Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay, sooo I started transitioning when I was 14. By that I just mean dressing as a girl, using the girls bathroom, growing my hair out, wearing makeup,  etc. with the exception of not starting hormones until I was 16. I guess you can say I was an androgynous boy until hormone therapy? Although most people would call me a "she" without me asking & ma'am me almost always. So, anyways, transitioning was somewhat easy for me since I had started so young & didn't really have to deal with the struggle of living as a "man" & then telling people I'm a girl since I'd already been considered a girl for so long. So my question is, for all of you later-transitioning tgirls, what was it like? How was it getting people to call you ma'am & (quite possibly) going from a man to a woman? I can only imagine it was pretty difficult to come to terms with & others to accept. I'd love to hear all of your stories (:

& btw, late transitioner only qualifies if you're 25+ I think. Anything below is kind of young in my opinion. :o Although, don't limit yourself, I'd still love to hear from younger girls to! Type away, my lovelies! ((:

I started transitioning at 33. I was terrified of coming out and it took a lot of mental preparation; in fact from the point of thinking 'I need to do this' to telling my family was probably around 6 months. In my head was the worst case scenario: rejection from friends and family, career suicide, end of my relationship. In truth only the last of these happened and even then she's still my best friend. So generally, my fears were unfounded.

I have found though that my oldest male friends, whilst initially supportive, have slowly distanced themselves. I think that when I was talking to them about what was going to happen they wanted to be accepting and help me through it, but once the reality kicked in I think they've found it too hard to deal with and so have just drifted away. That's only two people though, and I've made many more friends since coming out.

I was lucky in a few ways though; for a start, I'm small and slight and pass pretty well, especially since FFS. I think (and my parents have confirmed this to be true for them at least; they said if it had been my 6ft broad shouldered brother they would've been a lot more fearful) that some people would've been less supportive, or at least more likely to urge caution, if I didn't look like a woman. It's not fair but it's just how people work I suppose. Also, I work in a creative and young industry, where people are generally quite liberal and accepting. And I wasn't married and I have no children, which must make it much harder.

I think though that it's never too late! :)

Quote from: Squircle on October 30, 2014, 05:26:09 PM
I think though that it's never too late! :)

Truer words have never been spoken.

Quote from: Squircle on October 30, 2014, 05:26:09 PM
I started transitioning at 33. I was terrified of coming out and it took a lot of mental preparation; in fact from the point of thinking 'I need to do this' to telling my family was probably around 6 months. In my head was the worst case scenario: rejection from friends and family, career suicide, end of my relationship. In truth only the last of these happened and even then she's still my best friend. So generally, my fears were unfounded.

I have found though that my oldest male friends, whilst initially supportive, have slowly distanced themselves. I think that when I was talking to them about what was going to happen they wanted to be accepting and help me through it, but once the reality kicked in I think they've found it too hard to deal with and so have just drifted away. That's only two people though, and I've made many more friends since coming out.

I was lucky in a few ways though; for a start, I'm small and slight and pass pretty well, especially since FFS. I think (and my parents have confirmed this to be true for them at least; they said if it had been my 6ft broad shouldered brother they would've been a lot more fearful) that some people would've been less supportive, or at least more likely to urge caution, if I didn't look like a woman. It's not fair but it's just how people work I suppose. Also, I work in a creative and young industry, where people are generally quite liberal and accepting. And I wasn't married and I have no children, which must make it much harder.

I think though that it's never too late! :)

Wow you situation sounds so similar to mine! I started at 30 and have only been transitioning for four months though, although it feels like half a lifetime already... and changes have progressed rather quickly too. I'm out to everyone and had the exact same fears as you, however like you, everyone has been amazing :) Although I do worry about some of my male friends and whether after the initial support and acceptance phase that they might drift away, I do hope they don't... Also similar to you I think some of the support is down to my physical characteristics, I am actually 6ft (I'm not the tallest woman in the family) but I have a slender build, wide hips, narrow shoulders and my face was looking relatively pretty and passable at 3 months, I've just had FFS too which has gone really well :)
Sadly I do think a lot of peoples reaction is based on how you look, family included, maybe especially family...
Also I live in New Zealand and we seem to be pretty accepting of differences here, in fact rather welcoming of oddness in many places. I would say that we still have the high per capita level of hippies and alternative life-stylers of anywhere in the world lol. So I'm pretty lucky with that too :)

Quote from: Squircle on October 30, 2014, 05:26:09 PM
I started transitioning at 33. I was terrified of coming out and it took a lot of mental preparation; in fact from the point of thinking 'I need to do this' to telling my family was probably around 6 months. In my head was the worst case scenario: rejection from friends and family, career suicide, end of my relationship. In truth only the last of these happened and even then she's still my best friend. So generally, my fears were unfounded.

I have found though that my oldest male friends, whilst initially supportive, have slowly distanced themselves. I think that when I was talking to them about what was going to happen they wanted to be accepting and help me through it, but once the reality kicked in I think they've found it too hard to deal with and so have just drifted away. That's only two people though, and I've made many more friends since coming out.

I was lucky in a few ways though; for a start, I'm small and slight and pass pretty well, especially since FFS. I think (and my parents have confirmed this to be true for them at least; they said if it had been my 6ft broad shouldered brother they would've been a lot more fearful) that some people would've been less supportive, or at least more likely to urge caution, if I didn't look like a woman. It's not fair but it's just how people work I suppose. Also, I work in a creative and young industry, where people are generally quite liberal and accepting. And I wasn't married and I have no children, which must make it much harder.

I think though that it's never too late! :)

Well congrats on getting through it :D It seems a lot of people have had FFS here haha How much was yours if you don't mind me asking? & who did you go to?

"late transitioner only qualifies if you're 25+"  That's late?  :icon_evil_laugh:

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 30, 2014, 06:45:13 PM
"late transitioner only qualifies if you're 25+"  That's late?  :icon_evil_laugh:

So what does that make me? Overripe? Posthumous?  :D

Quote from: Jill F on October 30, 2014, 06:52:09 PM
So what does that make me? Overripe? Posthumous?  :D

so what's beyond posthumous?

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 30, 2014, 06:45:13 PM
"late transitioner only qualifies if you're 25+"  That's late?  :icon_evil_laugh:

thats good hun, im pushing 58, now thats late... LOL

but to the subject, i came out to everyone today, i got to say it was the scariest thing i ever had to do, but i got to that point to where if i didnt, i might as well ride off into the sunset, i choosed to tell everyone, now that this twenty ton weight is now lifted off my shoulders, I can continue with my transition YEAH!

Quote from: Alaena_okc on October 30, 2014, 06:59:06 PM
thats good hun, im pushing 58, now thats late... LOL

but to the subject, i came out to everyone today, i got to say it was the scariest thing i ever had to do, but i got to that point to where if i didnt, i might as well ride off into the sunset, i choosed to tell everyone, now that this twenty ton weight is now lifted off my shoulders, I can continue with my transition YEAH!

Congratulations! All the little steps add up!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 30, 2014, 06:45:13 PM
"late transitioner only qualifies if you're 25+"  That's late?  :icon_evil_laugh:

Late in terms of how long they must have been living as a male by that point :p Possibly not long at all to someone who started in their late 30's but from the perspective of someone as young as me, quite long lol

but to the subject, i came out to everyone today, i got to say it was the scariest thing i ever had to do, but i got to that point to where if i didnt, i might as well ride off into the sunset, i choosed to tell everyone, now that this twenty ton weight is now lifted off my shoulders, I can continue with my transition YEAH!
[/quote]

Congratulations! :) I hope your transition goes smoothly <3

Quote from: TSJasmine on October 30, 2014, 07:12:19 PM
Late in terms of how long they must have been living as a male by that point :p Possibly not long at all to someone who started in their late 30's but from the perspective of someone as young as me, quite long lol

wow, now I feel my birthday was the same day as the big bang

I lived forty seven years as a male, now I've been kind of wibbly wobbling around in neutral territory for six years. I just told everyone "I'm a bit of a crossdresser, it turns out." Everything has been fine for me, but it's not like people give you a lot of grief when you're pushing fifty.

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm having a blast, coming out gave me a life to live.

So I'm going to geek out for a second... Please forgive my nerdyness  :-X

Maybe 'late' is an incomplete form of measure... Late means there is an early and an on-time. On time for me would have been at the time I was conceived, after all I'm a girl that should have been born a girl. As for being late, everyone that has transitioned has done so later than the time they were born, this makes the concept moot.

Now if one was to make a statement regarding time relative to their own transition then we have a new time origin where by transitioning after said persons own time of transition may be considered late or rather later.

This wouldn't necessarily take into account people that have multiple transitions and that have detransitioned between.

Sorry, I just binge watched a whole bunch of episodes from season 1 of The Big Bang Theory... I think I was channeling my inner Sheldon.

I started at 36 and entrenched in a rather successful career, that and transitioning with kids in tow make it really complicated.  No complete losses yet, and still with my life partner, but slower than slow pace is what made the difference.  Decoupling from a male brand that worked extremely well has been the hardest. People had no idea. The shock with some has taken months in some cases to wear off.  Medical and physical changes are going really well.  All in, a 4-6 yr transition from the time I first went to therapy to when I'm full time and done with FFS and anything else.

I started transitioning at 25... Does that make me a late transitioner or young transitioner?  ???

Quote from: mynees on October 30, 2014, 08:50:15 PM
I started transitioning at 25... Does that make me a late transitioner or young transitioner?  ???

?

I was 29 when I came out to my family last year and it was utter hell for me and drove me to the brink over and over with all the crud I had to deal with and that was before I started doing any RLE which oddly enough my transition outside of my family life has been really positive minus some typical events that happen to transgender folks as they first start going out authentically. I came out at work recently and about 1200 people know I'm trans, rumors have spread about me and anyone they tell along with all the people who knew me before I came out has been extremely stressful and I've been emotional eating a lot but once again my overall work experience is very positive as nobody will mess with me since upper management has my back and has stated such. I even get to use the correct bathroom and lots of people accept me for who I am and see me fully as a woman and treat me as such. People open doors and hold doors open for me which that never ever happened before I came out.

I would love the chance to tell my 13 year old self to just come out of the closet and try to transition before I made it out of high school so I could just live stealth mode and move to a whole new area where nobody knew my past but I don't think I would have survived the environment that I would have been in family wise as a young transgender teen in the south with very biblical parents.

Quote from: mynees on October 30, 2014, 08:50:15 PM
I started transitioning at 25... Does that make me a late transitioner or young transitioner?  ???

I think you are a young transitioner

I was come out to my family at age 6, it was diseaster, totally i don't want to remember all whats happen after that, all of this leaves deep scars in my soul :/
I was trying to start transitioning again at age 28, i got to TS support group in my country and what i hear from them was, well "You will never look like a women and never get passing enough" i was crushed.
Then i meet my soulmate, my only true love, i told her who i'm, truly , 3 weeks after our first date, she was very supportive since then, and thanks to her i start transitioning at age 35 ( when i got enough money to start it as it cost "millions" here :/ ) , now i'm 10 months on HRT and i never was so happy, got loads new friends ( womans mostly ) and most of them know i'm trans, i trust them and i told them, nothing changed because of that :)

It was very short version ;)

I came out to my parents when I was 6-7,  then again at 13, left home at 17, emigrated to Australia, came out to my wife on our first date and finally transitioned at 58. How does it feel?

Wonderful!

Knew since I was 4, couldn't do a darn thing until I was older. Still kept the faith that at one day I could find peace. Now I'm 36 and I'm just starting. Would I be as good as if I had started when I was 14? No. But I still could be pretty good if I put effort in.

What did I gain in the meantime? I gained a career, life experience, moved to a new country, learned lots of skills, gained friends.  and had kids. Some of these I could have done if I transitioned early, but others impossible, especially the kids.

Am I completely happy that I am transitioning this late? No. But am I happy? Yes, absolutely. Better late than never.

What's it like? It's a struggle for sure, but I am independent so I don't depend on anyone, not even my parents. They'll come around and if they don't, I won't be devastated. They split when I was 10 anyway and my mom and dad were somewhat absentee. My wife is a huge challenge and we fight a lot but I think we can get over it. The kids love me unconditionally. I even dress around them and they're really not concerned. They still want to sit on my lap, sit next to me, show me their toys and want me to pick them up.

I think my transition is about the same as a teens, mostly. It has gone super smooth and very easy. I'm 35
I was socialized as a girl, not  guy. I wasn't allowed to wear girls clothes and makeup but otherwise able to be my naturally feminine self. My mom and dad split when I was 4 and I lived with my mom and sister, they are who taught me what it is to be a woman. No masculinity of any kind was ever expected of me and I never exhibited any.
So it has been more or less a non event, this transition has been. Only true parts of transition for me will be srs and romantic relationships afterwards.
So yeah it can be just as easy for a person in their 30's to transition as it is for teenagers. In my case it is.

Quote from: HelloKitty on October 31, 2014, 11:18:32 AM
My mom and dad split when I was 4 and I lived with my mom and sister, they are who taught me what it is to be a woman.

I really wish I had a sister. That would have helped me a lot. Instead I have two brothers.

Closest I had was a cousin who lived next door and my other cousins who would let me dress up and do my hair.

I wonder what the average age of transition is? I'm willing to bet a whole English pound that it's at least 35, so really late transition would be 50+

Quote from: TSJasmine on October 30, 2014, 04:34:19 PM. . . started transitioning when I was 14 . . . with the exception of not starting hormones until I was 16.

I started *wanting to transition* at your age, started *in fact* a few years later . . . at now 58 *am still in process* does that make me *late* or, perhaps like ashley_thomas, *just really slow*?

Admitted to divorce Judge three years ago *yes, am transgender* have my house & kids so still NO REGRETS!!

Starting and coming out were very hard for me. It took me 37 years to get to that point.

In reality, starting cured my dysphoria and coming out has improved my relationships with my friends and family.

Tomorrow (Nov 1st), will be one year ago that I came-out and told someone my "darkest secret" for the first time in 48 years... and will have one year of HRT in Feb 2015. The person I told was my wife... we are now separated, she left in June...  :-\ 

I had been hyper-masculine all my life, but just couldn't keep living that way. So, here I am now @ 49....  :)


From Aug or Sept:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F0GrZMdI.jpg&hash=970b37d547527cf46d3f679083cf79a4d6ee23ea)


From late Wed night, plz excuse the bad no-makeup bedtime pic...  :P
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FqTQKdHC.jpg&hash=d462b706f4736058e0fbdbc28dc34d66645ae2ef)

~Kira

I'm 27 now and hoping to start HRT before the end of this year although I remember watching a documentary about trans teens when I was 12 or 13 and thought it sounded kind of like me but I didn't think I would have ever actually transition so I stopped thinking about it. really wish I took a little extra time to think about that back then.

Quote from: TSJasmine on October 30, 2014, 06:24:01 PM
Well congrats on getting through it :D It seems a lot of people have had FFS here haha How much was yours if you don't mind me asking? & who did you go to?

To be honest it has been one of the best decisions I ever made. I went to Dr Bart van der Ven in Antwerp, off the top of my head it was about £8000. I passed OK beforehand but things are even better now, and I have more confidence which in itself helps with passing.

The worst thing about the early days of transition for me was definitely confidence. It was a really tough time, I was paralysed with fear every time I went out, so much so that my life was pretty much stay at home, straight to work, then straight back home afterwards. Perhaps the older you get the bigger that jump from one role to another becomes, simply because you've spent much longer trying to be something you aren't, and disguising any sign of your true self. Its hard to let go of that set of behaviours, they become almost like a safety blanket, and those first few months of living as your real self can feel very vulnerable. It's taken me a year to get to this point where my life is actually starting to feel full again. This is just me though, I'm not one of those people who can have confidence in any situation, though I've often wished I was.

Quote from: Squircle on October 31, 2014, 06:41:51 PM
To be honest it has been one of the best decisions I ever made. I went to Dr Bart van der Ven in Antwerp, off the top of my head it was about £8000. I passed OK beforehand but things are even better now, and I have more confidence which in itself helps with passing.

The worst thing about the early days of transition for me was definitely confidence. It was a really tough time, I was paralysed with fear every time I went out, so much so that my life was pretty much stay at home, straight to work, then straight back home afterwards. Perhaps the older you get the bigger that jump from one role to another becomes, simply because you've spent much longer trying to be something you aren't, and disguising any sign of your true self. Its hard to let go of that set of behaviours, they become almost like a safety blanket, and those first few months of living as your real self can feel very vulnerable. It's taken me a year to get to this point where my life is actually starting to feel full again. This is just me though, I'm not one of those people who can have confidence in any situation, though I've often wished I was.

8000???? That's so cheap! Did you get the full works? (brow, brow lift, nose, jaw) or did you only get a small portion?

I don't think 25+ is considered a late transition.  I'd say it's a borderline young/mid-transition.  I'll be starting soon probably.  I'll be 26.  I still feel young and physically could pass for 20 easily.  I could probably tell someone I was 17 and they'd likely believe me.  I knew kids in high school who looked older at the time, more so then I do now.

I really don't have any friends anymore, so that went easily I guess.  My family?  They've been OK, but I feel like it's just like "Oh well" with them.  My mother said to me a few days ago that "I guess I lost my son" and that was pretty hard for me to hear.  My family are good people, no one would disown me, but I still feel bad about killing my mothers son.  I have a lot of female cousins, all like 17-20, one a few months older than myself, and a 29 yo sister.  My younger cousins are ultra-fem and sort of stuck up.  I haven't seen anyone since coming out.  My mother sort of outed me.  I'm kind of worried about what their reactions will be, knowing that their only guy cousin might be becoming a woman.  I was in a psych hospital for depression a couple months back, one of my uncles tried to call a few times ad then wanted to bring me to a baseball game when I got out, after finding out I was trans.  I've avoided him, but I appreciate it and will probably write him a nice letter.  Him and his wife spend their time in FL during the winter, so I'll hopefully take him up on the offer then.

I'm worried about how people will treat me during and after transition though.  I'm sort of hoping that my younger female cousins become horribly interested in me and we can become closer, but I don't know...

Quote from: Kira357 on October 31, 2014, 05:15:58 PM
Tomorrow (Nov 1st), will be one year ago that I came-out and told someone my "darkest secret" for the first time in 48 years... and will have one year of HRT in Feb 2015. The person I told was my wife... we are now separated, she left in June...  :-\ 

I had been hyper-masculine all my life, but just couldn't keep living that way. So, here I am now @ 49....  :)


From Aug or Sept:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F0GrZMdI.jpg&hash=970b37d547527cf46d3f679083cf79a4d6ee23ea)


From late Wed night, plz excuse the bad no-makeup bedtime pic...  :P
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FqTQKdHC.jpg&hash=d462b706f4736058e0fbdbc28dc34d66645ae2ef)

~Kira

You look great Kira  :)

I started coming out at 50 and transitioned at 51. It was scary, fun, sad, happy, sentimental, hard, easy, expensive, heartbreaking, heartwarming, affirming, and emotional. Some days it's hard to even get out of bed, and some days i'm flying at 10,000 feet. It's way different than my old life.

I have been full time for only about 6 weeks at this point and i'm not done yet - I am still peeling the layers off of my onion to find out whats in there.

Started the whole process back in January this year. Just the 30 years late at age 49!

We start when we start, don't over think it, just get on with where you are now!

Quote from: Eva Marie on October 31, 2014, 08:41:29 PM
You look great Kira  :)

I started coming out at 50 and transitioned at 51. It was scary, fun, sad, happy, sentimental, hard, easy, expensive, heartbreaking, heartwarming, affirming, and emotional. Some days it's hard to even get out of bed, and some days i'm flying at 10,000 feet. It's way different than my old life.

I have been full time for only about 6 weeks at this point and i'm not done yet - I am still peeling the layers off of my onion to find out whats in there.

Thanks Eva, you look great too !! And transition has been every one of those things that you mentioned for me too. I am not f/t yet, maybe in 6 months... I think it will be problematic at work, and may have to find something else first. Still many layers of "the onion" to peel, that's for sure... but I wouldn't trade being a woman for anything !!  ;D

Quote from: TSJasmine on October 31, 2014, 07:34:30 PM
8000???? That's so cheap! Did you get the full works? (brow, brow lift, nose, jaw) or did you only get a small portion?

Hairline, forehead (type 1) and orbital rim reduction, brow lift, nose, lip lift and chin. No jaw work. US surgeons quoted astronomical prices for the same thing, like tens of thousands of dollars.