Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Here I am once again. I have offended everyone in yet another topic, my own. I came asking for advice to a problem I had in a therapy session which floored me emotionally. I just wanted to know if anyone else had the same thought's as I did and how they got around the issue leading to a resolution. That's all. I did not bad mouth, rant, vent and still I am looked at as the Queen *itch of Susan's. I offended people with my views of my own body and thought's and was accused in PMs and the forum of saying things wrong. No one read the part where I alerted everyone it was a very hard topic for me to write and then even post as the thought's were very personal and important to me. I even said I was emotionally compromised so it may ramble and be unclear as to my goals. I don't know what to do. I am considered the Non Binary Antichrist already and with the comments I received in my own topic, well, looks like the forum *itch. All I did was ask for support, understanding and help dealing with a very embarrassing issue I had. I have done all I can to help others in their time of need and desperation and have been on the phone long hours talking to people when they thought the Sun would never rise again. I have spent countless hours trying to enforce TOS so our site can be a protected, respected and educational place to be. I try to live my life as a positive example that transition is not the end of the world, but a glorious new beginning. I try to get people to see they are valuable and have a purpose on this Earth. I have tried to do what members of the past did for me. Now, I have no idea what my purpose is here. The wind has been knocked out of me and my strength is almost gone. Some of my methods (tough love, etc.) were done in love and compassion to spur people into reclaiming their lives and going forward, but instead I was labeled as intolerant, judgmental and abusive. I am really lost now and can't see the Sun myself. I suppose you could call that poetic justice or irony. Whatever it is, it hurts to my very core.

Jess, don't be so hard on yourself, sweetie.

Listen, a lesson I learned a long time ago is this: This is the internet. An internet forum. You can't please everyone. What we say here comes across, mostly, as text on a screen. There's no physical element. No one sees your tears, your smile, your body language, your intent... none of that. And this site is... well, it's a volatile environment. Moreso than most other places there are folks who will take offense at things not meant to be offensive simply by virtue of the baggage we all carry around. Things which happen in our own lives colour our perceptions on how we view what others say. And there's an element of being very defensive, simply because a lot of us have to defend ourselves on a daily basis, to people who know no differently. And sometimes... it's hard to not be that way, you know?

It's not necessarily a reflection on you, Jess. People sometimes feel like they have to put their point across is all, even if it's off-topic, to air a grievance or just get out something that's been bottled up for a long time.

Please, just remember, sweetie, we're all struggling with a lot of emotion sometimes, and that can lead to... differences in world view, or differences of opinion. That doesn't make you a bad person, or give you any less right to say what you think.

Your purpose is just to be you. Same as it is for everyone else. *hugs*

Jessica, no matter what hon we still love you. I will always think of you as a big sister!

Jessica,

Don't beat yourself up honey.

You are by no means a *itch.

As Sephirah said, we are all dealing with the most unimaginable pain, struggle and fight that most people can have. Our identity doesn't fit our body.

How can people deal with that?

I lecture people at conferences etc what it is like to be trans*. They go into shock.

I had a cisman at the last conference I organised running the IT and media. He came up to me and hugged me saying he was ashamed that he had been homo- and trans- phobic.

I watched the tears drip from his beard as he listened to a transman tell his life story.

If we can cause that much pain in people just by telling what we go through, how can we be surprised that we struggle with it all?

Jessica, you have always been supportive, loving, questioning and I know how much you hurt.

Don't beat yourself up.

<leave that to me  >:-)>

I must always be missing things that happen around here, whatever it was just remember its the internet and things can be said quite impersonally  and stones thrown from behind facades .

Hi Jessica, I'd like to offer a different viewpoint, as this touches on something I've been thinking about for while. I'm not speaking to whatever the current issue is about since I've not been following it. I've seen many of your other posts though.

I have a tendency to be fairly offensive if I'm not careful, and I've been very careful here about what I say and how I say it. I stick to certain topics, avoid others, ignore lots of things, and tend to very dry and factual. As a result I feel I'm not really contributing as much as I might, or receiving help I might need. My posts are generally pretty boring - people don't usually engage with me, or me with them for that matter. Perhaps you could do the same, but then whats the point of being here? I think that sometimes to help you need to engage, and that opens you to getting hurt or giving it. No ones perfect with these things (certainly not me), but your certainly trying, and doing a lot more good than most of us.

I think if I were as open as you are I'd need to put something in my signature to apologize in advance (a blog wouldn't really cut it). I can't to it though, which is possibly something I should discuss with my therapist.

Jessica, just wanted to point out that for every person who already told you we understand there are thousands here who see the job already done and don't speak up. We care about you and respect you, and if we don't all share the same opinions on everything and sometimes upset each other that's just the cost of doing business. Your contributions far outweigh any rough edges.

Jessica,  these arms are giving you a big HUG now. 

I wish I lived closer, I'd knock on your door, give you that hug and make you breakfast as you vent it all out so you can feel better and move on.  Hey, what are friends for!?! 

Big hug! I understood what you were saying and that you were only applying it to yourself, but I knew you had let the wrong words slip out of your mouth (fingers). That happens. You apologize and get back up on the horse. Take the lesson with you.

Hugs, Devlyn

Maybe it's just me..?
I'm just kinda tired of Apologies in general..?

When you post a help topic Jessica, what others reply has no bearing upon you or your topic, and don't require any apology by you for possibly making them feel or respond any which way..

When we need help we ask, we all do sometimes... But how anyone replies to us is not our fault nor in our control, nor did we do anything to cause any harm to anyone else.. Thus, no apologies are required..

Now back to work Ms. G-mod...!!!  >:-)

Jessica,

I want over you a great big hug honey. Not only are you dealing with a very emotional issues you opened up on something that makes you feel very vulnerable and I admire that tremendously. It's not easy to open up especially on the Internet,where there are people that just want to hate(not saying anybody did it on purpose) but like others have said here we are dealing with very volatile emotions and what might be said at any time can be misconstrued by the emotions alone. Really doesn't matter what anybody's intent is emotions play a huge part of it. What's fine one minute may not be the next just because of emotions. Sweetie, you never have to apologize to me. Plus on top of it all. You're a global moderator, which isn't an easy job to begin with, so hold your head high. Just remember, there's always tomorrow and the sun does rise

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

Quote from: stephaniec on November 16, 2014, 02:34:50 AM
I must always be missing things that happen around here, whatever it was just remember its the internet and things can be said quite impersonally  and stones thrown from behind facades .

You're right about that Stephanie, it shouldn't be and it's sad that it is. Best to always take those perp's comments with a grain of salt, consider the source, ignore them and go on with the conversation as if they didn't exist. It's been my strategy and it does work.

Btw Jessica, sorry you feel like this, as for me I think I sent you a pretty supportive pm with suggestions of how to arrive at your goals. If you found that problematic let me know and we'll discuss it hon. Meanwhile if there is a NB person throwing digs at you I'd like a pm on that and we'll see if we can work on an attitude adjustment.

Jesssica you need not apologize for caring,

Really typing words behind a wall that is the internet generally people feel freer to convey things even if it does hurt someone. Now another big but is the English language is truly messed up in that you can type one thing but then its read as another. Because of English sometimes you have to like others have said take comments with a grain of salt(Non iodized).

Not that I am super active o the forum but you have another supporter here and you have taught me some things that you just cant find anywhere else.

Please don't stop due to a few bad comments when they might even not be even meant as such you can never tell with just words.

If you can please just step back perhaps ignore the forum for a little bit and relax to think things over in a calmer outlook.

Love your opinions hun and I have never thought of you as a *itch in anyway actually the total opposite more an angel:)

HUGS to better days for all of us!:)

Quote from: Shantel on November 16, 2014, 12:01:31 PM
Btw Jessica, sorry you feel like this, as for me I think I sent you a pretty supportive pm with suggestions of how to arrive at your goals. If you found that problematic let me know and we'll discuss it hon. Meanwhile if there is a NB person throwing digs at you I'd like a pm on that and we'll see if we can work on an attitude adjustment.

Oh Shan, you should know by now if it was you I would have said something. No, we are good!  :)

Sis,

A huge hug from the great white north.

We ware are hearts on our sleeves and make it easy to be hurt.

Everyday we do what we said we would do to make Susan's a safe and respected site. In so some loose sight we are also dealing with our own troubles that makes us step out of the role of GM.

Take the good, ignore the bad. Tomorrow you will see your son's face and that's what is important over empty words left in space.

You know my love for my sister.

Hugs
Isabell

Hi Sis!

You know I'm sending you out biiiiig cyber hugs right now :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: I just wish I could be there with you in person. You have always given this forum and we, this community much more than you've ever taken. I commend you for the work you've done here and will continue to do in the future, Now get out of this slump girl! We got future shopping and stuff to do if you can ever get down here or I get up there, whichever comes first!

Ally :icon_flower:

Oh for god's sake don't start an apology blog.  Yeah, some of the things you've said come off as insensitive.  That is a universal problem-every single one of us does that at one time or another!  Honestly, I feel like this entire forum operates on an emotional hair trigger, and we all just need to take a step BACK, and try to keep everything civil.  That means not being confrontational in ones posts, ever (and I'm plenty guilty of that myself, I admit it).  It also means not letting every little thing some person behind a keyboard says. 

Jessica, hon-you clearly have a lot to say, and that's a great thing.  Sometimes, things are taken the wrong way.  It's not personal, on any level.  So keep being wise!  We need more wisdom in the world ;)

Quote from: Allyda on November 16, 2014, 09:24:45 PM
Hi Sis!

We got future shopping and stuff to do if you can ever get down here or I get up there, whichever comes first!

Ally :icon_flower:

SHOPPING??? OK I am good now.  :) Drive faster Ally!!!  ;D

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on November 17, 2014, 02:14:31 AM
SHOPPING??? OK I am good now.  :) Drive faster Ally!!!  ;D

Lol!, Hey I'm taking care of things here as fast as I can, lol! just keep the faith Sis. We'll get together soon enough and hit the stores. :)

Ally ;)

Jessica,

Just remember that this is a support site and people do not know what you were going through and where you mind was when you wrote that post, I know that it gave me a lot to think about as I am just starting my transition and I had not thought about the end and not being able to complete my transition, so this post that you wrot in anguish and pain was received well by me and I am sure it opened the eyes of several others on here.

You just need to stand strong behind your words and only take the good from all the other posts and replies. You are a great person and as I have told you before you and like a mother, as you show love to everone and you know how to give tough love, you are caring and compassionate toward all of the people that I see you reply to.

You are deeply loved on this site as a person and a Mod.

Love and hugs
Davia

Thank you Davida! I needed that this morning.  :) Yes, I always had the means to finish transition, but when you lose what we do sometimes those means are a casualty also. I have not totally given up, but at an average of $20,000 there is no way currently I can get done what needs to. Losing those means came out of nowhere and suddenly. Shows just how life can turn on a dime.  :-\

Jessica, just so you know I did not find anything in that post offensive. So big hug. We all have different visions for our perfection according to what we want. You have yours and I have mine and everyone else has theirs. You should be just as free as anyone to speak your mind with your own ideal of perfection for yourself. Don't beat yourself up sis. And never ever worry about offending me. I have my own visions of perfection for myself, just like you do. So don't be so hard on yourself. OK?