Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey all,  I thought I would share some positive stuff to help remind people transition can be great.  Stressful and consuming, yes... but the absolute best thing I have ever done.

So transition is going well.

I have been full time for over two months and am passing without any problems.  I even had a cute lesbian hit on me at a queer club, which as a lesbian identified woman I take as the ultimate pass.  Gotta be happy with that, right?  I am also being treated very differently by guys... which is nice.  A waste of time for them... but nice anyway  ;)  I think I am wandering a little along the Kinsey scale... so I probably will end up closer to pansexual if this keeps up at the pace I am currently shifting.  No worries, I take everything transition brings.  I ditched most of my old male clothes (which admittedly looked like a butch lesbians wardrobe), and no longer wear anything but female clothes.  My wardrobe is getting manageable, I started with pure blacks and worked outwards from there, introducing colors bit by bit.  I no longer feel nervous using female toilets.  (queues aside, they are SO much better!)  I have my first swimsuit now, so that is my next challenge.

  I think the DES child condition has given me a huge head start in HRT transition... lifelong low T perhaps?  I did have a very slow puberty and many of my features where atypical for a boy.  Hips, for example, are quite prominent, giving me a pear shape now which I adore.  I have a full B cup and by the feel of things, they have another growth spurt in mind.  My collarbones are showing now, and my arms are thin and dainty already.  I am really feeling the strength loss- and am unable to cart my laptop around like I used to.  Word of warning... loosen all your jars before HRT.  ;)

  My hair is now a long bob, and a warm copper.  I am going to go a little crazy with color soon... probably purple dipped ends or something.  I am a freaking lesbian video games artist, of course I can dye my hair crazy colors!  My pierced ears are healed now, and my wife bought me my first dangly earrings.  That is a reward for next week!  I can do everyday make up with no fuss now, but eyeliner still vexes me.  I also need to practice the smokey looks I love for nights out.  I am planning on returning to martial arts training after a scary night in Melbourne- I used to be very proficient, but that was with my old body many years ago.  I have to relearn with this one.

  My family has been 100% accepting.  My partner and I are having our first child in march.  Her family are 100% accepting, and have met real me now.
  I came out to my whole industry last week at a conference during a lecture I did on women in games.  I have had nothing but support and approval so far, and am now helping several trans or gender questioning young game devs on their way, and a couple of companies have approached me about doing LGBTIQ talks at their offices, as well as reviewing their HR and toilet policies.  It was amazing to not only be accepted, but make a difference to young peoples lives by standing up and saying proudly I am intersex, I am trans and I, and many like me, are successful in this field.

  Stress and suicidal thoughts are a problem.  They keep coming back in waves, and I have to really work at conquering them.  I have a safety number and some friends to call on if it becomes too much, but it seems under control.  I feel very detached from the suicidal thoughts... but they are deafening when they come- so I am not taking any chances.

So all in all, things are going well.  It is a rollercoaster, but I am having mostly fun.

Signing out for now.

-E

Emmaline, what an amazing update.  You sound - rightfully - very proud and happy with how far you've come, and hearing that everyone is accepting really gives people like me confidence that things can and do work out well.

The way you came out to everyone at the conference is awesome - I would loved to have been there in the audience.  How was the reaction afterwards?  Lots of surprised people?

Emmaline
This was a very amazing update and thank you so much for sharing. It's a wonderful feeling being accepted so widely. As of this date so far, everybody is accepted and is treated me wonderfully as I have come out. I am super excited for you and wish you nothing but the joy and happiness that you deserve. May the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your path.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

The conference was fantastic.  Many surprised I wasn't cis.  Lots of compliments.

Thanks all!

Great to hear you're doing well, hon!

Great to hear!  I am also in the game industry, and I am starting HRT this month!  I am scared to come out to my dev team right now, but I have been working my butt off on our games in hope that it wont matter when the time comes to officially be out to everyone. 

Great to get such positive news all round! Well done Essex Girl (!!!) sorry......... :icon_rolleyes2:

Yay trans video game devs! Good luck with the game!

(Trans made games include Bards Tale, Descent, Quake series, Unreal series, Dragonage, Civ, Halo Wars... You name it!  Hey, what else are socially disconnected people gonna do?)

Thanks Ros,  catch up soon!


Suicidal thoughts are still very much a problem, I hit a danger zone low yesterday.  Getting my finances sorted ready for srs and the baby will help a great deal, I am sure.  I am looking to move into a less stressful job with a guaranteed income soon.

What a great update Emmaline and so fantastic to hear things are going so well. Even though there's still those dark notions popping their head up you clearly have an action plan in case things ever get too much, which is great to hear and so sensible. Good luck with the baby girlfriend, kids are a joy and being a parent is wonderful, I wouldn't change it for the world. Can I ask, girl or boy?

A boy!  (Well, they have a penis so 99.4% likely to be a boy) ;). Some chance of hypospadias due to D.E.S exposure but we will worry about that if it happens.

He is due in march.  Bless him :)

I must confess that, though it has been a smooth and positive transition-  it hasn't been a totally easy ride,- transition never is from what I see.

I am very lucky in so many respects.  Good industry, good family, good friends, a head start on hrt and living in a place where their are good services, doctors and gender therapists.  Still... Challenging stuff.

I love it though.  Transition is the best thing ever!

Congratulations Emmaline, boys are lots of fun although different to us girls. I have four kids, two girls and two boys. You'll have to give an update on the big day when he's born, so exciting!

Yeah, I agree, transition can be a treacherous ride, but I've been fortunate so far. The carnage has been limited to losing my partner, which was expected, she wasn't a lesbian as she rightly told e. But everything is going great and I put it down to good planning, and a little luck. I think having access to good services has been a blessing for me too, my industry we're just about to see exactly how accepting they are. It's in agriculture, so farmers essentially lol. Although I work in the head office in a major city, there's still a lot of country folk who haven't even heard of theLG in LGBTI  ;) but he, it'll be fine 8 think.

Liking the eye work Ms E!  :)

A little halloween fun!

I am tempted to write something rude in Draconian runes from dungeons and dragons on my cheek for the next RPG convention I go to.  :)

Nice progression.

Look to all the positives moving forward, you have rid yourself of any earlier charades I suspect...
I still have many to surmount myself, soon  :o

Love katy

This was wonderfully inspiring to read. Congratulations on everything, Emmaline :)

Congrats on everything, especially the kid. We have two girls and one boy, all the same age. Boys are different I've found. He is far more aggressive but strangely far more emotional and gets hurt far more easily. He may or may not have trans issues but I'm going to just let him be for now. Not pushing him in any direction.

They are issues when they are issues, I think!  I am going to raise him as a boy until he tells me who he is.  But I sure as heck won't force gendered toys on him!

I met my swimmers challenge too... so yay!  I pass in a two peice and can now enjoy the beach.

Lucky you! I wanted to be a video game designer in the early/mid 90s, but courses/colleges didn't exist like they do now. Maybe one day...  8)

Quote from: Christine Eryn on November 16, 2014, 06:21:30 PM
Lucky you! I wanted to be a video game designer in the early/mid 90s, but courses/colleges didn't exist like they do now. Maybe one day...  8)

You can youtube everything and learn whatever you want now :)

So true, the course I did was rubbish and ultimately I taught myself using books (internet was sloooow).  All the pros are self taught because you have to learn how to learn... You constantly need to learn new stuff in games!

I would download a free version of Unity3d watch their tutes and just dive in.  Two hours a night, and before you know it you have learnt how to make games!
Also try a month subscription to digital tutors.  That will sort you out!  Everything from maya, modo, javascript. C#... You name it.

Don't be taught... Learn.

Okay, yoda ears off now. :)

Quote from: Emmaline on November 16, 2014, 04:51:31 PM
They are issues when they are issues, I think!  I am going to raise him as a boy until he tells me who he is.  But I sure as heck won't force gendered toys on him!

I met my swimmers challenge too... so yay!  I pass in a two peice and can now enjoy the beach.

I'm not forcing them either but he clearly likes them. He loves his trains and trucks. He loves playing with his sisters and their princess castle.

Okay, trigger warning here.  Sad stuff.


Life took a very definate turn for the worse.

I am finally back home after a week in hospital.  First Psychiatric Emergency for a few days, then into Psych observation.

My wife and I had a nightmare time trying to navigate the mental health system in order to treat my worsening depression.  After a couple of weeks, we found a social worker and she recommended the exact same process that we had tried, and when I told her I was just being passed from phone line to phone line, she said she had no idea what else I could try.  The experience drove me into a deeper depression, and a day later I checked myself into hospital with suicidal ideation.

I was put into a P.E.C.C unit.  There, I was subjected to psychiatrists and registrars- a new one each day, each one made me go over the same story in the same way, and it became clear that they where not comparing notes.  Eventually one said he would set up the support network... and guess what?  Exactly the same plan as I had been looping through before.  A nurse then showed me the long term mental care unit and it was absolute bedlam, filthy conditions, really terrifying people walking around yelling.  It was a human bin.  I was in shock.
Back at P.E.CC I heard a nurse talking about the exact same treatment plan and I just snapped.   There was literally no way to get the help I needed.  My body ached, I had not slept properly, and the kitchen kept sending omlettes and mash for every meal because I have allergies that stop me sleeping, I was starving.  I was getting tremors and blurred thinking from the meds. I went into a fit and tearing a spiral binding from a notebook, made a garotte and used it to cut off my circulation around my neck.  It was working nicely, but something made me snap out of it just as I was feeling faint.

After 'the incident', they moved me to not only the place that caused me to act, but into the worst part of it... psych ops.  The room was filty, except for the patch on the floor the woman mopped each morning for a few seconds, the walls where covered in what looked like snot.  An air conditioning vent pumped cold air into my room, the nurses kept offering me food without consulting my diet plan- stuff that would make my mouth blister and give me itchy joints... chocolate, tomato, cheese, broccoli... every bad thing at the very top of the list.  The kitchen kept sending down food errors.  By this stage I had had only a few meals, and most of them where weetbix and bread.  I was exhausted from the shakes, my throat hurt and I was subjected to yet another new doctor and had to repeat my same story.  The toilet door did not lock, so I could not shower.  Men just wandered into the ladies toilet area.  It was horrible.  They cycled the nurses so I had to go over everything again twice a day.

Finally I got the same psiciatrist on two days running, and he shifted the plan.  I was released, and have a bulk billing psych on monday in place with further sessions pencilled in.

After a nice afternoon at home, actual sleep and real food I felt a bit better, and was certainly glad I didn't kill myself.  Then the following night the tremors really kicked in, and my wife rushed me to hospital emergency.  I was convulsing and had heart palpatations.  We thought it was a reaction to the new meds dosages.  I was shaking violently.  They tried to stop the tremors with a couple of injections, and when that failed to stop it, they diagnosed it as a response to high levels of stress. I was discharged again.

This morning the shakes are still there, it I must look like a parkinsons sufferer.  It is very hard to hit the keys.  My head keeps ticking to the side.  Its really stressing me further.

I feel so utterly let down by the healthcare system.