Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is something I've wanted to say for a long time, and I think I'm finally going to stop seething in silence and speak up about it. I really don't like people trying to make their own gender/sexual identities, philosophies and experiences into mine. What works for you doesn't necessarily work for me. What makes sense to you doesn't necessarily make sense to me. Don't try to change me and I won't try to change you. Over my time in the trans* community, I've been subjected to all of the following:

* I've been told my transition isn't "complete" without SRS.

* I've been told my emotional wiring is inferior to other trans women because I'm not on hormone therapy, despite the fact that I'm more emotional and cry far more easily than many/most women.

* I've been told my preference for women makes me less of a woman somehow.

* I've been told my preference for women isn't real because no one can be purely attracted to one gender.

* I've been told I would be so, so much happier being non-binary instead of MTF, and the only reason I'm binary is because I'm not "enlightened" enough.

* I've been told everyone's gender is fluid, which, considering how long I've had to live in a gender I identify with 0%, I find this assertion very insulting. Just because your gender is fluid doesn't mean mine is.

* I've been told that if I don't do hormone therapy, I'm just a cross-dresser, not a real transsexual.

I'm sure there are a ton of others I'm forgetting. It gets very hard to keep track of them all, and I come across statements like these (sometimes worded very politely, but the sentiment is still the same) often enough that I thought this post was necessary. Anyway, the main point here is this: We are all individuals. Our feelings, identities and sexualities are our own. Please stop trying to make what works for you work for the rest of us. It doesn't.

/end rant

P.S. - Feel free to rant about your own experiences.

Well, I say, You do what works for You, cause it's Your life and it's You who is going to live it out fully till the day when there is no tomorrow. So ... f..ck those nay'sayers  and lets go and do some crazy stuff? :) Or not :).

Only you can define who you are period. If given the opportunity I want to do the full transition not to be a woman but to be me.

My issue with my confidence in being trans is the fact that I don't know if I would ever consider myself a woman ever. All I know is hrt and all of the surgeries will allow me to be who I am.

oh and hugs! :P

One a-hole told me I can't be a real man without a penis. I told him I didn't want one if it made me act like a pompous jerk. My girlfriend AND his high-fived me.

Be YOU. Our identity is only in our control anyway.

Quote from: White Rabbit on September 05, 2014, 09:05:58 AM
Only you can define who you are period. If given the opportunity I want to do the full transition not to be a woman but to be me.

My issue with my confidence in being trans is the fact that I don't know if I would ever consider myself a woman ever. All I know is hrt and all of the surgeries will allow me to be who I am.

oh and hugs! :P

I want those things, too. I want to be on HRT and have SRS. But I hate the attitude some people have that I'm not a real woman or that I'm less of a woman until I get them. I may never get them, because of a combination of financial and medical issues. Am I supposed to just live a life I hate in the mean time because I don't fit into some standard of transsexuality? I'm not going to wait for some arbitrary aesthetic requirements to be me. I'm me, and I'm just as much of a woman and just as feminine as anyone else.

(None of that is directed at you, by the way, it's just a general statement)

*hugs back*

Quote from: Greeneyedrebel on September 05, 2014, 09:32:56 AM
One a-hole told me I can't be a real man without a penis. I told him I didn't want one if it made me act like a pompous jerk. My girlfriend AND his high-fived me.

Be YOU. Our identity is only in our control anyway.

:D

That's awesome!

Hugs, Pikachu. That's awful. Here are my rants:

* A trans woman told me I needed facial surgery.
* A psychiatrist told me I didn't have dysphoria because I could stand up to pee.
* The same psychiatrist minimized my situation because it had been only a few months since I decided to transition. Recommended I "slow down my transition" because I would be disappointed.
* Another therapist refused a surgery letter because I still lived with my wife.
* In response to my first post here, another member told me I made him uncomfortable posting here because I sounded like I was cisgender.
* Another member told me I couldn't be suffering from dysphoria because I was non-binary.

Thanks for sharing, Suzi. I'm glad you didn't let comments like those deter you on your path to happiness. Especially the ones coming from supposed medical professionals. Those must have been even more difficult to handle. :(

*hugs*

Those that accept you for who you are tend to be quieter about it. For them, it just is. It's kind of a shame, really, since we hear so much from all the others.

I think you're great, just the way you are. And frankly, I don't care how you identify yourself. People's labels don't really appeal to me so much. I'm not sure if that helps any, though. I hope it does.

Quote from: Pikachu on September 05, 2014, 08:13:15 AM
* I've been told my transition isn't "complete" without SRS.

* I've been told my emotional wiring is inferior to other trans women because I'm not on hormone therapy, despite the fact that I'm more emotional and cry far more easily than many/most women.

* I've been told my preference for women makes me less of a woman somehow.

* I've been told my preference for women isn't real because no one can be purely attracted to one gender.

* I've been told I would be so, so much happier being non-binary instead of MTF, and the only reason I'm binary is because I'm not "enlightened" enough.

* I've been told everyone's gender is fluid, which, considering how long I've had to live in a gender I identify with 0%, I find this assertion very insulting. Just because your gender is fluid doesn't mean mine is.

* I've been told that if I don't do hormone therapy, I'm just a cross-dresser, not a real transsexual.

I'm sure there are a ton of others I'm forgetting. It gets very hard to keep track of them all, and I come across statements like these (sometimes worded very politely, but the sentiment is still the same) often enough that I thought this post was necessary. Anyway, the main point here is this: We are all individuals. Our feelings, identities and sexualities are our own. Please stop trying to make what works for you work for the rest of us. It doesn't.

/end rant

P.S. - Feel free to rant about your own experiences.

*I've been told I shouldn't talk about trans stuff because I'm not on hormones yet. I try to my best to refrain from posting about stuff I do not know, but I do believe I may know a thing or two.

*A trans friend of mine cannot believe how I'm not out yet, she says she has doubts about me being transgender.

*I've been told that I should have unrelenting gender dysphoria all the time or I'm not trans.

*I've been told since I don't really like girly things that much and I don't really 'write' like a girl (whatever the heck that means) I'm not trans

*When I said I felt a little genderfluid or non-binary, I was told there is NO such thing as genderfluid or non-binary, and it's just some kind of new age, indie rock music movement or fashion statement these days.

"I've been told..."

The thing about those three words is that they often come from people who are looking to convince themselves of what they're saying, rather than trying to change you. They want you to fit their model because it makes them feel better about themselves. In essence, it's just an opinion. And you know what they say about opinions...

Listen to the voice inside yourself, the one which knows you best. That one will show you your own path. Rather than the disembodied, opinionated assertions of people who don't have the first clue about you, and base what they think on themselves. They aren't you. You are.

*huge snugglehugs to everyone*

Also, Pikachu, you know how I feel so I won't repeat it here. Just... remember that when you're feeling down. :)

the stars have come out :)

* I have been told that there is nothing feminine about me, I do not act like a woman, I do not think like a woman, I do not look like a woman. Sigh... them ducks, eh?
* I have been told that no amount of carving up my body will make me a woman
* I have been told that it is all just some kind of paraphilia
* I have been told that I am not transgender, I am suffering from gender identity disorder (that's SO DSM-4!)
* a better "been told": I have been told that I can't do the gardening in a tank top anymore :D (so much for the preceding pronouncements)

I can't be TS because I never wear skirts
I can't be TS because I hardly ever wear make up(seriously bad hay fever again)
I can't be TS because I like muscle cars and classic bikes and cars
I can't be TS because I go to the Rebellion punk festival every year and also listen to metal
I can't be TS because I'm bi
I think everyone can guess my replies!(1st word starts with F,2nd word starts with Y)

Why can't some people wrap their heads around the fact that there are as many ways to be trans* as there are trans* people.  There is no one-size-fits-all approach to tackling gender dysphoria.  Treatment needs to be tailored to the individual to maximize effectiveness.

It's going to sound funny coming from me, but the most important thing to care about or follow is what makes you happy and forget what others say.  The whole point of transitioning or expressing who we are is to break out of the restrictive aspects of our life that confine us.  That may mean different things to different people.  Hell transitioning may not even be part of that equation and that word itse;f means different thing to different people.  I have very definitive thoughts about my transition/path and how I feel about my gender identity and being trans, but those with different views or goals for themselves have just as an important path/perspective as anyone else.

But seriously, the only real way to be trans is to join our secret underground cult that we hide from all the cisgender people.  We have a members card and everything. ;)

Quote from: learningtolive on September 05, 2014, 09:01:39 PM
But seriously, the only real way to be trans is to join our secret underground cult that we hide from all the cisgender people.  We have a members card and everything. ;)

Wait, I thought rule #1 was not to talk about trans* club.  CarrieLiz said so. 

Where's my card?  I want a card, dammit.

Quote from: Pikachu on September 05, 2014, 08:13:15 AM
This is something I've wanted to say for a long time, and I think I'm finally going to stop seething in silence and speak up about it. I really don't like people trying to make their own gender/sexual identities, philosophies and experiences into mine. What works for you doesn't necessarily work for me. What makes sense to you doesn't necessarily make sense to me. Don't try to change me and I won't try to change you. Over my time in the trans* community, I've been subjected to all of the following:

* I've been told my transition isn't "complete" without SRS.

* I've been told my emotional wiring is inferior to other trans women because I'm not on hormone therapy, despite the fact that I'm more emotional and cry far more easily than many/most women.

* I've been told my preference for women makes me less of a woman somehow.

* I've been told my preference for women isn't real because no one can be purely attracted to one gender.

* I've been told I would be so, so much happier being non-binary instead of MTF, and the only reason I'm binary is because I'm not "enlightened" enough.

* I've been told everyone's gender is fluid, which, considering how long I've had to live in a gender I identify with 0%, I find this assertion very insulting. Just because your gender is fluid doesn't mean mine is.

* I've been told that if I don't do hormone therapy, I'm just a cross-dresser, not a real transsexual.

I'm sure there are a ton of others I'm forgetting. It gets very hard to keep track of them all, and I come across statements like these (sometimes worded very politely, but the sentiment is still the same) often enough that I thought this post was necessary. Anyway, the main point here is this: We are all individuals. Our feelings, identities and sexualities are our own. Please stop trying to make what works for you work for the rest of us. It doesn't.

/end rant

P.S. - Feel free to rant about your own experiences.

I certainly hope that any of this behavior is not happening here at Susan's, if it is you should report it so it can be dealt with

Each of us are on our own journey and everyone's journey is their own with their own path to walk at the pace of their own choosing

We are all here for each other and everyone is included regardless of where upon the path of their journey they may be, if various members are breaking the ToS here at Susan's, staff want to know about it

Hugs Sweetie

V M 

I've been told many of the things listed here at Susans..

Quote from:  Pikachu* I've been told my transition isn't "complete" without SRS.

That one usually gets jumped on pretty quick.. But it's a comment sure to bring the knives out..

Quote from: big kim on September 05, 2014, 05:40:15 PM
I can't be TS because I hardly ever wear make up(seriously bad hay fever again)
I can't be TS because I like muscle cars and classic bikes and cars

I don't wear make up simply because I don't like it and my taste in cars is different, but same issues.

And there are a few others I could quote. There is one thing that happened early on that annoyed me. I was told I would need all sorts of FFS in order to 'pass'.. Now, either there's a difference of standards involved, or I was having smoke blown up somewhere it really shouldn't go. My life tells me different.

One thing I will say, is that the staff here are usually pretty quick to act on something when it gets reported. You mightn't always notice what happens, but action will happen when it's called for.

I have to say I haven't had anyone telling me that negative vibe merchant stuff (except myself before I decided to transition). We are uniquely ourselves, our experience isn't anyone else's even though there may be points of intersection, no one has the right to believe we care about how they think we should express our gender.

I wouldn't say that SRS makes you complete, although for me its a requirement, however I've heard its important because it reduces the HRT level requirements. The reduced levels are safer for your health over the long run. However that doesn't make you complete or not.

I'm going to be not politically correct but which a$$hole told you all this crap?

Quote from: Jill F on September 05, 2014, 09:06:55 PM
Wait, I thought rule #1 was not to talk about trans* club.  CarrieLiz said so. 

Where's my card?  I want a card, dammit.

Isn't there a platinum TransAmericard?  You might think so the way we sometimes treat each other. 

It can be a real let down to seek solidarity and understanding and find judgement instead.  I like to tease the status judges in the gay male community about have a platinum GayAmericard.  In the lesbian community it's called being a Gold Star Lesbian.  Those that keep score and who's goal is purity might just be missing something?

Quote from: V M on September 05, 2014, 10:33:13 PM
I certainly hope that any of this behavior is not happening here at Susan's, if it is you should report it so it can be dealt with

Actually, everything in my initial post were things I experienced here at some point. I don't report that kind of stuff, though, because I don't want people getting slapped with warnings/put on moderation/getting marks on their account. I figure a thread like this is far more productive. That was my main intent with creating it. So that those who feel inclined to make such statements might think better of it.

Yesterday on another thread, a member of this site, upon learning that I was non-binary gendered and had gotten SRS, posted "are you sure srs was the right thing for you? ".

I need to step away from my computer before I break something.

Quote from: suzifrommd on September 06, 2014, 06:17:42 AM
Yesterday on another thread, a member of this site, upon learning that I was non-binary gendered and had gotten SRS, posted "are you sure srs was the right thing for you? ".

I need to step away from my computer before I break something.

*hugs* You're beautiful, Suzi. Inside and out. Don't let comments like those ever make you forget that, okay?

If you have a problem of this nature with a user at Susan's, I would at least recommend reporting their post.  The staff will only be as punitive with a user as they need to be.

Next time I'm tempted to reply in a rage, "I'M NOT YOU. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME INTO YOU," I'll direct the offender to this thread.

I especially identify with your objection to "break out of the binary" exhortations and the maxim "your gender is fluid." Look, bub, YOUR gender might be fluid, but mine just isn't and never has been. Maybe that will change, but after fifty years, I highly doubt it.

My buddy, now, he's pretty damned fluid. And he and I are two wildly different people.

Quote from: Jill F on September 05, 2014, 09:06:55 PM
Wait, I thought rule #1 was not to talk about trans* club.  CarrieLiz said so. 

Where's my card?  I want a card, dammit.

well...
here's mine:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FN0WyAnF.jpg&hash=28ee2aed7e79095c82cb123f2500fee1497b55a0)

...and here's yours:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fu4pg733.jpg&hash=71edc1949c0cc8a52490e13a4784188adddbeb07)