Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: YBtheOutlaw on August 30, 2014, 01:12:28 PM Return to Full Version
Title: i called them!!
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on August 30, 2014, 01:12:28 PM
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on August 30, 2014, 01:12:28 PM
good news guys! i finally made a phone call to this lgbtqi support group i've been talking about for ages- the only one i could find in this country- through the hotline for transgender people. of course i had to wait till mom went shopping and my brother was playing some video game with headphones on, so i called them. they put me through to one of their counselors and i barely managed to tell her my situation without breaking into tears. she listened on and told me its okay to be trans and i don't have to be afraid and all that calming down stuff. then i asked her my burning question, if it is POSSIBLE to transition in this country. and she said yes!! she told me all the steps starting from diagnosis, therapy and counselling, hrt and even TOP SURGERY and removal of female bits were available here!! but i will have to travel abroad for the bottom surgery but that can wait surely.
the counselor said she would get me an appointment with a therapist and asked me to call again after a few hours. but the therapists are only found in the capital and she asked if i'd be able to come. i can't without my parents and they know nothing about my problems. she said i'll have to come out to them soon, and email the support group confirming i called them, and then they'll find me a therapist and make an appointment for me and send the therapist's contact details.
so here i am, stuck with coming out. i can't do it. i just can't get the words out of my mouth. and i live with them and its a hell to live with the temptation all day long without the courage to actually do it.
btw i decided i WILL NOT wear earrings again. i just realized that its not just GD alone that drives me away from earrings, but also my needle-phobia. so i thoroughly resisted wearing them this time, to the point of my brother pinning me down on the bed, mom grabbing my ear trying to put the earring on and me screaming like i was being murdered. (man, that was domestic violence) and that stopped them from physically trying again. but mom was so worried ans was constantly trying to bend me into it bargaining all kinds of stuff ( "i'll let you go out with friends if you wear earrings today") but i kept refusing. the hardest part was her asking me why i didn't want it. i thought of explaining my needle-phobia but that won't be useful with MY mom. i know this is a great time to come out to her but i just can't get it out!
she has started telling stuff like 'you look like one of those girls who are trying to look like boys (she means butch girls) without earrings. i'm very ashamed.' 'are you trying to become a boy? no matter how hard you try you can't do it. admit it!' etc. so you see, she's almost offering me chances to come out and i'm just letting them all go, hoping to strike the next time.
i don't know how long i'll be holding on like this. i'll either come out or go crazy. whatever happens i'll update you.
the counselor said she would get me an appointment with a therapist and asked me to call again after a few hours. but the therapists are only found in the capital and she asked if i'd be able to come. i can't without my parents and they know nothing about my problems. she said i'll have to come out to them soon, and email the support group confirming i called them, and then they'll find me a therapist and make an appointment for me and send the therapist's contact details.
so here i am, stuck with coming out. i can't do it. i just can't get the words out of my mouth. and i live with them and its a hell to live with the temptation all day long without the courage to actually do it.
btw i decided i WILL NOT wear earrings again. i just realized that its not just GD alone that drives me away from earrings, but also my needle-phobia. so i thoroughly resisted wearing them this time, to the point of my brother pinning me down on the bed, mom grabbing my ear trying to put the earring on and me screaming like i was being murdered. (man, that was domestic violence) and that stopped them from physically trying again. but mom was so worried ans was constantly trying to bend me into it bargaining all kinds of stuff ( "i'll let you go out with friends if you wear earrings today") but i kept refusing. the hardest part was her asking me why i didn't want it. i thought of explaining my needle-phobia but that won't be useful with MY mom. i know this is a great time to come out to her but i just can't get it out!
she has started telling stuff like 'you look like one of those girls who are trying to look like boys (she means butch girls) without earrings. i'm very ashamed.' 'are you trying to become a boy? no matter how hard you try you can't do it. admit it!' etc. so you see, she's almost offering me chances to come out and i'm just letting them all go, hoping to strike the next time.
i don't know how long i'll be holding on like this. i'll either come out or go crazy. whatever happens i'll update you.
Title: Re: i called them!!
Post by: FriendsCallMeChris on August 30, 2014, 01:22:39 PM
Post by: FriendsCallMeChris on August 30, 2014, 01:22:39 PM
Hurrah for you on the phone call! Brave step! Very proud of you!
Chris
Chris
Title: Re: i called them!!
Post by: Cindy on August 30, 2014, 01:29:00 PM
Post by: Cindy on August 30, 2014, 01:29:00 PM
Man,
You Rock!!
Super brave, awesome dude
Well done!
Cindy
You Rock!!
Super brave, awesome dude
Well done!
Cindy
Title: Re: i called them!!
Post by: lilthumper on August 30, 2014, 08:32:08 PM
Post by: lilthumper on August 30, 2014, 08:32:08 PM
Congrats on the phone call! Kudos!
Title: Re: i called them!!
Post by: Bombadil on August 30, 2014, 10:08:04 PM
Post by: Bombadil on August 30, 2014, 10:08:04 PM
Awesome job making the call!
Wow, that's some crazy stuff with your mom.
Wow, that's some crazy stuff with your mom.
Title: i called them!!
Post by: Ayden on August 31, 2014, 04:35:30 AM
Post by: Ayden on August 31, 2014, 04:35:30 AM
Congrats on the first steps! Those really are the hardest. Just take everything one day at a time. I don't know your parents so I can't give advice on coming out, but it is a scary step. But once it's out, it feels so liberating. At least, it did for me.
Title: Re: i called them!!
Post by: jakken on September 03, 2014, 05:37:10 PM
Post by: jakken on September 03, 2014, 05:37:10 PM
Congrats on the phone call! Sounds awesome!
I'm in some ways in the same situation as you are as coming out goes... My mom has even asked me if I wanted to be a boy or wanted to change my sex or something like that, and I just couldn't come out :-\ It's really frustrating, and I'm constantly waiting for her to ask again, but I just fear that she won't since I told her that I didn't want to..
I'm in some ways in the same situation as you are as coming out goes... My mom has even asked me if I wanted to be a boy or wanted to change my sex or something like that, and I just couldn't come out :-\ It's really frustrating, and I'm constantly waiting for her to ask again, but I just fear that she won't since I told her that I didn't want to..
Title: Re: i called them!!
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on September 04, 2014, 08:01:21 AM
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on September 04, 2014, 08:01:21 AM
thanx all, though i didn't really see making the call as a brave step. but i cried for an hour or so after the call, of happiness or self pity i don't know. guess i was too terrified about coming out afterwards. i still am. mom has sort of given up the earring mission and didn't say such rude things for the past few days. maybe it's better to come out when things are peaceful. i'll just have to wait. it might even take months. anyway the good thing is i'm not going to that job training at dad's office. a teacher offered me a job as her assistant and i took it straight away. it's much more liberal than an office and i can wear my casual jeans and tshirts. that's life for now