Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: luminated_lucy on November 01, 2014, 09:59:54 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Learning to Protect Myself While Dating Men
Post by: luminated_lucy on November 01, 2014, 09:59:54 AM
Post by: luminated_lucy on November 01, 2014, 09:59:54 AM
I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to acclimate to dealing with cis-het men as someone who is now perceived as woman?
I'm completely happy with how the physical aspects of my transition have gone, but dealing with men has been frustrating. I like men, and find it personally very gender affirming to date men even though I like women too. But I've had problems with everything from harassment to sexual assault with them since I've transitioned. It's like I have a blind spot that I feel like my cis-gal sisters don't.
Like last week, I met a guy who seemed like a really good nice guy. Good with boundaries. Knew I had trauma issues and was fine being really accommodating of those. But, even though he still seems like a genuinely nice guy, he lied to me to try to impress me to get me into bed with him. It worked. He confessed later, and now I feel devastated. I don't consider consent that is obtained through deceit actual consent, so it's just reopened a bunch of old wounds for me.
It's like, I had problems with the men I dated back when my gender expression was more masculine, but not like this. Not like every guy I date is a predator that just wants to ->-bleeped-<- me and not give a damn about my emotions. I've been really struggling for the past week or so with trying to figure out how I can date who I want to date without getting, or at least feeling victimized over and over again.
Anyone have any thoughts?
I'm completely happy with how the physical aspects of my transition have gone, but dealing with men has been frustrating. I like men, and find it personally very gender affirming to date men even though I like women too. But I've had problems with everything from harassment to sexual assault with them since I've transitioned. It's like I have a blind spot that I feel like my cis-gal sisters don't.
Like last week, I met a guy who seemed like a really good nice guy. Good with boundaries. Knew I had trauma issues and was fine being really accommodating of those. But, even though he still seems like a genuinely nice guy, he lied to me to try to impress me to get me into bed with him. It worked. He confessed later, and now I feel devastated. I don't consider consent that is obtained through deceit actual consent, so it's just reopened a bunch of old wounds for me.
It's like, I had problems with the men I dated back when my gender expression was more masculine, but not like this. Not like every guy I date is a predator that just wants to ->-bleeped-<- me and not give a damn about my emotions. I've been really struggling for the past week or so with trying to figure out how I can date who I want to date without getting, or at least feeling victimized over and over again.
Anyone have any thoughts?