Susan's Place Transgender Resources

How naive of me to think I could live in "stealth" for so long eh?  >:-)
A good friend of mine, who I have known for just about a year and a half right now just sent me a text message that read something along the lines of:
" Hey do you live next to <insert name here>"
Why yes I do actually. The gossipy guidette with the better than though attitude who has lived next to me for about a decade whom I literally only spoke to ONCE before I transitioned.

CUE AWKWARD PHASE. Apparantly they work together and she noticed her car outside of my house...

There is only one reason why she would talk to her... gossip gossip GOSSIP!

So now she knows. I am assuming she had no idea before. I am not "visibly trans" whatever that means, and relatively young (Early 20s, started transition in late teens) so when people find this out it is often a shock for them. Sadly this isn't the first time either. Someone once took the liberty to show another friend of mine my high school grad photo  ::) Someone who, once again, I did not know at all, just vaguely knew the name  >:(

To top it all off I have 100s of pages of readings for my classes this week. Not the stress I needed right now.

What about you all. What do you do? How do you deal with these situations? What would you do in my shoes? I am so tempted to just post something on facebook along the lines of "OH HEY IM TRANSGENDER IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN **** RIGHT OFF K THANKS BYW" but I may come to regret such an action... Right now im mainly trying to deal with my "jitters," for lack of a better term, akin to when you were a kid and broke the computer or something and were anticipating mom and dad coming home. You didn't know what the consequence would be, but there would be a consequence...

I ignore that stuff, I think it helps to make it more of a non issue. If you ignore it, then they assume that it really isn't a big deal to you so it takes any fun out of it for them and seems to make people talk less about it.  At least that has been my experience. 

Don't worry about it unless she gets creepy or you start to think that you're in danger. Don't do anything in haste and get on with your life. You might get questions if she ever works up the nerve to ask, but being calm and chill about it makes it's lot less awkward to deal with and puts you in control, people tend to pry more when you're defensive

I just embrace it and act aloof, I also transitioned young and not "visibly trans" I was outed by a few "friends" awhile back who are now ex friends, whom I don't speak to anymore for other reasons. However It did bother me but there wasn't anything I could do about it. So I just went on with my life, no ill consequences came of it thankfully.

If it were me I would talk to the neighbour.  Tell her in a polite way her gossip can make danger for you. But that's just me. 

Yeah, some people are the pits. We had another member here who was beaten up after a gossip maliciously outed her. Problem is, if you raise the matter with her it might make her more determined to spread the word.

My feeling is to just ignore it unless you notice more noise from other sources.

Outing yourself on Facebook may be a bit drastic at this point. You transitioned young and most people know you as you are now. I did it in my 40s. With so many years of friends, acquaintances and work history, who I am matters much more than my gender, and everyone has been so positive.  And the rest...they just don't care. Nor should you, but I do understand how you feel.

Hugs
Julia

I would take the Anderson cooper approach when he was outed for being gay - basically acknowledge it, own it and brush it off, because it's NORMAL and people need to realize that we are NORMAL people. People talked about it for a while but now it's basically no big deal. That's impressive considering he's a celebrity.

Some people are very small & love to gossip. They will always be there. Try to just ignore them if you can but if more trouble tell the all to "go fish" & you will live your life any way you choose. I've been there before. If they are friendly & understanding that's nice. If not good riddance to them.

Good luck GF.

The old concept that the only person you can control is yourself applies here.  Ignore them!  Nothing changes about who you are because of this.  Do your thing and move on, let them whisper in corners and take pity on them for not having anything better to do.

If they ask you about it you have two choices, and they're both valid.  Either tell them it's none of their business, which it is not.  Or tell them something along the lines of "Yeah, what of it?"

But letting them freak you out about it is "letting the terrorists win" so to speak.  Be proud and do your thing.  :)

I agree with Kate's example of Anderson Cooper.  I will say that being trans is still a bit more of a curiosity in our culture than being gay...but it's definitely getting better.  And the more we act like normal people and don't get caught up in the drama of being outed, then society will catch up to us pretty quickly.

This is why the concept of stealth is slowly becoming a thing of the past.  There is still some possible danger in being outed, but not like it was even 20-30 years ago.  So it isn't always necessary to go to such great lengths to go fully stealth.

I don't know.  I had a neighbour who was telling my ex who I saw what time people came and went and such  and I went round to talk to her and she stopped.

It's not a secret.  It can't be and it will never be.  It is what it is.  It's not like I wear a neon sign or anything, but if it has to come up, f***-it.

And yes, I came out via Facebook.

I know but it's also not the kind of information that is right to through round as gossip. I think if she doesn't apologise and refrain then you will have to grin and bare it.

Well thank you everyone for the boost of confidence.
I guess I over reacted. We have text messaged each other since and she has also interacted with me on social media platforms.
I would just be worried if this news spreads like wildfire, I would like to be known for something else other than that Y chromosome I carry around.

I actually took that power away from everyone in my life. On my old Facebook which is now deactivated, I took full advantage of "national coming out day" and came out to everyone I have ever met. My status read "So we all know that it's NCOD so I have something to say. This might shock a bunch of yall but not only am I very proudly Bi, but after denying it to myself for the longest time I came to terms with it, but hid it from the world. Well no longer am I hiding, I AM TRANSGENDER. For those who don't know what that means, I am a woman trapped in a mans body. Don't believe me, come on over and look in my closet, you will see a bunch of skirts and dresses, those jeans, yeah they are all a size 12 or 14, go look in my dresser, I live alone so those bras, thongs and bikinis aren't a secret girlfriends, they are mine. I know some of yall need time for the shock to wear off, but once it does if you choose to stick by my side I'll add you on my new Facebook, to those who want nothing to do with me, I'm sorry for your loss."

I was actually shocked that out of all of my posts that one got more likes and more positive comments then any other post of mine and in the end I only lost 5 friends. I know that in the end the choice is yours, but honestly I'm glad that I did it because now I don't have to worry about the "what ifs" that comes from hiding in the shadows of life.

Quote from: kariann330 on September 16, 2014, 02:42:53 PM
I actually took that power away from everyone in my life. On my old Facebook which is now deactivated, I took full advantage of "national coming out day" and came out to everyone I have ever met. My status read "So we all know that it's NCOD so I have something to say. This might shock a bunch of yall but not only am I very proudly Bi, but after denying it to myself for the longest time I came to terms with it, but hid it from the world. Well no longer am I hiding, I AM TRANSGENDER. For those who don't know what that means, I am a woman trapped in a mans body. Don't believe me, come on over and look in my closet, you will see a bunch of skirts and dresses, those jeans, yeah they are all a size 12 or 14, go look in my dresser, I live alone so those bras, thongs and bikinis aren't a secret girlfriends, they are mine. I know some of yall need time for the shock to wear off, but once it does if you choose to stick by my side I'll add you on my new Facebook, to those who want nothing to do with me, I'm sorry for your loss."

I was actually shocked that out of all of my posts that one got more likes and more positive comments then any other post of mine and in the end I only lost 5 friends. I know that in the end the choice is yours, but honestly I'm glad that I did it because now I don't have to worry about the "what ifs" that comes from hiding in the shadows of life.

Thanks for taking the time to reply however i dont think you understood my situation completely... this girl had no idea I was transgender until very recently and never knew me (or of me) in my past.

last time a friend outted me, I punched her in the gut so hard she threw up all over the place. I take my personal information very seriously. Not only does outting me upset me, it will end a friendship no matter how old it is instantly. and probably end that that person getting the tar beat outta them by me

If someone told you your neighbour was gay and he/she found out that you knew what would you expect, personally I'd just ignore it unless it's brought up.