Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: galaxyboy on September 06, 2014, 01:10:19 AM Return to Full Version
Title: So uh, hey!
Post by: galaxyboy on September 06, 2014, 01:10:19 AM
Post by: galaxyboy on September 06, 2014, 01:10:19 AM
Hi everyone. My name's Allen, but I go by Toby sometimes as well, but being addressed by my username is good enough for me. I'm really not great at introductions and talking about myself, so I'm sorry if this sounds choppy at all.
I'm ftm / trans-masculine and have identified as such for about 3 or so years. I didn't know my whole life, but I can definitely see in retrospect where things could have been questioned about my childhood behaviour. I started feeling weird about my body around puberty, as seems to be a common story, and I remember clearly remarking to one of my friends in middle school that the one sentence description of "transgender" in our sex ed book fit me. We both brushed it off and I didn't see that word again for years. (Oh how I wish there was better LGBT education and representation.) I started playing around with pronouns and my gender in an actual playing sense, on an RP forum with my long distance internet girlfriend at that time, using (gross and wrong) perceived gender roles in the relationship to step into a persona that felt right to me.
A couple years after that and a switch of blogging platforms, with most of the previous "just roleplay shenanigans" behind me, I started feeling the dysphoria again (though I didn't have the word for it) and out-loud questioned myself on the website I was using. I had several comments from my also questioning friends that basically amounted to "yeah same" but a few people stood out and mentioned, "hey, that sounds like a trans thing, you should talk to so-and-so". A queer community opened up to me and I started identifying as non-binary for a while, partly because I didn't know exactly how I felt and partly because when I did figure it out, my internalized transphobia made me scared to think about it. It took six months between IDing as genderqueer and finally IDing as trans male to come to terms with it - not exactly the best wording, but the only thing that I can really classify it as, since I was so stubborn but so sick and tired of not feeling myself. I picked my name shortly after that with the help of my best friend, but mostly kept it to my friends and my blog followers, even after I told my parents.
Another six months or so after that (last year, actually), I attended a camp for Transgender, Questioning, and Gender Non-Conforming youth run by my local LGBTQ group and found myself with an overwhelming support system, which I needed. My parents didn't react badly to my coming out (shortly after choosing my name), but they didn't exactly react well either. They're not on board with using my proper name/pronouns/etc etc. That camp was the first time I heard in real life anyone use what felt right to me. (I made it a point to go back this year, and I'll go every year until I age out, they're basically my family now.) I go to the youth group every month or so now, for their various montly programs both trans specific and otherwise, because I need that sense of family. It gets hard not hearing the right stuff at home, yknow?
I think I totally got off track there, but that's my story. Out to myself for three years, out to my parents for two, out to social media for one. Nice little timeline going on. After a year of therapy I'm finally starting HRT in a little over a week, and Im both excited and nervous as heck. (Outside of the trans identity, I'm a pudgy lil nerd who loves competition cooking shows, RPG video games, Harry Potter, science, and space. Hence the username.)
I'm excited to make connections here. I've anonymously scoured this forums before when I had problems, it's nice to be an actual part of it now. Thanks for reading my super rambley disorganized post.
- Allen
I'm ftm / trans-masculine and have identified as such for about 3 or so years. I didn't know my whole life, but I can definitely see in retrospect where things could have been questioned about my childhood behaviour. I started feeling weird about my body around puberty, as seems to be a common story, and I remember clearly remarking to one of my friends in middle school that the one sentence description of "transgender" in our sex ed book fit me. We both brushed it off and I didn't see that word again for years. (Oh how I wish there was better LGBT education and representation.) I started playing around with pronouns and my gender in an actual playing sense, on an RP forum with my long distance internet girlfriend at that time, using (gross and wrong) perceived gender roles in the relationship to step into a persona that felt right to me.
A couple years after that and a switch of blogging platforms, with most of the previous "just roleplay shenanigans" behind me, I started feeling the dysphoria again (though I didn't have the word for it) and out-loud questioned myself on the website I was using. I had several comments from my also questioning friends that basically amounted to "yeah same" but a few people stood out and mentioned, "hey, that sounds like a trans thing, you should talk to so-and-so". A queer community opened up to me and I started identifying as non-binary for a while, partly because I didn't know exactly how I felt and partly because when I did figure it out, my internalized transphobia made me scared to think about it. It took six months between IDing as genderqueer and finally IDing as trans male to come to terms with it - not exactly the best wording, but the only thing that I can really classify it as, since I was so stubborn but so sick and tired of not feeling myself. I picked my name shortly after that with the help of my best friend, but mostly kept it to my friends and my blog followers, even after I told my parents.
Another six months or so after that (last year, actually), I attended a camp for Transgender, Questioning, and Gender Non-Conforming youth run by my local LGBTQ group and found myself with an overwhelming support system, which I needed. My parents didn't react badly to my coming out (shortly after choosing my name), but they didn't exactly react well either. They're not on board with using my proper name/pronouns/etc etc. That camp was the first time I heard in real life anyone use what felt right to me. (I made it a point to go back this year, and I'll go every year until I age out, they're basically my family now.) I go to the youth group every month or so now, for their various montly programs both trans specific and otherwise, because I need that sense of family. It gets hard not hearing the right stuff at home, yknow?
I think I totally got off track there, but that's my story. Out to myself for three years, out to my parents for two, out to social media for one. Nice little timeline going on. After a year of therapy I'm finally starting HRT in a little over a week, and Im both excited and nervous as heck. (Outside of the trans identity, I'm a pudgy lil nerd who loves competition cooking shows, RPG video games, Harry Potter, science, and space. Hence the username.)
I'm excited to make connections here. I've anonymously scoured this forums before when I had problems, it's nice to be an actual part of it now. Thanks for reading my super rambley disorganized post.
- Allen
Title: Re: So uh, hey!
Post by: Jo-is-amazing on September 06, 2014, 01:39:38 AM
Post by: Jo-is-amazing on September 06, 2014, 01:39:38 AM
Welcome, to the planet of the Nerds!!!
Although there seems to be something else everyone here has in common but I just can't put my finger on it :P
Welcome to Susan's Allen/Toby/Galaxyboy. Have some fun! and be yourself!
Although there seems to be something else everyone here has in common but I just can't put my finger on it :P
Welcome to Susan's Allen/Toby/Galaxyboy. Have some fun! and be yourself!
Title: Re: So uh, hey!
Post by: V M on September 06, 2014, 02:45:24 AM
Post by: V M on September 06, 2014, 02:45:24 AM
Hi Allen :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Please be sure to review
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Please be sure to review
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Hugs
V M
Title: Re: So uh, hey!
Post by: Ms Grace on September 06, 2014, 02:46:58 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on September 06, 2014, 02:46:58 AM
Hi Galaxyboy! Thanks for sharing your story and welcome to Susan's! :D