Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm an 18 year old ftm and haven't started transitioning yet so no one knows I am trans. My school prom is next week and everyday in school there are girls talking about their dresses and all that kind of stuff.. I know that if I went I'd have to wear a dress or people would just laugh at me because that's how people at my school are. The thought of wearing a dress makes me sick, but I feel embarrassed that I'm not going, is it weird that I'm not going and will people talk about me? I wish I was born male so I wouldn't have to worry and could just go have fun with friends.

Thank you to anyone who can give me some advice or just simply make me feel better about this situation

I didn't care about my prom at my school. I didn't go. Bear in mind that I went to an all boys school and you needed to find a date from one of the other schools (all girls schools or coed schools) or go by yourself or with a group of friends. People probably talked about me but they always did anyway, as I just did not fit in and I just grew accustomed to it.

I ended up going to another one in a school that my aunt taught at. What did I spend most of the night doing? Sitting and talking with one of my girl friends (note the space between girl and friend).

Is it possible to just go not in a dress? I have no idea what they're like these days.

Honestly... From the perspective of somebody living in the old continent who knows about this only from movies and series... It looks freaking stupid and ridiculous. A few games of Halo would be a night better spent rather than awful hours that will probably turn into a bad memory if you are not going to be ok and endure a peak of dysphoria

And I would go with a man's suit, BTW. Because fudge tradition and gender norms.

If you're out and open they can be empowering. If you're not, they can kill you with the dysphoria.

Well personally, me and my friends (female and male in equal measure I should point out) all blew off our prom and instead dressed up in our goth gear and went to see a Nirvana tribute band instead.  'Twas a night well spent lol :D

(and yes, the thought did cross our minds to turn up to the prom in our goth gear lol.  Tbh I wish we'd done it just to see the looks on everyone's faces :D )

I did not go to my proms.

I didn't go.

According to this article, about 25% of teenagers do not attend prom, so it is hardly unusual: http://www.lifeway.com/Article/parenting-teens-family-Prom-in-Perspective

You may able to find an "alternate" dance/prom that may permit you to present as you are most comfortable.

I didn't go to my Junior or Senior proms.

Hanging around people that I hate and listening to music that sucks?

No thanks.

At my high school, anybody of high-school age could attend any prom. I skipped all of them so that my own senior prom would be special. It's a memory, I guess, but my prom was super lame. The senior class before me had a cruise ship. I regret putting off the other ones :/

Perhaps you could find a nice pant-suit from the women's/juniors' department? Then you wouldn't have to wear a dress, but it would still look feminine enough that the other students would leave you alone.

TONS of people don't go to prom- I'm an example of that  :D. If you wanted to go, I'm sure you could get away with a suit or a vest. You're a guy, why should you have to wear a dress? If you really want to go regardless of what people would think, dress totally badass and surprise them. If not, then just go out with some friends or stay home and do what you want. Though highschool can be a misfortunate stage in life, it isn't the end of it  :)

Quote from: Alexm167 on September 23, 2014, 10:44:00 AM
I'm an 18 year old ftm and haven't started transitioning yet so no one knows I am trans. My school prom is next week and everyday in school there are girls talking about their dresses and all that kind of stuff.. I know that if I went I'd have to wear a dress or people would just laugh at me because that's how people at my school are. The thought of wearing a dress makes me sick, but I feel embarrassed that I'm not going, is it weird that I'm not going and will people talk about me? I wish I was born male so I wouldn't have to worry and could just go have fun with friends.

Thank you to anyone who can give me some advice or just simply make me feel better about this situation

I don't know ANYONE who went to prom. It's too expensive and it's silly. As my father put it: "People who care about prom and homecoming are the people whose lives are all down hill after high school." I know that's harsh, but I hope it makes you feel better.

I'm an FTM too, and never once did I have any desire to go to prom, and I wouldn't have had any desire to throw away hundreds of dollars to listen to music I hate, in crowded, sweaty quarters with people I also hate, while wearing uncomfortable clothes I hate even if I was biologically male. None of the people in my social circle went to prom. I don't think it's as big a deal as it was 20 years ago. All prom is good for is taking a few pictures in nice clothes (if you're rich) and getting killed by drunk drivers. This can also be accomplished at any other time with a decent smart phone.

Here is how you can get the whole prom experience on your own without putting yourself at risk of being killed by a drunk driver:
-Find your most uncomfortable clothes and wear them until they are drenched in sweat
-Drink until you vomit on these clothes
-Listen to "What does the fox say" and Iggy Azelea or something equally irritating at an obnoxious volume until you've sustained temporary hearing damage
-Take red-eyed selfies
-Call up the people you like the least and make small talk

Voilà! Prom night! No one gets killed unless you get alcohol poisoning, which is also something that happens at prom. No one pressured you into sex, and you didn't have to carry a drunk and sobbing female friend who lost her date and her shoes out to a car.

Prom is a waste of money at best and probably dangerous.

People don't notice other people at prom unless they're taking pictures with them because everyone is drunk/high anyway.

If people talk about you (or even notice you're not there), that would be creepy. Most of the people I know, particularly LGBT people, never went to their own prom and had no desire to do so. If you really want to go to prom later on, you can always go to someone else's prom as a guest or go to an adult or LGBT prom. But, the truth is, we're all better off not wasting money we could be spending on ANYTHING else on going to a silly dance with clothes you'll only wear once. Why put yourself at risk of being killed by a drunk driver? If you really want to go, then you could wear a tux. If anyone questions it, sue. If people give you ->-bleeped-<- for going in a tux, complain to the school or call the media. They take bullying seriously these days, especially when LGBT people are being bullied.

If they bully you for not going to prom: first of all, they don't have lives. Second of all, at least you'll only be stuck with those vapid nobodies for another year, and hopefully they'll all be pregnant before they get their degrees and/or in prison.

Quote from: sebster on September 23, 2014, 11:37:22 PM
As my father put it: "People who care about prom and homecoming are the people whose lives are all down hill after high school."

THIS!

That is one wise dad. I know plenty of people that are miserable, pathetic losers because they feel that "the good, old days are long gone." It's pathetic.

For I, my life pretty much sucked until I got the hell out of high school. It was even better once I moved out on my own. I see my life now and until the time I croak to be a million times better than anything from my childhood/teen years.

Lmao!  I love how none of us went to prom :P #F**kTheMainstream #YOLOSwag :P <3

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on September 23, 2014, 10:34:01 PM
I didn't go to my Junior or Senior proms.

Hanging around people that I hate and listening to music that sucks?

No thanks.

I agree. I didn't go to mine for the same reasons.

I didn't go to mine. I *hated* high school and had no desire to have any more contact with those individuals than was required (and, having remained in the same area for a decade after high school and run into several of them, the view was only reinforced.)  I have no regrets about that choice; it was right for me.

If it's just the dress, you could wear a pantsuit.  You could say you couldn't find the money for a dress you'd only wear once.  Or that you're allergic to being seen in taffeta. 

If you want to go with your friends, then go.  Otherwise, prom is not that big a deal.  Don't let transgender issues be an excuse for you to isolate yourself from your peers.  You could always do other stuff with your friends, you don't have to be alone while abstaining from Prom.  Then, if anyone asks, you can say you found something better to do.

I went to mine, and managed to still have fun with my friends.  But if you need to ask whether you're weird, the answer is probably yes.  But being weird isn't a bad thing, embrace quirkiness.  In case you have money, wealthy people aren't weird, just eccentric.  Unless they are scientologists, then they are Tom Cruise crazy

I went to my sixth form prom but I most definitely would never consider going to an after-school meetup.

I only went because my husband asked me when we were still in high school. Otherwise I wouldn't have gone. I just hung out with him and my friends and then we left early, went to his apartment (which was literally a three minute walk away) and had more fun playing cards. I have very little memory of that night. It's really not that big of a deal later in life.

I didn't go to mine either. I didn't like them people in school, why spend more time with them.

If you are generally really invested in school social life, it might be weird not to go. But in ten years most people won't really remember if you missed one event, so close to the end of school. If you end up going through any type of transition, you'll already have something more interesting than prom to talk about at the class reunion.

If you go to college you can always jump back in and get more involved in the social life there. Gender norms are not as strictly enforced, and you can have the luxury of experimenting with your expression without the high stakes of being in your hometown.

As for me, I didn't go to my prom. I went on a date with my online boyfriend instead (took a laptop to a restaurant with wi-fi). All dressed up but not around so many people, and wearing clothes that I picked. I am very sure I had more fun that way. But hey, I'm a huge nerd, so YMMV.

Hey, not everyone is into the whole prom scene. I didn't go to any prom and/or dance. To me it was just a big waste of money, I preferred talking to my friends on MSN like I did every other night. I wasn't much of a social butterfly most of my primary school years. It wasn't until college that I had somewhat of an active social life through sites like meetup.com. Wasn't into the whole wearing dresses either, which my parents probably have made me wear had I expressed interest in going to prom, so nope.