Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi girls,

I have been feeling a bit sad over the period. The mother nature call, or when the aunts visit. As much I'd like to relat, I can't and won't ever know what it's like to have a period and monthly cycle. And IDK, I should be happy and seems a bit bitter to want something most women despise but that it is so commonly the primary female experience, and that most girls and women all ages can relate to. I feel sad because I don't know the pain and won't ever be fertile as a female. I have feminine characteristics already, but I'll never be pregnant or have a uterus. And that saddens me so much. When I was about 5 years old, I'd dream I would grow up as a woman and become pregnant and have lots of kids. Imagine my disappointment. Oh my God, I wished I could have it so much, even if I can't understand what it is. Would rather have the pain to feel whole as a woman. I hope this doesn't sound insulting to anyone, it's not my intent. And I'm not implying that to be a real woman you must have a period, but yea I wouldn't mind one.

can you girls relate to me in any way?

Oh yes. I feel like there is part of the female experience I will never have.

OTOH, I had a few cis girlfriends who didn't have regular periods either, so we're not alone.

i feel the same way...

I am a little jealous that I don't get periods.. it is female experience I cant experience.. i look female, dress female and as i am post op.. i even have a vagina.

I would love to be able to give birth to children, fall pregnant, experience what it is like to be pregnant.. feeling the child growing inside me..

Will say I can relate.

Only thing my age if being post would put me in menopause. 

That's a female problem I can relate to.

I am happy I got what I could. Better then that other nasty appendage.

Aurora, trust me, every infertile man and every infertile woman feels like this at least at some point.  I am in a committed relationship with a man who wants children and do you knew how much it hurts not to be able to give one to him? You are not alone at all. My advice? Focus your energy and life on what you can control.  It's so hard not to dwell on something that affects you in such a deep way. I know.  Maybe one day you'll adopt a child and make them SO happy. Good things can come from terrible.

I feel the same , and u dont have to think u should feel happy to not have period and an uterus , some womens do not despise it for whom its a part of them that is important , and i feel its the same for me , but that its a missing part and i do feel rather sad and depressed about it , sometime its like i cant bear to hear of it happening to someone else , sometime i like to disconnect from reality and let myself imagine theses things or try to , i v a fews time ended up feeling like i m pregnant in my imagination , and there are a fews dreams i have had where i got to experience it where it felt quite "real", feeling this child inside me or the beginning of life and even giving birth  , i cannot know for sure how real it was , but i m a bit weird and believe in reincarnation , so i think my soul knows and trust that it was about real as in other lives where i might have been born with an uterus , sometime i hope to actually remember one of theses possible past lives where i wouldv been pregnant.
Because of theses dreams and the feeling itleft in my body i tough i could be intersex without knowing and kinda bothered doctors a bit much ^^ , ended up getting an mri for checking but to my disapointment there was nothing , no uterus somewhere inside me.

Aurora read this article, I used to feel the same way you did, still sort of do. But this article helped me find a bit of peace.

http://hellogiggles.com/no-im-not-pregnant-and-ill-never-be

One of you lovely ladies can knock yourselves out with my monthly gift...  :embarrassed:

 While I wish more than anything that I could have my own children, I understand enough biology to be grateful  that I don't menstruate.

***so I've regained consciousness and still no gift... /: *** lol

A close coworker of mine was recently diagnosed with PCOS and has been trying to conceive for many years.  We have really bonded over this issue.  There are some people who won't see the similarities, but me and her are both women and neither of us can carry our own children. 

You are certainly not alone, so none of us are alone. 
Not to say this makes it easier,  but  at times it helps me cope. I think it would be much harder for me to accept if I had the right layout from the get go, and had to deal with the mensies, AND couldn't have children... Def a heartbreaker either way. 

Mrs Izzy... I agree. It's a gift that technology has evoluted so much to allow us to decide what we want for our bodies.

Zelda, Oh my God, that's very true. I hope hat if I ever decide to adopt I am an amazing mom and give my child unconditional love. I hope I'm able to.

Thank you very much everyone. Lady Oracle, I read that article, it's amazing how many infertile women reached and shared their stories. Sometimes adoptive parents can be so much more loving than biological ones who abandon their children. My grandma was abandoned by her father, and she always says her godparents are her true parents. She thinks family is not defined by blood, and I think it's beautiful.

When I was younger it bothered me. Now that I'm 48, and for the most part would be past child bearing age anyway, meh, doesn't worry me. I know it's not a fun bodily function for many cis women. Seems like a lot to go through, twelve times a year for thirty to forty years, on the off chance of having only a few kids.

Quote from: Marcellow on September 20, 2014, 09:33:40 PM
One of you lovely ladies can knock yourselves out with my monthly gift...  :embarrassed:

I seriously hope science will let us do this someday. I would desperately take it from you if I could, as much as I know it sucks.

I've wanted to be able to bear children since I was perhaps 13 years old. I'm now many years past such a point were it even possible, so I take a little solace in that. But if deity walked into the room and offered me the chance to be young, fully female, and fertile? Absolutely I would take it!

Quote from: Jera on September 21, 2014, 06:50:49 AM
I seriously hope science will let us do this someday. I would desperately take it from you if I could, as much as I know it sucks.

Imagine mood swings and cramps for a few days. Well for me, it's a nice monthly reminder of my biological sex.

You are not alone. I would have loved to have been born a cis girl/woman & to grow & give birth to a child would have such a great event in life. To become a mother surely is one of the nicest events any one could experience.

One of my teachers had such bad PMS that she'd take one or two days off per month and couldn't come to school. That's one thing I  am glad I don't have, but I can't help but feel that something is missing for me.

OK. I may be a little different but every month having cramps? The possibility of bleeding through? Not to mention child birth and the stretch marks and nine months of bloating, discomfort and in some cases some really bad things like having to stay in bed and so on. Just because you give birth to a child doesn't mean you are or can be a mother. You can be the best mother in the world to an adopted child. Besides there are plenty of women that has had to have hysterectomies at young ages and don't have PMS because of it. There are plenty of women that can't give birth. It's not only us. But we can always be mothers to a child through adoption. And that is the most important part. Loving a child and being a true mother with the maternal love and instinct regardless of whether you gave birth to that child or not. So no. I am not bitter. I can still be a loving, protective and nurturing mother without having to give birth.

Almost every ciswoman I know has at one point told me that I'm lucky that I get all of the good and none of the bad that goes with being a woman.

I told all of them that I'd trade in a heartbeat, and I don't even want kids.

I know that many of you girls wish you could have monthly periods and all that goes with it, cramps, PMS, breast pain, feeling general bad, and the mess to take care of for 4-5 days.  I would gladly give you mine if I it were possible.

Do I wish I could get a period? Hell no! Lol

However, one of the saddest parts is knowing I can't conceive and get pregnant. I feel like most of my personal concerns about transitioning would go away if I knew one day I could conceive.

Call me crazy, but I've pretty much always wished I could have periods, and get pregnant.  That is actually one of my dysphoria triggers.  I have 3 beautiful girls already (1 step, 2 biological), but I really want to carry one myself, or at least know I have that potential.

To be honest, I have no desire to have periods.  When I was a little kid, my older sister taught me that I was going to get my period and messed with my head.  It didn't sound like fun then, and I was very happy to learn that she had been lying to me out of jealousy that I wouldnt have to go through that.

Still, I do get really upset to know that I'll never have my own biological kids.  It's actually bothering me a lot more lately than it ever did.  Maybe cause I'm getting older, but it sucks to know that I'll never get to be a mom.  In that sense, having a period would be worth it.

Quote from: Jill F on September 22, 2014, 03:41:52 PM
Almost every ciswoman I know has at one point told me that I'm lucky that I get all of the good and none of the bad that goes with being a woman.

My cis-girl roommate says the same thing to me.. you are lucky you don't get periods.. I have explained my point of view to her and she understands without periods no kids.

She told me she gets quite bad cramps are the worst.. the bleeding she can handle

I can understand the mental anguish from not getting periods but I've realized it's probably more of a hassle than it's worth anyway. No use in fretting over things I can't have. So instead I prefer to think of *not having periods* as a gift. We never have to deal with cramps and bleeding and all that stuff that can be less than fun. I just prefer to take the good out of a situation I can't control. Roll with it, as I like to say. :)

The having kids thing in itself, I was never really a kid person anyway. It doesn't really bother me personally but I do feel for you ladies that want them.

The fact that I can't, and that I will never be able to bear children makes me sadder than just about anything else. I know its painful and unpleasant, but at the same time I feel incomplete and inadequate that I don't have either Ovaries or a Uterus. I feel like a such a freak when my best-friend talks about her friends baby, or how she wants to have children with her boyfriend. The knowledge that that narrative of life will never apply to me just makes me sad, you know?

Quote from: Ravensong on September 23, 2014, 05:24:58 PM
Call me crazy, but I've pretty much always wished I could have periods, and get pregnant.  That is actually one of my dysphoria triggers.  I have 3 beautiful girls already (1 step, 2 biological), but I really want to carry one myself, or at least know I have that potential.

I've always wanted to carry one myself, feel him/her kick, give birth and nurse.

But you know what? I am happy I have my kids, no matter how they came into this world. As shallow as it sounds I could never do adoption. Many, if not most adoptees I know go on looking for their birth parents, which would make me feel like less of a parent. I know adopted kids need love though, but it's not the same to me.

I guess this is what we all have in common. It's our trans feminine primary experience, and how we can relate to with each other with the pain of not being fertile as a female. So we can all hug each other, ehehe :) but yea to me it's painful. It's no use to dwell on what we cannot change. I can just add a little bit of humor and say I hope to be reincarned a cis woman in my next life, and it be a good one while enjoying this as well xD