Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So today I"m talking to a friend at school while walking to our cars. We were talking about the times when our cars broke down, and I told her about a time when my car breaks down on the side of the highway in the middle of the night with no street lights in site or signs. So I had to get out my car and walk to the nearest sign on the highway for about a 1/4 quarter of a mile in order for the tow truck to tell where I was. I told her how creepy it felt, and how I was hoping no one would just pop out of the forest area, out of the pitch black dark, jump me and drag me off, never to be seen again. So then she asks, "so did you have your purse on you?"

T____T

This question just always makes me twinge inside. Don't get me wrong, I know there's some dudes that like to carry purses or those who consider themselves genderfluid, but I see myself as a very masculine trans, so this question always annoys me. Never in my life have I carried a purse or look like I would carry a purse.

Just thought I share. Has anybody else gone thru this or something similar when they were Pre- T or while transitioning?

Actually I don't recall ever being asked this kind of question. I do remember being around 10 years old and my dad making me take a purse to the movie theater so we could sneak soda and candy in. I hated it so much, but I did it because I wanted the soda and candy at the movies. I would hang the purse on my back and pretend it was a backpack.

Not really like that since most people I know in real life don't really picture me like that, but I have had a question like "How do you know what it's like to be a guy? It would be like how I know about what it's like not to be disabled." (He has cerebral palsy, so he was essentially telling me I'm not a guy.)
I had a backpack instead of a purse. They're so much more useful and comfortable since you can put it on and just leave it without having to worry about dropping it and being able to use your hands for other things.

I don't like purses either. Even when I was younger and didn't know I was trans I refused to carry one and always had wallets instead. When I was in middle school my mother bought me a couple small purses and made me take them to school with me despite me always "forgetting" and trying to leave them home. One day I actually did accidentally leave my purse in one of my classes and all the stuff was stolen out of it. It sucked but I finally had an excuse my mother would accept for why I refused to carry a purse around anymore.

This is how I am with purses.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DuScm9FZPmQ

Quote from: Contravene on November 06, 2014, 09:36:21 PM
I don't like purses either. Even when I was younger and didn't know I was trans I refused to carry one and always had wallets instead. When I was in middle school my mother bought me a couple small purses and made me take them to school with me despite me always "forgetting" and trying to leave them home. One day I actually did accidentally leave my purse in one of my classes and all the stuff was stolen out of it. It sucked but I finally had an excuse my mother would accept for why I refused to carry a purse around anymore.

This is how I am with purses.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DuScm9FZPmQ

Dude that's how I feel when I forced to hold my mom's giant purse. Glad my mom never made me carry a purse. -shiver-

@Edge - Yeah i feel ya. I just have a small canvas backpack I carry around.

@FTMKyle - That's funny, but if I was really hungry and wanted food in the movie theaters, I would do the same man.

So I had a phase, just before acknowledging that I really am trans, when I tried to be a woman and presented as one. I also tried to get used to THE PURSE. It always felt wrong.

Anyway, as soon as I realized I could never play this part I ditched the purse. My husband hasn't gotten used to this yet (yeah, let's not go there), so when we go out he keeps asking me "are you taking a purse?" I know he doesn't think about what this means to me, and that it hurts my feelings - he just wants to know, can he put his wallet in my bag - but I *am* hurt and offended by the question. It's just another indicator that he doesn't want to acknowledge my being who I am :(.

And how on earth can he not see how weird it would look for someone presenting in guy mode (even though not passing) to carry a female purse? [emoji13]

I had a waist pack ("fanny pack", which will amuse some UK people. LOL). I used a purse years and years ago. I think the waist pack is kind of unisex, if now considered very uncool. Very happy to get rid of it, however, it took me awhile to figure out how to manage without one. I do have a "murse" which I have used when traveling.

--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on November 07, 2014, 01:15:20 AM
I had a waist pack ("fanny pack", which will amuse some UK people. LOL). I used a purse years and years ago. I think the waist pack is kind of unisex, if now considered very uncool. Very happy to get rid of it, however, it took me awhile to figure out how to manage without one. I do have a "murse" which I have used when traveling.

--Jay

Oh man, we used to tease my dad about having a fanny pack!  >:-)

Me, I've always preferred a back pack and use one now instead of a murse or purse. I have a good excuse that I switched to the backpack because having anything that sat just on one shoulder was agony on my back - very true, but also very convienient excuse!

I've also never been fond of the frilly stuff of most womens' purses and where possible go for simple, somple, simple, with anything I get, be it purse, murse, shoes, belts, etc. I'm just not about bling at all.

I never carried a purse. My aunt bought me a coach one that was...really spendy. It just collected dust.

I have a couple of purses I have used in the past. Most of them look like messenger bags. One is made of hemp, looks like a mini-messenger bag, and I bought it at a time when I was a marijuana legalization advocate. One is made of black (fake?) leather and was a gift when I was in middle school, and it's really big, big enough to look like a messenger bag, with super gothy giant buckles and things. I'll still carry that one occasionally, except I usually haul books in it so the strap part is hanging by a thread.

I think for me it depends on the statement I'm making. For hemp/mj legalization, I'll make a statement with a bag, and for being as gothy as my family will allow me, I'm willing to carry a purse-type bag. But other ones, I've only had in times when I was firmly trying to identify as female. I've gotten rid of those.

I'll generally carry a backpack or keep essentials in my pants or jacket pockets, but if I need to carry a certain amount of stuff within arm's reach, I'll grab the black goth purse once in a blue moon and try it out again.

I think your ideas of purses are a little different to mine, but if I need to carry more than what can live in my pockets I take a rucksack.

I got totally into bumbags (what we called fanny packs) when I was sort of pre-teen, particularly for travelling and summer camp. Pretty much graduated straight from that to backpacks. The whole concept of handbags... just, why?! Too easy to lose or drop really, and you can't fit books or laptops or groceries in them! Cargo up the pockets for a night out, carry a backpack for daytime/travelling. Easy. Even presenting as female for most of my life, just never figured out the appeal.

I'm all about backpacks. I usually bring a notebook or sketch pad with me most places, so it's nice to be able to carry it hands free. I had a fanny pack that I made into a leg pouch with a carabiner, and a purse that looked like a backpack that my mom used to make me carry.
I've never been asked if I have a purse though.

I had a YakPak purse for many years, but it looked more like a messenger bag.  It was a very utilitarian bag.  Actually it may have been a messenger bag.  I'm not sure what exactly makes a purse a purse.

My messenger bag is my 'purse'.

Very interesting to hear what everyone had/have. :)

Quote from: aleon515 on November 07, 2014, 01:15:20 AM
I had a waist pack ("fanny pack", which will amuse some UK people. LOL). I used a purse years and years ago. I think the waist pack is kind of unisex, if now considered very uncool. Very happy to get rid of it, however, it took me awhile to figure out how to manage without one. I do have a "murse" which I have used when traveling.

--Jay

Nothing against fanny packs. They make some that look cool now a days. Especially some cool leg packs that look like a gun holster. Now I wouldn't mind getting one of those.

Quote from: adrian on November 07, 2014, 01:09:49 AM
So I had a phase, just before acknowledging that I really am trans, when I tried to be a woman and presented as one. I also tried to get used to THE PURSE. It always felt wrong.

Anyway, as soon as I realized I could never play this part I ditched the purse. My husband hasn't gotten used to this yet (yeah, let's not go there), so when we go out he keeps asking me "are you taking a purse?" I know he doesn't think about what this means to me, and that it hurts my feelings - he just wants to know, can he put his wallet in my bag - but I *am* hurt and offended by the question. It's just another indicator that he doesn't want to acknowledge my being who I am :(.

And how on earth can he not see how weird it would look for someone presenting in guy mode (even though not passing) to carry a female purse? [emoji13]

That does sound very hurtful adrian. : (

Believe this or not, it was kind of an "in thing", I don't know in the early 2000s or something. :)
Now it seems so uncool. Fads come and go. I would never do something because it was in, but it was convenient.

--Jay

Quote from: LoriLorenz on November 07, 2014, 01:37:37 AM
Oh man, we used to tease my dad about having a fanny pack!  >:-)

Me, I've always preferred a back pack and use one now instead of a murse or purse. I have a good excuse that I switched to the backpack because having anything that sat just on one shoulder was agony on my back - very true, but also very convienient excuse!

I've also never been fond of the frilly stuff of most womens' purses and where possible go for simple, somple, simple, with anything I get, be it purse, murse, shoes, belts, etc. I'm just not about bling at all.

Quote from: PucksWaywardSon on November 07, 2014, 10:23:44 AM
The whole concept of handbags... just, why?! Too easy to lose or drop really, and you can't fit books or laptops or groceries in them!

I beg to differ. Definitely kept textbooks in mine.

I miss having a purse.  I wish it was acceptable for both genders to carry purses.  I never know where to put my book anymore.   ???

Quote from: Amathy on November 08, 2014, 03:03:05 AM
I miss having a purse.  I wish it was acceptable for both genders to carry purses.  I never know where to put my book anymore.   ???

I know, right... would be awesome while in guy mode to have a purse.... so much to carry and so little pockets to carry things in -_-

Quote from: PucksWaywardSon on November 07, 2014, 10:23:44 AMPretty much graduated straight from that to backpacks. The whole concept of handbags... just, why?! Too easy to lose or drop really, and you can't fit books or laptops or groceries in them! Cargo up the pockets for a night out, carry a backpack for daytime/travelling. Easy. Even presenting as female for most of my life, just never figured out the appeal.

Agreed. Backpacks also distribute the weight better.
That said, I did have a small, purse-like backpack for the days when I didn't have pockets, but didn't have enough to justify bringing a large backpack.

Oh. I have had instances where I mentioned (to people who know I'm trans) that I used to wear skirts and tend to get surprised looks and comments like "I just can't picture you crossdressing." Which is kind of a nice thing to say because I guess they're saying they see me as masculine, but I get frustrated that they'd see me as less masculine if I did wear a skirt. (I know it's kind of weird to normal people, but I've honestly seen more guys wear long skirts than women and have trouble comprehending why people have the attitudes they do.)

Quote from: Edge on November 08, 2014, 08:55:33 AM
Oh. I have had instances where I mentioned (to people who know I'm trans) that I used to wear skirts and tend to get surprised looks and comments like "I just can't picture you crossdressing." Which is kind of a nice thing to say because I guess they're saying they see me as masculine, but I get frustrated that they'd see me as less masculine if I did wear a skirt. (I know it's kind of weird to normal people, but I've honestly seen more guys wear long skirts than women and have trouble comprehending why people have the attitudes they do.)

Although western society has come to accept pants can be "masculine" or "feminine", the same leap hasn't quite been made for skirts.
It's a shame. On one hand, nothing wrong with guys wearing something frilly. On the other hand, skirts don't necessarily even have to be frilly - I've seen some guys rock rather masculine-looking (from my cultural influences) skirts.

Quote from: blink on November 08, 2014, 09:30:21 AM
Although western society has come to accept pants can be "masculine" or "feminine", the same leap hasn't quite been made for skirts.
It's a shame. On one hand, nothing wrong with guys wearing something frilly. On the other hand, skirts don't necessarily even have to be frilly - I've seen some guys rock rather masculine-looking (from my cultural influences) skirts.

Same. Not to mention, it's a comfy, legal way to not wear pants in public.

Quote from: Edge on November 08, 2014, 09:54:41 AM
Same. Not to mention, it's a comfy, legal way to not wear pants in public.

True. And I'd like to see anybody try and tell a Scotsman in a kilt that his clothing is somehow not suitable for a man to wear. But it's the same thing as a skirt when you get right down to it. Just very thick fabric. Like the other "masculine" skirts I've seen - thick, somewhat coarse-looking fabric. Usually black.

lol I have gotten that question a few times. It was rare as most people didn't see me "that" way, and whenever they asked I'd laugh and say "do I look like I carry a purse?"