Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I'm sitting on the train this morning, in the downstairs section (yeah, we have double decker trains in Sydney). The train was stopped at a station and I was on the other side of the aisle from the platform. Anyway, I looked out the window at this young guy sitting on a seat on the platform... he's looking at me and he smiles at me, just a very quick grin. I looked away. The train started to leave and I looked back at him wondering if he had really just smiled at me or if I'd imagined it. He was looking at me again and he gave me this little wave goodbye. He definitely wasn't waving at anyone else.

Maybe I should think it was sweet and be flattered but I really found it creepy. So far the only interaction I've had with random guys in public has been weird or inappropriate. Am I a weirdo magnet I wonder?

It sounded like he was being friendly and sweet unless there was more to the story.

I think the thing that creeps me out is that I would never smile and wave at a complete stranger, no matter how much I liked the look of them.

Don't worry Grace no harm done.

I had a guy on the bus last week try to chat up this girl. He really got very annoying to all.
He crashed and burned badly in front of all of people on the bus.
Creepy.

But suppose that's what guys are. ;)

How would we ever meet someone if we never dared to make a friendly gesture? Maybe it's a cultural thing. I'm working in Russia right now and at first I thought people were rude but Russians just never smile or make eye contact with people in public unless they just have to. Once you break the ice with them, they are quite friendly.

The joys of citysnail. I mean Sydney rail

As long as it's from the window, it can be sweet and also a bit of a boost for the ego. It's when they want to sit in the row in front,  behind or next to you and talk that it can start getting very creepy very fast

Ms Grace,

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but if you look at your avatar photo, you ARE an attractive, sweet looking woman with an incredible smile and happy eyes. Guys are going to be attracted and how else are they going to break the ice but by a smile. And don't you think he was kind of nervous getting caught looking at you because you are attractive?

I think it was kind of sweet. Accept it as a compliment and confirmation that you've chosen the right path.

Best Wishes!

Traci

Quote from: traci_k on October 07, 2014, 06:52:45 AM
Ms Grace,

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but if you look at your avatar photo, you ARE an attractive, sweet looking woman with an incredible smile and happy eyes. Guys are going to be attracted and how else are they going to break the ice but by a smile. And don't you think he was kind of nervous getting caught looking at you because you are attractive?

I think it was kind of sweet. Accept it as a compliment and confirmation that you've chosen the right path.

Best Wishes!

Traci

This.  Grace he was caught looking.  He found you attractive.  Frankly I am not surprised.  There will be more of those looks and shy smiles coming your way.

Aisla

Quote from: traci_k on October 07, 2014, 06:52:45 AM
Ms Grace,

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but if you look at your avatar photo, you ARE an attractive, sweet looking woman with an incredible smile and happy eyes. Guys are going to be attracted and how else are they going to break the ice but by a smile. And don't you think he was kind of nervous getting caught looking at you because you are attractive?

I think it was kind of sweet. Accept it as a compliment and confirmation that you've chosen the right path.

Best Wishes!

Traci

Perfectly said Traci... I totally agree.!

Just think how sweeter the world would be if everyone
smiled more, and made a little extra effort to make
others feel good and liked. 

If it was me I would just assume CLOCKED!!!

Nah, Grace totally passes.  Point blank.

Unless 'he' was a transgirl who has spent the last weeks/months starting at picture after picture of transitions worrying she won't pass and can now clock the most passable gal on tiny details.  (Cause none of us ever do that).  ;). Maybe the wave was 'hello sister'.

Personally I would just read it as something a guy did once.  Take out the meaning.

From a safe distance- he probably just liked you.

It's hard to say how I'd personally feel about that if it happened to me. In Alabama, literally every stranger you pass on the street will make eye contact and wave. I'd feel weird if they didn't. But I guess it could be different in a crowded city, where only one random person in the crowd feels the need to wave at another random person in the crowd.

He was being friendly. Seems to be just a confident young man smiling back at a woman that glanced at him from train.

It sounds like he was just being friendly to me. As others have said, it could be a cultural thing. Around these parts, y'all, it's common for that to occur. Hell, even I do that now. (In contrast to back in the day, when people would just get the icy cold glare of death in return.)

just a young mans hormones . what's creepy is a very much older man staring and drooling.

If he was respectful then take it as the compliment that was implied.

Quote from: Jenny07 on October 07, 2014, 06:27:55 AM
Don't worry Grace no harm done.

I agree Grace, I would say he was just trying to be sweet. And besides, you were on a moving training so no harm done

On a side note, we have double decker trains in New Jersey. I've also seen them in Florida on the tri-rail. 

Quote from: Ms Grace on October 07, 2014, 06:25:03 AM
I think the thing that creeps me out is that I would never smile and wave at a complete stranger, no matter how much I liked the look of them.

Maybe that's because you've never seen anyone as beautiful as you.  ???

SWEET SO SWEET. I would love LOVE if a guy ever did that to me. Especially if he was attractive, lol. I don't think it's creepy at all, after all, you're never going to see him again. We can trade places if you want!!! LOLjk

Also, it's no wondah. You are quite pretty. :)

Quote from: Auroramarianna on October 07, 2014, 01:33:13 PM
SWEET SO SWEET. I would love LOVE if a guy ever did that to me. Especially if he was attractive, lol. I don't think it's creepy at all, after all, you're never going to see him again. We can trade places if you want!!! LOLjk

Also, it's no wondah. You are quite pretty. :)

Hehe~ You're adorable. I'm sure you have lots of admirers, Aurora.

Thanks everyone. I'm still learning to navigate public space as a woman. Having had guys honk at me from cars, have one freak follow me on my way home into a park at 10.30pm and another kiss the cafe window pane I was sitting next to...I'm trying to figure out just what is or isn't creepy.

Quote from: Ms Grace on October 07, 2014, 01:42:54 PM
Thanks everyone. I'm still learning to navigate public space as a woman. Having had guys honk at me from cars, have one freak follow me on my way home into a park at 10.30pm and another kiss the cafe window pane I was sitting next to...I'm trying to figure out just what is or isn't creepy.

Oh, wow. Well, I can certainly understand your apprehension after having experiences like those. Yeesh!

*hugs*

If it makes you uncomfortable, it's creepy. We all have different tolerance levels for certain behaviors but as they get more extreme, more and more of us reject them. But even if you're the only one feeling uncomfortable with something, that doesn't invalidate your feelings. Trust your instincts. Go with your own feelings.

Me? I'd have smiled back. :) But then, I live in Houston, Texas, and people tend to be friendly here with lots of smiles, hellos when eye contact is made, or a smile and a nod of the head as you pass.

Quote from: Ms Grace on October 07, 2014, 01:42:54 PM
Thanks everyone. I'm still learning to navigate public space as a woman. Having had guys honk at me from cars, have one freak follow me on my way home into a park at 10.30pm and another kiss the cafe window pane I was sitting next to...I'm trying to figure out just what is or isn't creepy.

Yes definetly following you home and kissing the cafe window are both quite creepy behaviours. But your obviously turning heads Grace and rightly so, your looking great and so you should be turning heads

Take it whatever way you like, he probably got caught looking and tried to salvage the situation.  Doubt he clocked you, you pass too well IMHO.

You're going to attract attention, simply from being you, just get used to it.  :P

Take it as a positive thing! :) You're right to be cautious, but I think that there is no harm done feeling good about it!

It takes awhile, but eventually you begin to kinda get a sense of a guy's motives  :icon_chick:  I've had guys smile at me, some seem to be just being polite, some seem to be somewhat interested and others were obviously kinda creepy

The guys that wolf whistled and followed me around in their car were creepy, the guy that followed me around with his huge lifted 4x4 pickup truck on a few occasions was creepy, the guy that followed me around the grocery store saying rude things and had to be restrained by store employees was definitely creepy, the guy that was staring in at me through my apt. window and then walked right in my door a few moments later was not only creepy but also scared the hell out of me

It is important to be aware of your surroundings but I try not to read too much into things unless it is necessary, otherwise I'd be a totally paranoid basket case

I can be hard to remember that sometimes it is something extremely simply but your hypersensitivity to social interactions can make more of it, it could be something as simple as he thought you were someone else!

Just a thought.

Originally I would have said it was sweet but after my experience on the bus tonight I don't feel that way regarding it any more. It depends on the person and how they go about because a similar experience creeped me out a bit. Yet, I still couldn't help but look in his direction.