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Title: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 06, 2014, 03:15:08 PM
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 06, 2014, 03:15:08 PM
Hey all!
So, a bit about me. I've been ghosting these forums for a while now. Years, actually. Enough to know that my story fits into the common narrative of what drives us all here. I'm late thirties. I have a wife, a two year old. A career. I'm an author, too.
As many of us have, I've experienced waves of this over the past decades. What started out as part of me I was curious about has picked up steam as of late. Sometime during my SO's pregnancy, I was hit with a particular hard shot of dysphoria and really it hasn't subsided. I went to therapy a couple of times, enough to know I was in trouble. I even tried two bouts of laser hair removal. And, of course, I did three months of DIY hormones just to prove what I already know.
So, now what? Well...I don't know. I'm stricken with the fear of coming out. Like, paralyzed. Things have not been good in my marriage, but I feel I owe it to my SO to give her some part of what she wants in life. And lately, we've had a good run of financial certainty with both of us having good jobs. Yet, I feel like a ticking bomb.
I don't know. It feels so trivial to put this down, but I want to say that no matter what path I take, many of you have been inspirations for me.
Thanks for reading,
Stacy
So, a bit about me. I've been ghosting these forums for a while now. Years, actually. Enough to know that my story fits into the common narrative of what drives us all here. I'm late thirties. I have a wife, a two year old. A career. I'm an author, too.
As many of us have, I've experienced waves of this over the past decades. What started out as part of me I was curious about has picked up steam as of late. Sometime during my SO's pregnancy, I was hit with a particular hard shot of dysphoria and really it hasn't subsided. I went to therapy a couple of times, enough to know I was in trouble. I even tried two bouts of laser hair removal. And, of course, I did three months of DIY hormones just to prove what I already know.
So, now what? Well...I don't know. I'm stricken with the fear of coming out. Like, paralyzed. Things have not been good in my marriage, but I feel I owe it to my SO to give her some part of what she wants in life. And lately, we've had a good run of financial certainty with both of us having good jobs. Yet, I feel like a ticking bomb.
I don't know. It feels so trivial to put this down, but I want to say that no matter what path I take, many of you have been inspirations for me.
Thanks for reading,
Stacy
Title: Re: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: Jera on September 06, 2014, 03:21:28 PM
Post by: Jera on September 06, 2014, 03:21:28 PM
Welcome to Susan's, Stacy. :)
I don't think any of what you wrote down is trivial, at all. It's kind of a big step you're about to take.
Feel free to make your own thread about it, if you're comfortable doing so. A lot of us use this place to hash out some issues, and other people who have gone through this might share their own experience with you. Maybe it will help?
Either way, I look forward to seeing you around. :)
I don't think any of what you wrote down is trivial, at all. It's kind of a big step you're about to take.
Feel free to make your own thread about it, if you're comfortable doing so. A lot of us use this place to hash out some issues, and other people who have gone through this might share their own experience with you. Maybe it will help?
Either way, I look forward to seeing you around. :)
Title: Re: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 06, 2014, 03:23:56 PM
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 06, 2014, 03:23:56 PM
Thanks, Jera!
Title: Re: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: V M on September 06, 2014, 03:50:06 PM
Post by: V M on September 06, 2014, 03:50:06 PM
Hi Stacy :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Please be sure to review
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Please be sure to review
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Hugs
V M
Title: Re: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 06, 2014, 04:16:12 PM
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 06, 2014, 04:16:12 PM
Thanks! I'm happy to (publicly) be here. ;)
Title: Re: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: Gothic Dandy on September 06, 2014, 05:08:05 PM
Post by: Gothic Dandy on September 06, 2014, 05:08:05 PM
Welcome home! ;)
I brought it up to my partner slowly, starting with, "Hmm, you know, I think I MIGHT be transgender. What would you think of that if I was?" I gradually went forward from there.
I brought it up to my partner slowly, starting with, "Hmm, you know, I think I MIGHT be transgender. What would you think of that if I was?" I gradually went forward from there.
Title: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: Summer on September 07, 2014, 06:02:56 PM
Post by: Summer on September 07, 2014, 06:02:56 PM
Hey Stacy
Welcome well your story is very similar to mine. I'm 33 have a 2yr old and 8 week old. I knew for a longtime I was transgendered but tried to avoid it hide it. When my disphoria got to a point were I was frozen was the birth of my girls. I love my kids I wouldn't go back at all it was just that been a dad really cemented my male role in life which I new I was ment to be mum instead.
I got to a point were I had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life.
To keep living a lie or be true to myself come out and possibly loose everything I have.
very hard time of life but like you said and it was the same for me I had to let my SO know it wouldn't be fair to continue threw life and not been fully there for her.
But one thing I've learnt since coming out to family and friends. I feared the worst reaction from anyone I told ex specially my partner. But you know what were still togeather and happy it will take a bit for SO to adjust and all my friends have shown me that they are true mates and aren't going anywhere.
I hope all goes well for you what ever road you take and you know were to come for a rant and support. The girls here are amazing beautiful people xx
Welcome well your story is very similar to mine. I'm 33 have a 2yr old and 8 week old. I knew for a longtime I was transgendered but tried to avoid it hide it. When my disphoria got to a point were I was frozen was the birth of my girls. I love my kids I wouldn't go back at all it was just that been a dad really cemented my male role in life which I new I was ment to be mum instead.
I got to a point were I had to make some of the hardest decisions of my life.
To keep living a lie or be true to myself come out and possibly loose everything I have.
very hard time of life but like you said and it was the same for me I had to let my SO know it wouldn't be fair to continue threw life and not been fully there for her.
But one thing I've learnt since coming out to family and friends. I feared the worst reaction from anyone I told ex specially my partner. But you know what were still togeather and happy it will take a bit for SO to adjust and all my friends have shown me that they are true mates and aren't going anywhere.
I hope all goes well for you what ever road you take and you know were to come for a rant and support. The girls here are amazing beautiful people xx
Title: Re: The Future Uncertain Me
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 07, 2014, 08:44:10 PM
Post by: Stacy Lane on September 07, 2014, 08:44:10 PM
Thanks, Summer and GDL.
I'm still trying to figure it all out. I go back and forth on which direction I should take. Mostly, I languish in indecision. Have done so for years now. Honestly, I'd be happy to do so for the sake of my kid and SO, but this uptick in dysphoria has been tough. When the waves crash, they threaten to wash all of me away.
Glad to be here, though.
Cheers!
I'm still trying to figure it all out. I go back and forth on which direction I should take. Mostly, I languish in indecision. Have done so for years now. Honestly, I'd be happy to do so for the sake of my kid and SO, but this uptick in dysphoria has been tough. When the waves crash, they threaten to wash all of me away.
Glad to be here, though.
Cheers!