Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The other day my mom, out of the blue, just said, "You'd make such an ugly boy."

Gosh, Mom...

:'(

Bad form, Mom.

My dad told me that he didnt need another doughter....  :'(

and my mom the next day told me she needs "proof" like a lab report or something of that nature.

Quote from: pianoforte on August 31, 2014, 02:33:02 AM
The other day my mom, out of the blue, just said, "You'd make such an ugly boy."

Gosh, Mom...

Ummmm, well, is the alternative to be a pretty boy?  What nonsense!  In my limited experience, FTM folk often have very delicate features and almost deliberately have to "ugly" themselves with facial hair and whatnot. 

I bet you're going to look great - your mom was probably having one of those moments that parents understandably (but not happily) have from time to time.

I've told some really silly stuff that my mom said in the past. One of her less positive comments when I first came out was "but then you'll be your father." They had a pretty bitter separation so it was probably the worst thing she could have said.

Quote from: Ayden on August 31, 2014, 03:42:35 AM
I've told some really silly stuff that my mom said in the past. One of her less positive comments when I first came out was "but then you'll be your father." They had a pretty bitter separation so it was probably the worst thing she could have said.

Awww, Ayden, you made me chuckle. My parents are also divorced.   Truth is that you're far more likely to be a male version of your mother, whatever that might mean  :D

But honestly, we're not predetermined to be like our parents.  Some traits are probably unavoidable; others you can deliberately choose to use or discard.  And since all of us on this forum are reinventing ourselves in one way or another, I think you probably know exactly what I mean!

Pre-everything, not out to anyone, buuuut...

Mom: "When are you gonna grow your hair out? Don't you want boys to like you?"

*sigh*

She's much better about this now but before she said things like:

"Why can't you just be lesbian and not have to show it in public?"
"I've seen how they treated this transsexual woman at work, I don't want people staring at you or hurt you."

"You should really look at pfox and see the other side of things."
OH nooooo *facedesk*x10

"I use to speak highly of you son, I guess I can't do that anymore" my father

Just one of many quotes from both mom and dad :/

The ones that come to my mind right now are:

Mom:

"Why don't you be a strong girl?"

"You just want to be a boy but you're not like them"

(It's true that I am NOT like a TYPICAL boy but people just know about the binary...)

__

Me: If this 'god'  (which I don't believe in) is supposed to be a perfect being then why was I born with a mistake? He shouldn't make mistakes since he's so excellent right?

Mom: How was he supposed to know that you would grow up and complain about it?

Dad:

"Girls don't gain muscles all that much"

(I was working out so hard at that time and it made me very furious and hurt me)

My mom was like that at the beginning. Maybe not so blunt, but she was very clear that I wouldn't be attractive as a male. She's certainly changed her tune now, and is slowly becoming proud of her third son. But it definitely did and does take time.

This is a good one.
Yesterday:

Mom: the reason why your like this is because your father wanted a boy.

Me: Well he has a boy, Three of them.

Mom: Why don't you just be a girl who dresses like a boy, and has boyfriends?

Me: Because I'm not a girl, and I'm into girls

Mom: Why don't you be a lesbian?

Me: Because as far as I know you have to be a girl to be lesbian. Which I am not.

Mom: (Furious) You just don't like girls so you hate yourself >:(

Me: Well, they do have cooties.. Thank God I'm not a girl then, Right mom? :D

Mom: .....

When I told my father the first time he said that women are second class and asked why I wanted to be second class like them!! He said it was a privilege to be man and that I should be happy for it!!!

That was three years ago, now he is one of my biggest fans but that hurt a lot that day.

Wow. It makes me cringe to read some of these things. My mom said "It's not like I special ordered a girl...".

Mom: God doesn't make mistakes and I know what I had

Me :I never said God made a mistake infact I know he didn't I am trans for a reason.

I can only imagine what my parents will say. Not out yet.

I'm a little scared. Ugh.  ???

Quote from: nikkie on August 31, 2014, 03:21:57 PM
I can only imagine what my parents will say. Not out yet.

I'm a little scared. Ugh.  ???

You don't think they will accept you?

My father has been okay so far, but we haven't spoken in person. The worst thing he said was that he was "shocked." I was a little hurt, but it's not like he had said I was an abomination or something. He actually took it back later--voluntarily--and apologized.

Echoing Nikkie, I can "only imagine" what my mother will say when he tells her. I would kind of like to be a fly on the wall. And kind of not. I imagine that it would be like reading column after column of ignorant transphobic comments on those online news articles.

Quote from: Arch on August 31, 2014, 03:34:42 PM
My father has been okay so far, but we haven't spoken in person. The worst thing he said was that he was "shocked." I was a little hurt, but it's not like he had said I was an abomination or something. He actually took it back later--voluntarily--and apologized.

Echoing Nikkie, I can "only imagine" what my mother will say when he tells her. I would kind of like to be a fly on the wall. And kind of not. I imagine that it would be like reading column after column of ignorant transphobic comments on those online news articles.

My father is the more accepting one to, We were ordering chicken today and he said you might as well go head a change your name and I said I already am thats why everyone calls me Brandon and he said I meant legally although I m not sure if he was joking or not, Just like when we were at a party store and I got candy and the lady asked him if I was his son and he said yea.

Before he found out, my father was talking about meeting in person. He doesn't say such things anymore. I suppose the thought of meeting what he THOUGHT would be a middle-aged teacher mom was acceptable, but a hairy, bearded, childless, single gay professor with a receding hairline doesn't quite match his image of me. That's okay, I don't want to see him, either. Letters are fine.

Oh, but I look SO much better now...

Quote from: Brandon on August 31, 2014, 03:24:03 PM
You don't think they will accept you?

They will most probably need some time to get used to it. I don't think they will kick me out or anything like that.
It's possible that they will have a few not so nice things to say in the beginning and once they are okay with it their jokes/humor side will come out.

So it'll be difficult at first then things will get better I'm sure.

Also, my family has a strange sense of humor and love to like play tricks on each other from time to time.

Quote from: nikkie on August 31, 2014, 03:21:57 PM
I can only imagine what my parents will say. Not out yet.

I'm a little scared. Ugh.  ???

My parents would not even have allowed me to participate in any activity that was classified as a "Girl activity". I did not dare to even suggest that it might be nice to do so.

The line still makes me cringe. Talking to my dad one day about 3 months ago and he says," But you can't be a man without a penis"
*facedesks*

Quote from: Hex on August 31, 2014, 07:54:27 PM
The line still makes me cringe. Talking to my dad one day about 3 months ago and he says," But you can't be a man without a penis"
*facedesks*

Does your dad think cis men who have lost their penis in an accident or due to cancer are not men anymore? 

Quote from: Hex on August 31, 2014, 07:54:27 PM
The line still makes me cringe. Talking to my dad one day about 3 months ago and he says," But you can't be a man without a penis"
*facedesks*

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on August 31, 2014, 08:51:54 PM
Does your dad think cis men who have lost their penis in an accident or due to cancer are not men anymore?

It is not the penis that makes the man.

Oh I'm very well aware that not having a penis doesn't make you less of a man.
I think my dad's "logic" was that if you weren't born with one you aren't a male.
Which is a very skewed ignorant view. But the line none the less was.. well fitting of the thread lol

Mother: what do people at work think?

Me: they don't know

Mother: what do you mean, they think you're just Alex?

Me: yeah.

Mother: what toilets do you use?

Me: the guys.

Mother: how? You can't pee at a urinal.

Me: they do have toilets you know...

Mother: don't they think that's strange?

Me: no one studies what you do in the toilet, there isn't a mass exodus whenever I want to go.

---

Father: [four months silence]

My favourite was, "If I'd known you were trans before you started T, I would have tried to stop you." At which I replied, "You would have had absolutely no luck. If it makes me happy, I'm doing it."

my own dear mother has already told me very explicitly that she'll never be able to accept if one of her kids turns out trans or gay.
she isn't phobic of either. she doesn't say anything against transitioning, it seems she acknowledges that it is the right thing to do. and the only thing she has against gay culture is orgies and same sex marriage. but she has a skewed view on marriage even between opposite sex people, so...
still, she will never accept any of this in one of her own children. any other people are ok, just not her own children.
kind of ridiculous.
so i'm simply never going to come out to her. she'll have to figure this out on her own.

my uncle, her brother, only had one comment when he saw me in male wear. "this is the most i've ever seen you look like yourself."
i'm not out to him either, but he seems to have caught on to something, even long before i escaped the grasp on those hands which would force me into dresses and skirts and other stuff that i never liked.

Quote from: Taka on September 01, 2014, 05:22:03 AM
my own dear mother has already told me very explicitly that she'll never be able to accept if one of her kids turns out trans or gay.
she isn't phobic of either. she doesn't say anything against transitioning, it seems she acknowledges that it is the right thing to do. and the only thing she has against gay culture is orgies and same sex marriage. but she has a skewed view on marriage even between opposite sex people, so...
still, she will never accept any of this in one of her own children. any other people are ok, just not her own children.
kind of ridiculous.
so i'm simply never going to come out to her. she'll have to figure this out on her own.

my uncle, her brother, only had one comment when he saw me in male wear. "this is the most i've ever seen you look like yourself."
i'm not out to him either, but he seems to have caught on to something, even long before i escaped the grasp on those hands which would force me into dresses and skirts and other stuff that i never liked.

My teen brother said something similar to what your uncle said. I had told him that I had thrown away all my girl clothes and He said, now you finally look like you. You in girls clothes and long hair is weird. I asked him why did he think my mom prefers me to wear girls clothes and he said that not to listen to her cause it just doesn't fit my personality. I'm not out as trans to him either.

My mother died without knowing anything about me.  My dad still doesn't know anything about me since my brother and sister and I all agreed it would be better for him not to know.  It's a nuisance in a way, but in a way I'm OK with that.  I really do not want to hear what he has to say about it.  I've heard far too much about what he has to say about a lot of things.

My mother said "I'll never think of you as a male or my son. You'll always be "birthname" to me."

That one sucked. The other one from her is comments, rude ones about my acne from being on T.

My dad said that I must be FTM because I have a "Deep seated psychological hatred of women"

I lolled at that. I don't hate women, I'm just not a woman.

My sisters and brother are all much more accepting. They call me by my chosen now legal name. Everyone does except the few people I can't come out to.

My mom's okay, just worried too much. But my dad, he's one of those people who say that they fully understand and are supportive, but desperately want to change your decision and "fix" you.
Dad: "You don't need T."
Dad: "Male pronouns and a new name? No way, that isn't right."
Dad: "The worst thing is that you won't continue the family line." (He almost told me to get pregnant...)
Dad: "What will people around you say?" (Like I care.)
*a few years ago*
Dad: "It's just a phase."
Dad: "It's because your mom and I are divorced." (I'm glad they are.)
Dad: "You're doing this on purpose."  >:(

My dad and my sister try to justify their birthname use by saying "We don't say it thinking you are a girl, we say it thinking that combination of sounds represents you." I get that. But stop. So does my preferred name, so at least try. My dad is actually good about it now, but my sis still does this.

When I was having tons of issues with getting my bloodwork done (three trips to the doctor's office and none of the nurses could get it) I was really upset because I was both traumatized by the prodding around in my arm and the faintness I felt because of that and also because the delay meant I'd be starting T a month later thanks to a vacation.
To make me feel better my stepdad said to me "As you know I wish you would wait to do this. You have the rest of your life to transition, stop crying." Why he ever thought that would help I do not know. It made me feel even worse. I wanted to say to him "If I DON'T transition, the rest of my life might not be that long."

"Why can't you just be the dominant/masculine figure in a lesbian relationship?"
"How come you see gays and lesbians on TV, and they don't want to alter their bodies like you do? Why are they happy with how they are?"
"She's gonna be a 'freakenstein'!"

The list goes on.  I don't even bring it up anymore around them, and my friends and I don't discuss it around them.

My parents aren't so bad to the degree that they ever say anything against lgbt+ people, but my mum especially gets a little awkward when anything related to it is discussed, as a family we tend to practice the art of pushing away our feelings and not talking about it. I can remember one time when I was watching some documentary on some 70's musician and my mum came in and said (in a pretty harsh tone) "Why is there a ->-bleeped-<- on TV?" in reference to a guy in drag that was singing.

So I recently came out to my parents. My father effectively disowned me (I'll be alright... I am too independent for that to do anything). My mom claims she is accepting, but she just doesn't understand. She's still talking to me, but I don't think she's as accepting as she first claimed.

Here's a few quotes from our phone conversation today:

"Why can't you just stay a man and wear a dress?"

"Plenty of gay people keep their bodies as they are. Why can't you?" (I'm bi, but she doesn't know the difference).

"I believe in God, so I will never be okay with this."

"I'll do some research about his, but only about how bad it is."

"Are you going to mutilate your body because you hate your penis that much?"

"I tried to get pregnent for two years and I had a boy!"

"You never acted like this when you were younger"

"One year you say you're gay, then bi, and now you think you're a girl. Is this just a flavor of the month thing?"

"Everybody is going to treat you terribly now. I hope you know that." (Wrong... only my parents treat me terribly. Everyone else I've told (most people I see every day now) treats me even better than before).

"You can find therapists who can tell you anything. You need to find a new one."

"Your father almost had a heart attack because of you!"

"I will always refer to you as a boy and I will never call you by any name other than "birth name"."

"Now I have a big secret I have to keep from everyone else." (This almost made me laugh).

etc...

I'm currently only out to my mom, my doctor, and you wonderful people at Susan's.

Here's some quotes from my mom when I came out to her - Note that I'm MTF:

Mom: "Are you attracted to boys?"

Me: "No"

Mom: "Are you attracted to girls?"

*facedesk* Why don't you just ask that first question again?

---

Mom: "I think you're just going through a phase."

Me: "Yes, because phases totally go on for 5 years straight. That's exactly how it works." (note the sarcasm)

---

Mom: "He" "-Insert Birth Name-" "Boy" "Him"

Me: (thinking: Call me that again... And I will pounce on you... Rearrange your face... And then drop you in the pits of Tartarus"

---

Mom: *Makes that face... That terrible, terrible face...*

---

Mom: *Gets all odd and uncomfortable when talking about it*

Me: (thinking: I'M THE SAME DANG PERSON MOM, JUST A DIFFERENT GENDER!)

---

Mom: "But you were never interested in hair, or showering, or fashion..."

Me: "I love fashion, I love hair, and name one person my age who is a fan of showering."

---

So nothing mean yet, since I'm pre-transition and all, but those are just my two cents :p

iiMTF

Mom: But... how is anyone ever going to love you if you've got mixed up parts?
--
Dad: I don't like the name Ian. Why can't you pick a good old fashioned name like Rudy or Byron?
--
Mom: Well I don't see you as any gender you're just [birth name] to me. (Goes on to never use my chosen name or male pronouns no matter how many times I ask)
--
Mom: I know you were hoping I'd help pay for your hormones but I wanted to get dental implants and I don't get that so as you can see you don't always get what you want.
--
Mom: [birthname], promise me that when you're a boy you won't ever rape anyone, okay?
--
Mom: I'm not sure I'll be comfortable sharing a hotel room with you when you're a boy.
--
Okay now for a more positive thing. My dad had cancer and one of the last things he said to me was "After I die there will be some money, if this is what you really want I think you should use some of that for transitioning." (In the end mom used that money to pay for my college tuition which in the grand scheme of things is probably better since otherwise they weren't going to help me with college expenses in any way.)

Quote from: Ianianian on September 03, 2014, 11:14:13 PM
Mom: [birthname], promise me that when you're a boy you won't ever rape anyone, okay?

Uh that's both funny and horrible :'D

My mom calls me by my preferred name and usually treats me as her son, but she has moments when she says things like "but what do people say when they find out you're not a real boy?" They didn't used to find out...

When sometimes we talk about trans stuff, I used to tell her about a few trans friends I have and she always messes up their gender. Like I say "he", mom always thinks I talk about someone who's MTF and vice versa.

Me: I was hanging out with my friend [name] and they are just so much fun.
Mom: Is [name] a girl or a boy?
Me: No. They're genderqueer.
Mom: But does she have a vagina or does he have a penis?!?!
Me: I haven't checked.
Mom: Is [name] gay?
Me: I don't know. Does it matter?

Some of this is a generational thing, but it's very interesting trying to explain non-binary identities and non-binary sexualities to my mother...

This thread makes me want to go hug each one of my family members and tell them I love them. I don't think I ever realized how lucky I am in this particular aspect of transition. All the family members I've come out to have been accepting, encouraging and understanding.

My initial goal with this thread was to talk about problems of misunderstanding and ignorance, but some of the downright intolerant responses (honestly those are probably mostly from ignorance too) are just heartbreaking.

And some are like, "yeah, I'm hurt but I'm not surprised."

on a positive note..

"You're much cuter as a boy"  - My mom on the day of my name change (dressed up nice for court)

GREAT thread BTW!

Oooh I have been told so many things by my two biggest detractors: my parents, these are just a few. Oh and BTW I am MTF

My mother says repeatedly these phrases:

"You are neither one thing nor the other"

"You are too big and strong to be a woman"

"Your aunts ask me about you, they say 'what's new with that big and muscular handsome manly boy of yours'? And i am embarrassed to answer them and tell them the truth about you, so I just say you are okay".

"I'll never think of you as a female or my daughter. You'll always be (male birthname) to me."

"Your breasts embarrass me. Please never wear any blouses showcasing your breasts in front of any of your relatives or me."

"How come you have no hair in your arms and they look so soft? A MAN isn't supposed to look like that, a man has to have hair in his arms and hands, you look weird".

"Please don't wear that hairdo when you go out, because you look like a woman, and that is not right"

"Please stop buying or accepting those female things you get or someone gets for you, that is not right, those are not things a man is supposed to wear".

"Please respect us as your parents and never wear those things with feminine colors".

"I have been very sick lately, couldn't sleep well, I felt like I was almost going to go to the hospital for an emergency, and it is because of you, what you are doing is killing me"

"God doesn't make mistakes, he made you the way he did for a reason, don't go against his wishes."

"I will NEVER call you (chosen woman's name) no matter what you do to your body or how you look. To me, you will always be MY SON and I will always treat you like that."

"(Crying) the other day at the grocery store, there was one person LIKE YOU, dressed in women's clothes, high heels, and people were criticizing him/her. I don't want you to be that person and that my friends tell me about that and make me feel embarrassed"

"I am embarrassed by the way you look. If you don't want to dress and look like a man, I prefer your not being involved in any family social gatherings, because I don't want to be embarrassed by you".

"This is not my fault at all, I'm sure it didn't happen when you were in my womb.  I gave birth a 100% healthy boy. You surely suffered something very shocking in your childhood, something you either don't want to tell us about or you don't even remember"

"You should have told us before you made that big mistake of having those procedures done, and most of all, you should have 'asked God' about that, if that was the most convenient thing to do, for you and us as well." --Note: how does one 'ask God' about any stuff at all? Through a priest? Yeah, right, nice try

"I fear going away anywhere on vacation because I know you can use that opportunity to do one of your unnatural alterations to your body, and you know that as long as you live under our roof you are not allowed to alter your "God-given" body in any way.

"I am sure it was that rock music you listen to, what has prompted you to do those unnatural things, and has negatively  affected all of us as a family. You let the demon enter our house by listening to that. Oh, and also your damn computer and the internet, who knows what ungodly things you do while you lock yourself inside your room with your computer on". -- Note: omg, hypocrisy at its best. what about her own use of her computer and Ipad to pry into other people's lives through Facebook and do whatever else she wants to do, without anybody scrutinizing her as she does me?

My father has told me this:

"You can't be a woman, look at you, it's impossible for you to be a woman, it's ridiculous, that's just pure nonsense, you are a man, you were born a man and that's all you will ever be".

"Did you hear that idiot? He/she called you "miss", what an a-hole! Is he/she blind, stupid or what? Why didn't you say anything to him/her and just giggled? What is wrong with these people? --This has happened way more than once BTW, but when I tell him that, he denies every single occurrence.

"Who the hell is that Harry Benjamin dude? I'm sure he invented a so-called "disorder" because he was a lunatic who belonged in a nut house and now you want to use his made up "condition" to justify this crazy idea of yours. If that was legitimate, I would have heard about that before. You have been brainwashed, you have no disorder, you are normal, don't believe anything that nut job or others like him have to say"

**********************************

And all of this is still happening, after more than five years of HRT, orchiectomy, tracheal shave and a bit of work in my face. They still see and treat me like the old big and manly me from my teen bodybuilding years, how about that???

This thread is so sad and so funny.

I don't think I want to ever talk to my mom about this, but I'm pretty sure she'd be proud of my being trans. She always encouraged creativity and nonconformity, and I'm sure she'd be delighted to have a son she could see as rebellious or brave even though she is a conservative christian.

My dad never says much to me, but I think he has come to terms with who I say I am. He sent me a football-shaped birthday card last year, which made me laugh. I've never been into sports, so my take on that is that football is just the most male thing he could think of and so that's his way of signaling acceptance. :laugh:

mother: "Your shaved head makes you look like you're aggressive" - I had a buzz cut

father: "What have people said about your haircut?"

me: "I've gotten a lot of compliments"

father: "really?"

TW: Brief mention of coercive rape

The morning after the night I was coerced into sex:

Sister: "I can't believe you'd do that with just anyone."

Father: *Sigh* "I'm going to have to start treating you like a child again."

Mother: "It's not rape because you said yes."

Father: "Everyone has bad nights where they make mistakes they'd rather forget. Get over it."

My family's reaction hurt more and cut deeper than the event itself. The supposed flesh and blood who do everything in their power to protect you turn a blind eye to your suffering. What a joke(!)

/TW End

When I came out as transgender:

"This is another one of your obsessions. You thought you were a cat when you were little, then Ash Ketchum and Sailor Moon. Grow up!"

"It's a phase."

"You're living out a fantasy. Snap out of it."

"Get over it."

"The internet brainwashed you." (this one makes me forever lmao :icon_lol: )

"Why can't you just be a lesbian/why can't you just stay a female?"

"Why can't you just get a breast reduction? If you lose weight, your breasts will become small enough to hide."

"Nobody will love a mutilated woman." "Nobody will love you and nobody will hire you. You will get beaten up and you will die alone." (These still hurt years later.)

"I have mother instincts and they are telling me deep inside that you are doing the wrong thing. I know you will do it, look back and ask me why I didn't try harder to stop you. You are not a boy - you are a girl."

"You will regret this."

"Men are known to be better drivers than women." (I struggled at learning to drive so apparently that makes me a woman)

"You are too feminine to be a boy."

"You don't have a penis."

"You don't have Androgenisation!" (despite having birth records that specifically state so)

"Girls don't get erections!"

"You weren't a tomboy when you were little."

"What kind of a name is Kain? *giggle* Do you want to be a candy cane?"

"You have stressed your mother out, she has been crying at night and worrying about you. She is smoking like a chimney because of you. If she gets sick, it will be all your fault."

"You are so selfish and immature."

(One of my exes) "I'm not calling you your male name until you get dick surgery."

(Relatives from Canada) "You need to get a career and a stable job before you have a sex change. You need to experience the real world. You should get a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's a phase, you will grow up and get over it."

"You haven't had sex with the right person yet."

Regarding psychiatrists:

"They don't know you like (we, parents) do."

"You are only telling them what they want to hear."

"You have OCD." Psychiatrist tells them that my "obsessions" are a part of my personality and I don't have any obsessive compulsive behaviors. Afterwards, "They're so full of nonsense, they don't listen to us."

"They are rushing you. They are encouraging you to transition. It is wrong. You need to do it slowly." (How slowly? By your definition of slowly, you'd make sure it would never happen.)

"They don't get to the bottom of the issue. Please see this therapist I found."

The therapist she found doesn't believe in transgender individuals and asks intrusive questions about masturbation and sexual fantasies, thinking I have a sexual identity problem. Most of the sessions consisted of him trying to convince me that I am not a boy, that I am just a confused little girl who fantasizes about being a boy. Whenever I do affirm and correct him that I am, in fact, a boy, he gives me this look as if I am delusional or acting silly. I ended up having a mental breakdown after one of the sessions, only to have my mother tell me,

"He is helping you get to the bottom of the issue. This is good! Keep seeing him so you will get better." More like, "Keep seeing him so you snap out of this silly phase and go back to being my daughter again."

And this is why I fear the idea of coming out to my family as non-binary. I know I will be yelled at and told that they "told me so." They will assume I regret transitioning and that the psychiatrist was wrong in letting me transition. That's why I won't come out because it's not worth the effort to correct them when they will believe what they want to believe.   

I just told one of grandparents about me. Her comment: "what does the LORD say?"

Me: "mamaw, I'm not sure. I don't think the bible says anything."

Grandmother: "Well, if The Lord says nothing I won't neither."

Me: "thanks, mamaw"

Grandmother: "well, don't thank me. If The Lord really is Christ almighty, he won't care. "

Nice for her say considering she knows I'm atheist. I appreciate the thought though.

After finding out that I had transitioned, changed my name, etc. my father and mother staged an intervention. They presented me with various arguments most of which weren't pretty or amusing, but here is one that I rather liked...

(please note they seem to confuse being trans with being gay for some reason, that's not me!)

"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

Quote from: bibilinda on September 11, 2014, 10:45:59 PM
"How come you have no hair in your arms and they look so soft? A MAN isn't supposed to look like that, a man has to have hair in his arms and hands, you look weird".

I have the same type problem...or, I guess, the opposite of that situation.

"Shave your underarms and legs!  You're an American woman, not a nasty, hairy European woman!"

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on September 12, 2014, 09:21:25 AM
After finding out that I had transitioned, changed my name, etc. my father and mother staged an intervention. They presented me with various arguments most of which weren't pretty or amusing, but here is one that I rather liked...

(please note they seem to confuse being trans with being gay for some reason, that's not me!)

"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

Oh my god! They know the secret of the bow ties!

:D

Thanks for sharing. That made me laugh so hard.

Wait, was your brother in the room when they said that? Did you tell him about it later? What was his reaction?

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on September 12, 2014, 09:21:25 AM
"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

You should!  That's obviously an important warning sign!   :icon_rah: :icon_clap:

I have a Slytherin bow tie, so is that what gives me away as "butch lesbian"? xDD

My parents always said to "Never trust a man in a bow tie."

Quote from: Hex on August 31, 2014, 07:54:27 PM
The line still makes me cringe. Talking to my dad one day about 3 months ago and he says," But you can't be a man without a penis"
*facedesks*

LOL   To avoid having to get into the nitty gritty of transition (and I figured anyone who REALLY wanted to know could google it themselves),  I told people that when you transitioned you grew a penis. Which is true.  I left out the part that the plumbing isn't hooked up and didn't mention testicles...  That satisfied a lot of people's curiosity.

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on September 12, 2014, 09:21:25 AM

"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

well...
there's a cultural difference revealed! Here in Canada, it is the ascot that is the glaring tell... so much for homogeneity in the Commonwealth.

Last thing my mom said to me was, " there is something is wrong with you"

Quote from: Pikachu on September 12, 2014, 09:32:47 AM
Oh my god! They know the secret of the bow ties!

:D

Thanks for sharing. That made me laugh so hard.

Wait, was your brother in the room when they said that? Did you tell him about it later? What was his reaction?

No my brother wasn't there. He disowned me as soon as he was told. My parents don't talk to me anymore either, so not much chance of anymore wisdom from them.

Today my dad told me that if I get top surgery one day it might cause breast cancer.

I'm not even sure what kind of logic that is.  ???

Dad: There seems to be a lot of this gender bending stuff going on at the moment.

I should explain, my dad is a devout Daily Mail reader (like Fox news for the british)




(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftickers.tickerfactory.com%2Fezt%2Fd%2F4%3B10719%3B39%2Fst%2F20140707%2Fe%2FStarted%2BHormones%2Fdt%2F6%2Fk%2Fd8e9%2Fevent.png&hash=f3ad7637589d1f762be899f38e789a6b622039cb)

Quote from: ReubenIsTheName on September 12, 2014, 09:30:43 AM
I have the same type problem...or, I guess, the opposite of that situation.

"Shave your underarms and legs!  You're an American woman, not a nasty, hairy European woman!"

My mom tells me that all the time about my arms and legs. Either that or wear long sleeve shirts and pants.

Quote from: ReubenIsTheName on September 12, 2014, 09:30:43 AM
"Shave your underarms and legs!  You're an American woman, not a nasty, hairy European woman!"

As a european woman I resent that stereotype! :D

Quote from: bibilinda on September 11, 2014, 10:45:59 PM

And all of this is still happening, after more than five years of HRT, orchiectomy, tracheal shave and a bit of work in my face. They still see and treat me like the old big and manly me from my teen bodybuilding years, how about that???

And you are still in contact with them? You have the patience of a Saint!

My mom told me i have a dark and bad heart for being a girl .

And once she told me that all peoples would see about me is someone who disguise itself to rape childrens

,I cryed and asked her if she realize what she says and said but that its the truth.

And many mores like i m ruining my life  and somes i dont really remenber .

My father told i m a schyzophrenic but not in front of me.

I'm happy to say my mother and step father have been supportive since day one. My father on the other hand, he's said some pretty nasty things. This was one of the last conversation I had with my father about a year ago after I came out to him:

Father: I know you were born this way, but you've lived 40 years as a male, you can suck it up and be a man and go back into the closet where you belong for another 40 years.

Me: So let me get this straight, you want me to go back in the closet life a unhappy and unfulfilled life because you can't deal with having a transgender daughter.

Father: You will always be "my son" and I love you, but no good will come of this. You'll loose your family, your friends, your business (my wife and I own a computer software company that does consulting and customization) and you marriage.

(He already knew my wife was accepting and pansexual before he said that. He had a conversation with my wife just before this privately teller her to woman up and keep me straight, making my wife cry.)

Me: Well Dad, I have nothing else to say but your wrong. I know you think your doing what's best for me, but you just plain wrong.

Father: All you are doing is being "self-serving" and again no good will come from going down this path. I pray for you.

Me: I'm sorry you feel this way. I see that you've made up your mind now and I might as well talk to that wall over there. My wife and and I are going now (we were leaving anyway from visiting him and left the restaurant heading to my wife's parents for a visit) I have to do what is best for me, and not what is best for you. This is something my wife also agrees with. I hope that someday you will see how wrong you are about this and accept me for who I am and not what you want me to be.

Father: I will always love you.

Me: I will to.


And we hugged and left and my wife and I decided not to tell her parents on that trip and we did end up telling them in January and that at first were non-supportive, but have come around and have been very accepting.

Since that day, I've left him two voicemails, sent him two E-MAILs and a hand written letter with no response. My letters were strong, but very positive. My last one (on Father's Day) I told him how non of the things he predicted came true. My marriage is stronger than ever. I didn't loose a single friend. The only family I lost was him, his 3rd wife, and two of his 3 sisters (all southern baptist). His other sister and I are close on Facebook and her husband (who was best friends with my father in high school) had a conversation with my father telling him how wrong he is about this. My letter stated how we didn't loose a single customer and things have been going well since going full time in March.

Since then, he started a FB account and added my brother, but blocked me and my wife. He didn't even bother to call or anything for my birthday in July. Maybe one day he will come around, but the way I see it, it's all on him now and it's his lose at this point.

Quote from: Sosophia on September 18, 2014, 03:48:17 PM
My mom told me i have a dark and bad heart for being a girl .

And once she told me that all peoples would see about me is someone who disguise itself to rape childrens

,I cryed and asked her if she realize what she says and said but that its the truth.

And many mores like i m ruining my life  and somes i dont really remenber .

My father told i m a schyzophrenic but not in front of me.

They are wrong.....
Hugs

My father's greatest hits:
-You're too short. All men under 6 feet tall are treated like ->-bleeped-<- and women don't want them.
-No one will take you seriously.
-You'll never get a job.
-You'll never pass. You'll just look like a very ugly, hairy butch-lesbian.
-You'll die alone. No one will want you.
-What are you now? A he-she? It? (He said this in front of people when he was introducing me to them.)
-Come here, ->-bleeped-<-. (When he forgot my chosen name. He thought it was funny.)
-You can't be a man. You had anorexia. There's nothing girlier than that. (Even though he has an eating disorder.)
-You look like a girl. You sound like a girl. You're a girl. Sorry, that's biology.
-I want grandkids.
-You'll always be my daughter.
-It's like you've killed my little girl. You're ruining my life.
-People will just laugh at you.
-You'd better be able to defend yourself in a fight. Men fight all the time, and when they look at you they'll want nothing more than to beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of you.
-You're so pretty. Don't ruin that.
-Why can't you just be normal? Why do you have to make my life so hard.

Everything he says basically sounds exactly like the doubt within me that makes it impossible to sleep.

But, the worst of all came from my grandmother, who was the one person I thought loved me unconditionally.
-Wait until I'm dead to mutilate your body.

My mother? She simply stopped sending me 'happy birthday' texts and didn't even try to invite me over for Christmas. She's very religious and she's always hated me, so I can almost excuse that. But, in my father's case, not only is he an atheist, but he's always patted himself on the back for being a "tolerant" liberal. I expected acceptance from him because of his liberal leanings, and that is where I went wrong.

The only person who has supported me 100% through all this is my best friend. My brother has also come around a bit after 3 years and has even told me that he thinks my father's transphobia is a bit extreme (even though he doesn't really believe in homophobia, feminism, transphobia, and calls me a "reverse racist" when I call my white father out on his problematic ->-bleeped-<- etc. because he's a rebellious youth in a liberal family). 

I'm nowhere near out.. My only family member is my mother and I love her death she's only reason I'm not transitioning right now cause I know it'd destroy her. So one of my good friends is transitioning right now let's call him Tim tim had a girls name and now goes by Tim my mom and I were laughing having fun time idk me being gay comes up and I say "well it could always be worse" and she goes "yeah you could be like Tim haha" and makes this like disgusted face ... 

Quote from: sebster on September 18, 2014, 07:48:25 PM
-You'd better be able to defend yourself in a fight. Men fight all the time, and when they look at you they'll want nothing more than to beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of you.

Whoa, holy cow! Who say's that to their kid?? Yeesh!

Your Dad sounds like he's basically tried everything in the book.  ::) Insulting your appearance, telling you no one will love you, pointing out reasons why you can't be a man, making you feel ashamed, making you feel like you're being selfish.. #1 Dad, right there.

(I'm not out, but the line I'm particularly afraid of hearing - especially from my father - is the "It's like you've killed my little girl".  :( )

Quote from: JHeron on September 18, 2014, 08:02:48 PM
I'm nowhere near out.. My only family member is my mother and I love her death she's only reason I'm not transitioning right now cause I know it'd destroy her. So one of my good friends is transitioning right now let's call him Tim tim had a girls name and now goes by Tim my mom and I were laughing having fun time idk me being gay comes up and I say "well it could always be worse" and she goes "yeah you could be like Tim haha" and makes this like disgusted face ... 

How awful! (At least she used his chosen name, I guess.  ::) )

Quote from: Hex on August 31, 2014, 07:54:27 PM
The line still makes me cringe. Talking to my dad one day about 3 months ago and he says," But you can't be a man without a penis"
*facedesks*

Does your dad not realize that a clitoris is stemmed from the same thing as a penis or should I say vice versa. Testostrone just made everyone other guys bigger.

Quote from: sebster on September 18, 2014, 07:48:25 PM
-Come here, ->-bleeped-<-. (When he forgot my chosen name. He thought it was funny.)

My dad once introduced me to someone like "And he's my son who was born a girl". He also thought it's funny.
Dude, you got a lot of ->-bleeped-<- from your dad. I hope things will get better for you!

Well, if your father does say that he thinks you've killed his "little girl", maybe you could remind him that you're still alive and that he's got a choice between a dead little girl and a little boy who is alive and well. I've tried it with my father, but honestly, he's just so deluded that he won't acknowledge that I am a person who has attempted suicide in the past. He didn't even acknowledge that I had eating issues when I was 70lbs and blacking out all the time. Assuming your dad is more rational and less hateful than mine, I don't think he'll believe that you killed anyone for long. Parents say stuff like that before they've had time to process it. My grandmother came around eventually and so did the rest of my family. I think my parents are special cases because one is an ass and the other is a mentally ill religious fanatic. I'm pretty sure that your dad will still love you. I do suggest, however, that you write him a letter before going away to stay with a friend for a week end first. That way he'll have some time to cool down before he says anything he'll regret.

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on September 18, 2014, 08:11:59 PM
Whoa, holy cow! Who say's that to their kid?? Yeesh!

Your Dad sounds like he's basically tried everything in the book.  ::) Insulting your appearance, telling you no one will love you, pointing out reasons why you can't be a man, making you feel ashamed, making you feel like you're being selfish.. #1 Dad, right there.

(I'm not out, but the line I'm particularly afraid of hearing - especially from my father - is the "It's like you've killed my little girl".  :( )

I want to punch your dad in the face for you.

Quote from: Jared on September 19, 2014, 11:52:57 AM
My dad once introduced me to someone like "And he's my son who was born a girl". He also thought it's funny.
Dude, you got a lot of ->-bleeped-<- from your dad. I hope things will get better for you!

First of all, glad your mother is using Tim's name. That's a good sign.

Second of all, I'm pretty sure her attitude about trans people will change when she realizes that you are trans. It's like those republicans who campaign for hate against LGBT people, but then suddenly do a complete turn around when one of their kids comes out as gay. Assuming that your mother is a rational person, she should come around eventually, even if she doesn't immediately go out and buy you 20 packers. Most of my trans friends have gotten the most ->-bleeped-<- from their fathers but there's something about the mother's bond that makes them more willing to accept their kids 100%. (I can't really comment on the bond from personal experience, but my mother is mentally ill.)

Thirdly, you look exactly like my brother. If her mother's intuition doesn't tell her that you're some sort of queer, then at least she'll be able to look at you and say... "Why didn't I ever notice how handsome he is?" If I looked like you, I think my parents would have more readily accepted my prospects as a transman. You're going to have no trouble once you start dating. I'm jealous!

Quote from: JHeron on September 18, 2014, 08:02:48 PM
I'm nowhere near out.. My only family member is my mother and I love her death she's only reason I'm not transitioning right now cause I know it'd destroy her. So one of my good friends is transitioning right now let's call him Tim tim had a girls name and now goes by Tim my mom and I were laughing having fun time idk me being gay comes up and I say "well it could always be worse" and she goes "yeah you could be like Tim haha" and makes this like disgusted face ...

Sebster- Thanks for the dating comment that was my confidence booster of the day lol. I've seen some comments agreeing with you that at least she used Tims name which you could say say that but honestly it was as a joke like the entire time she she was flailing about making faces kinda like the way a jock makes fun of a "->-bleeped-<-got" in the old school movies. I don't speak to my father so that's not a problem but when I first was outed as a lesbian in hs and I started dressing like I wanted to it was non stop hate comments man always "you know I gave birth to a girl not a boy"  "the doctor said it's a girl FYI" "you look like you have a penis with those pants is that what you want!?"  "You're wasting being such a pretty girl" "most girls here are ugly and fat and you you don't use what you got!" So...   Doubt it but thanks :]
Also the I look like your brother that's funny cause I got told I look more androg than cismale but then again maybe your brother might just be an androg cis guy? Haha either way that's cool man I wish I had siblings

Quote from: sebster on September 19, 2014, 05:54:19 PM
Well, if your father does say that he thinks you've killed his "little girl", maybe you could remind him that you're still alive and that he's got a choice between a dead little girl and a little boy who is alive and well. I've tried it with my father, but honestly, he's just so deluded that he won't acknowledge that I am a person who has attempted suicide in the past. He didn't even acknowledge that I had eating issues when I was 70lbs and blacking out all the time. Assuming your dad is more rational and less hateful than mine, I don't think he'll believe that you killed anyone for long. Parents say stuff like that before they've had time to process it. My grandmother came around eventually and so did the rest of my family. I think my parents are special cases because one is an ass and the other is a mentally ill religious fanatic. I'm pretty sure that your dad will still love you. I do suggest, however, that you write him a letter before going away to stay with a friend for a week end first. That way he'll have some time to cool down before he says anything he'll regret.

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on September 18, 2014, 08:11:59 PM
Whoa, holy cow! Who say's that to their kid?? Yeesh!

Your Dad sounds like he's basically tried everything in the book.  ::) Insulting your appearance, telling you no one will love you, pointing out reasons why you can't be a man, making you feel ashamed, making you feel like you're being selfish.. #1 Dad, right there.

(I'm not out, but the line I'm particularly afraid of hearing - especially from my father - is the "It's like you've killed my little girl".  :( )

.     
After a while though if you believe you're better off without him or his negativity you got to let him go for yourself honestly. My father never did anything for me hell I wasnt a cutter but I did once for a very specific reason not any trend following sh283t and the bastard would put knifes in my hands when the school would call and say stuff like "if you're gonna cut just do it all the way up and kill yourself""this is what u do? Shoulda let you rot in (country we're from) so needless to say not a relationship there at so not worth saving but if yours is maybe with time he'll come around.

Yeah, I get the same "you're wasting what you've got" ->-bleeped-<- all the time. I just got a lip piercing this week, and you should have seen my dad's face. I'm seeing my mother for the first time in forever this week end. I got it just for her. I can't wait to see the look on her face. Your parents and my parents can go ->-bleeped-<- each other with cacti.

I was always an extreme tomboy, and my mother always said stuff like "you know you're a girl, right?" and "why are you trying so hard to make yourself ugly?"

->-bleeped-<- her. ->-bleeped-<- your mother. ->-bleeped-<- our fathers. They don't deserve us. We should find new parents.

*clears throat* Are there any transmums and dads here who would be willing to take in some boys with ->-bleeped-<-ty parents?

Quote from: JHeron on September 19, 2014, 07:32:25 PM
Sebster- Thanks for the dating comment that was my confidence booster of the day lol. I've seen some comments agreeing with you that at least she used Tims name which you could say say that but honestly it was as a joke like the entire time she she was flailing about making faces kinda like the way a jock makes fun of a "->-bleeped-<-got" in the old school movies. I don't speak to my father so that's not a problem but when I first was outed as a lesbian in hs and I started dressing like I wanted to it was non stop hate comments man always "you know I gave birth to a girl not a boy"  "the doctor said it's a girl FYI" "you look like you have a penis with those pants is that what you want!?"  "You're wasting being such a pretty girl" "most girls here are ugly and fat and you you don't use what you got!" So...   Doubt it but thanks :]
Also the I look like your brother that's funny cause I got told I look more androg than cismale but then again maybe your brother might just be an androg cis guy? Haha either way that's cool man I wish I had siblings

By the way--- this is off topic but I can't figure out how to send PMs because I'm sleep deprived--- are you mixed? You look mixed. Sorry if that's a weird question, but I get excited when I see my mixed brethren.

Now, back on topic: Don't you just love when parents say something really hurtful to you and then turn around and say that they're just trying to protect you. For example: "You're so fat. No one is going to want you. I'm only telling you this because I care."

Quote from: JHeron on September 19, 2014, 07:41:31 PM
.     
After a while though if you believe you're better off without him or his negativity you got to let him go for yourself honestly. My father never did anything for me hell I wasnt a cutter but I did once for a very specific reason not any trend following sh283t and the bastard would put knifes in my hands when the school would call and say stuff like "if you're gonna cut just do it all the way up and kill yourself""this is what u do? Shoulda let you rot in (country we're from) so needless to say not a relationship there at so not worth saving but if yours is maybe with time he'll come around.

Just the other day my mom said:

"but what if I'M the one that has to go to therapy to accept your transition"

Then, she SHOULD go to therapy. Maybe she'll get over herself then.

Quote from: InstantRamen on September 19, 2014, 08:22:21 PM
Just the other day my mom said:

"but what if I'M the one that has to go to therapy to accept your transition"

All the time! My mothers comments would always be followed by "I just want you to be show how pretty you are" lol (oh and you gotta post like 10 more times to unlock PM I believe) it sucks dude cause if I were a parent. I can't imagine saying half these things to my child.. I don't know amazes me. Ps. I am not I am 100% cuban both my parents were born and bred there as was I until 10yrs ago but my grandparents on both sides were spanish immigrants to Cuba so mixed a bit I guess  on the race % side of things.

"You'll always be my little girl."

"You're not allowed to be a gender queer because you are my daughter."

And again,

"Does (non-binary friend) have a (penis/vagina, depending on what gender their name sounds most like)?"

Yeah, "I just want the world to know how beautiful you are" is a bunch of ->-bleeped-<-. What they really mean is "I'm a selfish person who sees my child as a pretty trinket to show off to other people in order to feel better about myself." If they really cared about us, they'd be proud of us for who we are. It's like... what if we had cancer and chemo caused us to lose our hair. Would they stand there and say "wow, I wish you'd stop with those chemicals. you're destroying your beautiful hair". AAARRRG.

(P.S. Seriously, it's eery how much you look like my brother. I did a double take when I saw your picture.)

Quote from: JHeron on September 19, 2014, 08:42:47 PM
All the time! My mothers comments would always be followed by "I just want you to be show how pretty you are" lol (oh and you gotta post like 10 more times to unlock PM I believe) it sucks dude cause if I were a parent. I can't imagine saying half these things to my child.. I don't know amazes me. Ps. I am not I am 100% cuban both my parents were born and bred there as was I until 10yrs ago but my grandparents on both sides were spanish immigrants to Cuba so mixed a bit I guess  on the race % side of things.

Latest quotes

Mom "God knows everything and doesnt make mistakes, your going against God's will"
Me "your right he doesn't make mistakes, and since he knows I would change genders it's his plan for me."
Mom "God thinks your an abomination for doing this and you're soul is controlled by a demon"
Me, walked away...

--

Mom "you need to read the bible more, I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about your soul going to hell"
Me "Even before I told you I'm trans, you said I'm different from everyone else. So nothing about me has changed"
Mom. "Your lost right now in life and I pray everyday that God will make you realize your mistake"

--
Me "hi mom"
Mom "how can you be sure your a girl , you can't handle it, how can you make such a choice so easily"
Me "like I've said a million times already,  this has been constantly on my mind since age 8 and its driving me insane. It hasn't been an easy choice for me. But now that I'm 23 I know it's the right thing for me to do and I'm sure about it. I always wanted to tell you guys but I knew it would be pointless like anything I ever asked for and your doing exactly everything I thought you would."
Mom "you should of told us son, it's that internet that warped your mind not you"
*small pause*
Me "Local churches are fine with transsexual people, why aren't you?"
Mom "their all satin worshipers, you need to read the bible!"
Me "I'll never be able to convince you of how I feel.." *cried lightly*
Mom "stop following this fake path before god leaves you forever" *she walked away*


Those are just my mother's...my dad holds all the real gems... But that is enough pain to remember for one day. =/

Sad to read most parents where negative in there actions to there child.
Here is always said "you can't do more then your best " ,"it are your feelings "
"your our child " and "you surprised us , need some time to to let it sink in ,are you happy now ? "
There attitude made me feel much better,and stand strong in live.

My parents didn't say anything mean perhaps I haven't come out yet

i am the only child in the family and one day my dad sighed...
dad：we gave birth to a girl but it changes to a boy
mom：silent
me：if u want a girl why dont u two give birth to one more boy so u will have a daughter when it grows up LOL
mom and dad：...thats weird

P.S. I translated the conversations since we are not native English speakers

Quote*clears throat* Are there any transmums and dads here who would be willing to take in some boys with ->-bleeped-<-ty parents?

If I thought I could take anyone in without disrupting my daughter's functionality or raising too many eyebrows about what my household looks like to outsiders, I would take this seriously. I remember how hard it was to be young and how desperately I looked for surrogate parents and safe housing. It drives me crazy now to have so much of what I always wanted and not be able to change anything for anyone coming from where I used to be.

(I'm not out yet, but he knows I prefer women. This is translated from Danish.)
Dad and I were lounging on the couch, flipping through channels on the television. He briefly pauses on 'The Bird Cage' during a scene at the Club.
Dad: What the hell are all these ->-bleeped-<-s doing?
Me:... That word is offensive, and further more; those are not necessarily gay men, dad. Some of them might be
Dad:(interrupting me) yeah yeah, ->-bleeped-<-s, whatever.
Me:(speaking over him) Transgendered women, or ->-bleeped-<- men, neither of which necessarily like men. Also, don't use '->-bleeped-<-s', that is also offensive. Some of them might also be people who just like the aesthetic
Dad: (Interrupts me again) WHATEVER, I GET IT, Shut up. (changes the channel.)

My mother asked me if I was "the way I am" (ie: bisexual, trans) because she's miscarried a male fetus before conceiving me. Apparently, I'm something of a medical miracle, and all the doctors told her that the hormones still cycling through her system wouldn't let her get pregnant again. I'm not offended by the question; heck, it's possible that she's right, and that is why I'm like this, but there's just ... something about it that sticks with me in an ugly way. I hope she doesn't think that this is her fault, or that she was a bad mother in some way.

It was an interesting little factoid, but on some level, I cant help but wish I'd never heard it. I can't explain why.

Quote from: captains on September 22, 2014, 04:15:17 AM
My mother asked me if I was "the way I am" (ie: bisexual, trans) because she's miscarried a male fetus before conceiving me. Apparently, I'm something of a medical miracle, and all the doctors told her that the hormones still cycling through her system wouldn't let her get pregnant again. I'm not offended by the question; heck, it's possible that she's right, and that is why I'm like this, but there's just ... something about it that sticks with me in an ugly way. I hope she doesn't think that this is her fault, or that she was a bad mother in some way.

It was an interesting little factoid, but on some level, I cant help but wish I'd never heard it. I can't explain why.

That's very interesting, my mum had a miscarriage before me too. It was a girl.

Quote from: captains on September 22, 2014, 04:15:17 AM
My mother asked me if I was "the way I am" (ie: bisexual, trans) because she's miscarried a male fetus before conceiving me. Apparently, I'm something of a medical miracle, and all the doctors told her that the hormones still cycling through her system wouldn't let her get pregnant again. I'm not offended by the question; heck, it's possible that she's right, and that is why I'm like this, but there's just ... something about it that sticks with me in an ugly way. I hope she doesn't think that this is her fault, or that she was a bad mother in some way.

It was an interesting little factoid, but on some level, I cant help but wish I'd never heard it. I can't explain why.

That's very interesting and valid curiosity. I've thought about it before since my mother had two miscarriages before me and they were both male. When she tried for a third time, I came into the picture and I wonder if I'm making up for those two extra brothers I've never had.

For the curious, there is some validity to the claim! My mom's miscarriage, for example, was fairly late term, so there would probably be a decent amount of testosterone floating around there.

There's good research substantiated the theory that sex hormones in-utero are what shape our developing brains into the sexually dimorphic (different for males and females) brains we possess as adults. Now, the actual degree to which there is a "female" and "male" brain is wishy-washy. There's a lot of in-between people, and there's no hard and fast rule, just some general trends, so please don't think I'm saying that SCIENTIFICALLY, WOMEN ARE XYZ or any of that. But it has been proposed that trans people, for some reason or another, possess brains which, physically, correlate more strongly with their identified gender, rather than their birth sex. Early scans have supported this, but it's real early research, and I wouldn't stake my professional reputation on the claim. I've had professors tell me it was hogwash, and some who believed it fervently. If yall are interested in this sort of thing, I can post more as the topic develops in-field, as I have access to a lot of papers and stuff. :)

Anyway, for me, personally, the only fear re: this being true, is that my mother would think it was her fault I was different, or that she should've waited longer to have me, or that she made my life harder in some way. Otherwise, I think it's just kind of a cool fact.

Quote from: captains on September 22, 2014, 11:52:20 AM
For the curious, there is some validity to the claim! My mom's miscarriage, for example, was fairly late term, so there would probably be a decent amount of testosterone floating around there.

There's good research substantiated the theory that sex hormones in-utero are what shape our developing brains into the sexually dimorphic (different for males and females) brains we possess as adults. Now, the actual degree to which there is a "female" and "male" brain is wishy-washy. There's a lot of in-between people, and there's no hard and fast rule, just some general trends, so please don't think I'm saying that SCIENTIFICALLY, WOMEN ARE XYZ or any of that. But it has been proposed that trans people, for some reason or another, possess brains which, physically, correlate more strongly with their identified gender, rather than their birth sex. Early scans have supported this, but it's real early research, and I wouldn't stake my professional reputation on the claim. I've had professors tell me it was hogwash, and some who believed it fervently. If yall are interested in this sort of thing, I can post more as the topic develops in-field, as I have access to a lot of papers and stuff. :)

Anyway, for me, personally, the only fear re: this being true, is that my mother would think it was her fault I was different, or that she should've waited longer to have me, or that she made my life harder in some way. Otherwise, I think it's just kind of a cool fact.

Your post is very interesting. I too have an interesting story to tell. When my mother was pregnant with me, at three months she developed this thing where her body caused her to produce too much water and so she was very swollen all around and the doctor put her on bed rest at three months pregnant. Well, fast forward to me being around 14-15, I was reading an Anatomy and Physiology text book and stumbled upon a section that claimed that women who retained too much water caused some children to identify with their opposite birth sex. It was very scientific and what not. I don't remember exactly what was said, but basically what I mentioned before is what I understood. I thought it was pretty cool.

Quote from: 2fish on September 22, 2014, 02:49:25 PM
Your post is very interesting. I too have an interesting story to tell. When my mother was pregnant with me, at three months she developed this thing where her body caused her to produce too much water and so she was very swollen all around and the doctor put her on bed rest at three months pregnant. Well, fast forward to me being around 14-15, I was reading an Anatomy and Physiology text book and stumbled upon a section that claimed that women who retained too much water caused some children to identify with their opposite birth sex. It was very scientific and what not. I don't remember exactly what was said, but basically what I mentioned before is what I understood. I thought it was pretty cool.

That happend to my mom, I had to much water in my head when I was in her womb she said.

My mother WANTED a boy more than anything.  Apparently she cried when she found out I was a "girl."  I really and truly thought that she'd think it was funny when I came out as trans*.  She wasn't supposed to have kids anyway, I probably should mention, and almost died giving birth to me.  I just wish she could see me as the son she'd always wanted, and not the "daughter" that she thought of aborting.

I always wondered whether my mother being on birth control when she concieved me had anything to do with it, but I doubt it can be or there would be more of us. 

parents: We like you just the way you are.
translation: We like you better as a girl.

I've been out to my parents for several years now and I came out to them a bit later in my life (mid-30s). I've been very lucky with having supportive parental units, but I though I'd share a few of the -funnier? unfortunate? - things they said early on.

My Mom
---------
I strategically told my mother first, as I knew she'd be the more receptive of the two.

About an hour after telling here and talking about it with her:
Mom: "You know, I always knew something wasn't quite right about you. [pause] That didn't sound right, but you know what I mean. You've always marched to the beat of a different drummer."
She also said at a later point that same weekend:
Mom: "I'm glad you told me. This is going to be selfish, but I feel like this barrier between us is gone now that you've told me. It's like there was always something you weren't saying or sharing, always keeping everyone at an arms length. I feel like that's gone now. I feel like we can move on now."

Later that year when I was visiting them:

Mom: "You're happy now. You were always so unhappy, as a child, as an adult. You smile now, you talk to people now. It's like you're a different person. I'm really glad that's how it is now, but I sometimes feel like I've lost my daughter and it makes me really sad."
(I felt bad after she said that, pre-T me would have bawled like a baby (post-T me has a difficult time crying at all). I didn't want her to feel sad, you know? I knew that she needed to, for lack of a better way to put it, mourn, but I spent a few weeks after that trying to figure out if there was a way I could make it any easier for her.)

Earlier this year:

Mom: "You know, when you are not here, I sometimes slip up and call you by your old name or she. Your father is worse, especially if we're talking about something that happened in the past. But when you are here in front of me, well, ...there's just nothing female about you. It would be weird to think of someone that sounds like you or acts like you or looks like you as she."

Thanks for the loving support mom; albeit a little too black-and-white with male and female behaviors/roles still, she's getting there and has been very supportive. Just says some great, slightly awkward things sometimes. I educate when appropriate. :)


My Dad
---------
My father has had a much harder time with it, but has overall been more supportive than I would have expected. My mother told him after the above conversation, and the first conversation we had after that included:

Dad: I'm always going to care about you, I just want to make sure you aren't really screwing up your life with this.

Later in the conversation:

Dad: I don't know, I don't think it's (transgender/GID) real.
Me: What do you think it is then?
Dad: [pause] I think it's a last resort, when people have failed at fitting well into society or in relationships as a man or a woman.

Ouch, thanks dad.
I did then ask him if that was his polite and slightly indirect way of telling me he thinks I failed at fitting in and finding a relationship and he immediately back-pedaled (as I have a good career, a good social circle, and a loving girlfriend). He then said he needed to think about it more and I told him I would send him some reference reading to help out. (I did.)

He's gotten better about it. He's managed to use my chosen name pretty reliably the last several times I've talked to him. He slipped up and called me his daughter not too long ago and immediately corrected himself awkwardly with son. It's the little things.

I'll have to post in the "Stuff Stranger's Say" thread, I've got some unfortunate/funny ones for that category.

My mother is, shall we say, extremely concerned about my dating life-- or my lack of one, rather. I've been on two dates in my whole life (I'm 22), and prior to that, my mother had this gem of a conversation with me about a year ago:
Mom: So you really are going to [start T], then?
Me: That's the plan.
Mom: It's my insurance. I don't think this is a good idea for you. You're not responsible enough for this kind of decision. You can't even clean your room. It's my insurance. Is there any way I can stop you?
Me: Well, I'm an adult, so I'm pretty sure you have no say in my health care decisions.
Mom: I just think it's a bad idea. I'm afraid you'll do this all and realize it's a phase. There are permanent changes, aren't there?
Me: Yes, there are. Mom, if it's a phase, it had lasted literally my whole life.
Mom: Well, are you having surgery?
Me: Top surgery, yeah. It's... (motions in chest area)
Mom: You can't go back on that.
Me: I'm aware.
Mom: What about your... (gestures downstairs)? What are you going to do about that?
Me: Nothing until they can grow me a penis?
Mom: I'm just worried no one will be able to love you if you don't match. How can you expect someone to love you if you don't match?
Me: I'm really beyond not concerned about that,  Mom.
Mom: Nobody should be alone their whole life. You will want a companion someday.
Me: Then I will find someone who lloves me for me. There are plenty of people who like trans guys who haven't had bottom surgery, mom.

I suspect it would've continued, but one of the little brothers came in and interrupted us.
Her major vein of protest was "I'm worried about you fitting in and being able to find somebody", to which my basic reply was "I have never been able to do those things, anyway.
She has gotten much better since then, tho she still messes up occasionally and gets annoyed if I call her on it.
Parents. Honestly.

iWolf, your mother's response is so ideal.

When I was a teenager, my first introduction to trans guys was when I was watching Boys Don't Cry with my dad and he kept calling Brandon a liar. I can't remember if that was because there were some instances where he did lie or if my dad was accusing him of lying about his gender, but I do remember I was uncomfortable.
When I came out to my mom, she put on *that* face and asked what feeling like a guy feels like and how do I know I feel like a guy. She expressed disappointment because she thought she raised us to think people of any gender didn't have to fit certain roles and why can't I be a woman? She asked me about my plans for genital surgery (because that's a conversation I ever feel like having with my mother) and then asked if I'd be like a neutered man (because my current plumbing would magically disappear without surgery). She also asked if I wanted to be a guy because I thought I needed to to be powerful (because I clearly wasn't already the most powerful person in our family).

(The parts in parentheses are sarcastic.)
My parents aren't in my life for other reasons.

(I cut my hair again to maintain the style I got earlier this summer. Which took weeks of mental preparation, courage, and a weekend away from home so I could do it in a safe place).

My grandmother, upon finding out about my haircut:
"There must be something wrong with you."
"I bet you miss that boyfriend of yours who let you get away with everything."
"Do you want to be homely all your life?"

I am definitely not out to her, never will be. I try to make the most of it, like by enjoying it when she says that I look like a butch dyke.

My dad and more or less what he said: 

"You're not transgender.  I changed your diaper so I know."

"You will always be my daughter to me."

" How you will pay for that?  You are stuck.  You don't have a job."

"It's against the Bible."

My mom tends to like to bring up conversations about my no-no square and always refer to me as "one day going to be a father" and crap like that. Even when we're alone.

The day after I came out to my mother:

"Your father and I talked this over and we have decided not to disown you."  Wow, thanks.  That was even on the table?  I mean, if I was diagnosed with any number of mental illnesses, that would have been fine, but being born with a female brain was a potential dealbreaker?  I almost disowned them, but we're actually closer than ever now.

"Please don't tell me we have to join some group now.  We don't join groups."  No, mom, you're now a member of "parents of trans" whether you like it or not.

"Don't tell X,Y and especially Z. They won't take it well, or at all."  No problem, mom.  I'll just make sure to tell my gossipy cousin. (Who told X,Y and Z pretty much right away.)  So I lost drunkle Z...  BFD.  He's an a*hole anyway.   

I will preface by saying my mother is a lovely person but a meth-addict in recovery. She's been sober for two years, but it's a constant battle and I take that into consideration.

"So, (girl name), how does your HUSBAND feel about this?"

"He's fine. He's gay."

"Well, he wasn't that "->-bleeped-<--tastic" if he dated you"

"Wow, mom. Really? Wanna open that can?"

She eventually came around but damn. That was a lovely conversation... 2 years after I told her to begin with.

+1 on the "why can't you just be a lesbian"
I also enjoyed my mom mocking my male speaking voice as "sounding stupid (subtext: for the woman I think you should be)"

My mother is also a lovely person and did a great job raising me but has a rough case of Catholic Guilt

Wow I am shocked reading some of these. I know not everyone is accepting/understanding right off the bat, but wow just wow. Some of these "parents" or "adults" (if you can even call them that) sound like they need to go back to jr. High school with the kind of talk that comes out their ignorant mouths....seriously? Mocking your kids' voice? Are you in grade 2??  Get some therapy or something....these are your children for fudgesakes, get over yourselves, stand up and be a real parent. They sound so f**cking ugly.

I more than agree some reactions are immature but i urge you to not put them all in the same box. Some are loving parents who simply don't understand, to them it's as if we were saying we wanted to be something twisted and taboo. It's difficult for people raised in different times and places to even comtemplate the idea of certain types of individuals existing in the world; much less have their child one day say he or she is like those individuals. So while I agree in no way is shaming or disrespect right, try to see that some of these parents are are being confronted with a situation that (most)never even knew existed much less expected it from their kid.

Quote from: pianoforte on August 31, 2014, 02:33:02 AM
The other day my mom, out of the blue, just said, "You'd make such an ugly boy."

Gosh, Mom...

:'(

I'm referring to stuff like this^^ I already stated that I understand that not everyone is understanding and accepting 100% off the start and there are some wonderful example of that in this topic.
The example that I quoted here on the other hand is completely rude and uncalled for....who calls their own kid "ugly" ?? Or mocks their kids male speaking voice?? Some parents don't get it at first and ok, fine...but to make a personal attack? Un-called for.

When I came out to my mom (for a second time because apparently she didn't believe me the first time?), she sat me down on the couch downstairs and yelled at me for hours. It ended with her standing over me as I tried to hide in my own self, repeatedly shouting, "BOYS DON'T CRY!"

About five weeks after that my dad told me that I was "doing this" because "it was the trend right now".

Three months after that my mom pointed out a very nice butch girl to me and said, "You wanna be like her? A boygirl?"

It's officially been a year since I've come out, and I've been shoved back into the closet by my parents so many times. It's almost hilarious.

Quote from: morganFW on October 10, 2014, 11:52:23 PM
I'm referring to stuff like this^^ I already stated that I understand that not everyone is understanding and accepting 100% off the start and there are some wonderful example of that in this topic.
The example that I quoted here on the other hand is completely rude and uncalled for....who calls their own kid "ugly" ?? Or mocks their kids male speaking voice?? Some parents don't get it at first and ok, fine...but to make a personal attack? Un-called for.

As you quoted my post, I just wanted to say that I'm not exactly out to my mom and what she said was in no way a response to my gender identity or expression. It was just a random thought she had, and between me and her when we have a random thought we share it. She intended it as a complement to a compliment she'd made earlier that I'm a pretty girl. My tearful smiley was a jokey one, but then this thread got all serious.

But yeah a lot of the things people say are totally ->-bleeped-<-ed up, including the things from my other posts (generally uttered by my grandmother, who is a sack of ->-bleeped-<-).

I thought that after over 3 years, I might be able to talk about my gender issues to my father. I was never so wrong. My hormone therapy came up, he started asking about it the first time so I explained. He was disappointed, and made a remark of how I'm destroying my health by taking medications and that I have no idea what I'm taking away from him and myself as well, and how he wanted to have grandchildren.

He said how some women say that the best time of their life was the time they were pregnant and how I can't know if I hated it if I never tried. He said he will never give up the hope that one day, "he would get his daughter back" and things like "if I was normal" and "if I was living a healthy life" and that "he hopes that one day I will find myself" and that "the outer shell of a human does not matter because what matters is inside".

I tried telling him that I have found myself already and that my body is wrong. I told him he can't imagine how terrible it is for me when he said I can't imagine how terrible it is for him, but he won't understand that I need this change.

Quote from: pianoforte on October 12, 2014, 08:15:08 AM
As you quoted my post, I just wanted to say that I'm not exactly out to my mom and what she said was in no way a response to my gender identity or expression. It was just a random thought she had, and between me and her when we have a random thought we share it. She intended it as a complement to a compliment she'd made earlier that I'm a pretty girl. My tearful smiley was a jokey one, but then this thread got all serious.

But yeah a lot of the things people say are totally ->-bleeped-<-ed up, including the things from my other posts (generally uttered by my grandmother, who is a sack of ->-bleeped-<-).

That is not nice. She probably loves you and cares about you.

Hey mac1 it might not be nice but it could also be the truth. Less you know the story can't really make predictions like that she probably loves him.

If she "loves him and cares about him" then says awful stuff to him, then obviously she's got a ->-bleeped-<-ed up way of showing it.

I used National Coming Out Day to finally come out publicly and on a large scale through Facebook. I was sick of living double. The parents have known for almost a year but refuse to talk or deal. This was my fathers public response on Facebook: "A fathers dreams for his little girl is that she will one day grow up to be a heart breaker. Today that wish came true for me, but I had no idea the broken heart would be mine." Then both my parents deleted their Facebook accounts. Today I received this message "We do love u. You have to know that we are having a hard time dealing and making a very public statment might have been great for u but not making it easier for us." Go parents....

Quote from: Maleth on August 31, 2014, 07:47:05 AM
Pre-everything, not out to anyone, buuuut...

Mom: "When are you gonna grow your hair out? Don't you want boys to like you?"

*sigh*

OMG, I know that one only too well. I haven't been able to come out to my parents yet (Only really settled on the idea of being trans AND doing something about it a week or so ago) but I've been gender queer for years. My Mom used to be under the impression that girls who look like boys simply don't attract anyone.

Yeah my grandma loves me and cares about me almost as much as she manipulates, controls, and assaults me and blames me for the sexual assault and other abuse that happened to me as a child.

As much as she's a terrible parent and person, it really grates on me to have to acknowledge her "kindness" for allowing me to live in her home. Even though what I am doing here is barely surviving.

I appreciate the intention of that comment, but she is a truly abusive person with a massive personality disorder who basically belittles everyone and everything around her, then promptly pretends she is perfect and nurturing and has never done anything to hurt anyone.

At my psychotherapist appointment today it came up that my mother forced me to shave my body hair, and actually did shave some off/all off (I can't quite remember).  I never really thought about how weird that was until I saw his reaction.

Forced you to shave? Like did she "inspect" you afterwards?? Dude that is creepy as hell...I'm really sorry that happened, I don't think I could look my mother in the eye after something so personal as her commenting on my body hair... damn. I hope she can look back on that and realize how damn nutty that is to do.

After going thru this thread it seems like most parents seem to be more concerned about themselves, like their trans* child who is seeking medical treatment to live a normal happy life, who is gonna go thru numerous surgeries, take hormones ect has some how made THEIR lives so awful cause now they'll never be able to give them grandchildren or grow up to be a "heartbreaker" (whatever the hell that means) a public FB statement? geeze you just ruined their lives!  seriously get over yourselves already there are soooo many, many worse things that could be happening to your kid or family.

I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy, if I could save all of you from these situations I would.

On the subject of body hair, last summer I got, "You need to shave your legs."
"Guys usually don't do that."
"You're not a guy."
"Excuse me?"
"You know what I mean! You don't look like one."
"Thank you, mother, that makes me feel a LOT better about myself."

Looking through this thread makes me feel a lot better about my mom's reaction, though. Damn, y'all got some tough stuff to wade through. Good luck :<
Also, WTF, making you shave your body hair? Shaving you? What the actual hell that is so ->-bleeped-<-ed up

In my teenage years my mom just mentioned that I should shave my legs so people don't make fun of me. But then again, I was the one who started and told her by complaining about what the big deal was in the first place. I hate the body hair but I still never shaved because I would have to keep doing it over and over again.

I suppose I've been really lucky in regards to body hair - neither of my parents ever pressured me to shave. My Mom would "suggest" that I shave now and then, because "it'd make me pretty". But after a few stern "No"s she'd leave me alone.  :P My Dad on the other hand never made any sort of comment on it.

To be completely honest, I would like to be "hairless"... But ehhh. Too much of a hassle.  :laugh:

Mom: *mocks how I walk when I approach her* (yeah, I have never walked like a girl, and not even those ballet classes you made me attend as a kid to girl me up remedied that).

I'm not out to my parents, but it still hurt my feelings.

Quote from: morganFW on October 14, 2014, 02:21:45 PM
Forced you to shave? Like did she "inspect" you afterwards?? Dude that is creepy as hell...I'm really sorry that happened, I don't think I could look my mother in the eye after something so personal as her commenting on my body hair... damn. I hope she can look back on that and realize how damn nutty that is to do.

I'd been getting comments at school, I suppose to the level that someone would call bullying, about it.  It was blatantly obvious that I didn't shave as most of my hair is dark, and I've got longish "troll" hair armpits.  Although it was never explicitly said, I can only imagine that the school told her about the comments, and she was trying to act in my best interests, but yeah, I wasn't particularly happy about it.  I wasn't enjoying the comments at school, and it meant that although I stopped shaving again probably less than a year later and she said nothing, although I did my best to keep it hidden, I did hide it from people right up until I came out in fear of getting those comments again.  However, I wasn't happy about her doing it at the time, and would have just rather kept on as I was.  She didn't inspect after, but she did physically shave at least one armpit and leg.  I can't really remember.

We don't talk much anymore, so I doubt anything would make her reconsider her actions.

Quote from: morganFW on October 14, 2014, 02:21:45 PM
Forced you to shave? Like did she "inspect" you afterwards?? Dude that is creepy as hell...I'm really sorry that happened, I don't think I could look my mother in the eye after something so personal as her commenting on my body hair... damn. I hope she can look back on that and realize how damn nutty that is to do.

After going thru this thread it seems like most parents seem to be more concerned about themselves, like their trans* child who is seeking medical treatment to live a normal happy life, who is gonna go thru numerous surgeries, take hormones ect has some how made THEIR lives so awful cause now they'll never be able to give them grandchildren or grow up to be a "heartbreaker" (whatever the hell that means) a public FB statement? geeze you just ruined their lives!  seriously get over yourselves already there are soooo many, many worse things that could be happening to your kid or family.

I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy, if I could save all of you from these situations I would.

My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

Quote from: Marcellow on October 15, 2014, 10:06:33 AM
My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

Sheesh! I can't believe so many people have this happen. Even if you weren't trans* and were actually women, I think anyone should have the right to choose whether they shave or not. Why should others dictate what they think is the right appearance for others? This really pisses me off.

Of course, now that I think of it, my parents always made me cut the hair on my head even if I always wanted to grow it out. I guess this is similar and not so surprising to me after all. Wow.  :-\

Quote from: Marcellow on October 15, 2014, 10:06:33 AM
My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

Yes, many would say that it is intrusive when someone tells us what to do with our bodies.  Even when it is our parents.  It's crossing personal boundaries.

I think there is a difference between suggesting that your "daughter" shave her legs in order to fit in with social norms versus punishing her for not doing it.

Quote from: Eevee on October 15, 2014, 12:04:44 PM
Of course, now that I think of it, my parents always made me cut the hair on my head even if I always wanted to grow it out. I guess this is similar and not so surprising to me after all. Wow.  :-\

Same. :/

It isn't exactly the same as the body hair thing, but my mom is constantly bugging me about cutting my hair, though I've told her a million times I'm growing it out. And then she comes and says "I'm cutting your hair", and I try to argue and stuff, but she literally FORCES me to let her cut my hair. Like, FORCES. It sucks. Doesn't help that she takes a freaking hour to cut hair so I have to sit there getting a hair cut I don't want for an hour. And I'm out to her too, but she doesn't care. Based on the way shes been acting since I came out to her, I think she's been actually trying to "boyify" me, if that's a thing. :/

iiMTF

Quote from: Marcellow on October 15, 2014, 10:06:33 AM
My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

She even made you shave your arms? Do girls even do that? I know I never did.

My mum is usually pretty good but occasionally she comes out with something funny.

"Can't you just take more estrogen so you'll feel more like a girl"
On how to tell if I'm really trans - Me: "There isn't a test or anything, there are brain differences but they can only be seen after you die if they dissect your brain." Her: "What? they can't just do a blood test?"
"I can still call you Rosie though right?" The weird thing about this one is Rosie isn't even my birth name. literally the only person who calls me this is her.

And her new favourite line:
"I never saw any signs of this when you were younger."

Thanks Mum  ::)

Yeah, I got the "This is just so sudden", too. And "You were never this way before".
Hello? My entire childhood I was a tomboy. My barbies went on adventures with my He-Man toys and G.I. Joes. I never, ever wanted to wear a dress and when puberty hit, I absolutely covered myself in clothing so you couldn't see my body. I cried when my Mom would literally force makeup onto my face as a teenager. And then how about the last ten years as I've showed up to every family function in a shirt and tie?
Willfull ignorance.

Quote from: LittleBoyBear on November 02, 2014, 06:43:58 AM
Yeah, I got the "This is just so sudden", too. And "You were never this way before".
Hello? My entire childhood I was a tomboy. My barbies went on adventures with my He-Man toys and G.I. Joes. I never, ever wanted to wear a dress and when puberty hit, I absolutely covered myself in clothing so you couldn't see my body. I cried when my Mom would literally force makeup onto my face as a teenager. And then how about the last ten years as I've showed up to every family function in a shirt and tie?
Willfull ignorance.

I can relate to this post so much!!  Even when I was a baby, I screamed and cried the entire time during my baptism, cause I had to wear a big, frilly dress.

Quote from: Marcellow on October 15, 2014, 10:06:33 AM
My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

I've been forced to shave on several occasions.  Sperm donor told me he'd make my best friend (who was spending the day with me that day_ leave if I didn't go in the bathroom right then and there, and that I couldn't watch Salem (my favorite show, like, ever) that night if I didn't shave my legs.  He came and checked my legs later on that night, and poked his finger at my underarms to try and get me to lift them, and prove I'd shaved.  I'm "an American woman, not a nasty, hairy, European woman."  He spent two years in Germany, so I guess he think he knows everything about all foreign women and their body hair. ::)  I think that comment speaks for his personality, without even the part of him forcing me to shave.

Speaking of body hair on ciswomen; do all cultures expect them to shave? 

Quote from: makipu on November 04, 2014, 05:03:04 PM
Speaking of body hair on ciswomen; do all cultures expect them to shave?

Nope.  It is reasonably common place though.

I got the mom-told-me-to-shave thing when I hit puberty too. Even getting a bra was a fight.

How I came out to her? After I cut my hair and was talking about taking photos in my jeans & blazer combo she said "careful with that, you don't want to look like a boy"

Umm... yeah, about that.

Didn't think I was entirely ready to tell her then, but didn't go as badly as I feared it might.

Quote from: pianoforte on October 14, 2014, 01:56:56 AM
Yeah my grandma loves me and cares about me almost as much as she manipulates, controls, and assaults me and blames me for the sexual assault and other abuse that happened to me as a child.

My mom is like that. She "loves" me and "supports" me, but I keep doing these things that hurt myself. Like having friends, standing up for myself, taking care of myself, getting away from abusive people, etc. Or like the things that did hurt me, but were not my fault like being raped and abused. Not by her or the rest of family though. No, of course not. That stuff never happened, wasn't abuse, their behaviour was totally justified and normal, and I need to look at how I was behaving. (Lots of sarcasm here, btw.)
Needless to say I seriously want to do some very violent things to her. No, it's not nice and I frankly don't give a rat's behind if anyone thinks I should feel or act any different towards her.

After I came out to my parents and they basiclally shut me down (like 4 months ago) I only had the courage to say something to my mother once again (1 month ago) which was that I asked her to finally acknowledge my identity, and she literally told me "You're too young to know this yet, and as long as that is and you don't transition you're still my daughter and you can't do anything about that."

After a lot of screaming and crying from both sides we agreed that she would try and start referring of/to me gender neutrally (introducing me as her child, not her daughter) and will also stop with the overly feminine nicknames she often calls me.

As for the culture/shaving question: I'm from Germany, and whilst most ciswomen/teengirls shave literally everything, it is still okay and not commented at when you don't shave. I'm not out and stopped shaving my legs half a year ago, and aside from my mom's acknowledgement ("Oh, did you stop shaving?") nothing else was ever said to me by anyone (yet).
And European women most certainly are not "nasty and hairy" :D At least nowadays not anymore. It was common in the 70s though (at least here in Germany).

Quote from: ftmalex on November 05, 2014, 12:59:35 PM
And European women most certainly are not "nasty and hairy" :D At least nowadays not anymore. It was common in the 70s though (at least here in Germany).

I'm sure they're not!  He's just a bigot, among many other (negative) things.

I feel lucky too, Ricky. My mom may occasionally make snarky comments or use the well timed awkward silence, but she never forced me to do anything I didn't want to do. And to be fair, I'm not out to her yet (it's gonna happen in about a week, hopefully it'll go OK) she only mocked me once, and it was about a year ago when I first really started living full time as male (we live in different states).

She also makes some funny half-joking comments, like wishing I could be like Rachel Maddow and also snag a similar career lol

I did come out to my dad, which went really well except he made the comment that he couldn't get used to a new name. Thankfully I'm keeping my already masculine name but I imagine a lot of people get that response which must be frustrating.

this was around spring of last year when i came out to my dad. looking at it still kind of hurts.  :-\

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t34.0-12/10276407_1430604227194553_1643450785_n.jpg?oh=05f0cd3bfac7b3b1c23901f48581a65b&oe=545D5ED2&__gda__=1415490906_26130b35eeaff56c3d15ca5bb58b7296)

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t34.0-12/10299346_1430604233861219_80761650_n.jpg?oh=cf6b4ada6f80651660b78151883c16ab&oe=545E5ACC&__gda__=1415472657_404a4ce3219967693cee6fc7cbdb3f30)

after these he kept calling me my birth name. it's unending with him, even nearly one year later. sigh.

Quote from: That lad Ricky on November 06, 2014, 01:54:26 PM
Sorry that it went rough for you..have you started T yet?
Perhaps it would be easier for him to get used to it with some visible changes e.g facial hair or low voice

yeah, i'm nearly 2 weeks on t and my voice is significantly deeper; along with visible facial hair. i think i'm seeing him next month so it'll be a shock to him haha

Quote from: Sheala on August 31, 2014, 02:50:08 AM
My dad told me that he didnt need another doughter....  :'(

and my mom the next day told me she needs "proof" like a lab report or something of that nature.

OUCH! Who cares what they need? It's your life! BTW you look awesome! Great Profile pic.

Quote from: That lad Ricky on November 06, 2014, 05:17:36 PM
Ah jealous man I can't wait to get started, I get a bit carried away on here then realise I havnt even had first appointment yet lol  ::)
Awesome that you got them changes so quick though, its bound to make some kind of difference
Haha always good to have something to look forward to  >:-)

haha for sure. i already fully passed; deeper starting voice, hairy, masculine face, etc. it's really exciting!
when do you visit the endo?

Quote from: palexander on November 06, 2014, 01:43:32 PM
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t34.0-12/10299346_1430604233861219_80761650_n.jpg?oh=cf6b4ada6f80651660b78151883c16ab&oe=545E5ACC&__gda__=1415472657_404a4ce3219967693cee6fc7cbdb3f30)

This really got to me, as I am (sort of) waiting for certain people (my grandmother who is old, my mom who smokes a lot and has generally poor health) to die rather than coming out to them. I can't afford to wait forever. If I choose not to transition it can't be for their benefit and I'll have to find a way to survive it.

It's just so hard dealing with family sometimes x_x

Quote from: That lad Ricky on November 06, 2014, 08:02:15 PM
That's not too bad then least it wouldn't of been as massive a shock as it could've been in that case,
Can imagine it is, if its exciting and makes you happier that's ultimately what matters eh :)
Well I'm in UK and broke so going on NHS, got my psychiatrist appointment at GIC end of this month,
Probably a bunch of assessments for like half a year then I'll probably get the chance to see the endo as I've done all I can do for now.. Gonna be worth the wait though that's for sure.

that's the thing.. my hair has been short since i was 8 and as soon as i could speak i told my mom i did not want to wear dresses anymore. i always played football (american, not soccer:D), basketball, bmx, and so on. the sports i did were not necessarily 'feminine' so to speak; i'm not saying girls can't play them, but i wanted to play sports primarily played by boys. the part that bothers me is he's ignored it my whole life... i actually have two gay brothers, well, one passed but yea. he doesn't know about the other, but again IT IS OBVIOUS...

my girlfriend is british as well! nhs will definitely help get you moving in the right direction :) we need to stay in contact so you can let me know how your transition goes, i'm excited for you!!

Quote from: pianoforte on November 07, 2014, 02:34:11 AM
This really got to me, as I am (sort of) waiting for certain people (my grandmother who is old, my mom who smokes a lot and has generally poor health) to die rather than coming out to them. I can't afford to wait forever. If I choose not to transition it can't be for their benefit and I'll have to find a way to survive it.

It's just so hard dealing with family sometimes x_x

that's what i wanted to do as well, but i'm really not close to that many members of my family. all of my grandparents have passed, i only talk to one of my aunts, and i live with my mom/sister. all of our close family and friends accepted it, but he still hasn't. though he did say he loved me for me the last time i saw him, but this was after i was visibly angry when he continually called me by my birth name and laughed in my face.

but here's the thing... there will come a point when not transitioning becomes harmful to you. you start to have dark thoughts, wish to magically wake up with a penis and no chest, but that won't happen. this journey is tough...and you cannot win everyone, so start living for you. the younger you transition the better. they can accept you, or not, but you have to live for YOU. at the end of the day you're left with yourself and if you're not happy, what's the point? i know that everyone on here will back you up; i hope that counts for something....

Quote from: That lad Ricky on November 07, 2014, 10:11:49 AM
Sometimes it feels lucky for it to be somewhat acceptable to dress&act like a guy but then that appears to make it difficult for some people to understand why you'd want to actually have HRT/SRS.
Yeah know what you mean sounds pretty typical and similar to me except I had different hobbies, guessed you didn't mean soccer though..gotta love it as its most watched here but also gotta laugh I mean its turned into one of the least 'masculine' things you could watch/play haha :P
Personally I feel that not looking typically physically male has a lot to do with it but sounds like you're really getting there,
A lot can change in a month so perhaps you'll get a better reaction when you visit this time.
Awesome aha, yeah hope so though sounds like I'm going to a place of no return.. Nobody knows anything recent about my local GIC lol if I make it back I'll make a post or something  :)

haha yea, i guess somewhat! there were countless things that i did. i was never a 'girl' in my opinion. always had short hair, always wore male clothing, always had a wallet, never did anything girls do. i literally felt stressed out at the mere thought of female clothing or not being able to cut my hair. i used to swim with trunks on until i hit puberty... then it got pretty crappy. when i was 7 or something i told my neighbor i wanted a penis but i didnt how know the surgery worked. i ended up telling more people about this desire, but everyone was surprised.

sounds good! good luck. :D

Quote from: palexander on November 07, 2014, 10:46:40 AM
haha yea, i guess somewhat! there were countless things that i did. i was never a 'girl' in my opinion. always had short hair, always wore male clothing, always had a wallet, never did anything girls do. i literally felt stressed out at the mere thought of female clothing or not being able to cut my hair. i used to swim with trunks on until i hit puberty... then it got pretty crappy. when i was 7 or something i told my neighbor i wanted a penis but i didnt how know the surgery worked. i ended up telling more people about this desire, but everyone was surprised.

sounds good! good luck. :D

Same here. I've actually had dreams where my hair grew out overnight and I had to go out in public with it long. Multiple dreams. They're horrible.

"You have periods, do you see your dad or ur brother having periods? No so your a girl.

Quote from: pianoforte on November 07, 2014, 02:34:11 AM
This really got to me, as I am (sort of) waiting for certain people (my grandmother who is old, my mom who smokes a lot and has generally poor health) to die rather than coming out to them. I can't afford to wait forever. If I choose not to transition it can't be for their benefit and I'll have to find a way to survive it.

It's just so hard dealing with family sometimes x_x

I feel you. I'm not postponing my transition, but I'm keeping it from my grandfather, who is in very poor health. On the one hand, I feel bad for keeping it from him. On the other, he's almost 90. I feel like the chances of him taking it well are very low and the last thing I want is for the shock to impact his health. It's not that I'm afraid of rejection, I just don't want to hurt him. :/

Quote from: nguoiviet on November 07, 2014, 01:37:24 PM
"You have periods, do you see your dad or ur brother having periods? No so your a girl.

I would have had a little fun with that comment.  :P "So I'm only a 'girl' for 7 days each month?", "So before puberty I was a boy?", "So after menopause, women become men?", etc.  :laugh:

Quote from: nguoiviet on November 07, 2014, 01:37:24 PM
"You have periods, do you see your dad or ur brother having periods? No so your a girl.

Tell your dad thanks for me, I have "girl bits" but have never had a period in my life! (No Uterus dude to a genetic syndrome. So under his definition I'm a boy! Yay! :laugh:

But seriously... tell him to widen his profile of what constitutes male or female. :-\

Quote from: nguoiviet on November 07, 2014, 01:37:24 PM
"You have periods, do you see your dad or ur brother having periods? No so your a girl.

I have a period. <-(It's right there)

I'm sure your dad and brother use that punctuation as well.  :laugh:

Quote from: Eevee on November 07, 2014, 03:41:32 PM
I have a period. <-(It's right there)

I'm sure your dad and brother use that punctuation as well.  :laugh:

Ha! That's genius, Eevee.  :laugh: Even better than my "comebacks". Definitely adding that to my list of things to say if I ever hear that line.

"it's really hard for us to use male pronouns with you" - I highly doubt it's harder then how hard it is for me to be constantly misgendered whenever I'm around you
"they is a plural pronoun , it can't describe a single person" -yes it can . While the grammatical awkwardness of they is part of the reason I stopped using it I would happily use it for someone else if they wanted me to
"i don't like the name jason"- I don't care it's my name not yours so only I have to like it
"we do so much for you already. stop putting so much on us"
"I don't want to spend my money on somethiing you might change your mind on" - if I'm asking for it I'm probably pretty sure I won't change my mind

I don't really remember anything bigoted my parents have said. However, a certain older relative proceeded to call me the "d word" because I was too depressed to move a box for her.

My mother said this too me after I told her how I feel about my body/identity : " I think you are a just a lesbian.." This happend in 2010.
I am now out of the closet,and all my friends and family sees me as a guy :icon_biggrin: