were to come my way, no, I'd never turn it down. But alas, I don't think love other than friendship is in the cards for me. So I have nothing to worry about.

Ali :icon_flower:

My Gawd. Yes Southern talk Hon. When it comes you will never be ready for it. I have never been unless I was the one that was taking the chance and laying my heart out on the table. Gawd, between you, Jessica and Stephanie, I can see I got my bad girl lessons or at least wild or not too shy lessons laid out before me. It is all about confidence and nothing more. Too shy and you'll never realize. Too confident and it may be a heartache. Just the right combination of shyness with enough confidence to play shy, then you will find the right one for you. SHHH. That is my secret though. It is just the right combination of shyness or feigned shyness with the confidence incognito that plays right into their hands. You have to let men be men and masculine men at that. Then Trans or not it makes not too much difference as long as you are mum about your status. Of course I in no way am shy so be ready to maybe e embarrassed. ;D

BTW, I have seen some knockout guys that made me feel things go and stay with girls and women that make us transwomen look like beauty queens. It really hurts me when you three talk like that 'cause I am probably the less better looking of the four of us and I have no problems. We rally need to all three go on a vacation together. If we all four don't end up with guys that are at least somewhat well off for a night or longer, then ya'll can make fun of me all you want and the night's drinks will be on me. ??? Self confidence goes a long way though. 8)

Quote from: Mark3 on August 31, 2014, 02:19:40 PM
That was also pretty much me 4-5 years ago... 
Obviously I don't or would not "chase" anyone even before I was married cuz I was so shy/withdrawn, but anyone female was within my preferred attractiveness scale.. But after thinking more about it since my earlier post, I don't know how I would handle the trans issues in a new relationship unless I'd actually have done it, to be 100% honest..?
I'd like to think it wouldn't matter, or even add some level of uniqueness and difference I would find even more attractive within her person, but until faced with it, I don't really know..?

Not to assume anything about your person, but I think the woman's personality would play a massive factor. In my experience, I have met many men who were interested in me. Most of them shared the same sentiments of "not being sure until they encounter the situation." When I shared the reality of my biology with these men, they were almost all open to the idea of trying despite not being interested in penises.

To risk a massacre of modesty, I have a great personality. I am very empathetic, caring, reasonable, and fun-loving. It seems to do the trick for anyone who is interested. In a few cases, men sort of backed out -- in the majority of those instances, the men expressed interest in a post-op version or wanted to revisit the idea when I arrived at that point. With the very few men who were uninterested altogether, I honestly have to say that they were not the most interesting or most fun people I have encountered; regardless, they were all kind to me.

For whatever reason, I find that the more charismatic and stable men are very willing to try and can appreciate the investment that they're making. Several years ago, I wouldn't have guessed -- I really believed that the majority of men would be inflexible. I was wrong, at least as far as my affairs are concerned; so much of it came down to how valuable these individuals perceived my character.

Thanks Jess... You too, don't ever change..! You sound like a fun exciting "Chasee"..! lol.. ;D

Quote from: Mark3 on September 01, 2014, 12:38:38 PM
Thanks Jess... You too, don't ever change..! You sound like a fun exciting "Chasee"..! lol.. ;D

Oh believe me I love the chase, the dance and the whole deal. Love the flirting and the whole getting to know each other thing. As long as the guy isn't a serial killer or just plain strange that I get a bad vibe from, I give everyone a shot. And I am really not that hard to catch. ;)

And yeah, I use to be a wild girl, now a wild woman and love to have fun. Romance is just and added bonus and fun romance is the ultimate. ;D

Quote from: Jess42 on August 31, 2014, 10:10:31 PM
My Gawd. Yes Southern talk Hon. When it comes you will never be ready for it. I have never been unless I was the one that was taking the chance and laying my heart out on the table. Gawd, between you, Jessica and Stephanie, I can see I got my bad girl lessons or at least wild or not too shy lessons laid out before me. It is all about confidence and nothing more. Too shy and you'll never realize. Too confident and it may be a heartache. Just the right combination of shyness with enough confidence to play shy, then you will find the right one for you. SHHH. That is my secret though. It is just the right combination of shyness or feigned shyness with the confidence incognito that plays right into their hands. You have to let men be men and masculine men at that. Then Trans or not it makes not too much difference as long as you are mum about your status. Of course I in no way am shy so be ready to maybe e embarrassed. ;D

BTW, I have seen some knockout guys that made me feel things go and stay with girls and women that make us transwomen look like beauty queens. It really hurts me when you three talk like that 'cause I am probably the less better looking of the four of us and I have no problems. We rally need to all three go on a vacation together. If we all four don't end up with guys that are at least somewhat well off for a night or longer, then ya'll can make fun of me all you want and the night's drinks will be on me. ??? Self confidence goes a long way though. 8)

Thanks Jess, your words are appreciated. I should let you know though, that I'm lesbian, only into girls. Though, If someone ever came along who really loved me for me, their gender wouldn't matter. Just as long as they weren't too hairy, lol.

Ali :icon_flower:

Quote from: Allyda on September 01, 2014, 10:23:40 PM
Thanks Jess, your words are appreciated. I should let you know though, that I'm lesbian, only into girls. Though, If someone ever came along who really loved me for me, their gender wouldn't matter. Just as long as they weren't too hairy, lol.

Ali :icon_flower:

Well, I'm bi so we could hit some lesbian clubs while we're at it. I don't mind being a wing woman. They are little leathery and black instead of feathery and snow white. >:-) And besides, I never shut up so there would be no awkward silent moments between you and a girl. Yeah, I got a big mouth. ???

Quote from: Jess42 on August 29, 2014, 07:03:37 AM
Your right Taka. Genitals do matter in a sexual relationship. We all like what we like and prefer what we prefer. But in a loving relationship a lot of people can overlook "certain things". I like people with two arms and two legs, but if I met a really special someone that there was some sort of emotional bond. I wouldn't care because I would be drawn to that emotional attraction. Same way with looks, god I love beautiful girls and handsome guys, and looks can turn me on. :embarrassed: But I am always drawn to the personalities and how well theirs fit mine.

So I definitely agree with you, but when it comes to loving someone and forming emotional bonds, the sexual characteristics can be overlooked. Say I met a wonderful guy, cute, romantic, caring, treated me with respect, makes me laugh, makes me feel good about myself and so on. If that same guy couldn't "perform" in that way, it would in no way be a deal breaker for me. I would much rather have those characteristics in a romantic interest than the sexual things. As a matter of fact I would much rather have those emotional characteristics and personality than looks even. But I'm not normal anyway. :-\

i deeply respect the way your sexuality works. it's a beautiful thing that you can be in a relationship even with someone who's unable to perform in that one way.
but i also hope you will understand that there are some people who can't stay long in a relationship if there is a lack of performance, and will be turned off by the wrong parts. parts don't matter to me personally, but i know they do to many, so i would never ask someone to be my partner if my parts were wrong to them. better to just be the best of friends if our personalities match that well.
performance also matters to some. i don't need a certain part to perform, but i don't think i would want an asexual partner or one who's unwilling to find other ways to seek pleasure. i'd get too frustrated. relationships work best if sexualities match.

Quote from: Taka on September 04, 2014, 05:16:09 AM
i deeply respect the way your sexuality works. it's a beautiful thing that you can be in a relationship even with someone who's unable to perform in that one way.but i also hope you will understand that there are some people who can't stay long in a relationship if there is a lack of performance, and will be turned off by the wrong parts. parts don't matter to me personally, but i know they do to many, so i would never ask someone to be my partner if my parts were wrong to them. better to just be the best of friends if our personalities match that well.
performance also matters to some. i don't need a certain part to perform, but i don't think i would want an asexual partner or one who's unwilling to find other ways to seek pleasure. i'd get too frustrated. relationships work best if sexualities match.

I had to kind of smile when I read that sentence Taka. I really wish I knew how my sexuality works. I really wish someone could tell me.

Oh yeah, I completely understand. I guess I have always tried to see beyond the raw sexual attraction. I will tell you that it hasn't worked all the time and I have given in to those desires and to those desires only. :embarrassed: But yeah, relationships work best if all compatibilities are present. Yeah parts don't matter to me either but to a lot I know they do.

who wouldn't give in to attraction when the opportunity is there, and not damaging to either part...
how your sexuality works is something it might take much more than a lifetime to find out. you can only know what you already know.
but being able to love someone like that is admirable. i can't do that. not being able to eat the chocolate that is in front of me, will soon have me writhing in agony.
the stronger an emotional attraction becomes, the more i'll want the rest as well. taking an asexual partner would be a very slow and painful form of suicide for me.

Quote from: Taka on September 04, 2014, 10:42:54 AM
who wouldn't give in to attraction when the opportunity is there, and not damaging to either part...
how your sexuality works is something it might take much more than a lifetime to find out. you can only know what you already know.
but being able to love someone like that is admirable. i can't do that. not being able to eat the chocolate that is in front of me, will soon have me writhing in agony.
the stronger an emotional attraction becomes, the more i'll want the rest as well. taking an asexual partner would be a very slow and painful form of suicide for me.

I am getting soooo mad at you Taka. You are making me really think. ;) Just joking but you are definitely making me question myself and think. Especially when you mentioned asexual partners. I really don't know if I met someone that was asexual or just not interested in any kind of sex at all what I would do. I really don't think it would be a deal breaker if everything else was just right. But I have never been faced with that choice. So I really don't know. You got me overthinking things now. I guess if faced with the choice, then I would know. If it was just the sex thing but they were extremely romantic, I could probably live with it. It if it was due to a health problem but all the tenderness and romance was there I think I could deal with it. Without the romance, tenderness and intimacy, I just really don't know. ??? That is where I think I would remain in the friend zone.