Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok so ive noticed that lately I have been exploring my feminine side. Its probably because I am finally confident and passing and just feel totally male now, so I have enjoyed a more "gay" or "metrosexual" look, dressing in a way that just looks gay, nothing crazy, like today I had a nice dress shirt with purple pants and fancy dress shoes, or wearing nail polish, or eyeliner. Just a kinda fem, "gay" look. It makes me happy to wear eyeliner, or girls colors etc, because I don't think that anyone should feel confined by gender, you should just wear and do what makes you happy. While I do enjoy a few fem things, what I don't enjoy is knowing that I am getting more looks from people, people who could possibly be a danger to me, I live in the bible belt and people suck. Anyway, if you are someone who is clocked as gay and you notice someone staring at you, giving you that "that freaking f*g" look. What do you do? Just ignore it? Look back at them till they notice that its rude? wink? LOL

I want to be able to wear what i want, and I suppose its just odd for me to go from being able to dress anyway I want, now I pass 100 percent, so I am expected to live up to the homophobic standards and act straight all the time.

if I was 6 foot and huge I wouldn't care, but my frame couldn't hold much against a stronger, bigger cis guy.

I'd say just ignore them and don't stare back. 

The other day I was on the bus with my kid, and she asked me if ballet was harder than gymnastics. We weren't talking loud or anything, but when I answered with "when I was doing ballet..." two different people spun around in their seats and looked at me like I had announced that I had a bomb. We were near the front of the bus and I don't know if the people behind us reacted similarly. I live in an incredibly liberal city and this kind of thing still pops up and startles me at least once or twice a month.

I have some feminine traits but most people read me as very straight. Even other gay guys don't usually seem to realize unless I tell them or they catch me looking. The way I dress is jeans and t shirts but I mend things with dental floss and patches so I look borderline homeless at times. Even with all that I occasionally transgress social gender boundaries without meaning to, or I refer to ex-boyfriends or whatever and that outs me. Lol I'm not hardcore enough to wink at people who stare, but I do feel like I've gotten good at just ignoring it and seeing them as the weird ones. I try to keep safety in mind and I don't posture or get confrontational with anyone who appears to be willing and able to cause me physical harm.

I'm not personally willing to change a lot about how I look to make getting along easier, but my opinion on this is cheap as I have the freedom to avoid rural or conservative places for the most part.

It's probably best to avoid doing things that might provoke a response. One thing I've noticed now that I'm presenting as female is that there are things I can get away with, like give obnoxious guys the finger, that I would never have done in guy mode because it would have resulted in my face being punched in (and I'm 6'3"!). What I know of homophobes is that the unpleasant ones won't hesitate to bash someone they think is gay, especially if they think they can get away with it. I don't say that to scare you just to strongly suggest you be careful of how you respond to them and to stay safe

If I catch people staring at me usually they feel embarrassed and look away. For those who don't, I stare back until they get uncomfortable. And it works because my neutral face apparently looks like I'm ready to chop someone in half (?). That's when I'm in a "no-BS" mood or a bad mood that day. Usually I just ignore it or glance at them to make it stop.

I usually do what Maleth says, but it depends on the person. If you're gonna be an a-hole I can be too. Otherwise, I don't care much. But I'm from Chicago, everyone who knows me knows that soon, and can quickly make the switch from sensible Brainerd High school student, to 'you better back tf up before you get effed up.' in a second. Just don't bother me or we'll have issues.

I've been looked at weird a few times over the years, not very often.. I honestly couldn't tell if they were wondering if i was gay, or just cuz I'm a goofy looking nerd type..?
I'm usually really timid and shy in public, for sure an introvert personality, so I hate attention of any kind.. things like you describe tend to give me a lot of anxiety, and I have to leave the place I'm at,
or I'll be constantly looking over my shoulder...  :embarrassed:

I wouldn't have done anything but fled before but since I've started transitioning I've taken so many self defense classes.  Now I just smile at people who give me odd looks.  Still a bit hesitant around really large guys (I'm a somewhat short and frail guy) but I try not to let homophobic/transphobic reactions bother me.  Luckily the area I live is liberal so I don't get too many of them (or I'm really oblivious which is a possibility). 

people will stare if you stand out. of course anyone would want to know what the guy looks like who used to do ballet, i would look too, to see who this amazing individual is.

if you want to wear colors that stand out because it's part of your identity, it really will be best to own your identity.
assume stares to be out of awe or envy, or simply surprise at seeing something that isn't on the grey scale. and do nothing about it.

you may still be attacked of course, i've heard horror stories even from the peaceful scandinavia. but that's a different matter. the people who will attack would have beaten someone else if you didn't happen to pass by at the time when you did.

Quote from: Elijah on September 21, 2014, 03:58:09 AM
Ok so ive noticed that lately I have been exploring my feminine side. Its probably because I am finally confident and passing and just feel totally male now, so I have enjoyed a more "gay" or "metrosexual" look, dressing in a way that just looks gay, nothing crazy, like today I had a nice dress shirt with purple pants and fancy dress shoes, or wearing nail polish, or eyeliner. Just a kinda fem, "gay" look. It makes me happy to wear eyeliner, or girls colors etc, because I don't think that anyone should feel confined by gender, you should just wear and do what makes you happy. While I do enjoy a few fem things, what I don't enjoy is knowing that I am getting more looks from people, people who could possibly be a danger to me, I live in the bible belt and people suck. Anyway, if you are someone who is clocked as gay and you notice someone staring at you, giving you that "that freaking f*g" look. What do you do? Just ignore it? Look back at them till they notice that its rude? wink? LOL

I want to be able to wear what i want, and I suppose its just odd for me to go from being able to dress anyway I want, now I pass 100 percent, so I am expected to live up to the homophobic standards and act straight all the time.

if I was 6 foot and huge I wouldn't care, but my frame couldn't hold much against a stronger, bigger cis guy.

I tend to just not care. The more you think about it, the more susceptible you're going to be to getting self conscious, and the more self conscious you are, the less time you're spending enjoying the "you" you've been waiting to be. Ain't nobody got time for that. Unless you have time for that. I don't know your life. LOL

Personally, I tend to bite my tongue about these things IRL. It's less out of fear, because I know how to fight people bigger than me (comes with having an older brother), and I fight dirty if I need to, but has more to do with the fact that most of the homophobia I've ever encountered has been while I'm working (ex: a customer and her bf were talking about whether the gold or silver iPhone was the "queer" color in an obviously derogatory way. It took ALL my willpower not to say "I'm about the queerest queer to queer his way out of queerville. You may want to go elsewhere, lest I get some of my queer on your phone" to them, but I didn't. See also: the time this guy started harassing a teenager who was wearing his pants low because the older guy had heard a rumor that that's how guys attract "protection" in prison, calling him some pretty unpleasant names, and I had to ask the man to stop using incendiary language but couldn't say anything else to him besides that I'd call management if he didn't stop.)
If it's something you're really concerned about, keep to well lit areas, use the buddy system, and keep your head up. If someone harasses you, ignore them. Most of them aren't spoiling for a physical fight, just looking to impress their buddies and get attention. Report them to the store manager, mall security, bus driver, or what have you. Especially if you're in a store or on public transport, because managers do not like having customers harass each other.
I'd check out some self-defense courses if it's something you're super worried about, if for no other reason than your own peace of mind. Good luck!

Quote from: devention on September 23, 2014, 11:14:04 AM
Personally, I tend to bite my tongue about these things IRL. It's less out of fear, because I know how to fight people bigger than me (comes with having an older brother), and I fight dirty if I need to, but has more to do with the fact that most of the homophobia I've ever encountered has been while I'm working (ex: a customer and her bf were talking about whether the gold or silver iPhone was the "queer" color in an obviously derogatory way. It took ALL my willpower not to say "I'm about the queerest queer to queer his way out of queerville. You may want to go elsewhere, lest I get some of my queer on your phone" to them, but I didn't.

Sorry to go off-topic but I'm stealing you queer thing next time a hick calls me queer.
Something I did today, which I noticed make the homophobes at my school VERY uncomfortable, was simply hit on their gfs. I know it isn't right, but you wanna play dirty I'll play dirty. A particular guy picks on me every, and I mean EVERY, morning. He recently began dating this girl and curbed his '->-bleeped-<-gotitis' name calling. I decided to mess with her and flirt a bit, walk her to her locker, to class, and just play around. One day, which happened to be yesterday, he saw her push my shoulder and laugh when I joked about Starbucks. I saw him and really make him mad by saying, 'You know, if you were a white chocolate cappuccino, I'll take special care in licking off the whipped cream. Wanna example?' she nodded, pretty oblivious to the fact that her bf was walking up behind her, and I leaned over and (sort of) licked/kissed her neck and nippled her ear. Then I said, 'Mmmm, tastes like love.' She giggled a LOT and her bf walks up red as ever and angry.

I'm not saying go around flirting with guys gfs but it does make quite a funny scene when he HATES you and his gf thinks of you as a 'sweet heart'.