Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: sam79 on November 15, 2014, 09:50:00 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Getting past family
Post by: sam79 on November 15, 2014, 09:50:00 PM
Post by: sam79 on November 15, 2014, 09:50:00 PM
Please forgive me... I don't often vent, but feel like it now.
My family has been just appalling since I came out to my mother two year ago. It hurts a lot.
Out of my mother, my siblings, nieces and nephews, I'm still in contact with just one sister ( who also happened to be shunned by my mother ). Am I surprised? No, sadly. They've all been brought up with the same poison my mother filled them with. Difference in any form was something to be hated an despised and ridiculed. Whether that was nationality, color or even orientation. People like me are a complete abomination. It was obvious that I was not going to find acceptance, and yet it still hurts.
There can never be any reconciliation with my mother. She's lost her mind and is barely aware of anything now. She will never be able to understand the damage she's done with her toxic nature. And that hurts too... she gets to remain blameless for the rest of her days.
As for everyone else. I think I hate them. I would have always had the back of anyone in my family in any almost any struggle. But in my struggle, not one of them had mine. Not one of them was there when I needed love and support the most. Not one of them could get past their own depths of intolerance to help a family member. Not one of them made any effort at all, not even answering a phone call. Actually one other sister did phone me well over a year ago, and she just played the victim saying "Have you thought about what this is doing to us?".
Yes, I think I hate my family save one.
They've all demonstrated that blood means nothing, and their own intolerance runs deeper. What utterly disgusting people.
I just hope time heals the pain. And keeps those people far far away from me.
My family has been just appalling since I came out to my mother two year ago. It hurts a lot.
Out of my mother, my siblings, nieces and nephews, I'm still in contact with just one sister ( who also happened to be shunned by my mother ). Am I surprised? No, sadly. They've all been brought up with the same poison my mother filled them with. Difference in any form was something to be hated an despised and ridiculed. Whether that was nationality, color or even orientation. People like me are a complete abomination. It was obvious that I was not going to find acceptance, and yet it still hurts.
There can never be any reconciliation with my mother. She's lost her mind and is barely aware of anything now. She will never be able to understand the damage she's done with her toxic nature. And that hurts too... she gets to remain blameless for the rest of her days.
As for everyone else. I think I hate them. I would have always had the back of anyone in my family in any almost any struggle. But in my struggle, not one of them had mine. Not one of them was there when I needed love and support the most. Not one of them could get past their own depths of intolerance to help a family member. Not one of them made any effort at all, not even answering a phone call. Actually one other sister did phone me well over a year ago, and she just played the victim saying "Have you thought about what this is doing to us?".
Yes, I think I hate my family save one.
They've all demonstrated that blood means nothing, and their own intolerance runs deeper. What utterly disgusting people.
I just hope time heals the pain. And keeps those people far far away from me.
Title: Re: Getting past family
Post by: katiej on November 15, 2014, 11:24:31 PM
Post by: katiej on November 15, 2014, 11:24:31 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your family situation. Unfortunately this journey of ours can often show that love is very conditional. I understand the disappointment, but it also sounds to me like you've been able to escape a particularly toxic environment. It's not ideal, but it may be better this way. :(
Title: Re: Getting past family
Post by: caitlyn powers on November 16, 2014, 10:03:32 AM
Post by: caitlyn powers on November 16, 2014, 10:03:32 AM
Dear Sammy,
So sorry to hear about your family's intolerance. Things are changing and these old, uninformed and unenlightened worldviews will be severely marginalized in our lifetimes.
I may never even tell my parents. At 73 and 74, I do not know if they have enough time or ability to grow into acceptance.
Find support elsewhere and surround yourself with positive people.
Best wishes,
Cate
So sorry to hear about your family's intolerance. Things are changing and these old, uninformed and unenlightened worldviews will be severely marginalized in our lifetimes.
I may never even tell my parents. At 73 and 74, I do not know if they have enough time or ability to grow into acceptance.
Find support elsewhere and surround yourself with positive people.
Best wishes,
Cate
Title: Re: Getting past family
Post by: Foxglove on November 16, 2014, 02:21:54 PM
Post by: Foxglove on November 16, 2014, 02:21:54 PM
My mother died without knowing anything about me. My dad is 86 and still doesn't know about me. Some people can't deal with this or much of anything else. My brother and sister are perfectly accepting, though. And I have friends who stuck with me. It isn't easy. You have to be glad of those who stick with you and accept that you can't do anything about the others.
Easy to say, I know. You have all my sympathy.
Easy to say, I know. You have all my sympathy.
Title: Re: Getting past family
Post by: Rachel on November 16, 2014, 03:32:17 PM
Post by: Rachel on November 16, 2014, 03:32:17 PM
Hugs SammyRose,
I am sorry they did not accept you. It is their loss. I hope you and your one sister are close.
I am sorry they did not accept you. It is their loss. I hope you and your one sister are close.
Title: Re: Getting past family
Post by: MelissaAnn on November 16, 2014, 04:05:44 PM
Post by: MelissaAnn on November 16, 2014, 04:05:44 PM
A big (((HUG))) I know how you feel. I have a lot of hate issues with my family with no contact a all for the last 5+ years now. I know how hard it is to move on and gain control of your life. You are out of a very toxic situation so now you can live your life on your own terms. You can't let the past hold you down. No one needs someone in there life that wants to hold you down or put conditions on your happiness.
Hugs,
Melissa Ann
Hugs,
Melissa Ann
Title: Re: Getting past family
Post by: LizMarie on November 16, 2014, 05:19:23 PM
Post by: LizMarie on November 16, 2014, 05:19:23 PM
Sammy, I took two lessons away from transition.
1. Leave toxic people behind, even if they are blood relatives. You've tried and they've rejected you. Just move on now.
2. Our dearest closest friends can become the "family" we choose for ourselves. I have three spiritual sisters, all three great women and amazing mothers in their own rights, and without them I am not sure I would have made it. So find your own new "family" of those closest and dearest to you.
I wish I could hug you right now. It will get better if you stick with it and have faith in yourself.
1. Leave toxic people behind, even if they are blood relatives. You've tried and they've rejected you. Just move on now.
2. Our dearest closest friends can become the "family" we choose for ourselves. I have three spiritual sisters, all three great women and amazing mothers in their own rights, and without them I am not sure I would have made it. So find your own new "family" of those closest and dearest to you.
I wish I could hug you right now. It will get better if you stick with it and have faith in yourself.
Title: Re: Getting past family
Post by: sam79 on November 17, 2014, 12:46:34 AM
Post by: sam79 on November 17, 2014, 12:46:34 AM
Thank you everyone for your words of support. While it may take a lot more time, I am moving on, and will continue to.
And there is silver lining. While I have lost all but one of my blood relatives, I have found a new loving family in some close friends who've also lost their families for various reasons. They are my rock, and I will always have their backs in everything.
xx
And there is silver lining. While I have lost all but one of my blood relatives, I have found a new loving family in some close friends who've also lost their families for various reasons. They are my rock, and I will always have their backs in everything.
xx