Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, this may not be in the right place. If not mods please move it. I typically stay on this sub-forum.

My oldest little brother, 20 now, is joining the US Air Force. We were all raised in the military, so it's not a completely different experience. But, I raised my first three brothers. My dad had three more boys from a second marriage, so us four the "OG group" are very close.

He leaves for basic training on Monday and I'm a wreck. I raised those first three boys and I think of them as my sons. It's a nasty history I won't get into, but I'm still "mom" sometimes and when I hear that I know that they need help. My brother talked to me for 5 hours today. He's terrified and excited. It's his chance to get out of a terribly abusive house like I did and I support him all the way.

But I'm worried. I tried to give him advice and I didnt know what to say. I wasn't in "mom mode" but I couldn't be big brother. I told him I was proud of him given everything that would have stopped him. I told him that he'd be awesome and to keep his head high. I told him all the things that have gotten me through, and I feel like it fell short. I feel like he came to me as a man and I didnt meet that. I know logically it's crazy, but I can't shake it. I was always Mom first, and they aren't even mine.

Any advice on what I should tell my brother? Any advice on how to stop beating myself up for not being (pardon the phrase because I hate it) "man enough".

My brother was happy to talk to me and took what I said to heart, but I just feel like I failed him.

If he's set on it then I say encourage like hell. Starting training is sometimes an anxious time for people even if it's 100% what they want to do. Just make sure to keep in touch with letters or phone calls(idk much about AF basic regulations..) and make sure to let him know how proud you are. Also helps to throw a couple you're b@das$ in there morale. Maybe your brothers different but when it comes to mine I always found short to the point and matter of fact like is always what he appreciates. Wouldn't worry too much about advice if I were you but you could always look into what he'll be doing specifically and talk to him about it as a way to encourage and show him your support and interest.

Quote from: JHeron on October 10, 2014, 03:27:14 AM
If he's set on it then I say encourage like hell. Starting training is sometimes an anxious time for people even if it's 100% what they want to do. Just make sure to keep in touch with letters or phone calls(idk much about AF basic regulations..) and make sure to let him know how proud you are. Also helps to throw a couple you're b@das$ in there morale. Maybe your brothers different but when it comes to mine I always found short to the point and matter of fact like is always what he appreciates. Wouldn't worry too much about advice if I were you but you could always look into what he'll be doing specifically and talk to him about it as a way to encourage and show him your support and interest.

Thanks. I did. He knows I'm with him and that I'm proud. I'm very proud of the man he's become. He's a good person despite all the crap I left him with. I told him he's a BA mofo and he's gonna do great.

With the new AF regulations he's gonna get to the MEPS on Monday, get his group assignment and he leaves for Lackland on Tuesday morning. He's going into electronics and I told him some things I don't think he remembered. This kid build things with Legos that shouldn't have functioned and did. He's great with applied math and science. He's just worried about being in basic with a bunch of other guys. He's a sweet person and has always been open with how he feels. I don't want to stunt that but I don't want him to have a hard time.

We grew up with a strict military father and we know how to hide ourselves, but I just worry. He's more built for a university than basic training, but he got one "bad grade" (a C+) and got yanked out by our father. It hurt his pride a lot.

Thanks for your advice. I am behind him and I let him know. It was short and to the point. He asked me questions throughout the conversation but I told him he had it and not to worry. I just hope I did the right thing.

No problem I wish him well. Not to be a branch bully or anything but from what I've heard from some AF guys I've met in the past it won't be too difficult as far as hazing and the atmosphere being ultra alpha male. So hopefully those worries will be for nothing and if there's on thing I can promise it's that even being there to say the wrong thing is a lifetime better than not being there at a when the guy needs somebody so don't be too hard on yourself man.

Ps. He can go to school part time still while he's in and the AF will lay for it. They encourage that so it's possible he can come out of his first enlistment with a degree most people do.

Stop beating yourself, your great! (I know not much help, but I think you're really a good guy, from what I've seen.)


--Jay

Speaking as an army vet, the AF basic should be a cake walk, so I definitely wouldn't worry about him for that. The Air Force is not full of the same type of military people as the other branches. All the brains come from them (usually) and the brawn from the marines and army. (The navy stand around and look cute in their little sailor outfits haha jk). He'll probably have more stress learning his job once he finishes basic.
As someone else mentioned, he will have plenty of opportunity to earn his degree while serving if that's what he chooses to do, as active duty personnel will get tuition assistance that doesn't use up their GI bill. Also, depending on which post he is assigned as his first duty station, they may have on post community colleges he can attend which would be paid for using the tuition assistance. I was stationed at Fort Bragg, NC and there was a university there and another on the adjoined Pope Air Force base. So if he's the "college" type of guy, he can certainly earn a degree or several.

I think you may be beating yourself up about it a little too much though. It's a big change and he certainly knows you support him. He's made a great decision and it's only going to set him up better. Just continue to to be there and that's all you need to do.

Fort Bragg? When? I was in Cherry Point NC til recently.

Quote from: JHeron on October 10, 2014, 06:16:21 PM
Fort Bragg? When? I was in Cherry Point NC til recently.

I was stationed there from beginning of 2012 until this past June