Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Thinking we should a thread of tips and help you wish you had when you first started out.

Heres mine

1) start with the hair removal NOW.
Starting now will help when you go full time, part time and some of the time. Even if all it does is thin your facial hair out a bit.

2) Get working on your voice.
Whenever you're alone, work on it, there are many websites & apps out there that will help, but work on it, do it in the car, at home, on the loo, walking to the shop, whenever you get a spare second.

3) start building a unisex wardrobe.
It'll help when you start to move towards part time & full time.

4) Don't waste money.
You'll have doctors, HRT, blood tests all to pay far, you need to have lots of money and wasting it on things like nail polish that you have to remove every time you leave the house isn't great for the bank account. That $3 on that nail polish could go into a saving account. Be smart with money.


what are yours??

Finding a good therapist that specializes in gender issues is where I started.  I cannot recommend that enough.

Exercise

I should take my own advice here   :'(

Love,
Jade

When you need to replace something (wallet, watch, glasses ect). Buy them in the appropriatepriate gender then use it like you own it. Don't be shy don't make a big deal if you act like it is natural for you, people usually won't give it a second look. Your first or your hundredth always act like you've been there before.

Girls don't be afraid to go to a counter and ask a girl to help buy you make up. (Hey we all have a sister who just happens to be in a bad spot needs cheering up and has the same skin tone and texture as us ;)). Keep the receipt so you know what to buy in the cheaper range to practice on.

The earlier you find a style the earlier you can build your wardrobe around it.

Specials and sales are always going to be your friend. Same with charity stores if you are prepared to hunt

Don't be afraid to ask/tell a hairdresser barber what you want and why. Listen to some advice but remember you have the money and bad service spreads 10x faster then good

If you can $50/week into an account you have to work at to get to is $2400 + interest a year. That is a decent amount of money for transition.

Learn to cook. If you can store and reheat food it is usually cheaper then buying take away or frozen food constantly.

Read your works dress guidelines bend them as much as you can until they break.Yet work as hard as you can in the other areas.  Some H.R will ignore a great worker and let them get away with more then they will a poor worker

1) Yeah, hair removal is one of the most important things.  If you go the route of laser, start and get laser done before you begin HRT.  Was told by my doctor that it's recommended for transgender women, and I didn't know this.  Shop around, look for the best deals.  Make sure you're getting an actual doctor.  I paid $600 for 6 sessions and that was through coupons and specials.  Also, fall time (right now!) is best time to do laser hair removal, less sun.
2) If got leg and other hair that you need to remove, go get hair removal cream (veet) at your drug store or walmart.  I wish I had thought of this my first time!!! I spent 2 hours shaving my leg hairs.  Now I use veet, makes my legs nice and smooth too :)
3) Get your therapy appointments in.  If your therapist is any good, like mine was, it took over a month to get to see her.  When I found this out, I made my appointments in advance so I didn't have to wait a over a month for my second session, just couple weeks.  It only took two sessions to get my letter of recommendations to HRT.
4) Don't bother with make up.  It's really a waste of money.  If you have to have it, just get a good foundation and powder.  My TG friend told me less is best.  Natural beauty is what attracts guys.  Cake on or put too much on, it draws attention to yourself and others will look for other flaws and you might get outted.
5) Referring to above, make up don't cover 5 o'clock shadows.  I even watched youtube videos of people putting this stuff on to cover it, and they still have their shadow.  I'm like 'huh?!'. 
6) Have patience, this isn't freaky friday and you'll wake up with a vagina and a woman.  This is real life, and just like everything else, nothing comes quick.  The light at the end of the tunnel is there ;)
7) Consider moving to a more TG friendly state/country/whatever.  If your single its quite more simple.  I am in the process of this right now, so I can have my gender reassignment surgery paid for.
8) I think that's about it.  Yes, I do talk too much -_-

Quote from: Alexis2107 on October 30, 2014, 02:05:15 PM
(veet) at your drug store or walmart.  I wish I had thought of this my first time!!! I spent 2 hours shaving my leg hairs.  Now I use veet, makes my legs nice and smooth too :)

Be sure to test a small spot first like it says on the box. I did not, I just used it and WOW I did not react well. Not fun at all. Apparently some people can get reactions to it. Be Safe.

Love,
Jade

Quote from: Alexis2107 on October 30, 2014, 02:05:15 PM
Have patience, this isn't freaky friday and you'll wake up with a vagina and a woman.  This is real life, and just like everything else, nothing comes quick.  The light at the end of the tunnel is there ;)

Lots of good advice in this thread, especially THIS ^^^...

I guess I am going backwards
1 was online board
2 was TG group
3 was GD therapist
4 was HRT and coming out
5 was full time
6 is hair removal
5 is name /gender marker
6 is orchiectomy
7 is grs

I wish I opened a savings account 5 years ago. I would have been much, much more easier. I currently have one, and it really helps with future medical bills.

As for nail polish, yeah I bought tons of them. But today I only wear clear polish. Why? because a color will make my hands look longer. I don't need the extra attention to these piano hands.  ;)

One of the thing I still do is have a couple of coin tins.
One for gold ($1 & $2 coins) the other for everything else.
At the end of the day, no matter what, all coins go in there, last time I took it to the bank I had $2000 in coins.

Only down side is you don't have coins when needing them in the car all the time

One thing that hasn't been mentioned.

Work on your confidence.

Lots of trans*people are nervous of being out, have a problem interacting with people, have social phobia. Work on being a confident outgoing person.

You are not a freak, you are not odd, trans*people are normal men and women who have the right to be treated as normal people.

Thanks to all of you for these tips, especially Cindy's about having confidence. While saying it is one thing and having that confidence another, we can all work toward that as an ideal.

As for the other tips, while the order and priorities might be very important, just reading your lists gives a much needed awareness. Being now at the beginning of the process of separation from my wife makes money a little scarce. While I'd love to start tackling electrolysis, for now I will make myself content with what I can do with a razor.

Right now, starting with a gender therapist is #1 for me but I make no claims on having any sense of priorities beyond the helpful advice I'm receiving from this site and other sources. Saving any amount when at all possible is a workable idea; if you have only a dime to your name, setting aside a couple pennies is a start. The simple idea of saving change is wonderful! If you DO need change while out and about, decide a minimum amount and perhaps put a dollar bill into your change pot for $1 worth of change - if you can be faithful to the idea of saving, this might work.

I don't know when I'll be on a 'solid' footing financially, but once I can get a better handle on what I will have, I can set priorities that I feel are workable for me. At least in my own mind right now, ANY forward movement is positive! I do need to feel that I'm not stagnant and just wasting time, but neither do I want to waste money.

Again, THANKS for all your ideas!!

Quote from: OlderTG on October 31, 2014, 07:54:33 AM
Thanks to all of you for these tips, especially Cindy's about having confidence. While saying it is one thing and having that confidence another, we can all work toward that as an ideal.

As for the other tips, while the order and priorities might be very important, just reading your lists gives a much needed awareness. Being now at the beginning of the process of separation from my wife makes money a little scarce. While I'd love to start tackling electrolysis, for now I will make myself content with what I can do with a razor.

Right now, starting with a gender therapist is #1 for me but I make no claims on having any sense of priorities beyond the helpful advice I'm receiving from this site and other sources. Saving any amount when at all possible is a workable idea; if you have only a dime to your name, setting aside a couple pennies is a start. The simple idea of saving change is wonderful! If you DO need change while out and about, decide a minimum amount and perhaps put a dollar bill into your change pot for $1 worth of change - if you can be faithful to the idea of saving, this might work.

I don't know when I'll be on a 'solid' footing financially, but once I can get a better handle on what I will have, I can set priorities that I feel are workable for me. At least in my own mind right now, ANY forward movement is positive! I do need to feel that I'm not stagnant and just wasting time, but neither do I want to waste money.

Again, THANKS for all your ideas!!

Particularly for older transitioners. We need a place to put the baggage. We are not alone in this by any means but many of us may have long term PTSD and may really need the help of good therapists and psychotherapists.

We may not need them. But do not be afraid to use them.

There is no shame at all in realising your psyche has been brutalised. The good therapists know this, and it is clear in the SOC that it is no impediment to transitioning.

1000% on the exercise.

There's so many important things that can be done without ever having to let anyone suspect that you're in the process of transitioning.

- Get healthy.  Lose weight.  Eat right.  (All cost nothing.)
- Practice the voice.  (Again, free - use time alone in the car.  I need to do more of this.)
- Grow your hair out.  (Finasteride costs almost nothing and any family doc will prescribe it for male pattern baldness.)

Things I wish I'd known beforehand?

- Hair removal, especially for the older girls, should be started ASAP.  Once the beard starts to go gray, cheap laser no longer works well and the electrolysis bill skyrockets.
- Plan the financial side of things.  Transition costs money.  You'll need health insurance and a stable job.  Get into a suitable job before you start presenting as female, because finding work becomes so much harder if you're in the middle of transition and can't hide it.  Save if you can; if you can't, at least work on paying off debt and lowering your expenses.

For those with families, especially young children:

Don't delay coming out if you need to come out to your family. Just do it. You will break a few eggs but you will know where you stand.

Younger children don't judge. Don't be afraid to be yourself in front of them. By that I mean, it's okay if daddy wears a dress! They'll love you anyway and you'll grow with them.

Don't be afraid of who you are. It's so easy to go back into the closet. But it's really liberating to be out to your family.

Quote from: Brenda E on October 31, 2014, 08:22:30 AM
1000% on the exercise.

There's so many important things that can be done without ever having to let anyone suspect that you're in the process of transitioning.

- Get healthy.  Lose weight.  Eat right.  (All cost nothing.)
- Practice the voice.  (Again, free - use time alone in the car.  I need to do more of this.)
- Grow your hair out.  (Finasteride costs almost nothing and any family doc will prescribe it for male pattern baldness.)

Things I wish I'd known beforehand?

- Hair removal, especially for the older girls, should be started ASAP.  Once the beard starts to go gray, cheap laser no longer works well and the electrolysis bill skyrockets.
- Plan the financial side of things.  Transition costs money.  You'll need health insurance and a stable job.  Get into a suitable job before you start presenting as female, because finding work becomes so much harder if you're in the middle of transition and can't hide it.  Save if you can; if you can't, at least work on paying off debt and lowering your expenses.

What a useful thread!  I second everything Brenda shared.

For me I spent six months getting ready, even before I was sure I had the courage to set my old life aside for something new.  I ran and went to the gym every day.  I did some light resistance training, but mostly aerobic.  I lost forty pounds, and got toned up. 

I also began using Minoxidil and two years ago added Finisteride.  Finisteride is a little scary, because it causes some shedding before it begins to work, and it takes most of a year to make a significant difference.  I'll have to put up a new picture pretty soon, head hair is getting pretty full and I love having it.

Once I began Therapy and HRT I continued to stay fit, and once I put a little extra money together began Electrolysis.  As with many, I wish I could have started sooner, but so it goes.  I'm 27 months into HRT and 16 months into  electrolysis.  Things are better, but it would be lovely to be done.  I've been full time at work since June, and on electrolysis day, I still cannot look in the mirror, but at two hours a week I have at least another six or eight months to go before I am completely done.

As many have reported, if you think you are beautiful and feminine, you will be perceived that way.  We are what we think about.  I have never been challenged, but I do not always pass.  It doesn't seem to matter if I am read or not.  I am treated like a lady, because I believe I am a woman.  It makes me smile.  :angel:

For voice, sing scales, sing songs that push your range, relax and listen to yourself.  Cell phones are wonderful for this.  I hope to be able to get some formal coaching one of these days, but it is spendy, and for now I am under a court order not to spend money in excess of what is customary. (breaking up is hard to do)

I think we need to both remember and to believe that we are valid exactly as who we are.  We are wonderful and talented people.  That regardless of age or passability we are beautiful and feminine.  Finally that we are worthy of love and friendship in work, in play, and in ourselves.  I you are in love with the girl you are, you will be loved by the people in your life.

Peace,
Julie

1) Stop comparing yourself to other women, both cis and trans. It's the fastest way to never be happy with the outcome of your transition.

2) Don't force things: whether it's your voice, mannerisms, wardrobe or your new favourite pastime, being comfortable and relaxed about who you are will work wonders. People have a habit of picking up on anxiety and will often go to great lengths to find out "what's wrong".

3) Quit worry about passing (this is related to number 2). For starters I know plenty if cis women who get misgendered and even if you transitioned really young and/or are perceived in your true gender 99.9999% of the time! there are people out there who for no reason they could tell you will know that you're trans. Worrying about it just makes you anxious and as previously discussed people pick up on anxiety (I think this is doubly true if you pass really well).

4) learn to love yourself and your imperfections. Self care and loving yourself is radical protest in a world that treats trans bodies either as a punch line or something deviant and broken.

5) if you spend all your time worrying about the ways that you are not like cis women you will always feel apart from other women. However, the truth of the matter is that there is no universal experience of being female, you might be sad about not getting to wear a pretty dress to prom, or having periods or being able to get pregnant, but you know what, plenty of cis women don't get to experience those either. They're still women, so are you.

6) Socialisation is BS, it's not innate, certainly not immutable and is constantly being overwritten. If you are perceived and treated as your preferred gender eventually you will be socialised to the behavioural norms of that gender. Though to be perfectly honest gender rolls, socialisation and norms are all BS anyway so seriously, just ---k em.

Dread_Faery, you are on the money.  Attitude and acceptance is everything.  The moment I realized I can be happily trans and that happiness didn't revolve around bring 100% "Vogue" female was a revelation.  I've stopped comparing myself to cis-women - most of the time! - and life is so much easier to deal with.

Sound advice.  If I'd figured this out a year ago, I'd have been a far richer, adjusted, and content girl right now.

I see a lot of advocates for exercise. What is a good bmi for hormones to be most effective?

Completely unscientifically, I'd say that a good target BMI would be in the normal weight range (18.5-24.9).  Too much weight and the fat redistribution might not be noticeable, and too little weight could suggest there's not enough fat in the first place to make redistribution noticeable either.  While the hormones would work at any BMI, the outwardly visible effects might be most prominent in the normal weight range.

That's all cosmetic though.  Exercise is important to me because it improves my mood, stops my body from hurting, keeps my cardiovascular system in shape, and is the cheapest insurance for living a long, healthy life.  I want as many years as a girl as I can, seeing as I've wasted so many as a guy already.

Quote from: Sarah Elizabeth on November 01, 2014, 12:31:29 AM
I see a lot of advocates for exercise. What is a good bmi for hormones to be most effective?

I wasn't aware there is one.  However, exercise just goes with the fashion thing I am thinking and possibly health related issues such as blood clotting, etc.  BMI, in my opinion, is a lot of waste of time to worry over.  According to my BMI i am overweight, but, all I have is a small muffin top and lot of people say I am skinny.  I've gained weight due to exercise.  At first, I was like 'HUH?! wth?!' but I did lot of research, it is fat turning to muscle as muscle is heavier than fat.  I have lot of muscles, so I am heavier.  I start HRT this week, so I will lose that 20lbs I gained and hope more, possibly.   My target goal is to be 140lbs and I am not far from it.

For SRS some surgeons want your BMI within a certain range. Since hormones can affect your metabolism it's best to start off with a healthy weight.

Quote from: Brenda E on November 01, 2014, 07:33:17 AM
Completely unscientifically, I'd say that a good target BMI would be in the normal weight range (18.5-24.9).  Too much weight and the fat redistribution might not be noticeable, and too little weight could suggest there's not enough fat in the first place to make redistribution noticeable either.  While the hormones would work at any BMI, the outwardly visible effects might be most prominent in the normal weight range.

That's all cosmetic though.  Exercise is important to me because it improves my mood, stops my body from hurting, keeps my cardiovascular system in shape, and is the cheapest insurance for living a long, healthy life.  I want as many years as a girl as I can, seeing as I've wasted so many as a guy already.

YES!  My BMI is 22.4 and I think about perfect.  But exercise is a blessing in and of itself.  Just don't get obsessive.  There was a time when I was training for marathons and damn near became anorexic. :)

Julie

24.4 here - barely normal weight.  Everyone says I'm thin, but I think it's a perception issue - they're all a touch plump.  As long as I can get out and run once in a while and not come home feeling worse than I left, I'll be happy.  And being at the upper end of the normal range certainly makes it easier to look feminine; when I was at the lower end, I was truly gaunt and found it hard to look like anything other than a guy with makeup on.

Quote from: Brenda E on November 03, 2014, 07:31:54 PM
24.4 here - barely normal weight.  Everyone says I'm thin, but I think it's a perception issue - they're all a touch plump.  As long as I can get out and run once in a while and not come home feeling worse than I left, I'll be happy.  And being at the upper end of the normal range certainly makes it easier to look feminine; when I was at the lower end, I was truly gaunt and found it hard to look like anything other than a guy with makeup on.

About the same BMI here- although people usually guess I'm about 10 pounds lighter due to a mesomorphic build and just bring "dense" (I stop swimming I sink like a rock)

I'm planning to hit about 140 lbs, which should look great on me.

Quote from: Hanazono on November 04, 2014, 08:33:32 AM
I think Nicole has very good advice and she's doing quite well.
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apart from that, for late transitoners, should put aside enough savings for a rental or recurrent income type of investment. having funds is so very important... having income more so.
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anyway here's something trivial from me.
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1. buy an epilator. it's a mechanical hair plucker for the uninitiated. it's less costly than razors and plucked hair can stay off longer too. of course, don't epilate areas undergoing or targeted for permanent hair removal.
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don't waste money on permanent hair removal on legs until finances are good. plenty of cis girls shave or epilate their legs.
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do facial hair first.
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2. you can grab sections of your hair and squeeze them between the folds of a towel to dry them faster. using a comb with widely spaced teeth help keep hair untangled. using this same tooth to apply hair conditioner helps spread the conditioner more evenly than by hands alone.
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3. using leave - in conditioner as a hair protection prior to hot blow-drying not only makes the hair look sleeker but also protects against split ends and broken hairs from breakage due to tangling / friction.
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4. less is more. low key, low profile dressing is principal to blending in. wearing age appropriate clothes is crucial to not being noticed.
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5. think positive thoughts. hating everyone and their BMW and their cat isn't going to kill them or help yourself. any feelings of inadequacy should be translated into positive action like more training of voice or mannerisms etx
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hope it helps

Nice Post - Spot on and entirely helpful :)
Thanks,
Julie