Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well after 6 months just taking a low dose of oral estrogen decided to stop.

Didn't like the "Moobs" that were becoming more prominent. Sure they are ok when in female mode, but not cool during other times.

Also even though this whole world has been part of me as far back as 3 years old, being on HRT made me take a hard look at what I was beginning to do to my body.

I think for me if I could wake up a stunning female, then sure I would go for it but... I realize that no amount of surgery or hormones would get me to the place I want to be.

Anyway... To each their own...

Being on low dose oral E as well I can understand.
It can be hard to hide the moobs.

The important thing is it's decision only you can make and more power to you.

I would love to wake up as you say. ;)

Jen

:( I feel like this is one of the big things I am underestimating with transitioning on the job.

Melissa,

That's great!
You've gone down one path, found it wasn't for you, and come out the other end of it with a better understanding of yourself.

And I agree, the moobs become harder to hide with time.  Careful clothing selection is key to my look these days.  Dark and loose.  A bit monochromatic, but I have an established preference for that sort of look so I don't get comments.

No regrets then. :)

Maybe some advice from the FtM's about binding until such a time as you are ready to present full time?

Those guys have all sorts of good advice to give!

Melissa
I had a similar reaction.  If you can live without the hrt then your decision makes a lot of sense.  My boob growth happened so quickly that it threw me.  In the end I had a bilateral breast reduction and restarted at a much lower dose of hrt.  This has been the right outcome for me as along the way I determined and accepted that I was non binary.  I also found that I couldn't live with the return of dysphoria and loss of emotional depth so I needed to find a way of staying on hrt, albeit on a very low dose.
However just in case of potential regret I asked the surgeon to keep the breast capsule.  Since then the boobs have slowly regrown and I am ok with this.  As lunanyan says I can change my dress to disguise the breasts and have also purchased a number of compression vests which work well.  The beach presents a challenge but a swimming vest for sun protection works. May be a different challenge if swimming in a pool.
Aisla

Hi Melissa, as someone who has stopped HRT in the past (after 2 years worth!) I can certainly understand the need to reevaluate and hit the pause button. Just keep in mind that if you had a degree of dysphoria beforehand (which I presume you did) then be careful as it may not have gone away. I hope you are chatting to your endo and your counsellor about this and what you might like to do in going forward.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

As far as dysphoria goes I've fortunately never had it but...  My reasons initially to go on HRT was to see how close I could get to the feminine ideal I had in my mind.  I had pretty much gone as far as I could go with makeup and padding and all the usual tricks.

Another reason I decided to stop was that I've seen girls sort of stuck in the middle where they don't quite look male or female when not made up and for me this was unsettling.

I also had to question my motivation for being on HRT.  I think part of it had to do with that when I'm in female mode I get lots of attention, something unknown to my male counterpart. So the question was... Am I doing all this just because the attention feels good and... I guess my brain figured that being on HRT would make me even more attractive and therefore receive even more attention.

Anyway, no right or wrong decision but every girl here really needs to dig deep to their motivations before they cross a line that they can't get back from. Just my 2 cents and thoughts... :-)

Quote from: Melissa_fox on October 05, 2014, 11:27:58 PM
Didn't like the "Moobs" that were becoming more prominent. Sure they are ok when in female mode, but not cool during other times.

I couldn't agree more.  After 2 months MTF HRT (conventional dosages) I have the same concern that I wrestle with every day.  It being the end of the swimsuit season up North, I thought it "safe" to start MTF HRT.  But a guy friend wanted to go to a hot springs, bringing his teenage daughter.  To me my mounds are very prominent; to strangers less so.  Adding the fact that I had shaved my legs, chest, and belly to me made my trans appearance very obvious.  Unable or unwilling to come up with an excuse not to go, I hoped it would be a big pool and I could slip into and out of the water from a distance with my condition unnoticed. 

We got there and the pools are small and there's lots of people :'(  I tried to be covert and my friend and daughter didn't seem to notice (or at least didn't say anything), but I got a strange look from a teen girl as I got in.  Whether they noticed or not, it made what should have been a fun outing quite stressful for the days leading up to the spa, and the 2 hours in and around it. 

I'm not attracted to men and I feel that these changes in my body will isolate me and make it impossible to meet a woman.  And yet I continue HRT.  I think my crossroads are coming up fast, certainly in the next month.  We'll see.  I never planned to go full-time as a girl; I like the guy stuff I do.  I'm almost 60 and feel I don't know how to be a guy.  What chance do I have of learning how to be a woman?  IF that is even what I want.  Life's complicated, and getting  more so.

Melissa, it sounds like you made the right choice.  You can always restart HRT at a later date if your priorities change.

Jen

Jen what you mentioned was another reason as well for me too.  I'm not attracted to guys and as as single  guy I really want to find a girlfriend so I realized I would be walking a fine line if I stay on HRT  It's goes without saying too that the libido killing effects not going to make the ladies happy.

  Interesting situation.  I enjoy hearing stories that run counter to all the HRT/full-surgery transition buzz because I think it's important to stop every now and then and check-in with yourself.  "How are you feeling?"  "How much of this do you really need to be happy?" etc.

  In my case there was no doubt about the necessity for HRT from the standpoint that my natural testosterone had actually been making me ill.  I am happy about my physical changes and eager for what more is still to come.  I also don't have the problem of needing to meet women that would date a straight guy because I want to be loved as a woman by a woman.  I'm not expecting my penis to play much of a role in that, whether or not I keep it.

  For you it sounds like you've done the right thing by going off HRT.  If you can live comfortably without it then you are much better off in terms of reducing health risks and on-going expenses.  You are an important example of someone who went off HRT not because of fear of transition, but because it was a logical and practical conclusion.  There certainly will be some people who should read and learn from this experience.

Wait is that her on that avatar pic ?

When you started HRT were you not aware that breast growth could and most likely would occur and that the tissue would be somewhat permanent? Starting HRT has permanent long lasting effects to your body. If your uncomfortable with your changing body it was probably the right decision to stop HRT.

With all due respect, from what you wrote Melissa it seems that you enjoy cross-dressing and HRT seemed to be a bit of a fantasy. If you didn't have any dysphoria why on earth would you take female hormones??? it just leaves me so puzzled!

jname, I assume your question was directed at me [Jen].   Your observation is pertinent and I wish I had an answer that would convince both of us.  Here is my logic, and I use the term loosely.

Since a young age I have always wanted breasts.  With 2 of the past 3 girls over the past year I had some issues with ED (age 60).  Pointed questions from the 2nd made me think hard about my suitability as a mate.  I realized that even with the perfect girl I would be unable to stop cross dressing, which would probably doom the relationship.  So my plan was/is to grow breasts and hide them and not look for a girl friend.  I've even considered looking for a match on a lesbian/bisexual dating website.  Unfortunately this strategy would seem to put me in the NB category, possibly making me unsuitable for anybody, or at least anybody I am likely to find.  I could go off HRT and try to find a girl that would eventually dump me, or I can do what I want for me and be alone in my remaining years.  So yes, it's possibly a recipe for disaster which is why I constantly reevaluate my position. 

Jen

In my case, I was fully cognisant of the issues related to going on HRT.  Yet I still went ahead, for the sake of my sanity.

Given the way I'm wired up, HRT with no physical changes would have been the ideal result for me.

But life isn't like that and you can't always have you cake and eat it.

Hormone wisemas I am on pellet, my levels have ended up close to transition target e and t levels.  Thankfully, the changes to date haven't been too hard to hide, but it is a very fine line that I am dancing on.  Social transition would be irresponsible on my part, so long as HRT keeps me sane and body changes are kept under control.

There are no hard and fast rules to this, it is a matter of weighing the consequences of what your life aims are.

Hi Jname,

In answer to your question...

Yes I enjoy cross dressing but I know it goes way beyond that because the idea of dressing like a girl was with from probably 2 years old and never went away.  For that reason I know its way more than a hobby or fetish. And please understand I make no judgement on someones motivations regardless of what they are.

I love doing it as I enjoy the creative process and I went on HRT for 2 reasons.

1.  The perfectionist in me wanted to see how much more female I could look.  Note that my avatar pic was pre HRT.
2.  Because this has been with me for my whole life I do think I have a gender fluid gene or bias towards being female but...

With that said, I've never had gender dysphoria. I would probably say that if anything I have a bit of disappointment that I'll never be the stunner that I admire so...

I don't want to make irreversible changes that I'll regret later on.

Hi Melissa, I think you and I are quite similar in our reasons for choosing HRT. For me it's only been 2.5 months and OMG the last 2 weeks my boobs have exploded. I LOVE THEM...

Since it's only been a short time, I think I need to give it much more time for myself to see where my journey will lead me. I  am not a very attractive "woman". And did not have any intentions of transitioning, but I do find myself wondering down that path, a very narrow path, but one none the less.

If I chose to go down there, I would have WAY too many hurdles to over come and know that I would not be strong enough
to go alone, which I am and have been all my life.

So my best options are to just GO and see where it leads me. I don't want to have any set in stone plans. Right now I AM LOVING MYSELF OMG!!!! And just want to keep on loving it...

Damm I like this little talk I had with myself. LOL
Thank you...
Ginger

Quote from: Melissa_fox on October 05, 2014, 11:27:58 PM
Well after 6 months just taking a low dose of oral estrogen decided to stop.

I have only dabbled in cross-dressing because I worked so hard within society to present as the "expected" alpha male, father, husband and executive that would give me the greatest chance for "success" in life. Now, at 53, knowing the kid's are on the way and that my wife will most undoubtedly, and ultimately not appreciate the growth and change I will have with HRT, leave me.

My issues.

However, saying that, I have great fears that this well sculpted and obviously traditional male outer package may not transform into the similar truly feminine, outward girl I so desire to bloom into. I know it will take great work and sacrifice to bring the physical self in line with the metaphysical. But, I am willing to take the great leap of faith that as hard as I worked to develop the awkward form, I am equally willing to work hard in developing the natural form.

Now as for the quote comment, low dose can only have so many effects as my Endo so graciously proffered. and even at my age we are going to dive in with both feet to see how I react. Perhaps low dose just didn't give you the results you desire, yet a more aggressive strategy will.

I understand though, especially with a powerful ego like my own, it may indeed be disappointing.

Good luck Ginger and M1 on your new journey into HRT.  Keep us posted on your progress.

It's interesting to see some people's reasons for starting hrt. Cool post

Wow Jen682, I can't believe how much your reasons match mine!
I've always wanted to be a female, but don't think I've ever felt like I was in the wrong body, just not the one I wanted.
I've pretty much given up on finding or even looking for a mate, partly  because I'll never be over my ex-wife, but that's another story.
Along these lines I've decided I really really would like to have breasts. Will it aid in crossdressing, sure, but I really just like the feel and idea
of having them, for myself.
I've been taking herbs (I know, a forbiden subject here) for about a year and a half and am really thinking strongly of checking into legitimate HRT
but have no desire/plans to transition due to many reasons.

By the way, I'm 62.

Julie

julie_txcd, sorry for the late reply.  I don't get on this forum much any more.

About a month ago (9 days after my post) I went off MTF HRT.  I still want nice boobs, but mostly for CD and perhaps occasional covert outings.  But I concluded that it would be unlikely for me to find a girlfriend and live "happily ever after" in such a state.  So I went off HRT and soon met a nice girl online.  It's too soon to know what will happen, but on our first weekend together she offered to let me wear her sexy night gown.   I declined and I'm not sure what, if anything, clued her in, but it could provide nice opportunities for the future and hopefully a long-term relationship.

As a side note, after stopping MTF HRT my nipples were sore for 12 more days, and my boobs continued to grow slightly more during that time.  I really miss the curves I was getting and my lower stress levels while on E.  But it was nice to start getting my libido back after 4-5 days and my muscles in the weeks after.

After 2.5 months of nipple and breast development I threw most of my breast forms away in favor of the real thing.  I would still like to know how big my boobs would get and who knows, maybe with the right girl I may find out some day.  But if the woman I cared about said no to me restarting MTF HRT, I wouldn't do it.

I'm sorry you lost your wife over this.  It sounds like that happens quite a bit in our situation.  For me, my decision was driven by my need to be with someone; to love and be loved.  I never achieved that with the women in my two marriages but I know it is possible.  You were lucky in that you did have it.  Unfortunately it makes the loss all the more painful.   But there is hope.  Hang in there and just take it a day at a time.

I would love to restart MTF HRT.  But the first time doing it I felt isolated and alone and became concerned for my future.  If there is a next time I hope it will be with an understanding woman that loves me and accepts me.  Should you decide to do HRT that is my advice; make sure you have the support you need during that difficult time.


Jen

The urge to be ME was so much stronger than any fear I might have of what might happen if I transition...I only live once and I don't want to have ANY regrets, I was ready to tough it out, get out of my comfort zone although it took quite some time but as I start to defy my own mental boundaries, I'm realizing life can be so magical, amazing, beyond what I ever imagined it could be. I don't want to be ruled by fear, regrets, sadness. Life also becomes so dull, empty, boring. We must make choices...I did, I have no regrets. :)