Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: happyhealthychic on November 16, 2014, 06:51:00 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Scared, just starting
Post by: happyhealthychic on November 16, 2014, 06:51:00 AM
Post by: happyhealthychic on November 16, 2014, 06:51:00 AM
Hi all,
I am brand new. I am 27 with a great career, identify publicly as a gay man, love my partner, but I am no longer able to accept the male identity.
I have done pretty extensive research on the MTF transition. I see myself undergoing HRT and maybe some facial esthetics but not necessarily bottom surgery and maybe never legally changing my gender for professional and personal reasons.
I hope hormone therapy will help me feel more comfortable in my body. I hope to one day pass as a woman when I want, go out with girlfriends, etc, but honestly I am fairly comfortable being my gender queer self at work (I am pretty femme and don't mind playing that up for my own happiness at work but may not confront things like pronouns head on at first ).
So here's the thing: I have a partner I am very attracted to and we have been together for over 3 years. I don't want that to end. We own property together, share debt, and most importantly are genuinely attracted to each other. He does care about me/love me I think, but he is so anti-femme/trans (his own demons/self-loathing I suspect) that I know if I tell him I am starting HRT he will leave me without trying to understand.
I feel strongly that I can start my journey and still be in this relationship, but only if I don't share the details of my HRT. I am going to see a therapist that specializes in trans issues and plan on asking for a referral to an endo. I am comfortable telling him I am seeing a therapist due to identity issues, but not comfortable telling him I am starting HRT.
The jist is: I need to take a plunge, but I need to ease him into it.
Random info: sexually, he is not interested in my penis. I am totally passive so if HRT effects my sexual function he would not be affected.
I feel as though my physical form is something he can be very attracted to even several years into HRT (possibly more attracted if my waist thins and my hips grow), so why say something when I know that will constitute the end of our relationship?
Eager for your thoughts, though.
I am brand new. I am 27 with a great career, identify publicly as a gay man, love my partner, but I am no longer able to accept the male identity.
I have done pretty extensive research on the MTF transition. I see myself undergoing HRT and maybe some facial esthetics but not necessarily bottom surgery and maybe never legally changing my gender for professional and personal reasons.
I hope hormone therapy will help me feel more comfortable in my body. I hope to one day pass as a woman when I want, go out with girlfriends, etc, but honestly I am fairly comfortable being my gender queer self at work (I am pretty femme and don't mind playing that up for my own happiness at work but may not confront things like pronouns head on at first ).
So here's the thing: I have a partner I am very attracted to and we have been together for over 3 years. I don't want that to end. We own property together, share debt, and most importantly are genuinely attracted to each other. He does care about me/love me I think, but he is so anti-femme/trans (his own demons/self-loathing I suspect) that I know if I tell him I am starting HRT he will leave me without trying to understand.
I feel strongly that I can start my journey and still be in this relationship, but only if I don't share the details of my HRT. I am going to see a therapist that specializes in trans issues and plan on asking for a referral to an endo. I am comfortable telling him I am seeing a therapist due to identity issues, but not comfortable telling him I am starting HRT.
The jist is: I need to take a plunge, but I need to ease him into it.
Random info: sexually, he is not interested in my penis. I am totally passive so if HRT effects my sexual function he would not be affected.
I feel as though my physical form is something he can be very attracted to even several years into HRT (possibly more attracted if my waist thins and my hips grow), so why say something when I know that will constitute the end of our relationship?
Eager for your thoughts, though.
Title: Re: Scared, just starting
Post by: ImagineKate on November 17, 2014, 03:50:01 PM
Post by: ImagineKate on November 17, 2014, 03:50:01 PM
Hi happyhealthychic!
Your situation is hardly unique, because a good few trans people think they are gay at first then realize they are really trans.
Did you talk to a therapist yet? That would probably be a good place to start.
Your situation is hardly unique, because a good few trans people think they are gay at first then realize they are really trans.
Did you talk to a therapist yet? That would probably be a good place to start.
Title: Re: Scared, just starting
Post by: happyhealthychic on November 17, 2014, 11:51:33 PM
Post by: happyhealthychic on November 17, 2014, 11:51:33 PM
Thank you so much for replying. I have been attending a support group and have talked ad nauseum to my friend who is a counselor/PhD in Psy. She is too close to the situation to be terribly objective, obviously. I am seeing a therapist at the TransInstitute in KC (where I live). My support group unfortunately doesn't have any MTF so I might look for a MTF only focus.
I've been so much happier since I've embraced this!
Still lots to plan/do. I can't believe my counselor is $150 a session! I really want referred for HRT so I don't have to see a counselor forever. I'm not confused or sad, a little scared of some uncertainty/ambiguity....but soooo ready to get started.
Wish I could spend that dough on some cute boots and a sweater ;p
I've been so much happier since I've embraced this!
Still lots to plan/do. I can't believe my counselor is $150 a session! I really want referred for HRT so I don't have to see a counselor forever. I'm not confused or sad, a little scared of some uncertainty/ambiguity....but soooo ready to get started.
Wish I could spend that dough on some cute boots and a sweater ;p