Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I work in an office building in a large room full of desktop computers. There are numerous rows of desks with an aisle in the middle of the room to get to the various rows of desks in the room. As I am one of the administrators in this office area responsible for the upkeep of all the various IT equipment; I get a seat in the row furtherest from the door in the back corner, as it has extra space to store extra bits and pieces.

I am not out to anyone at work and dress in male smart office business attire which is a button down shirt smart trousers and if the a/c is playing up a v-neck jumper (sweater) too.

Virtually everyone that enters the room looks in the direction of wherever they are going ie if they are going to sit in their desk that is where they'd look, unless of course they are lost or looking for someone. Except one guy. He's been working here for the last few months and he too sits at the back row at the opposing back corner of the office. Virtually every time he walks down that middle aisle to get to his desk or walk away from it to get to the exit, he'd look my way and it kind of creeps me out as to why he does it. Anyone else working in an office environment get this kind of staring too?

Attraction possibly. Either that or this person is trans themselves and wondering if you are. We do identify each other very quickly. I am going to watch this with a little more interest to see how others respond.  :)

He could be paranoid. Like looking around. Or has some sort of vibe from you. Or wants to catch someone not working to report to superiors so he can feel powerful.

Or you may be closer to coming out than you think.  I spent over a year in guy stealth mode, at the end It was becoming kind of silly. Shaped brows, sports bras, manicures eventually get noticed.  He may just be the least circumspect of many.  I wouldn't worry unless he gets pushy.  After a while you get used to being checked out, its just sort of a girldom thing.

Julie

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on November 17, 2014, 09:12:41 AM
Attraction possibly. Either that or this person is trans themselves and wondering if you are. We do identify each other very quickly. I am going to watch this with a little more interest to see how others respond.  :)

I agree totally. Either attraction or trans.

Quote from: JulieBlair on November 17, 2014, 11:02:56 AM
Or you may be closer to coming out than you think.  I spent over a year in guy stealth mode, at the end It was becoming kind of silly. Shaped brows, sports bras, manicures eventually get noticed.  He may just be the least circumspect of many.  I wouldn't worry unless he gets pushy.  After a while you get used to being checked out, its just sort of a girldom thing.

Julie

I agree with this too. There is only so far that you are going to be able to go and get away with staying in guy mode.

Just my three cents on the subject though. Next time you see him looking just say Hi or Good Morning. People looking shouldn't creep you out unless they are looking at you creepily. WHo Knows? You may make a friend.

Saying "hi" is a great idea .Speaking to him and watching his reaction will reveal his motives. It could be that he's unsure why a pretty woman is dressed in man clothes or that he heard about you from someone else or that he does find you attractive....

Ok, just to clarify a few things up...

The guy in question that is doing the staring is known to me. He currently works on another team, but will be joining mine at the end of the month. He is married with kids, so I doubt he's flirting with me or some kind of attraction ritual. We've spoken before, it's not like nobody talks to anyone else in the room. I don't honesty think he's trying to check up on my work load, he'd have to walk up real close to figure out what I was doing at my desk.

I'm still none the wiser, short of catching him at a quiet moment in the office and directly asking him why; however confrontation like that is not my style.

Maybe he does suspect I am trans, but it's been months since he started working here and there have been quiet moments in the office where he could have asked, but hasn't so I really don't know.

Maybe he doesn't know you are trans but humans have a tendency to look at stuff that seems "off".  You go to work in guy mode (more like male fail mode if you ask me) yet you look like a woman. So his mind is, shall we say, a bit messed with when he sees this "man" at work who looks like a woman.

Quote from: Leila on November 18, 2014, 03:04:22 PMHe is married with kids, so I doubt he's flirting with me or some kind of attraction ritual.

Being married has never really stopped a someone from looking and/or flirting.

Quote from: KarinMcD on November 18, 2014, 03:56:06 PM
Being married has never really stopped a someone from looking and/or flirting.

Sadly that can be true too, I suppose I'm just hoping it is not in this case. I am happily with someone else and don't need this kind of attention.

are you on HRT

Quote from: Leila on November 17, 2014, 09:00:43 AM
I work in an office building in a large room full of desktop computers. There are numerous rows of desks with an aisle in the middle of the room to get to the various rows of desks in the room. As I am one of the administrators in this office area responsible for the upkeep of all the various IT equipment; I get a seat in the row furtherest from the door in the back corner, as it has extra space to store extra bits and pieces.

I am not out to anyone at work and dress in male smart office business attire which is a button down shirt smart trousers and if the a/c is playing up a v-neck jumper (sweater) too.

Virtually everyone that enters the room looks in the direction of wherever they are going ie if they are going to sit in their desk that is where they'd look, unless of course they are lost or looking for someone. Except one guy. He's been working here for the last few months and he too sits at the back row at the opposing back corner of the office. Virtually every time he walks down that middle aisle to get to his desk or walk away from it to get to the exit, he'd look my way and it kind of creeps me out as to why he does it. Anyone else working in an office environment get this kind of staring too?

If it creeps you, it is because he is a creep... do not doubt your instincts.. keep an eye on the creep...

Quote from: stephaniec on November 18, 2014, 08:34:30 PM
are you on HRT

Yes, coming onto 13 months now.

Quote from: JulieBlair on November 17, 2014, 11:02:56 AM
Or you may be closer to coming out than you think.  I spent over a year in guy stealth mode, at the end It was becoming kind of silly. Shaped brows, sports bras, manicures eventually get noticed.  He may just be the least circumspect of many.  I wouldn't worry unless he gets pushy.  After a while you get used to being checked out, its just sort of a girldom thing.

Julie

My thoughts too.
Just relax and dont sweat it. I remember being stared at when shopping and or whatever, people are just curious i think most of the time.

Quote from: Leila on November 18, 2014, 10:49:25 PM
Yes, coming onto 13 months now.

I'm at 13 too and my face has changed quite a lot

One thing i have learned on my journey is that people (especially guys) will stare. Women will stare critically while men's stares tend to fall into the creepy or lecherous category. I believe that most of these stares are not malicious and i've just decided to go about my day and ignore them for the most part. The staring used to wig me out but now I think that if they want to stare at me then they can be my guest  :laugh:

However, as women, we do have that 6th sense that tells us when something is not quite right - in your case listen to that sense if it's telling you that something might be wrong with this guy and his staring. If you sense danger then try to avoid him, or keep notes about his staring for HR should you ever need them. Maybe you can invest in a personal protection device of some sort if they are legal in your state just to be safe.

It happens. If I worn my standard uniform to get a man I be stared at all day. Men are visual beings.

It doesnt mean im hot. It just mean guys like looking.

2 guys gave the look today and I was in full blown man clothing... humans are bisexual.... humans are like Ancient Rome.

Its hard to define but the look is like penetrating.

Quote from: Wild Flower on November 19, 2014, 04:28:10 AM
2 guys gave the look today and I was in full blown man clothing... humans are bisexual.... humans are like Ancient Rome.

Its hard to define but the look is like penetrating.

Yep, and to me it totally creeps me out.   :-\

If it creeps you out now, prepare to be creeped out a lot more when you are full time and out. Full time here since September and the guys staring thing is something I'm still not used to, and it happens almost every day. And heck, I'm an older woman!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on November 17, 2014, 09:12:41 AM
Either that or this person is trans themselves and wondering if you are. We do identify each other very quickly.

This is true!  :icon_inyourface: I think we have a more tuned trans-radar than the average person. Of course, I won't out the person and ask them out of respect.

I was chatting to a girl at a truckstop behind the counter (mostly girl chat) and this security guard guy (big buff man) was staring at me while I was chatting and as I turned to smile and walk away I saw him lick his lips in a sexual type way, not the standard kind which made me blush and turn and walk away saying to myself..did that really just happen.  Then I've had guys driving by me and look over at me then slow back down just to look back at me again, all I could do was smile and laugh.  This is so wild to go through because knowing how I use to be and live and watching guys chat and look at girls and how they react, and then I myself become that girl and have it happen is like falling into a parallel world.  It's fun and a nice feeling to feel cute but damn I feel like a piece of meat.   ::)

i am what you would call a ridiculously late bloomer, am 53 now, but heavens girls, i don´t look it.
i get the stares too, while shopping, driving, strolling about, unconsciously swaying my hips slightly as i go.
Two days ago i went out to get a fresh grilled chicken and this guy maybe a few years younger than i
was waiting as i was and he kept staring so much at me, it felt uncomfortable.  i just stood there
holding the basket in front of me and biting my lip as i could feel his gaze all over me.
When i was about to go, he bumped into me as if i needed further assurance of his interest.
Did not dare look over my shoulder, was all flustered.
A female employee in the meat section noticed what was going on and as we made eye contact,
she grinned as if to say I know how you feel and now you know what it´s like eh.
She got a shy smile in return.
It´s a mixed feeling experiencing this, i am flattered, but a bit annoyed also, but hey
if i did not get any looks i would be miserable, so i won´t complain too much  :-\
linda

Quote from: Leila on November 18, 2014, 03:04:22 PM
Ok, just to clarify a few things up...

The guy in question that is doing the staring is known to me. He currently works on another team, but will be joining mine at the end of the month. He is married with kids, so I doubt he's flirting with me or some kind of attraction ritual. We've spoken before, it's not like nobody talks to anyone else in the room. I don't honesty think he's trying to check up on my work load, he'd have to walk up real close to figure out what I was doing at my desk.

I'm still none the wiser, short of catching him at a quiet moment in the office and directly asking him why; however confrontation like that is not my style.

Maybe he does suspect I am trans, but it's been months since he started working here and there have been quiet moments in the office where he could have asked, but hasn't so I really don't know.

UH, don't bet too much on that. Guys that are married check out women they find attractive all the time. Could be he finds you attractive, even if you may be in stealth mode. Everyone loves a pretty or handsome face. If he is looking at you in a mean, condescending way or just plain disgust or evil way, then feel freaked out. But just looking at you, yeah staring makes me feel uncomfortable too, take it as a sort of compliment. If he looks away when you look his direction and you catch him again then I would think it may be attraction or at least an appreciation for beauty.

As for the staring, when it creeps me out is when I look at them and they don't stop. A little smile is nice, a little wink too and puts my mind at ease even but when I look and they keep staring with no smile or  don't look away, that freaks me out and gives me the warning flags.

He is likely trying to figure you out, something probably seems off to him and most people won't come right out and ask in that setting, but will try to figure it out themselves. I had a lot of that when I was on hrt a few years and still working as a stevedore.

Quote from: Jaime R D on November 19, 2014, 02:12:39 PM
He is likely trying to figure you out, something probably seems off to him and most people won't come right out and ask in that setting, but will try to figure it out themselves. I had a lot of that when I was on hrt a few years and still working as a stevedore.

OK. I may be blonde and sometimes act that way when it seems cute :embarrassed:, but what is a stevedore?

Quote from: Jess42 on November 19, 2014, 02:25:56 PM
OK. I may be blonde and sometimes act that way when it seems cute :embarrassed:, but what is a stevedore?

A wharf rat. ;) It's someone who works at the docks, like loading ships and stuff. Hard work.

Quote from: captains on November 19, 2014, 02:29:08 PM
A wharf rat. ;) It's someone who works at the docks, like loading ships and stuff. Hard work.

Generally for me, it wasn't bad. usually telling the shiploader operator where to deposit bulk material in the holds, keeping things balanced and making sure it was loaded to plan. Also occasional running of heavy equipment or ships gear to move equipment around. Spending a lot of time chatting with crewmen and officers from all over the world, reading books and occasional napping too.

Quote from: captains on November 19, 2014, 02:29:08 PM
A wharf rat. ;) It's someone who works at the docks, like loading ships and stuff. Hard work.

OK so let me go get my hair done even blonder. Maybe bleach even bottle blonde. ;) Thanks captains. I have never heard that term before.

Quote from: Hanazono on November 19, 2014, 02:52:22 PM
@Jaime
You could have been a contender...

Ding Ding Ding! We have today's winner in the Make Devlyn Shoot Unicorns Out Of Her Nose Contest! 

Great reference!

Quote from: Hanazono on November 19, 2014, 02:52:22 PM
@Jaime
You could have been a contender...

At what?

And sorry to derail, but for the curious, this is how I looked at work back then. Taken in a tally office aboard a vessel at dock. Not out, but most at work had figured it out on their own by then according to what I found out later.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi686.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv228%2Fjaime_r_d%2F02_06_06_0805.jpg&hash=76cb07366983322eff6b8520320f086a3a912875)

Quote from: Jaime R D on November 19, 2014, 03:02:15 PM
At what?

And sorry to derail, but for the curious, this is how I looked at work back then. Taken in a tally office aboard a vessel at dock. Not out, but most at work had figured it out on their own by then according to what I found out later.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi686.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv228%2Fjaime_r_d%2F02_06_06_0805.jpg&hash=76cb07366983322eff6b8520320f086a3a912875)

Well, I have quite limited experience in maritime area, but as far as I remember being blind was not one of requirements for those jobs.

Quote from: Leila on November 18, 2014, 03:04:22 PM
Ok, just to clarify a few things up...

The guy in question that is doing the staring is known to me. He currently works on another team, but will be joining mine at the end of the month. He is married with kids, so I doubt he's flirting with me or some kind of attraction ritual. We've spoken before, it's not like nobody talks to anyone else in the room. I don't honesty think he's trying to check up on my work load, he'd have to walk up real close to figure out what I was doing at my desk.

I'm still none the wiser, short of catching him at a quiet moment in the office and directly asking him why; however confrontation like that is not my style.

Maybe he does suspect I am trans, but it's been months since he started working here and there have been quiet moments in the office where he could have asked, but hasn't so I really don't know.

He probably doesnt even know why... He probably gets some kind of vibe or even a pheromone smell from you if your on effective HRT... I noticed all that right away for the very short and few times I attempted male mode on E... Even trying to present as a guy just wasnt really working and men began to treat me very differently and even appeared kinda confused about it all LOL...

My solution to that was to just stop trying to be a "dude"... Now when they stare I think its probably because they are just doing what men do when they see a good looking woman  ;D

Quote from: Jaime R D on November 19, 2014, 03:02:15 PM
At what?

And sorry to derail, but for the curious, this is how I looked at work back then. Taken in a tally office aboard a vessel at dock. Not out, but most at work had figured it out on their own by then according to what I found out later.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi686.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv228%2Fjaime_r_d%2F02_06_06_0805.jpg&hash=76cb07366983322eff6b8520320f086a3a912875)

Gawd, I hate hardhats. They just mess my hair up so much. Might not have been too bad if it was an all day job but wearing one for thirty minutes and then having to go 4+ and sometimes upwards to 15 hours with messed up hair sucked. ::) yeah I know, I'm such a primadonna. ;) Actually I would rather have a screwdriver in the head than messed up hair even. :laugh: But the most I would ever have the possibility of getting was bird crap in my hair. Never once had bird crap on the hard hat though. I would take my chances.

If they couldn't figure it out Jaime, they were blonder than me. ;) Yeah my whole deal was the oilfield and it wasn't Wharf rats or Stevedores but we were all Oilfield trash. SOme of us(raises hands) trashy oilfield trash. ;D But, and I am into sir and ma'am, I would have either yes Ma'amed  or no Ma'amed you. I am not the brightest bulb in the pack but if someone couldn't figure it out, HMMM.

He digs you. He finds something about you fascinating, you're interesting to him, or he thinks you're too pretty. Lol OK jk but he may be genuinely attracted or interested. As someone else said, married men will look at girls (or guys) they find attractive despite being married, some will even go as far as cheat, so really being married means nothing. I guess yopu could confront him?? I wouldn't, because I am shy and just can't be that assertive, but if you want to find out why or think he's creepy, you should ask him.

But never mind. I never know fo sure when a guy wants me. It's probably cause it never happens. Lol. I once had a guy tell me I am a really good person... and approaching me in a party and leaning in and asking how I was. I hadn't seen him for almost a year. So, yeah. It was weird. Could it be attraction? Probably wasn't, but I don't know. Though  I did facebook chat him and he immediately started asking how I was and if I had been with someone at the party. So...Yeah. IDK. ugh

Quote from: Auroramarianna on November 19, 2014, 03:25:55 PM
He digs you. He finds something about you fascinating, you're interesting to him, or he thinks you're too pretty. Lol OK jk but he may be genuinely attracted or interested. As someone else said, married men will look at girls (or guys) they find attractive despite being married, some will even go as far as cheat, so really being married means nothing. I guess yopu could confront him?? I wouldn't, because I am shy and just can't be that assertive, but if you want to find out why or think he's creepy, you should ask him.

But never mind. I never know fo sure when a guy wants me. It's probably cause it never happens. Lol. I once had a guy tell me I am a really good person... and approaching me in a party and leaning in and asking how I was. I hadn't seen him for almost a year. So, yeah. It was weird. Could it be attraction? Probably wasn't, but I don't know. Though  I did facebook chat him and he immediately started asking how I was and if I had been with someone at the party. So...Yeah. IDK. ugh

Yeah. That is a great big UGHHH. No we never know for sure but it does sound like it has happened. At a party is one thing when drinking comes into play. But now on Facebook? Sounds like you got an admirer Aroramarianna. Have you ever played Tennis? The ball is on your side of the court. Flirt hon. What harm can it do? Broken hearts are a part of life. Most guys don't tell another "guy" they are a good person without a little bit of something under the surface. Does he know you are trans?

Sorry to hijack the thread but OMG... Sounds promising or at least one high class date with a five star restaurant. ;) 

Quote from: Jess42 on November 19, 2014, 04:08:19 PM
Yeah. That is a great big UGHHH. No we never know for sure but it does sound like it has happened. At a party is one thing when drinking comes into play. But now on Facebook? Sounds like you got an admirer Aroramarianna. Have you ever played Tennis? The ball is on your side of the court. Flirt hon. What harm can it do? Broken hearts are a part of life. Most guys don't tell another "guy" they are a good person without a little bit of something under the surface. Does he know you are trans?

Sorry to hijack the thread but OMG... Sounds promising or at least one high class date with a five star restaurant. ;)

LOLOL OMG luv u <3 I knew you'd reply to me ehehe.

Yeah... It was def weird. He doesn't know I'm trans. But I am very femme for a guy, like high voice, femme face, skinny. Sooo umm, yes. He said I had a great personality and that I made a fool of everyone, cause we were playing a cards game. This was in 2013 summer. On Halloween 2014, he came to approach me when I was alone going to the bar for a drink. I was waving at my brother who was far dancing, so he could see me. And then he suddenly appears... So yeah. I hadn't seen him in awhile, so I was so surprised, I acted stupid, didn't say anything and he just stood there in front of me smiling. I just kind of freezed and then he gave me a handshake, and then yeahhh he leaned and asked in my ear how I wass. I remained shocked.

So I FB chatted him, apologizing for my reaction and excusing myself with being slightly tipsy and he asked immediately if I had been with some girl. But nobody ever believes I'm into girls...I think. Then asked how my life was. So IDK

However, I don't wanna be a guy. I still want to transition, so I figure any guy who likes me... he better be bi, lol.

EDIT: SORRY to derail the thread

Quote from: Leila on November 19, 2014, 04:43:19 AM
Yep, and to me it totally creeps me out.   :-\

Its how I baseline whether to be more feminine or not... if its a fleeting thing. I very aware of human interaction. Pupils enlarge is a big one. Their voice.

I know when a guy is not attracted to me at all and i treat them in my most masculine manner. 

Though it's taken a while I've kind of gotten used to guys checking me out. I usually catch them staring and see them look away real quick. Which this guy is prolly just checking you out. You'll get used to it given time. And as Eve says, as women we have a sixth sense about us where we know if a guy is checking us out or it warns us if there's danger. Learn to use it. In the meantime feel flattered. I've learned it's a much better feeling than a worrysome one, lol. He might just think your cute! ;)

Ally :icon_flower: