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I have been doing yet more reading in various places and it seems that it is not uncommon post-operatively to be at risk from depression.

The after effects of the major trauma to the body.
The lingering anaesthetic.
Being off hormones for a few weeks.
The grind of what seems to an endless repetition of sleep, eat, dilate ...
The exhaustion.
Not being able to lift/drive.


I would love to hear your experience ...

Did you suffer from post-op depression?
What did you do to "fight it"?

Sam x

Quote from: JourneyingSam on September 25, 2014, 01:12:48 PM
I have been doing yet more reading in various places and it seems that it is not uncommon post-operatively to be at risk from depression.

The after effects of the major trauma to the body.
The lingering anaesthetic.
Being off hormones for a few weeks.
The grind of what seems to an endless repetition of sleep, eat, dilate ...
The exhaustion.
Not being able to lift/drive.


I would love to hear your experience ...

Did you suffer from post-op depression?
What did you do to "fight it"?

Sam x

No depression here. A lot of anxiety, mostly due to the fact that the people who agreed to care for me post-op were kind of freaking out, and I was afraid they'd leave me alone. Once those issues were resolved, much better. Was also irritable for a week or two. That might have been the lack of hormones.

Don't forget
Bleeding, and bodily fluids
Lack of regular fitness
Too much time on your own (often needed)
The realization of a new body...
Triggered irritable bowel due to medication and dilation irritating the bowel.

Probably in the middle of that at the moment as lots of little events come along every few days. However IBS also triggers depression.

What am I doing for it? Trying to keep a positive mindset. Celebrate the healing when it happens. Talk daily with friends - either physically, on phone or whatsApp. Go shopping for fresh foods nearly every two days. Go for walks and ground yourself in nature. Talk with your therapist and make sure you have healthcare professionals like doctors and gynocologist in place to provide reassurance that healing is going well.

Some go back to work - others back to dance. I tried but my body had different idea. Probably delayed healing as I was so active in Bangkok.

(For record I'm 8 weeks post op when writing this)

A couple of my post-op friends have said that the main reason they felt depressed afterward is because of this feeling of "Well, I FINALLY did it! I'm complete! I finally have done EVERYTHING that I always wished I could!!!!........... Now what?"

Basically just feeling an emptiness about there being nothing to look forward to anymore.

(And I'm kinda getting this feeling in regards to going full-time, so yeah, I can see where they're coming from.)

Hi there Sam!
Five weeks post-op and not a hint of depression. On the contrary, the last few weeks have mostly been characterized by a feeling of deep contentment, helped no doubt by the fabulous autumn weather we have been enjoying since I returned home, by the fact that I have the good fortune to have some very supportive and loving people close to me and by the absence of any significant issues with my recovery since my surgery.

Other than that, I've also been rather nice to myself over the last few weeks, allowing myself a real break, taking the time with my wife to go for long walks in the country together, prepare nice meals "à deux" and actually take the time to enjoy them, watch some good films  etc..

BTW, in the same age bracket as you ( a few years older as it happens), I take the opportunity to wish you all the very best for your coming surgery with Dr Brassard and encourage you to just relax and allow yourself to be taken care of.
Hugs
Donna

My deep depression was actually for only a few hours at about 22 hours post.  I and some others think it was related to the castration and tissue loss.  In a sense, my body mourning for its missing pieces.  I did have a couple of good cries in there and that resolved itself.

About six months after surgery when the majority of my healing was over, and I was down to a single dilation per day, I did experience the type of feeling that Carrie Liz's friends described.  There had been so much going on for several years, and I was now facing a void where all that activity and stress had been.  Luckily for me I do have things that connect both backward and forward that helped me out of it, and now I giggle about it a bit.

It is that singular item though that now makes me VERY CAUTIOUS when new people headed for surgery try to get me to cheer them on.  People who would tell me how brave I had been or how proud of me they were, and now won't talk to me about it at all, really got on my nerves to where I wanted to pitch them in a trash can!!  Its the idea tha life is a continuation of my pre-op days and not all that much has changed, and my days as a heroine are over, and I now have to do the laundry by myself. 

Four months post op and no depression as of yet, on the contrary, now that dilation has somewhat settled down (twice daily), I have actually had a few days where I was super happy. I can't say what will happen between 6 and 12 months, but so far; everything's awesome!!

Quote from: Vicky on September 25, 2014, 07:10:26 PM
My deep depression was actually for only a few hours at about 22 hours post.  I and some others think it was related to the castration and tissue loss.  In a sense, my body mourning for its missing pieces.  I did have a couple of good cries in there and that resolved itself.

Interesting.  My experience was quite the opposite.  I wanted to do the happy dance when the evil twins got tossed, but my groin was too sore!

My mood got even better every day for about a week, and now I feel the best I ever have in my life now that I am free of the testorturone forever.

Quote from: Vicky on September 25, 2014, 07:10:26 PM
People who would tell me how brave I had been or how proud of me they were, and now won't talk to me about it at all, really got on my nerves to where I wanted to pitch them in a trash can!! 

I didn't notice this, Vicky, until you mentioned it. Yes, people are REALLY uncomfortable talking about it post-op. Almost as if they're afraid they'll send me into a funk just by raising the subject.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on September 25, 2014, 01:41:18 PM
A couple of my post-op friends have said that the main reason they felt depressed afterward is because of this feeling of "Well, I FINALLY did it! I'm complete! I finally have done EVERYTHING that I always wished I could!!!!........... Now what?"

Basically just feeling an emptiness about there being nothing to look forward to anymore.

(And I'm kinda getting this feeling in regards to going full-time, so yeah, I can see where they're coming from.)

100% agree.
You sort of get to a stage when you've done the 1 thing you needed to do and life becomes just another boring life.
For my I really got stuck into my photography I had to find meaning  in my life and stuff that I enjoyed

Quote from: Vicky on September 25, 2014, 07:10:26 PM
My deep depression was actually for only a few hours at about 22 hours post.  I and some others think it was related to the castration and tissue loss.  In a sense, my body mourning for its missing pieces.  I did have a couple of good cries in there and that resolved itself.

About six months after surgery when the majority of my healing was over, and I was down to a single dilation per day, I did experience the type of feeling that Carrie Liz's friends described.  There had been so much going on for several years, and I was now facing a void where all that activity and stress had been.  Luckily for me I do have things that connect both backward and forward that helped me out of it, and now I giggle about it a bit.

It is that singular item though that now makes me VERY CAUTIOUS when new people headed for surgery try to get me to cheer them on.  People who would tell me how brave I had been or how proud of me they were, and now won't talk to me about it at all, really got on my nerves to where I wanted to pitch them in a trash can!!  Its the idea tha life is a continuation of my pre-op days and not all that much has changed, and my days as a heroine are over, and I now have to do the laundry by myself.

A severe allergic reaction down my back three days post-op plus the post-op discomfort sent me teetering on the verge of a panic attack. One single dose of Ativan cured that. I was also close to a panic attack when I had a tracheal shave. It often happens when I can't escape from some physical discomfort. Two months post-op, my libido started gaining ground. My thoughts became besieged with an increasing need to seek sexual relief, but I couldn't because I didn't know how. To my sheer utter relief, at day 71 post-op, I discovered how. I had been tempted to ask my GP for anti-depressants to suppress that libido. Since then I've experienced nothing but joy from owning my new body. But I cannot guarantee the same for anyone else.

Prior to surgery I had read a lot about the potential for post-op depression. So any time I felt even the slightest hint of depression coming on, I recognized it and made sure I kept myself occupied to get out of it and thankfully it worked every time.

I think part of the problem (just my theory) is that your mind is so preoccupied prior to surgery with surgery that once surgery (and possibly recovery) is over, your mind has all this empty space that needs to be filled. I mean for me, the months leading to surgery it didn't matter what I was doing, eating, working, driving, sleeping, watching tv, whatever, surgery still still weighing heavily on my mind. But once it was over, that mental preoccupation gave me nothing huge to look forward to.

I also believe (again just my opinion), is that you get this thought that after surgery life is going to be perfect and all of your problems are going to disappear, but they don't. The bills are still due, people get sick, the car breaks down, etc. Life will still have it's ups and downs, just your genitals will be different.

No post op depression, but 2 things affected me. The swelling prevented me from going to the bathroom or a while. In fact that brought me to tears not being able to pee. My fist pee finally brought relief even if i peed on everything else but the toilet bowl. The only other issue I experienced was hot flashes. Wow we're they intense. They stopped literally the day I resumed my hormones again. I was too busy working and dilating to worry about much of anything else.

I had the opposite... post-op euphoria, sort of. It actually kept my depression at bay for a while, though I've actually ended up seeking treatment for depression just recently. (Transitioned five years ago, had GRS 2+ years ago, so it's not due to either of those. I have depression as a family history and have always been prone to it, is all.)

As for destroying my male sex organ, good grief, as far as I'm concerned that is nonsense. It's not destroyed, it's reshaped and repurposed. I'm a lot happier now that a glimpse of it can't be a depression trigger anymore. :)

OK, I have to take issue with some of this post.

Quote from: victoria n on September 29, 2014, 08:24:38 PM

there are post ops who can't get over the depression.  There are cispeople who can't get over depression either. Not all depression is caused by gender issues. 

As anyone knows some people who have had SRS  kill themselves. they feel SRS did not correct  the root cause of their problem. 41% of people who suffer from GD attempt suicide.  This number goes to 4.5% after surgery.  That's like a 90% reduction!  Sounds like a pretty effective treatment to me.  The sad thing is a lot of post-ops still face discrimination, unemployment, ostracism and violence at highly increased rates and that is what causes the suicides.   

some  depression is caused by the fact of knowing you are  transsexual. And this went away after I transitioned.

I submit you can get SRS but you still have the underlying transsexualism. Once trans, always trans.

google sex change regret if you want a less glowing assessment of SRS.  Yes, and all of these sites have agendas, ulterior motives and other axes to grind.

And know this SRS is dysfunctional and it is destroying a male sex organ. For me HAVING a male organ is dysfunctional.  Destroying Repurposing it is the point.

And this can cause depression also.  Not if you really want it gone.

Just my take.

Just normal everyday life can bring depression.

I think most issues post come from the post care schedule.

It can make the strongest depressed sometimes.

Ones body can only handle do many days,weeks or months in a row of pain and soreness.

Post op needs to add me time in there schedule.

Hugs

I exercised and walked a lot. The anesthesia lingered around in my system for a little longer than normal, so physical activity was key in helping me get rid of it.

I went through a serious bout of deep depression after surgery.  Fortunately it passed.

That was caused by having put so much emotional energy in getting there that I needed to find something else to do.  For two years my entire life revolved around getting to SRS.  Now, suddenly, there was nothing to fill the void.  As Donna said above, "now what?"

In my case I had an appointment with Dr Biber (this was 1987) but with thirty four days to go he fell off of his horse and broke his arm.  Rather than waiting for him to heal I chose a different surgeon, Dr. Seghers in Brussels, Belgium. That was a mistake.

The surgical result was not as I had hoped, leaving too short a vagina.  That was a great disappointment, causing even more depression.

Truthfully, if I had the chance to do it all over I wouldn't hesitate a minute.  Transition was the best thing I ever did.  But I would keep some emotional distance instead of allowing it to dominate my psyche so completely.  I'd also be wiser in choosing the surgeon.

Incidentally this was all in the paleolithic days.  All the reputable surgeons today do a much better job today. 

Hey Patty,

I'm another Seghers girl myself.  Although my experience wasn't as bad as yours.  I'm wondering if you were circumcised?

I know when I had my SRS with Seghers I had alot of foreskin which added to the length of my vagina.  I have about 8 inches.  When I was younger (and hyper sexual) I felt like I had more depth.   

How many years ago was your surgery? I had mine in 92.

At some point, I had a down day.   I can't remember when, around the 4 week point.   I had a difficult time recovering, it took a physical toll and caught up to me eventually.

I would not call that a depression, not even a good funk.  The other 800 odd days since surgery have been far better.

Major trauma to the body:
I will say that pain medication indirectly helps control depression (please don't abuse this) – morphine, and hydrocodone particularly; one of them being an opiate which many abuse to feel GOOD! I did have one episode one night where I cried a good deal. The site of the surgery was so bruised, black and blue and stiches. Really with any surgery, big or minor it won't look pretty at first – that's just the nature of the body responding to even the slightest change. But still it affected me a little, more in a petty way of it not being "pretty" yet. Foolish me basically.

Lingering of anesthetic:
This was more of an annoyance, didn't cause any depression. Annoyance being your mouth being so dry, not being able to taste stuff that well (although it may save you with the hospital food lol).

Hormones:
I've never understood the link between hormones and changes of mental state. I think of it more as physiological changes that the mind adjusts to where one might perceive as originating from the mind; e.g., less spontaneous energy from less testosterone. Just my two cents could be completely wrong. For me it was more of a psychological thing being off estrogen, because I've always been paranoid about being off of it in terms of feminization.

Repetitious sleep, eating, and dilating:
For me sleeping was again a bit more of an annoyance rather than depression, being only able to sleep on your back (which really started to hurt my ribs after a while) – if you're a back sleeper this will be no problem. Eating was actually fun for me. I've had an eating disorder in the past, and subsequently always am either at or below my caloric requirements. Surprisingly I enjoyed focusing on hitting my targets of protein intakes, as well as keeping the healthy veggies and fluids up. Dilating for me is a chore, just like doing the laundry or shoveling snow – not something I looked forward to, not something I disliked. Just separate yourself from whatever you're doing, get it done, and that's it!

Exhaustion:
Again this really didn't cause depression as there's an immediate task of managing that exhaustion that overcomes any focus on being depressed about it. For example, the first time I was able to actually shower normally, I came close to fainting. I'm unsure if I didn't get enough oxygen or what, but I had to get out of the shower, lay down and catch my breath. Then I felt better and went on my way. It was an isolated incident.

Lifting/Driving:
Lifting wasn't a big deal, I just lifted things one at a time, so instead of a bag of groceries, I'd just take a box, can, bottle of food at a time. It was funny though – when you can't bend over at first, if you drop something on the floor it might as well be if you had dropped it in the ocean. Keep a good grip on things! Not being able to drive was kind of boring

It all gets better day by day, granted it's slow. So each day is a little better than the last. For me the surgery confirmed my gender. It's almost like starting a new life, so don't start it out being depressed! Find something you enjoy to occupy your time – a good book, game, show, something. Look out the window and enjoy the nice weather and think of all the people enjoying it that day and how soon you'll be able to join them, this time as your true self and happier! Good luck with your journey Sam!!

I really didn't have any depression following GRS surgery.  I do remember on day 2 post op, experiencing hot flashes due to zero testosterone and I had stopped estrogen 7 days prior to surgery which left me miserable and disoriented and I also started feeling pain as my pain meds wore off from surgery.  I started crying when Miss Tok, my head nurse checked on me.  When I explained the hot flashed and pain, she started barking orders in Thai and all the nurses got very busy turning up my AC, bringing a floor fan which felt heavenly.  I also received a shot of Demerol and a shot of estradiol and within about two hours later, I felt on top of the world.  I was woman and they could hear me roar as all was right in my corner of the universe.

Hey Patty and GoneGrl, I am looking for people who went to dr. Seghers and are willing to tell me a bit about there experience with him. If you are open to talk about this feel free to contact me! Kind regards

Quote from: GoneGrl on May 20, 2015, 07:52:27 PMHey Patty,

I'm another Seghers girl myself.  Although my experience wasn't as bad as yours.  I'm wondering if you were circumcised?

I know when I had my SRS with Seghers I had alot of foreskin which added to the length of my vagina.  I have about 8 inches.  When I was younger (and hyper sexual) I felt like I had more depth.   

How many years ago was your surgery? I had mine in 92.

Quote from: Patty_M on October 01, 2014, 03:58:09 PMI went through a serious bout of deep depression after surgery.  Fortunately it passed.

That was caused by having put so much emotional energy in getting there that I needed to find something else to do.  For two years my entire life revolved around getting to SRS.  Now, suddenly, there was nothing to fill the void.  As Donna said above, "now what?"

In my case I had an appointment with Dr Biber (this was 1987) but with thirty four days to go he fell off of his horse and broke his arm.  Rather than waiting for him to heal I chose a different surgeon, Dr. Seghers in Brussels, Belgium. That was a mistake.

The surgical result was not as I had hoped, leaving too short a vagina.  That was a great disappointment, causing even more depression.

Truthfully, if I had the chance to do it all over I wouldn't hesitate a minute.  Transition was the best thing I ever did.  But I would keep some emotional distance instead of allowing it to dominate my psyche so completely.  I'd also be wiser in choosing the surgeon.

Incidentally this was all in the paleolithic days.  All the reputable surgeons today do a much better job today.