Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I had an interesting experience yesterday and am curious if others here had similar experiences. To set things up, I am on HRT but presenting as male most of the time which allows for my wife to slowly adjust to changes. I recently picked up my son's friend at his house and had a very nice conversation with his mother. We had talked for quite some time, and it was enjoyable. I needed to bring the friend over to my house because I had errands to run, so after a while, I needed to end the conversation.

I kept thinking back about her interest in our conversation wishing I could read minds. Was she interested in the conversation? Did she relate as one female to would to another? Was she only interested in the conversation because she is attracted to my male side? Ugh. I hope not. By the way, I am not troubled by this issue at all. Just curious.

I enjoy chatting, but being a married male has its problems. Rumors spread about me being "very tight" with a female coworker while all we ever do is talk about gardening, cooking, or our families (including our spouses). My best conversations are with a captive audience :laugh:. My optometrist had to interrupt my conversation with the technician about our children. My hygienist had stopped many times when cleaning my teeth to talk about everything.

I hope these conversations was a start to a genuine friendship and nothing more. Too bad in that, for now, I will not know why they were interested. Is there others that had similar experience when in between genders, and wished you could read minds?

Always wished I could read minds - though more interested in knowing if people are attracted to me.

One of the motivators for transition was being able to make friends with cis women without the awkwardness. It's helped a lot.

suzifrommd,

It could be beneficial to be able to read minds as long as there is a filter that blocks bad thoughts from others. I would only like to have it for this one purpose and nothing more. Also, making CIS friends is something I am missing as noted by my earlier text. I hope that can change in the future.

Hanazono,

I have watched youtube videos of his work and have a good sense as to how this would apply in a work setting. Curious as to how this works in a personal setting. I will have to read the book because I am interested in the topic in general. I feel that one positive aspect in being trans is that I can relate to both males and females because of my ties to both genders.

I would always assume that someone is interested in you as a friend, as another human being, rather than being attracted to you. If someone is attracted to someone else, I think they need to make it clear how they feel rather than expect the object of their affection to read their minds. Yes, this means taking risks and putting oneself "out there" for rejection if that person doesn't return the feelings. But to do otherwise is to end up questioning every single relationship you have in your life and that's not practical.

Or, it could just be that you find it easier to talk to women. Women realize (Oh how I this phrase) you aren't like other guys, and feel more relaxed and comfortable.

Many to most of my best friends have been women. I've also be subject to the rumor mill of a married guy spending a lot of time with this woman or that one. In pairs, not so much so.

LizMarie and JoanneB,

Thank you for your responses. They must feel comfortable because I am amazed as to how well (and how long :)) the conversations go. I guess that is what happens when you open up and show them the real person inside.

Body language plays a part in "reading" people.
If a girl is interested you, sometimes she will play or twirl her hair with a finger.
Or sometimes will bite their lower lip.

Hope that helps.

Growing up thru my teen years and adult life I've had way more female friends than male, even my sister and her friends included me in on their plans.
Of course I was always boy mode back then but female friends and "girlfriends" would admit they liked being with me because I "thought like they did" they couldn't quite understand way and I wasnt about to try and explain it back then.

My spouse likes it as well, we can go clothes shopping, goof around like best girlfrends and talk about things no guy she ever knew would ever dream of.

Quote from: Michelle G on November 19, 2014, 04:24:44 PM
Growing up thru my teen years and adult life I've had way more female friends than male, even my sister and her friends included me in on their plans.
Of course I was always boy mode back then but female friends and "girlfriends" would admit they liked being with me because I "thought like they did" they couldn't quite understand way and I wasnt about to try and explain it back then.

My spouse likes it as well, we can go clothes shopping, goof around like best girlfrends and talk about things no guy she ever knew would ever dream of.

Not me :(. From the earliest age, I went out of my way to not appear feminine. Now, I love going out with my wife shopping, and simply spending time with her. She has always been my best friend and even more so now.

Before the work day started, I was able to have a talk with my coworker about the subtle rumor. This was to give her a way out if she felt threatened by the rumor. She rolled her eyes and said they needed to focus on their jobs and not get distracted as much. She then continued on with our discussion. I get to keep my work friend as well.

You know what's worse?

Some woman think that "we" don't think as woman, and so they ask questions in such a way they would ask men to get answers. Like reversing a question to get a negative out of a positive question. Really insulting when that happens. Oh, well. I just play along.

You said you are on HRT, I found that once I was on HRT the nuance of my conversations with other women changed quite notably. I always got along well with women but something had changed for the better, and I think it was me because my loathsome male libido had dropped away and I was much more relaxed and comfortable about myself. I think women can generally sense when a man is talking with them with the aim of hitting on them or not and even though I wasn't trying to hit on them I was always afraid that was how it seemed but without the libido it was no longer a concern.

Quote from: JoanneB on November 13, 2014, 06:50:24 PM
Or, it could just be that you find it easier to talk to women. Women realize (Oh how I this phrase) you aren't like other guys, and feel more relaxed and comfortable.

I realized right away, after I began transitioning, that the female flight attendants talk much more freely, openly, genuinely, directly to me because (I think) I am not sensed as a threat any more, that they are not longer prey, and I am not a predator..  I smell differently also, I do not smell like guy mode and they picked up on that. 

Some of the guys I fly with seem to notice this, but didnt say much, but I can see it in their eyes..  NOW, when I go back to work next month, as full-time female, the light bulb will go on and they may get it..

Quote from: Paula Christine on November 21, 2014, 04:31:23 PM
I realized right away, after I began transitioning, that the female flight attendants talk much more freely, openly, genuinely, directly to me because (I think) I am not sensed as a threat any more, that they are not longer prey, and I am not a predator..  I smell differently also, I do not smell like guy mode and they picked up on that. 

Some of the guys I fly with seem to notice this, but didnt say much, but I can see it in their eyes..  NOW, when I go back to work next month, as full-time female, the light bulb will go on and they may get it..

Pheromones maybe? Maybe a difference in attitude or body language. Smell I never really understood other than the male body hair tends to trap certain scents that isn't a bad smell, just different and even a little exciting even. Musky and manly. Oh god I need to stop it. :embarrassed: But naturally male or female smells, I really can't tell other than soaps, lotions and perfumes or colognes. Not to mention deodorants.

But body hair sux when it comes to scent. Not bad on a man but on a woman due to certain cultural differences. I personally want to smell soft and feminine and as girly as I can.

Quote from: Ms Grace on November 21, 2014, 03:58:45 PM
You said you are on HRT, I found that once I was on HRT the nuance of my conversations with other women changed quite notably. I always got along well with women but something had changed for the better, and I think it was me because my loathsome male libido had dropped away and I was much more relaxed and comfortable about myself. I think women can generally sense when a man is talking with them with the aim of hitting on them or not and even though I wasn't trying to hit on them I was always afraid that was how it seemed but without the libido it was no longer a concern.

The typical male Libido is a trait I never had, I'm not a sexual person at all and I think that's probably something my female friends over the years have picked up on.

Quote from: Jess42 on November 21, 2014, 04:48:05 PM
Pheromones maybe? Maybe a difference in attitude or body language. Smell I never really understood other than the male body hair tends to trap certain scents that isn't a bad smell, just different and even a little exciting even. Musky and manly. Oh god I need to stop it. :embarrassed: But naturally male or female smells, I really can't tell other than soaps, lotions and perfumes or colognes. Not to mention deodorants.

But body hair sux when it comes to scent. Not bad on a man but on a woman due to certain cultural differences. I personally want to smell soft and feminine and as girly as I can.

I love the smell men naturally have xD It's like... a musky smell... ugh I love it. When you're hugging them tightly & you can just smell it on them. Ugh men are soooo beautifuuuullllll asdfbjrkelbfejsbg