Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I came out to my boyfriend not too long ago that I plan on becoming male, and that I had plans on becoming one for many years. He took it well and seemed alright with it, until I mentioned about T. Hes really nice but fully straight and a full Christian.
He really likes me as a female now, and its giving me mixed strong feelings about going on T. If I do go further with T, I'm not sure how he will take it as I don't want to hurt him or anything. I'm not sure how to go about it?

Only you can decide how far you MUST go, how far you need to go, and how far you would like to go. Knowing those three things only you can know how your feelings for him stack up next to those things.

However, only he can know how much of those will be too much for him. Don't make any concessions that will lead you to resentment and regret.

I've been lucky enough to be married to my Sweety for 33 years. I've found an accommodation that I THINK works for us both, but ultimately, only she can decide if that's true. I can only treat every day remaining with her as precious and be willing to make a clean break before bittersweet love becomes hate.

I hope you have the courage to do the same.

Quote from: BlueGemFox on October 10, 2014, 09:51:40 AM
So, I came out to my boyfriend not too long ago that I plan on becoming male, and that I had plans on becoming one for many years. He took it well and seemed alright with it, until I mentioned about T. Hes really nice but fully straight and a full Christian.
He really likes me as a female now, and its giving me mixed strong feelings about going on T. If I do go further with T, I'm not sure how he will take it as I don't want to hurt him or anything. I'm not sure how to go about it?

Talking things through is really helpful regardless of where you're headed genderwise. You might have a nice long sit down talk with him, let him know how you feel about him and then restate how you feel about yourself and what your plans are. Then give him a few future scenarios of what to expect when your voice drops and you begin to get facial and body hair. Ask him how he feels about you having top surgery. He may take it all in stride and stick with you, but in all fairness to both of yourselves it all needs to come out, the good, the bad and the ugly so that he can mull it over and you can get his reaction which will give you a lot of indication of how you should proceed and if you should just break up right away rather than drawing things out with extended emotional ups and downs. Good luck hon!

The above is good advice. Just keep in mind that you are the most important person in your life, and you need to do what's right for you. Your concern for his feelings is admirable, but if you don't do what you need because you're putting them ahead of your own, in the long run that's likely to doom the relationship anyway. If he genuinely cares about you, he'll want you to do what's best for your happiness, but at the same time, you need to be honest with him: you can't control how he feels about what you're doing, and the more open you both are with each other, the better the outcome will be -- even if it's not the one you want now.

I don't have much advice except for to keep your happiness and well-being first and foremost. I know a lot of people who have put off transitioning or even decided not to because of other people. And in every case I have seen, they end up hurting because of it. Nobody can tell you what the right thing to do is, but just remember that you may not be with your boyfriend forever, but you do have to live with yourself.

Thankyou so much for the advice. I have always been putting the needs of others before myself and it has been extremely difficult. especially as I feel really guilty if they are hurt or cant accept it

Be yourself and don't be with anyone who won't accept that. I know it's easier said than done, but that's honestly what it comes down to. If he cares about you, he should not feel hurt for you living life to the fullest & happiest.