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Title: Global Attack
Post by: Fifi33 on September 29, 2014, 08:53:56 PM
Post by: Fifi33 on September 29, 2014, 08:53:56 PM
To start off, my name is Fenix and I am new to having an avatar, but an individual who has been checking the site for years. So, finally, ELLO!
Ok, "hypothetically" typing.. If you always identified as transgender since a very young age, but introduced to many forms of abuse became VERY closeted. I am a "spiritual person" and have come to a conclusion countless times that my transition is not based on solely on hormone treatment but the recognition of the me that I have always felt true to. This being the core of my intellect, mentality, spirituality and emotions.. Providing soil to become influenced by various areas of life. Including that being born this way, and presently attempting to follow intuition to transition can obviously add reassurance that I am, me. Ok, back to the spirituality and truama..
I feel that I am in a situation where I am dealing with my own "personal" problems: Career, school, going to the movies, a date, exploring, partying, (genuine) friends, growth spiritually, owning a home.. to me a simple life.. transition and where in this wide spectrum do I fit. That is the "personal".
Now add this flavor for horrific rising action, imagine being brought to the LGBTQIAA world, not ever being able to express yourself truly... shoot, you have things to work out... Ok, but while you enter, people decide to showcase you, your talents, thrive, TRANSITION, interest.. Draining it becomes.. Where the price of fame (unwanted) comes to haunt you.. Your name gains authority in the midst of numerous cities.. So not only are you dealing with "your" life.. You are being pushed to become a mainstream junkie, manipulated to fit society from stems of others idea of who you should be.. So, from the time you rest to the point till you wake.. The show is on.. You begin to withdraw, not revealing any part of yourself, just to have a sense of privacy.. You cannot breathe to follow the next step to become a more true part of yourself, explore the world without having a spectator subscribing to your every move.. To have everyone you come across have a hidden agenda, think they know who you are based on assumptions.. half truths, lies and complete misunderstandings.. Whew, forgot about transitioning, literally I did.. I feel to be a victim of exposing how intelligent an individual can be, identifying transgender while trying to transition and live a "normal" life. Only to have a backlash of different groups telling you who YOU are, you are gay, you are heterosexual... SIGH.. leave that.. We know generally how people can be, especially in a situation of many.. So my energetics have been blocked, but with this experience having literally no business kept to myself.. I have truly grown to love me.. flaws and all.. Also to find myself in the transformation I am continiously going through... To find my walk, talk (voice).. characteristics.. mannerisms I will lose and those I will gain.. however I shall manifest.. I am a person who has many blurred lines to the past, but has the vision to piece facts together to explain to the mass, not perfect but evolving ("growing up" for those who disbelieve), knows I am a woman of a different kind.. Here NOT to betray the heart of a man, steal his eyes, to create competition between genders across the spectrum.. or "show off". Embracing people as a whole, not holding expectations as to who they should and should not be.. Just to have this stay here in this forum.. (hmm how to round it off) So I think it is utterly rude, and plainly disrespectful to put someones business out there.. Include and introduce hundreds if not thousands of people into a single persons life.. To behave naively when that person refuses to engage and encourage the same behavior that has built to torture a person. Destroying a repetation to call someone crazy.. Ugh, being trans and having people ready to stare at your genitals.. YAY.. How fun.... ::)
Ok, "hypothetically" typing.. If you always identified as transgender since a very young age, but introduced to many forms of abuse became VERY closeted. I am a "spiritual person" and have come to a conclusion countless times that my transition is not based on solely on hormone treatment but the recognition of the me that I have always felt true to. This being the core of my intellect, mentality, spirituality and emotions.. Providing soil to become influenced by various areas of life. Including that being born this way, and presently attempting to follow intuition to transition can obviously add reassurance that I am, me. Ok, back to the spirituality and truama..
I feel that I am in a situation where I am dealing with my own "personal" problems: Career, school, going to the movies, a date, exploring, partying, (genuine) friends, growth spiritually, owning a home.. to me a simple life.. transition and where in this wide spectrum do I fit. That is the "personal".
Now add this flavor for horrific rising action, imagine being brought to the LGBTQIAA world, not ever being able to express yourself truly... shoot, you have things to work out... Ok, but while you enter, people decide to showcase you, your talents, thrive, TRANSITION, interest.. Draining it becomes.. Where the price of fame (unwanted) comes to haunt you.. Your name gains authority in the midst of numerous cities.. So not only are you dealing with "your" life.. You are being pushed to become a mainstream junkie, manipulated to fit society from stems of others idea of who you should be.. So, from the time you rest to the point till you wake.. The show is on.. You begin to withdraw, not revealing any part of yourself, just to have a sense of privacy.. You cannot breathe to follow the next step to become a more true part of yourself, explore the world without having a spectator subscribing to your every move.. To have everyone you come across have a hidden agenda, think they know who you are based on assumptions.. half truths, lies and complete misunderstandings.. Whew, forgot about transitioning, literally I did.. I feel to be a victim of exposing how intelligent an individual can be, identifying transgender while trying to transition and live a "normal" life. Only to have a backlash of different groups telling you who YOU are, you are gay, you are heterosexual... SIGH.. leave that.. We know generally how people can be, especially in a situation of many.. So my energetics have been blocked, but with this experience having literally no business kept to myself.. I have truly grown to love me.. flaws and all.. Also to find myself in the transformation I am continiously going through... To find my walk, talk (voice).. characteristics.. mannerisms I will lose and those I will gain.. however I shall manifest.. I am a person who has many blurred lines to the past, but has the vision to piece facts together to explain to the mass, not perfect but evolving ("growing up" for those who disbelieve), knows I am a woman of a different kind.. Here NOT to betray the heart of a man, steal his eyes, to create competition between genders across the spectrum.. or "show off". Embracing people as a whole, not holding expectations as to who they should and should not be.. Just to have this stay here in this forum.. (hmm how to round it off) So I think it is utterly rude, and plainly disrespectful to put someones business out there.. Include and introduce hundreds if not thousands of people into a single persons life.. To behave naively when that person refuses to engage and encourage the same behavior that has built to torture a person. Destroying a repetation to call someone crazy.. Ugh, being trans and having people ready to stare at your genitals.. YAY.. How fun.... ::)
Title: Re: Global Attack
Post by: helen2010 on September 30, 2014, 05:30:41 AM
Post by: helen2010 on September 30, 2014, 05:30:41 AM
Fenix
Welcome. Your narrative is not dissimilar to many of us. Life takes over. We find that we are living for others, presenting in a way that makes them comfortable. Years pass. Finally dysphoria demands a response. Once you respond you have a chance to recognise and to give voice to the real you. It is a hell of a journey. Many folk have taken a similar path. I wish you well and hope that you find your time with us is as rich and as valuable as I have found it to be for me.
Safe travels
Aisla
Welcome. Your narrative is not dissimilar to many of us. Life takes over. We find that we are living for others, presenting in a way that makes them comfortable. Years pass. Finally dysphoria demands a response. Once you respond you have a chance to recognise and to give voice to the real you. It is a hell of a journey. Many folk have taken a similar path. I wish you well and hope that you find your time with us is as rich and as valuable as I have found it to be for me.
Safe travels
Aisla
Title: Re: Global Attack
Post by: gennee on September 30, 2014, 02:37:26 PM
Post by: gennee on September 30, 2014, 02:37:26 PM
Hello Fenix and welcome to Susan's. The journey can seem long but we learn much about ourselves. I made it a point to never let other define who who I am. However you choose to express yourself, it's important to be you.
:)
:)
Title: Re: Global Attack
Post by: SorchaC on September 30, 2014, 03:21:27 PM
Post by: SorchaC on September 30, 2014, 03:21:27 PM
Hi Fenix ;D
Firstly welcome to Susan's :) I agree with Genee in that you should define who you are and no matter how long it takes or what life throws at us we have to remain true to who we think we are until one day everyone else can see what we've always known :) As for Spiritual, I think this can be a source of self belief as many trans I've met and taught are able to find their true selves through Spirituality.
Hope that all made sense
Hugs
Sorcha :)
Firstly welcome to Susan's :) I agree with Genee in that you should define who you are and no matter how long it takes or what life throws at us we have to remain true to who we think we are until one day everyone else can see what we've always known :) As for Spiritual, I think this can be a source of self belief as many trans I've met and taught are able to find their true selves through Spirituality.
Hope that all made sense
Hugs
Sorcha :)
Title: Re: Global Attack
Post by: Fifi33 on October 05, 2014, 10:37:48 PM
Post by: Fifi33 on October 05, 2014, 10:37:48 PM
;D Thanks to you all! Really!
I am evolving aka dealing with "fame" (good or bad), resolving the energetics within myself to break free of the masculine attributes I lay law upon myself.. When I walk the streets now I am finding AGAIN the meaning and truth to who I am. With everyone knowing and most "thinking they know" my business it is such a different experience, especially being empathic.. Whew, wonders of this world.. I am going to set a laser hair removal appointment soon ^.^ so much love to that.. Yes, I may be hyper masculine still, come off flamboyant gay guy.. w/e it be.. Thanks for the time and effort to welcome me.. Babble babble babble! and I am making progress! :angel: 8)
I am evolving aka dealing with "fame" (good or bad), resolving the energetics within myself to break free of the masculine attributes I lay law upon myself.. When I walk the streets now I am finding AGAIN the meaning and truth to who I am. With everyone knowing and most "thinking they know" my business it is such a different experience, especially being empathic.. Whew, wonders of this world.. I am going to set a laser hair removal appointment soon ^.^ so much love to that.. Yes, I may be hyper masculine still, come off flamboyant gay guy.. w/e it be.. Thanks for the time and effort to welcome me.. Babble babble babble! and I am making progress! :angel: 8)
Title: Re: Global Attack
Post by: Ms Grace on October 05, 2014, 10:44:49 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on October 05, 2014, 10:44:49 PM
Hey Fenix!
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Please check out the following links for general site info...
Cheers
Grace
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Please check out the following links for general site info...
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Cheers
Grace
Title: Re: Global Attack
Post by: Devlyn on October 06, 2014, 02:06:17 PM
Post by: Devlyn on October 06, 2014, 02:06:17 PM
Hi Fenix, nice to meet you! I'm up in the Northeast near Boston. Checking the site out for years, huh? There's a Longest Lurker Loving Cup around here somewhere, you might be eligible for it! See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn