Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Like doing something specific or just randomly entering into a very "manly" state of mind? Because in the last two months sense coming out iv been coming more comfortable with my femm self. And had not had any real "macho" moods in over a year. Until last night, after i was done playing GTA5. Now most games i play have alot of violence, and have never went threw this. I was playing for about two to three hours, as one of the characters named Trevor. If you have played it and know who he is i shouldn't need to say more, those who don't, hes basically a psychopathic sociopathic violent murdering monster. And i love playing as him. And after i was done, i felt such a surge of hyper macho manhood it was crazy, yelling, wrestling with the dogs,and performing my expected "male sexual role" in a better way then i ever have. That never happens to me. And left me really confused. It was like a rush that i loved and hated. And im really confused over because i never get like that. Anyone else?

There are two times it happens with me. Well sort of, when I get super depressed then the thought of transitioning is repulsive. The other time it happens is when I might listen to aggressive music or play an aggressive game, anything that draws aggression out in me.

Though I think the feelings of repulsion that I get when depressed might just be a defence, I know that I need to start to transition but I believe it is very unlikely that I will ever be able to.

Sometimes i will get that same repulsive feeling two :( alot actually. It sucks

I'm in a seminar style college, so every class pretty much breaks out into debate. Before I came here I got soooo excited for moments when I would get really into a debate and use a "masculine" tone of voice. I'm transitioning now and have no intention of changing my voice. It's definitely deep for a woman, but for a guy it's... well, the typical voice of a quiet person, so kinda softspoken. But I'm kinda genderqueer even though I am a transsexual. For me, I couldn't wait to smack people in the face with the idea that there is room for masculine energy in femininity and vice versa. If stuff I do is masculine, that's 100% alright with me. And fyi, I'm taking two courses in feminism, and meanwhile dorm with two dudes. And we have GTAV in the room. Not sure if you are, but bouts or moments of masculinity shouldn't make you go too crazy and concerned. Gender is really pretty fluid, whether you identify as female, male, or anything between and beyond. Adrenaline and testosterone doesn't control who you are.

It does happen from time to time - not that much as aggression - but it puts me into "adventurous" mode when I just need to get some adrenaline injection :). In Your case... it might fade with time or it wont. In latter case You might try to battle it to fit into some ideal and stereotypical gender role -  or You might just embrace it. We all are and will be different and if it makes You feel good - just go for it and do it! Trying to repress those feelings might cause much more issues in the long term.

I could not muster even an once of masculinity if my life depended on it.

"Masculine" and "feminine" are gender roles, and as such are created and imposed by society. If you identify as female/a woman, then anything you do is feminine because you're female/a woman. The end.