Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: jayyylmao on November 02, 2014, 06:49:07 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Coming out to elderly relatives
Post by: jayyylmao on November 02, 2014, 06:49:07 AM
Post by: jayyylmao on November 02, 2014, 06:49:07 AM
I have a dilemma. I have a granny, she's 80, and she's gone a bit senile. I love her to bits, but I don't know if I should come out to her or not. I don't want her to pass away, thinking she knew me but she didn't, but I don't want to alienate her in her last few years. I doubt she'd ever get my name right, she never does anyway, but I don't want her to die not knowing who I really am. I'm so conflicted on this. Any input?
Title: Re: Coming out to elderly relatives
Post by: Cindy on November 02, 2014, 06:58:23 AM
Post by: Cindy on November 02, 2014, 06:58:23 AM
Well I came out to my 92 yr old mother in law. The family suggested i should not. But she was great. Just said as long as I looked after her daughter it was fine by her. Yes she calls me Cindy, screws up pronouns and calls me her daughter.
But ymmv.
Hope it goes well
But ymmv.
Hope it goes well
Title: Re: Coming out to elderly relatives
Post by: FTMax on November 02, 2014, 11:35:06 AM
Post by: FTMax on November 02, 2014, 11:35:06 AM
My grandad is much the same way. I've decided to take a "don't ask, don't tell" approach, wherein if he doesn't ask, I won't tell. I'm not planning to hide anything or alter my appearance to be more feminine before visits. I'm not going to ask him to call me Max or to use male pronouns, or discuss anything medical with him. He's old, he's met a lot of interesting people in his life. If he feels he needs to know, he'll bring it up.
Title: Re: Coming out to elderly relatives
Post by: Isabel on November 07, 2014, 05:11:07 AM
Post by: Isabel on November 07, 2014, 05:11:07 AM
I also have had doubts about telling my grandparents.
They are around 90 years old and very traditionalist, specially my granddad, and I think speaking to them about my transition would alienate them.
My parents also want me to remain silent and tell them nothing.
On the other side, I go to visit them once a month, and I can see that they notice the changes in me. Also there's a part of me that wishes to tell them who am I before it's too late or they pass away.
But for now I have decided against telling them and let them live peacefully. It will be tough because of the male pronouns and other things... but I think it will be worth it.
Let's see what happens.
They are around 90 years old and very traditionalist, specially my granddad, and I think speaking to them about my transition would alienate them.
My parents also want me to remain silent and tell them nothing.
On the other side, I go to visit them once a month, and I can see that they notice the changes in me. Also there's a part of me that wishes to tell them who am I before it's too late or they pass away.
But for now I have decided against telling them and let them live peacefully. It will be tough because of the male pronouns and other things... but I think it will be worth it.
Let's see what happens.
Title: Re: Coming out to elderly relatives
Post by: AnonyMs on November 07, 2014, 06:11:38 AM
Post by: AnonyMs on November 07, 2014, 06:11:38 AM
I had this issue also, and decided not to.
I feel like telling them would be for me, not them. I don't see any reason to possibly burden them with something like that, and once they pass away the only one who's going to regret it will be me. I can accept that.
I feel like telling them would be for me, not them. I don't see any reason to possibly burden them with something like that, and once they pass away the only one who's going to regret it will be me. I can accept that.
Title: Re: Coming out to elderly relatives
Post by: Mark3 on November 07, 2014, 09:15:13 AM
Post by: Mark3 on November 07, 2014, 09:15:13 AM
Grandparents are great..
So many things your parents might not like, but grandparents usually will unconditionally love and support you..
They just seem wiser, and they know how short life really is, and won't waste it not accepting they're grandkids..
Even if she is getting forgetful, those core values are usually intact..
So many things your parents might not like, but grandparents usually will unconditionally love and support you..
They just seem wiser, and they know how short life really is, and won't waste it not accepting they're grandkids..
Even if she is getting forgetful, those core values are usually intact..