Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Heya everyone. First - apologies for any typos or weird auto corrects, I'm typing this from a phone.

So my friend, whom I've known for many years... Well more like a friend in law who turned into a closer friend... He was handys (my gf) friend since high school- well anyways. He is suicidal. I've known for a bit that he has felt this way. I've heard things from him such as "when I was in high school, my mother found my suicide notes that I had written to all the people in my life, just in case. It was not pretty" and the off hand remark, sort of said like a joke like, "haha I'm suicidal" and I knew it was true but I guess it never felt like this before.. I've looked up ways in the past about how you deal with a suicidal friend... But most of the things I read say you can't do much more than encourage them to seek help.. But it's weird to feel so helpless...

So this friend seems to have his off and on days (did I mention we are roommates?). Some days he comes out and is very sociable... Even though you see him sigh and pause often, (some things seem to set him off.. He can't pin point what they are). Other days, he stays up in his room all day. He has a bathroom in there so I know he has access to water and toilet And stuff, but he will go the whole day without eating or talkin to anyone. We go up to check on him and offer food or drink or company and most times it is denied. Luckily, he is very fond of handy and she is able to reach him sometimes but not always.

So things changed now. Last night, handy woke me up and said 'sounds like someone is in the house... I just heard some really loud knocking around' and me in my sleepy haze assumed it was just our cat being an idiot. Well handy jumps out of bed and yells 'anyone out there' and then there was no more sound. Fast foreward to this morning- our friend has red marks all around his neck and even a little cut. He stayed in his room all day today, even though we had planned on having guests over, so eventually handy went up to talk to him, he seems to be more open to talking to her cane such. Well she stayed  up there all night till about 30 minutes ago. Turns out that knocking around in the middle of the night was my friends attempt At suicide. He tried but when he heard handy asking if anyone was there and it scared him back into reality. Apparently his body is completely exhausted from this attempt and his trach is very sore.. I'm so disturbed by this... How do I handle someone living a few steps away feeling like this? I just want to cry... He admits himself that he has no idea why he is so depressed and suicidal. He has a great paying job, a new house, a new car, an awesome cat, etc. yet he gets more miserable by the day.

Pleasee anyone, I need advice or help.. What can we do? My only solution so far is to find his health insurance information and to schedule him an appointment to get some bloodwork and a check up to see if the doctor has any suggestions. He is reluctant to see a doctor on suggestion alone because he says they don't help. He has suffered from insomnia at least since highschool and most doctors he has been to try to fix that before the depression, however insomnia and depression still persist. I figure if we set up the Appointment and handy goes with him and drives him to it, that might be the only help I can provide..
Are ppl even able to set up appointments for non family members? Oh gosh I'm just so shaken and I don't know what to do.... Please someone offer me advice on how to prevent this person from succeeding next time around...

Call the police and they will have your friend committed for observation.

As always and it goes for you always ask for help before it gets that point.

So make the call or take him to the hospital.

I know that is what people say to do, but I don't see how it will do anything other than ruin his trust. Does anyone know a situation where calling authorities has helped a situation such as this? I worry it could make it worse... Before we have considered calling his mother... But she was the one to find his batch of notes all those years ago and clearly whatever she did, if she did any ing, did not help. He is still in the same situation.. Just a tad worse every day.

It is better to ruin his trust than for him to commit suicide, you can always recover his trust, you will not be able to recover if he commits suicide and you know that you were not able (or did nothing) to help.

I was taken away in handcuffs the first time, second time I walked in myself. Sometime just a safe place helps calm the mind and makes one understand it's OK to ask for help.

So call or what's the alternative?

True... And I know if I found him in the process of doing such, I would call an ambulance immediately... I'm so torn.. I feel like since he -appears- as if he is past that mind set, it is too late to call in help.. And another thing is, if someone isn't ready to face their problems, then they aren't going to. Therapy only works for people who are open to it and actually trying. My friend is so beyond distrustful of docs and therapists that I really do worry that it would do more harm than good. In fact, personally, I'm not even supposed to know that he tried last night. He told my gf, his best and most trusted, reliable friend. She is something concrete he can rely on in this world and I don't want to take that away. It is such a delicate situation...

Having him taken away is the best thing you can do for him. I had to do this with my youngest sister when she tried to throw herself in front of a train many years ago. She thanked me for it later on. (She has attempted suicide about 3 times.) She hasn't attempted since then and has gotten a lot better.

The good news is that you are getting warning signs. Usually the ones that give no warnings are the most successful at suicide. I just had a close friend from college that committed suicide this past week. No one saw it coming, not her husband or best friend. She had two kids (7 and 9 years old) and always seemed happy. I chatted with her on FB a week before and no signs of depression. Her best friend spoke to her hours before hand and again no warning of anything being wrong.