Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all, my now 15 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD/Mild Autism at age 4, growing up at around maybe 8 years old, we noticed he started liking a few certain feminine things like the color Pink and would be more comfortable with girls around him. Last September he started having anxiety/depression symptoms and even though I had seeing a Therapist, within the last 2-3 months or so, those symptoms started getting progressively worse. Last month he told myself and his mom that he "sometimes" sees or thinks of himself as a girl and had an online facebook account using a girl's identity but he's so confused as to what he really is or likes and he's tired of having to lie to people and now it all came to a head and attempted suicide 2 times on the same day last week but did not tell us. I twas after hearing him talk of "wishing he was dead" that I told myself enough is enough and took him to the ER which referred him to a Hospital which handles suicide issues.

He is making progress with the meds and strategy at the Hospital so hoping he will be home by the end of this week. The Psychiatrist said to us that usually a child would know at around age 3 or 4 which gender they see themselves at but in mike's case he's not sure and that no one can predict what he will think as he grows up, that he could like boys at one point then he could like girls then he could want a gender change e.t.c. My biggest fear as a Father will be all of the bigotry and hurt he will have to endure the rest of his life by the general public if he should choose not to be a boy so I am seeking any advice/info on what our options are and how best to handle this situation please?

It's pretty well known, at least among us that 41% of us attempt suicide without treatment. That treatment may not be any more than councilling, or it may be a full transition. At a minimum, if I were in your shoes, I would get him to a therapist with experience with transgender youth. Psychology Today has a website which is pretty good for doing those searches. He may end up your son, or she may end up your daughter, or somewhere in between, but isn't that, even with possible discrimination, better than burying him? At 15 there's good hope for an acceptable outcome even with a full transition. Those of us who realized much later have a more difficult time.

there is hope society is making slow  progress , therapy is the best route though.

Quote from: frustratedparent on October 06, 2014, 09:55:28 AM
The Psychiatrist said to us that usually a child would know at around age 3 or 4 which gender they see themselves at but in mike's case he's not sure and that no one can predict what he will think as he grows up, that he could like boys at one point then he could like girls then he could want a gender change e.t.c.

In my case, it was around age 50, so there is a wide range.

Please take the "Sometimes I..." statement seriously. A kid that age might not want to say straight out "I want to be a girl", might try to sugar coat it for you. Make sure he knows you'll believe whatever he says and will not invalidate his perceived gender. Gender is wired into us, and if he's trans, he can't change that. If he is indeed trans, the feeling will not go away, though often kids will try to ignore it for a while.

Quote from: frustratedparent on October 06, 2014, 09:55:28 AM
My biggest fear as a Father will be all of the bigotry and hurt he will have to endure the rest of his life by the general public if he should choose not to be a boy so I am seeking any advice/info on what our options are and how best to handle this situation please?

I transitioned last year. I'm now living as a female in a place where everyone knew me as a male. I am a schoolteacher, so I work with all sorts people.

I have never experienced any bigotry, so it's possible to find places where trans people are well accepted. I'm proud of being transgender and having transitioned. I have a clearer view of both sides of the gendered world than someone who spent their whole life as a male or as a female. I enjoy my life and my job and my family, friends, and coworkers all accept me and respect me as I am.

I recommend reading this short book "Mom, I Need to be a Girl"  written by a mother in your exact position.  It's a free PDF from http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html

What everyone has said so far is spot on.  First step is to find a therapist who has experience with transgender youth.  They will help your son to better understand himself and the feelings he's likely had his whole life, and they'll help you to plan a course of action.

From one father to another, you're doing this the right way.  And I commend you for coming here to seek advice.  This is not something that any of us wanted...but it's the hand we were dealt.  And many of us have been able to move on and have normal, successful lives despite a rough beginning. 

Transition isn't easy.  But it's much easier than it was just 20 or 30 years ago.  Society is different, and there are so many more resources than there have ever been.

Best of luck to you.  And please do keep us updated.

I was perfectly cool with being a boy at that age.  I liked wrestling, comics, cars and all, but there was always a part of me that was disappointed that I was a boy.  I was just too young to understand.  At 10-12 is when I really began to feel that I wanted to be female.  I prayed to god, looked up spells and everything.  I'm 26 right now, but I've really only just begun to realize that I myself am transgendered.  I sort of always thought it was just a curiosity.  In retrospect I can say that I really have no idea if I've ever had a moment in which I didn't hate myself for who I was, or more so who I wasn't but could have been.  I spend most of my time these days dreaming of being 15 again.  At 15, your kid still has a really good chance.  When not dreaming of a squandered youth I'm almost always thinking of killing myself.  I've tried a couple times in the past and got really sick.  I've had a belt tied around my closet coat rack for a couple years now and have, more times than I care to remember, been inside that closet with that very belt tied around my neck.  I want to die.  I don't want to want to die, but I want to die.  It's not because I'm transgendered, it's because I'm transgendered and I didn't get help sooner.

Quote from: frustratedparent on October 06, 2014, 09:55:28 AMMy biggest fear as a Father will be all of the bigotry and hurt he will have to endure the rest of his life by the general public if he should choose not to be a boy so I am seeking any advice/info on what our options are and how best to handle this situation please?

The earlier he/she gets intervention the better. It is good that you are concerned enough about this to seek help. My parents largely tried to suppress it and ignored it. I was deathly afraid of dressing and my dad was irate if my mom or anyone else even put me in clothes that even looked a bit girly.

Also, bigotry is a fact of life... not just for transgendered people. I experience it as a non-white person, and some of it is institutionalized. You learn to deal with it, but if your child is 15 years old and starts transitioning relatively soon (if that is the route that needs to be taken) then chances of living fully in the correct gender are much, much better.

Really appreciate the help everyone! As a father my main wish in life for my 2 boys has always been from day one that they are happy, I have had many small wars with my older son choosing to become a musician instead of and passing on great secure jobs here in NY but he has always told me he 'wants to be happy" so I told him in all honesty as his father and seeking his best interests and security in life I am not 100% happy with his career choice but I will as I have always have supported him 100% in whatever choices made.

With Mike, it's more or less the same deal. I have had arguments with one or two people with Gay children in the past telling them that if any of my 2 boys were to ever turn out to be gay it would be then that they would need my support more than ever because the world will do enough harm to them. This is as mentioned at the heart of my concern, I won't be able to protect him from the stares, snickers, teases and especially here in the heart of NY sometimes bad physical beatings.

@suzifrommd
I am super glad that you are in a good situation but unfortunately here in NY is one THE worst places for a transgender person to live, NY can be a very brutal for less, if Mike should choose to become a girl most likely we would need to leave our family and friends here and move, for his protection, that is the reality.
@ Dee Walker
I will ask the Social worker who is setting up everything for Mike when he comes home to look into a "therapist with experience with transgender youth experience" [thank you very much!] No, burying my son is not an option. The only negative thing my sons have ever accused me of is being "too attached" to them so support from me will never be an issue for as long as I live and breathe.

To everyone here, I would like to also speak with "parents" of transgender kids to get some advice on how I can best handle this situation, any forum or other for this please?

Quote from: frustratedparent on October 06, 2014, 09:55:28 AM
My biggest fear as a Father will be all of the bigotry and hurt he will have to endure the rest of his life by the general public if he should choose not to be a boy so I am seeking any advice/info on what our options are and how best to handle this situation please?

My parents shared the same fears.

Transitioning does have its challenges and difficulties, but probably not as bad as you imagine. There are many (thousands) of us out there living good, happy, productive lives. Its not an automatic life sentence to being hurt, treated poorly and looked down upon. I know so many who are thriving after transition.

But it sounds like this is all still a big if for you and your child. He may not or may not be transsexual.

A qualified gender therapist really is in order I believe. As for what you can do, you seem to be starting in a good direction. Supporting your child to find out what they need is fantastic. Take this time to learn more about the transgender experience so that you can be there for your child.

First of all, welcome to the forums hun.  As you can already see, we're all more than happy to give you as much help and advice on your situation as you need :)

You obviously don't need me to point out that you've got quite a serious situation on your hands there.  If your son is indeed suffering from Gender Dysphoria (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder) then it's clearly going to be a source of frustration for them.  Bear in mind though that ADHD/Autism is also something that can produce significant amounts of frustration, so that does muddy the waters somewhat.

As the others have rightly suggested, get your son in to see a Gender Therapist / Councillor as soon as you can.  They will help bring out your son's true feelings regarding their gender.  They will also help in getting the right treatment to ease (and hopefully ultimately eradicate) the dysphoria, should it turn out that's truly what they are feeling.  That might mean simply therapy, it might mean various degrees of transition.  There are many forms transition can take, and it's not just a case of "boy or girl" either.  A therapist will help them to find out where they need to be, even if it turns out that where they need to be is right where they currently are, or the opposite end of the spectrum, or some shade of grey in between :)

Also, I'd love to just take a moment to commend you - you're clearly very loving and supportive parents who want to do what's best for your child.  Many around here have not had that support from their families, and would give the world to have had parents like you :)  I just want you to know that your son (or daughter) will be very appreciative of you for being this way with them.  People like you make the world a better place, don't ever forget that ♥︎*hugs*♥︎ :)

As for a place to speak with parents of trans* children - I don't know any sites off the top of my head, but give me a minute and I'll see what I can dig up.  Hang tight :)


EDIT: Ok so first of all, you're obviously more than welcome to ask questions here at Susan's.  The Significant Others (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,26.0.html) section is a resource for partners, friends and (most relevant here) family members of trans* people.  It's not specific to trans* children though, so the information you seek may be a little scattered.

Next up, I found this: http://www.transgenderchild.net/resources/support-for-trans-kids-north-east/ (http://www.transgenderchild.net/resources/support-for-trans-kids-north-east/)
It may be worth getting in touch with one of those support groups there (note the New York section in particular - there seems to be quite a few groups right on your doorstep, which is always a good thing :) )

Finally, there's good old mermaidsuk.org.uk/ (http://mermaidsuk.org.uk/)
It's a UK based organisation, but if you get in contact with them via email, I'm pretty sure they will at least be able to point you in the right direction.

Hope I've been of assistance hun.  All the love in the world to you and your family, and don't hesitate to ask us if you have any further questions :) ♥︎*hugs*♥︎

*I* knew at 4. I couldn't even hint it to my parents until I was 24. These things aren't black and white, and some people aren't confident enough in themselves or their situations to be able to say definitively. A good trans friendly therapist is a great start, so that either way, your son will feel comfortable no matter what.

Quote from: KiraD on October 06, 2014, 03:52:58 PM
As the others have rightly suggested, get your son in to see a Gender Therapist / Councillor as soon as you can.  They will help bring out your son's true feelings regarding their gender.  They will also help in getting the right treatment to ease (and hopefully ultimately eradicate) the dysphoria, should it turn out that's truly what they are feeling.  That might mean simply therapy, it might mean various degrees of transition.  There are many forms transition can take, and it's not just a case of "boy or girl" either.  A therapist will help them to find out where they need to be, even if it turns out that where they need to be is right where they currently are, or the opposite end of the spectrum, or some shade of grey in between :)

Thanks for your very kind words and info. Also, thanks for the links, will definitely look into each of them. Well my kids are what I live for, you take their life you take mine, I can't put it any other way. Their happiness is my ultimate goal even though I may not agree with some of the choices they may make in life I have no choice but to fully support them and learn to live with it as long as they don't get into any bad stuff. I will ask the Social worker today to seek out a qualified Gender therapist and will keep you guys up to speed as we go along, thanks for the support everybody!

Quote from: frustratedparent on October 07, 2014, 06:33:22 AM
Thanks for your very kind words and info. Also, thanks for the links, will definitely look into each of them. Well my kids are what I live for, you take their life you take mine, I can't put it any other way. Their happiness is my ultimate goal even though I may not agree with some of the choices they may make in life I have no choice but to fully support them and learn to live with it as long as they don't get into any bad stuff. I will ask the Social worker today to seek out a qualified Gender therapist and will keep you guys up to speed as we go along, thanks for the support everybody!

I think many people would still be here with a parent like you

puberty is often a very stressful time for trangender people. many don't experiemce any dysphoria until their body starts changing away from that of an androgynous child. another problem is that a person's mind usually gets unstable with the changing hormone levels, so even those who are not trangender might grt feelings of wishing they were something else even if that means changing ones sex and kind of eradicate the person they feel uncomfortable with being. it's difficult to know really, and feelings may or may not change with therapy or towards late puberty and adulthood.

i'm really glad to know you care ao much for your child, and i hope you take them seriously enough to also listen when they talk about their therapist being good or bad. a therapist will do no good unless the child feels they're taken seriously and can trust the therapist.

one thing special for children is that they usually aren't permitted to transition even with their parents' consent, for the fear if later regret and that thay may have been wanting transition for other reasons than actually being transgender. what is more oftwn done, is to give hormone blockers in order to stop puberty from changing them too far towards the gender they still may not want to be when they grow up, but without taking them in the other direction either.
just thought you might want to keep that in mind as a way to lessen dysphoria while feelings are still being aorted out, and your child is still to young to legally consent to any largely life changing procedures.

i also would like you and your child to consider the possibility of not being either gender in particular. we are some people here who identify as something other than man or woman, and often go through different changes than the ones yiur stereotypical transsexual individual would do.

i personally have a near 10 years old daughter who says she's half boy and half girl. to me this mostly means i have to be very observant of how puberty affects her and give her options at an early stage, so she knows that the choice exists if she wants to make it. she doesn't experience any dysphoria as far as she tella me, but that might be because i'm accepting both her and him equally.

That's a lot of and very helpful info Taka, thank you very much for sharing! I asked the social worker about getting a Therapist for Mike who specializes in Gender issues but she said "when he goes into therapy all of this will be worked out"? Is she taking this too lightly? I wanted to ask her if it was her child would what she's suggesting suffice but I held back because she is helping us set up a much better system for Mike this time and we need her help. The main problem here with finding a Gender specific therapist here will be  if they will accept our insurance so I may have to end taking whatever I get which means a general therapist.

Good news for now is Mike is scheduled to be released tomorrow morning as they say he's out of danger now which is what I have seen too for the past few days, I can hardly contain myself and I'll get no sleep until he's here tomorrow going back to his normal routine which is bugging me a few times during the course of the day and lying down half on top of me with his head on my chest, I miss those simple things. Having said that, I had joined one forum and one parent of a child with Autism and similar issues had said that "parents cause their child's situation" and I got really steamed at this and had it out with him/her but now I have to wonder? Since day one at birth when he came home from the Hospital he has slept with me, his father and even now 15 years later he still will [not every day] but sometimes come lie down with me on my bed and he nestles up to me in the way a baby chick goes under the mother hen. Mike has always said I way too attached to him

I now have to wonder if my smothering or closeness or whatever you wish to call it may be contributing to the gender confusion? Meaning could my closeness to him may have been sending him a message that I am treating him more like a girl rather than a boy and should I step back? Thing is, I had been the exact same way with my older son who is now 26 with never any gender issues but he didn't have Autism.

A 'general' therapist in this case would likely be no use, other than the fact that if they are good at their job they would be pretty quick at referring you to a gender therapist.

Don't worry, nothing you did contributed in any way to your child's condition. My Father used to/ still does (I'm 18 and still live at home) do the same cuddly over the top fatherly stuff with me as well. Its kinda cute, I have 3 brothers whom he treats exactly the same way, one of whom is autistic and has not had any gender struggles. Nothing you have done or could have done could have possibly altered his/her fate.

when she/he comes back make sure to hug her extra tight :P
and reassure him/her that its all ok. By the sounds of it she/he is fond of them as well even if she/he won't admit it.
P.S. you sound like an amazing dad by the way

There is no way you can cause your kid to be transgender (or not). But your concerns about the sleeping and/or affection can be addressed through therapy.
I would also ask your social  worker what they mean by "worked out" and what their experience is with Trans youth.

a general therapist might be very good in addition to a gender therapist. your child likely has other problems than just the pissibly transgender feelings. having one to figure out gender and another to deal with other aspects of their mental health could be better than just having one. unless the gender therapist does more than gender therapy.

there is nothing you can do in order to change your child's gender identity. there have been cases where infant boys had their genitals badly mangled, often because of an accident during circumcision, and had their genitals rearranged to appear female. the boys were raised as girls, always told they were girls, treated like girls by family and others. but they still started ibsisting thwy were really boys. it's impossible even for the person themselves to change their internal gender identity.
a person's peraonality can't be changed either, all you can do is try to guide thwm in a direction that will enable them to function well in society and deal with negative aspects of their personality in constructive ways.

something you can affect a whole lot thoughus your child's happiness. letting your child be who they are and like or dislike what they do, rather than pressure them into pretending to be someone else, would be the better way to keep them happy in childhood. a norwegian sociologist who has studied a whole lot of nature/nurture theories and studies, once said something like you can't raise a child into becoming the way you want, but how you raise one will decide whether or not they'll visit you when you grow old and lonely..

you might want to ask your child whether they want you to speak of them as your "son" or not. i consequently use "child" when gender is unknown or undcided (as you've probably noticed). that is because the words that parents and the closest family use to speak about their children often carry a sense of expectation that will easily make a child feel bad ir ashamed that they don't feel like they can live up to the worda you call them by. and when they have told you about their wishes to be something else, calling them the same as befor, will make it sound like you don't take them seriously, or that you don't want them to change.

i will not refer to your child as a son or daughter until you can tell me what they want. my own daughter still wants to be refered to by female pronouns and words, but i only know this because we've talked about it. she considers herself both my son and daughter though, so i'll have to ask her once in a while in case she changes her mind and suddenly wants male pronouns. she has a male name which she can use whenever she wants, the one she'd been given if she were born with male genitals. do you have an option like that to offer your child?

I just wanted to say that I think you're handling this situation in a great way! I personally probably *knew* as early as two or three but was pushed into the closet and ultimately repressed this knowledge into my late thirties. I have not been leading a happy live to say the least. You're doing everything to spare your kid this experience, which is wonderful!

Quote from: Taka on October 08, 2014, 08:19:25 AM
i will not refer to your child as a son or daughter until you can tell me what they want. my own daughter still wants to be refered to by female pronouns and words, but i only know this because we've talked about it. she considers herself both my son and daughter though, so i'll have to ask her once in a while in case she changes her mind and suddenly wants male pronouns. she has a male name which she can use whenever she wants, the one she'd been given if she were born with male genitals. do you have an option like that to offer your child?

Since this is all new to me, I am simply very overwhelmed so I cannot answer that question regarding 'options' right now. I think I will need to see what happens in therapy first? I can see the benefits of having 2 therapists [general and gender] but won't this be counter productive form him to be receiving most likely conflicting help and advice from both therapists?

To the rest of you guys, I really appreciate your advice and kinds words, thanks. I am very seriously considering everyone's posts here.

In my experience, therapists who have experience with gender related issues are still very useful otherwise.  Their specialty just gives them an extra key to understanding what's going on in their patients, as much of our other issues stem from this one.  So you may not need two different therapists.  And you're right about the possibility of conflicting diagnoses.

And if you can find one who has experience with transgender teenagers then you'll be in even better shape.

geez, this sounds to dam familiar - my experience has only one thing to add - if you allow him to transition while he is still in school, you will need to pull him out of there, i know this is very debatable, but the harm the other kids in his school can do to him could very well push him into suicide. i hate to say that, but google transgendered kids in school and see what i already know...

that term kids can be cruel, when they find someone to pick on, they will, repeatably and very harshly... and not just the students either...

As someone who had a rough time in school without transitioning, I can say that kids are cruel. But the will be any way. I'd say listen to your kid, keep your nose in heir business in regards to school, and make an informed decision as you go. You don't necessarily need to pull him from school if he decides to transition, but you may decide that's best.

Quote from: Taka on October 08, 2014, 08:19:25 AM
...there is nothing you can do in order to change your child's gender identity. there have been cases where infant boys had their genitals badly mangled, often because of an accident during circumcision, and had their genitals rearranged to appear female. the boys were raised as girls, always told they were girls, treated like girls by family and others. but they still started ibsisting thwy were really boys. it's impossible even for the person themselves to change their internal gender identity.
a person's peraonality can't be changed either, all you can do is try to guide thwm in a direction that will enable them to function well in society and deal with negative aspects of their personality in constructive ways.

something you can affect a whole lot thoughus your child's happiness. letting your child be who they are and like or dislike what they do, rather than pressure them into pretending to be someone else, would be the better way to keep them happy in childhood. a norwegian sociologist who has studied a whole lot of nature/nurture theories and studies, once said something like you can't raise a child into becoming the way you want, but how you raise one will decide whether or not they'll visit you when you grow old and lonely...

Just wanted to highlight this because it's very important.  It's a very common mis-conception that raising your child in certain ways can "cause them to become X", be it transgender, homosexual or whatever.  The research over the years (particularly since the 60's) has shown time and time again that the way a child is raised has literally zero bearing on wether or not they'll turn out transgendered.  What does make a difference are hormone levels during pregnancy.

Every human being starts out as essentially female.  During pregnancy, the foetus is provided with the hormones it needs to develop the structures as appropriate.  This includes certain skeletal structures, organs, and of course - brain structure.  If the brain doesn't get enough of the right hormone at the right time during pregnancy - either because the level is too low, the brain is resistant to it, or the wrong hormone is provided entirely - then the brain of the child will develop according to the hormone blast regardless of chromosomes etc.  In all the studies, hormone levels during pregnancy seem to be the single biggest factor contributing to gender identity.

Point is, as Taka very rightly says - there's nothing you can do to change a person's gender identity.  That means a trans person will never be able to be truly happy as a gender different from their brain and the need to transition becomes stronger as time goes on, but it also means that there's nothing a parent, family member, friend, television etc can do to "cause" a person to "become transgender".  It's something you're born as, or you're not.  Simple as that.  This flies completely in the face of the conventional wisdom which says that upbringing determines these factors or that people like us are just "crazy", but the science is pretty extensive and conclusive to the contrary.

Wikipedia has a pretty good article on Gender Dysphoria (or "Gender Identity Disorder" (GID) as it's also known) if you want to have a read:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder)

This part is particularly interesting:

QuoteGenetic variation, hormones, and differences in brain functioning and brain structures provide evidence for the biological etiology of the symptoms associated with GID. Twin studies indicate that GID is 62% heritable, evidencing the genetic influence in its development.[17] In male-to-female transsexuals, GID is associated with variations in an individual's genes that make the individual less sensitive to androgens.[1] Zhou et al. (1995) found that in one area of the brain, male-to-female transsexuals have a typically female structure, and female-to-male transsexuals have a typically male structure.[18] Zhou et al. (1995) had a sample size of only six male-to-female transgender individuals. There may, for example, be some non-transgender heterosexual men with some brain structures that would be expected in a female, as the sample size in Zhou et al. (1995) is too small to exclude such possibilities. In addition, some aspects of trans women's hypothalamus functioning resemble that typical of cisgender women.[19]

If your child truly is trans* then there's nothing you or anyone else could've done about it.  Hopefully that helps set your mind at ease hun :) ♥︎*Hugs*♥︎

well put Kira - its amazing that people cant understand that gay, lesbian and transgendered folks are born this way...

the only thing that is governed by society and the way we are brought up is the acceptance...

Quote from: frustratedparent on October 08, 2014, 12:21:37 PM
Since this is all new to me, I am simply very overwhelmed so I cannot answer that question regarding 'options' right now. I think I will need to see what happens in therapy first? I can see the benefits of having 2 therapists [general and gender] but won't this be counter productive form him to be receiving most likely conflicting help and advice from both therapists?

To the rest of you guys, I really appreciate your advice and kinds words, thanks. I am very seriously considering everyone's posts here.

I have been reading this thread and as always, am impressed by the thoughtfulness of the writers.  I would try to find a single therapist, with both gender and behavioral therapy expertise.  I had two for a while, but since most of my troubles were related to gender it only became a bit strained, awkward and ultimately unproductive. 

I would like to express my admiration for your parenting.  I do not know where on the autistic spectrum your child lives, but for you to be so trusted that comfort by contact is sought and given, is breathtakingly beautiful. I do not believe that you too attached to each other, for there to be bonding where autism is an element of the relationship is wonderful.  I hope and believe that the honesty, openness, and willingness to believe that you have shown will turn this into something positive for your entire family.  Remember, one day at a time and perseverance will be rewarded by change and growth.

As has been noted, you neither nor control your children's gender identity, if transition is the protocol that is necessary, your child's adolescence will have even more challenges than the usual pot of stew. They are fortunate that you are there and emotionally connected. 

Blessings,
Julie

i think it might take away some of your child's stress if you show that you care and take them seriously by at least asking what they want. it will be a personal thing between you and your child, in order to build up a little bit of trust and ease some of their fears. it's not necessary to wait and see what happens in therapy, and it is never shameful to be uncertain or change one's mind (for your child), life is a road with many paths, and even if you can't go backit is possible to change tracks more than once, in order to try and find the right one. there is no need to lead your child in either direction, but it's probably a good idea to talk about differences between your acceptance and what they can expect from society and classmates if they want to be open about teansitioning when still in school.

if the gender therapist is good enough, there won't be any need for someone else. but not all therapists are equally good, so you should do what you can to connect with your child well enough that they might tell you how things are working out with their therapist from the start. i just hope i can keep my relationship with my daughter good enough that she will tell me about all that troubles her. i would want to support her in all matter where she isn't clearly in the wrong (that would mostly be intentionally hurting others).

Speaking with our Psychiatrist and telling him of some info I have gotten on here, he said we should keep in mind that Mike has gender "confusion" which was brought about by his ADHD and ASD issues being mainly active when he hit puberty which triggered his anxiety attacks now so in all likelyhood, his issues may not be exactly the same as you guys here? Anyone of you got Autism here please?

There are quite a few of us here who are autism spectrum.  Also, it seems that ADD/ADHD is extremely common with transpeople, as is being left-handed.

Love the compassion I am seeing thus far!  I am studying to be a therapist (working towards a masters) so I can not officially diagnose any one person as of now.  I will say that many times numerous psychological conditions can have other precursors or underlying situations.  My first therapist was very bad.  Actually causing more issues but my second therapist was amazing!  I was diagnosed with GID with depression underlying.  From what I have studied in gender, there is no correlation with gender identity and other situations such as autism.  It is an as founded basis.

Also, there is a very wide range of gender variation from male and female to somewhere in the middle.  The best thing you can do for you child is exactly what you are doing!  Your making an attempt to make this child happy.  Your biggest concern would be if said therapist looked at "fixing" the issue by trying to repress the feelings in general in stead of exploring all avenues of the situation. 

Be strong!  Your the definition of "parenting, your doing it right". I commend you!

Quote from: frustratedparent on October 06, 2014, 09:55:28 AM
The Psychiatrist said to us that usually a child would know at around age 3 or 4 which gender they see themselves at but in mike's case he's not sure and that no one can predict what he will think as he grows up, that he could like boys at one point then he could like girls then he could want a gender change

Just wanted to offer up a little bit of LGBT 101 just in case you don't know.  Sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression are three separate spectrums that are completely independent of each other.  Who they end up being attracted to will have no effect on which gender (if any) they identify with and presents as.  They could also learn that they do identify as female, but is okay with presenting as male.  Or they might find gender to be fluid and just go with how they feel on any given day.  Finally,  remember that all three concepts are not binaries.  It is possible to identify with neither gender or to present just on the feminine side of androgynous.  Sexuality is more than just gay or straight as well (even more than bisexual too).  Your son is not going to figure out over night, but by being clearly supportive of letting them explore and question, they have a great head start at figuring it out.

I'm going to apologize in advance for this massive wall of text I'm about to post!

I knew at 4 years old that I was female even though I was born male and at 5 years old I learned what utter fear of being myself was and why I could never tell anyone about how I felt about myself especially since I live in the DEEEEEEEEP south. That nearly destroyed me as I was about to turn 30 when I crumbled from years of trying to fake being a guy when I knew I just wasn't one. I happen to have ADHD and I am autistic, nothing my parents ever did caused me to feel the way I do. No amount of trying to be a manly man ever made me a guy. My parents saying that they had a son and not a daughter did not deter me, but it did cause great amounts of stress and pushed me back into the corner where suicide was a constant daily fight for me to continue on when all I wanted to do was just give in and give up and leave this world for good. I'm glad I didn't because now that I live authentically as the person that I feel that I am happier now than I've ever been in my entire life. So many family photos were taken of me where I physically could NOT smile and it's really sad to look back at those old pictures as you can see no happiness in me by my facial expressions especially once I got into my 20's. I can look back at my childhood and honestly say that yes I actually did have a good childhood even though I struggled with my own identity in dismal silence. My parents stayed together, they provided a roof over my head, I had plenty of toys and clothes, I never ever went hungry and my parents do truly love me then and even now. Yes there is daily struggle for me, I am single and live on one income while I try to afford to transition with little hope of being able to afford the few surgeries that I want that's deemed cosmetic by the general public. Your child if you allow them to explore themselves can possibly avoid something that is currently dogging me each and every day of the week. I have a good paying job that I like other than the fact that I was a "guy" there and nobody knew I was transgender until I came out and announced that the following week I'd show up as a woman. I for what ever reason was very well respected by everyone, I don't know if that's just because I'm incredibly nice and can't hate anyone or if it's my typically sunny demeanor even though nobody knew the torment that was going on just under the surface. But after I came out I experienced a large shift in how I was treated, 50% of the people were proud of me for being me and the other 50% have begrudgingly tolerated my existence there at work. I lost a lot of my friends but in the process of it all I have actually gained more REAL friends than I ever had before but it is still hard to smile and say Hi to people who turn their heads away as if not seeing me makes me disappear and not even talk to me even if I'm asking them an actual work related question. It hurts a lot as sadly my transition has shown me some of the darkest sides of people that I once called great caring people. I'm lucky that upper management has my back and fully supports my transition at work. I do just fine when I'm out in public, I had quite a few bad experiences and had to fight my issues with my autism tooth and nail but I eventually learned how to look "decent" and then I started getting treated much better. Now that I've been living full time authentically I never get called sir nor does anyone mess with me and I'M LUCKY & PRIVELEGED in that retrospect because I somehow won the genetic lottery and once I got on hormones that winning streak kicked in and I'm a 5'11" tall amazon sized woman but people that meet me regardless if they know that I'm transgender because I either tell them or they met me through the transgender activism I do can't ever picture me as being a male. By their own admission they literally can not see anything in me but a woman and as much of a compliment that is it's also a source of great pain as it makes me look back and regret not coming out at an early age before I hit puberty. I lose sleep sometimes when I really begin to think about how much different my life could be had I came out and was able to transition in my teens verses what I'm doing now as a 30 year old adult. Once again I'm lucky that testosterone only did limited damage to my body in the 29 years that I lived as a guy the only big issue I had was training my voice but even so I got lucky there too as I am musically talented. With all the ups and all the downs I'm glad that I stuck around and decided to move forward and transition as I want to be on this planet now and just over a year ago I wanted nothing more than to be a forgotten memory forever gone from this planet.

What I'm getting at is listen to what your child is saying. Let them explore themselves as this very well could be a phase or it could be 100% real and this is what your child wants. Let them decide that and do your best to encourage and protect them the best you can. They will still have to face the world on their own terms and you as the parent needs to be there cheering & supporting them on, even if they are on a path that you do not want. My parents still have a lot of problems with my transition and routinely tear my heart out by asking if I'd like to go back to being their son but they still love and support me. They just don't want to face the reality that all of their dreams they had for me as their son will never happen and that they will have to form new dreams for their daughter that will never be able to give them grandchildren. It will be VERY hard on you to see them as another person but do it for them, that simple act of allowing them to be themselves can make the difference between them wanting to say in this world or leave it. You are already doing some of the right things, you are turning to others for help and understanding which is A LOT more than what most other parents do when their child says they are transgender. Right now is a pivotal point in your child's life as if they are under 18 and transitioning is what they decide they need to do then doing it as young as possible will greatly increase their chance at having a successful transition where they don't have to face the nastiness of public ridicule. You may have to move and change schools once/if they decide to start presenting authentically as in many cases it can be easier to enroll your daughter in a new school than to have them transition in one where they have been know for X amount of time as Mike. Kids will be jerks and some kids will be great, you just never know but one thing to count on is that PARENTS will be jack wagons about your child being transgender because they are afraid of what that means or that their kids might "catch" that too or be confused...ect people's minds go wild and makes them do dumb things. Transitioning before you are an adult is much better than doing it as an adult, at least in my own opinion as I can only give the adults perspective.

Onto being autistic and being transgender. For me they are not related at all but one does greatly effect the other, being autistic did not cause me to be transgender but being autistic causes me to be scared out of my damn mind when I'm out in public living authentically. My autism revolves around people issues for me, crowds, fears & anxiety and somehow which makes no sense to me loud noises from people talking in a crowded room but I can tolerate loud noise from machinery, playing my guitar in a band....ect. Basically I have a really hard time connecting with people and being in public & social situations and at the same time being in those situations causes me to have panic attacks and huge amounts of anxiety. I didn't find out I was autistic until after I had been diagnosed as being transgender and the reason why was because even though I desperately wanted to be me I found myself being crippled every time I stepped out the door and ventured all alone out into the public knowing I DID NOT LOOK GOOD AT ALL. The fear & anxiety in my mind would just go out of control and suddenly I'd start believing that the things that were all in my head were actually happening when they weren't. It took a lot of therapy for me to understand what was going on and how I could combat my autism from running wild, I have to fight those panic attacks, stop myself from believing the fears that I have and to push myself out of my comfort zone and little by little it has worked but not without great pain. Being transgender is scary as heck because you always have to be on your toes watching everyone just in case something does happen but then you toss in having autism that makes you believe your worst fears compounds everything. What sucks the most is that I am so damn lonely and yet I fight myself so incredibly much to make contact in person with other people. On the outside they see me as a typical woman who isn't the best talker in the world but on the inside I'm nearly freaking out having panic attacks and all I want to do is just run away and hide in my apartment but I keep fighting the autism because I now know that everything with fears are nearly completely not realistic but I still have to stay on guard because I AM a transgender woman who is still in the early stages of transitioning.

Now before I started transitioning I had all of the same issues with social situations. I LOVED routine and I still do even though I fight that too. I could plan out exactly what I would do for entire months in advance as in I knew exactly what I would do throughout the entire day to a tee and if ANYTHING broke my routine I would go off the deep end and flip out. Then for family functions I could never engage into them, I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to interact, I just didn't want to be there and that ruined so MANY family trips & outings that I still beat myself up over because I couldn't get my mind to shut up and to allow me to enjoy the moment. Going anywhere out in the public made me sick, being drug to events with my family took every ounce of energy I had to not have a panic attack from being around all of these people and then even though I knew it wasn't actually loud the noise of the crowd would be so loud I'd get dizzy. I preferred to be alone even though I wanted to be around people I just could never feel comfortable around anyone that I hadn't known for a long period of time. Myself and my family always shrugged it off as I'm just being a fuddy duddy and an introvert. I didn't know any better and it wasn't until I started therapy for my transgender issues that the connection was made. As a child and up until my late teens I'd be bullied and beaten up constantly. I was a very thin kid and very short and scrawny. I couldn't connect with other kids because both me being autistic and me being transgender fighting & suppressing my feelings always left me disconnected from the other kids. I still carry the physical scars on my body from some of the beatings I received to this day and that all happened 20 years ago almost.

As far as sexuality goes I was always 100% Asexual growing up & from 18 until I started transitioning. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to admit it but I am a true virgin, I have never even kissed another person let alone gone all the way. Gender and sexuality are entirely separate and for me I always identified as female and felt that way through and through but I could never force myself to like girls as a guy. I had more than a few breakdowns because of that and even when I was in complete denial mode during my late teens up until I came out as transgender I could never make it past talking a little bit with a woman and somehow suddenly make myself be interested in them sexually. The same was for guys, I am NOT a gay guy. That whole logic behind people transitioning because they were born male and like males by sheer chance so therefore they must become a woman is ludicrous. My parents pleaded to me that they would rather me be a gay man than to be transgender and be with a man. What's still sad is that for the most part I'm still Asexual but the more inline my body is getting with my mind I am noticing that I actually might either be Bisexual or possibly pansexual as I am attracted to some guys and I'm attracted to some women. In most cases I can NOT see myself being sexually active with either male/female/trans/gender non conforming until my body matches my mind and that fact creates a big disconnect for me plus the fact that I'm autistic and I'm severely lonely but because my autism makes it very hard for me to form very personal relationships I'm at a disadvantage in the dating scene because I have a hard time being comfortable around them even if I am actually attracted to them and oh because I'm also transgender that puts people off when they think about being romantic with you and in some cases can cause some very physical backlash.

Lastly this brings me up to surgeries. I have the hardest time explaining to people how I can feel that I don't have a penis even though I have one until I can do the surgery I want. I just know what should be down there and yet I can't give a concrete answer as to why I feel that way other than I just know in my hearts heart what is right for me. I can't deny what my brain is telling me now that I have the right hormones flowing through my body. It's been a night and day difference for me as I dealt with tons of anxiety, depression and some very violent outbursts from all of the body dysphoria I was suffering from and within a very short time span of two weeks nearly all of that went away once my testosterone was blocked and that I had estrogen flowing  through my body. It cleared a thick fog that had been hanging around in my mind for so long and at the same time it also reinforced the fact that I desperately need to have some surgeries done to allow my body to match my mind as best as possible. Even though I know I'll never be genetically female I am still fine and accept that reality as long as I am happy being me and not have this body & mind disconnect. Plus I have no use for the plumbing I have down below and as far as I'm concerned for myself, I just don't have a penis. I know some transgender women chose to keep what they have either by choice or financial reasons and it's their choice what they want to do with their body. I just can't see myself being a woman and not having a vagina. My parents do NOT like this fact about me but they can't stop me as I am an adult and I better than anyone know what I want for me.

My parents have gotten to witness something rather magical about my transition. Before I came out I was completely withdrawn, sad, depressed, I could not smile even if I tried to, wanted to do nothing, was alive but not alive but they were afraid to talk to me about my issues. After I came out and started talking they saw me start to change in positive ways. I became less and less withdrawn, I actually smile, I'm happy, rarely ever depressed unless something bad actually happens, I can smile and my smile is beautiful to see, I want to do things, I am alive and best of all I am not suicidal anymore even though I'm still in the tough stages of my transition. What parent wouldn't be happy about seeing their child change in such positive ways?

@frustratedparent:

First I'd like to say, that I adamantly knew I was a girl from my first waking moment at around 3 years of age. I was always a strong minded child and was very sure and secure in my girliness, for lack of a better term to describe how I felt as a very young child.

Oh how I so so wish I had a parent like you. Well, I kinda did at first in my biological Mom, but I lost her at age 6 to a car accident, and a year and a half later I was adopted off of my reservation where I was born. To make a long story short, a year after I was adopted, a very bull headed adopted father entered the picture who really hurt me both mentally and physically for many many years.

So I commend you for listening to your child, and loving your child unconditionally as all parents should. Sadly, so many of us never had that kind of love.

Your doing the right thing. Therapists of both gender and general practice will be essential in helping your child sort things out as to how they identify. But mostly just keep giving your child your love. And let them know you love them no matter what. This is something I so so longed for, but I felt I never had after the age of six. You've already gotten some great advice here so I won't muddy the waters. I just wanted to commend you for being such a true loving parent. I had a very bad day today, and was feeling a little down until I read your story and following responses. Reading about you and your child has made my night.

Yes please keep us informed how things go. All my hopes and best wishes to you and your family. :icon_bunch:

Ally :icon_flower:

thats an interesting statement, im left handed and a artist - it would be interesting to see how many are ADD/ADHD, left handed, artist, mechanically incline, musician, etc., to see if there is a pattern... of course this probably would be best in a new thread...

Quote from: Jill F on October 08, 2014, 06:28:42 PM
There are quite a few of us here who are autism spectrum.  Also, it seems that ADD/ADHD is extremely common with transpeople, as is being left-handed.

Quote from: Alaena_okc on October 09, 2014, 07:42:35 AM
thats an interesting statement, im left handed and a artist - it would be interesting to see how many are ADD/ADHD, left handed, artist, mechanically incline, musician, etc., to see if there is a pattern... of course this probably would be best in a new thread...

Check polls, you will find that much of it has been asked before.

Ok guys, appreciate all of the valuable info. Will report back here in the future when I have some news, thanks!

No problem frustratedparent!  Thank you for taking the time to come to our community to find the information!  Your son/daughter/whoever they turn out to be will be more grateful than you can imagine that you've taken the time to try and understand what's going on with them.  As we said before - many here haven't had the same level of understanding from their own folks, so your child is very lucky to have a parent like you :)

Wishing you all the best with your child, and I think I speak for all of us when I say - we look forward to hearing back when you have more news!

:) ♥︎*Hugs and Love to you and your family*♥︎ :)

I agree that your child may be "give you a soft landing or something". Though there are children and adults who are more fluid in their gender (male sometimes female others). Support from parents is the most important thing that separates kids who do well and those who don't re: beign trans.
This organization might be helpful to you: http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org/


--Jay

Thank you very much for the link, I will definitely look into it. Sorry it's been a while you guys, I have been dealing with some very heavy stuff stuff with my son, mainly relating to his ADHD/Autism issues for which he has been put on zoloft, we now have him into a good mental health program which which will help with his other issues, it's a 6 week program, when that is over I will then look into a gender therapist to address this issue, right now my priority is to get and keep him mentally stable and out of any danger.

I have been hearing of parents who are/were not supportive with their children's gender issues, I would like to ask anyone in that situation to please try to see things from a parent's standpoint. My worst fear with this is my son's "safety" as here is NY every now and then you see the horror stories of gay/trans e.t.c people getting badly beaten up or beaten to death, now as a parent, which would be in your child's interest the way YOU as the parent sees it, do you support the change to make the child happy or do you not support the change to ensure your child's safety? Only when you are a parent will you ever understand this, you simply cannot understand this as a child and oh, yes, as a child you need to understand the extreme level of PERMANENT emotional distress and harm this issue places on a parent so so this is not just about the child, it's about the parents too so please go easy on your parents? :)

Anyway, the reason I cam back here today is to ask a question which was raised to me recently and for which I have no answer and would like to be educated on it, where does God fit into this issue? Anyone's thoughts please?

As an agnostic I would say. God is kind and caring, listen to the base message and don't listen to those who would use the bible to promote their own hate.

The council of Nicea had to produce a book that would incorporate many different sects of Christianity. Some of these sects were very war like and hateful others were more about spreading love and caring. Each sect had their own scriptures and some were included into the bible and others were not. Many of the family values people use one passage from the most militant part of the bible to promote their hate yet they still wear mixed materials and eat shellfish.

In the end the only way I can see to worship honour or serve god that is wrong is to hurt others in word or act. Find what makes you comfortable in your relationship with God, Allah or what ever your faith calls him. There is no one right way to have faith.


But this question should actually be asked in the religion section. To cut off anyone who might disagree with me and comment, you have every right to disagree with me and believe differently that is why it is faith this is just my simple view on matters.

Quote from: frustratedparent on November 24, 2014, 07:29:35 AM
As a parent, which would be in your child's interest the way YOU as the parent sees it, do you support the change to make the child happy or do you not support the change to ensure your child's safety? Only when you are a parent will you ever understand this, you simply cannot understand this as a child and oh, yes, as a child you need to understand the extreme level of PERMANENT emotional distress and harm this issue places on a parent so so this is not just about the child, it's about the parents too so please go easy on your parents? :)

I may be able to respond to this, as can others, as I'm transgender, but also a parent. My child isn't transgender that I'm aware of (...she practically lives off of all things pink). But, if one day she came to me and said that she was, I would tell my child that it's ok. Reassure them that you support them and love them no matter what, then, I'd do exactly what the rest of us who are transgender do, which is I would take her to a therapist specializing in gender issues A.S.A.P.

Yes, there are horror stories of murder and beatings ... but to be honest? Suicidal issues and mental issues that develop as a result of not dealing with being transgender far outweigh the chance of someone else harming your kid. On top of that, the younger someone is, typically, the better the results of transition if that's needed at all.  As for your distress, it won't be permanent, though it seems like it will be now. You can also speak with your child's therapist or one independently if you need to. I don't know how the autism plays into everything, though.

As they say, it gets better, and not just for the LGBT person. You know. You're scared, because you love your child. But you're also doing what you need to insure they have a fulfilling life, and the fact that you're here at all means you get that that doesn't necessarily mean the same thing for everyone. Eventually you'll worry less. With time, and help, this will be less scary to you. And, you may even take them to a therapist and find that transition isn't needed. In any event, fighting your child instead of helping them on this is in the long run, going to do more harm than good. Also, should it turn out that your child is transgender, it can be much more difficult to transition later in life like many of us are doing than it is in your teens, and all the time between regardless of accomplishments or failures ... it all just feels like wasted time. You want your child to live. There's a lot more to life than just survival.

Quote from: frustratedparent on November 24, 2014, 07:29:35 AM
Anyway, the reason I cam back here today is to ask a question which was raised to me recently and for which I have no answer and would like to be educated on it, where does God fit into this issue? Anyone's thoughts please?

My short answer is, that is between your child and God.

For yourself, frankly it's also between you and God. If you claim to be a christian, and you still feel that being transgender is somehow a sin, remember this, and I apologize for my use of language in some of this... but it, I think, will help get the point across:

When a man says after an attractive woman walks by, and again, I apologize for my language, but I hear this all the time from men, "How can any man be gay when a 'hot piece of ass' like that is walking around?" Guess what? That great upstanding typical straight christian manly man? He just committed a sin. Actually two sins. Adultery (the bible is very specific that even thinking about a woman who you are not married to in a sexual way is adultery, doubly so if that attractive woman also happens to be married) and hypocrisy, in the form of pointing at gay people and screaming sinner while he himself is guilty of just as equal a sin. Jesus is quoted as saying that one shouldn't worry about another's splinter when they themselves have a plank in their eye.

As for the basis of where God fits in this? The closest the bible comes to discussing trans people, is it says that men shouldn't dress like women. It's very vague. But the bible was written before modern medicine, and there is more and more evidence that transgender people may actually be born transgender, and it's not vague comments like "it's genetic". Brain scans. Postmortem autopsy examination of brains. Heck, there's even some scientists that point to finger tip length ratios which hint at being exposed to not enough testosterone or estrogen before birth.

Simply put? If your child is transgender, God made them this way. If your son is actually your daughter ... isn't it now sinful for them to be dressing like a boy? Isn't it lying (also a sin) if they present themselves as a boy?

Quote from: Amy The Bookworm on November 24, 2014, 09:17:06 AM

Adultery (the bible is very specific that even thinking about a woman who you are not married to in a sexual way is adultery

Simply put? If your child is transgender, God made them this way. If your son is actually your daughter ... isn't it now sinful for them to be dressing like a boy? Isn't it lying (also a sin) if they present themselves as a boy?

All very good points, gives me a lot to think about, thank you very much!

This is very first time I have ever heard about "Adultery (the bible is very specific that even thinking about a woman who you are not married to in a sexual way is adultery", just curious, can you pinpoint exactly where this is mentioned the bible please?

Also, not understanding the 2nd quote, are you saying it's a sin for a person to dress as the opposite gender, please clarify?

Quote from: frustratedparent on November 24, 2014, 11:02:44 AM
All very good points, gives me a lot to think about, thank you very much!

This is very first time I have ever heard about "Adultery (the bible is very specific that even thinking about a woman who you are not married to in a sexual way is adultery", just curious, can you pinpoint exactly where this is mentioned the bible please?

Also, not understanding the 2nd quote, are you saying it's a sin for a person to dress as the opposite gender, please clarify?

Sure! I can tell you right where it says that!

"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

- Matthew 5:28


"Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her."

-John 8:4-11 (Jesus, directly to people wanting to stone a woman to death for the crime of adultery ... I'd also like to note, Jesus did not cast a stone at her, either.)


"Though shall not commit adultery."

-Exodus 20:14 (God)


The bible is written so that it is impossible to avoid sin in anyone's life. That's the point Christ himself was making when he told the crowd to stone her to death ... if they were perfect themselves. Even non Christians, even atheists, admit that no one is perfect.

I'm saying that the bible says that wearing mixed cloth, like polyester and eating shell fish is a sin. Just about everything is sinful in the bible. The people who are going to be worried that your child is sinning because they are transgender (which is a recognized medical condition making it no less sinful than being intersex or wearing eye glasses, or taking medication in order to lower blood pressure) aren't looking at the whole issue and aren't looking hard enough at their own lives. I'm willing to bet someone somewhere can find a line in the bible that would make transgender tendencies to be sinful, but then, you could argue that enjoying a jelly doughnut is a sin since gluttony is a sin, and you could argue that being a typical teenage girl fawning over a rock star is a sin since that's sometimes interpreted as idol worship. There are entire Christan sects formed over the idea from the bible that all medical and psychiatric intervention from vaccinations to open heart surgery to hospitalization for mental illness and on and on, should be avoided in favor of prayer because some minor passages hint that medical help is witch craft. Meteorology in the bible is a sin, because predicting the weather is according to the bible, again, witch craft.

The bible does have good advice in it, and is a strong source of faith and strength for many people (including many transgender people and gay, lesbian and bisexual people, as well as meteorologists ... let's not even start about politicians!). But, there comes a point where one has to put down the book and live their life to the best of their ability (God helps those who help themselves). Every trans person here, both those who have yet to even see a therapist and those who have long since transitioned will tell you that life before dealing with being transgender was agony. If your child is transgender, they are suffering, and even if after seeing a knowledgeable therapist it's determined they aren't, they will still need your help. You need to do what is best for your child.

Trying to get them to deny or suppress it will in the long term cause far more psychiatric issues and harm than letting them talk to a therapist to figure out what (if anything) they need to do to deal with it.

After re-reading my post, I'd also like to add, that I don't mean to come across as harsh. I feel for you greatly, which is why I've been writing and re-editing this post over and over for about an hour now. While I'm not autistic, I do know what your child is going through as far as gender issues, as I have been there. And by that, I mean I tried to kill myself when I was 14 for trans issues and other reasons, and I wound up in a hospital for over a month. I'm 33 years old and am only now truly dealing with this in my own life. I'm also a parent, and I know how scary it is when anything is causing a parents child to suffer, and I know that it is made far worse when it is something that you know many people around you won't understand. I wish I could talk to you in person, not to discuss any of the above, as in the end this is a family matter between you, your child, and their doctors. Everyone here, your clergy, family, everyone can give you advice or say what they think. In the end, this is your decision and I have no real right to tell you what to do when this is your child. On top of all that, your child tried to kill their self twice in one day. I know as a parent, that would bring my entire life to a stand still.

It's also clear to me that you're being open minded, as you wouldn't be posting here if you weren't.

What, more than anything I would like to do is to let you know that while I'm sure it feels like you are, you're not alone, and you and your family will get through this.

First let me say many thanks for taking the time and effort to show me the bible quotes, that will definitely come in very handy for me in the future. Also all of your advice and insights are greatly welcomed and heeded and will help me as I go along [thanks!]. Yes my son's autism [depression/anxiety] issues are a whole different world as his main issues are 'verbalizing, thoughts racing and out of control, panic attacks', these are what we need to address and stabilize first then we will seek out a qualified gender therapist and see where that leads, all of this will take time of course but I will report back here as I go along.