Susan's Place Transgender Resources

One thing I've unfortunately never really related to (and perhaps it's just me) is when transsexuals refer to themselves as "special" or "blessed" BECAUSE they are transsexuals.  While gays have "gay pride," some will, on occassion, say that they wouldn't wish being gay on their worst enemies.  I guess, given society's inclination to look down on minorities -- to be bigotted -- logically, it just seems a heck of a lot easier to be "average."  I could have saved myself a lot of money and tears.  I know what some will say -- Yes, I TOO had plenty of tears throughout my life because of gender dysphoria and, for me, it was "transition or die."  Unfortunately, I definitely underestimated the grief and suicidal thoughts I'd encounter in the process of transitioning (I'm post op as of 1999).  "Treating" transsexualism as a "mental disorder," necessary to get the SRS permission letter, added extra grief to the transition process for me and certainly didn't make me feel "blessed."  The transition process, with everyone around me at work AWARE that I was transitioning, made me feel like damaged goods.  Bigotry is a cruel thing to endure.  I'd have done better to just move away and start a new life.  Afer my operations, a psychologist encouraged me to say aloud, like a mantre, "I'm proud of being a transsexual."  I couldn't help but think of the joke about the paranoid person's lament: "If everyone hated you, you'd be paranoid, too."

I realize that highly intelligent people are, by definition, special and blessed.  But we're, at times, our own worst enemies.  Are we intelligent like Einstein who succeeded while alive, or are we "special" like Vincent van Gogh, someone who was obviously gifted but led a difficult life.  I still can't understand how someone so brilliant only sold one painting in his whole life.  How can the beauty of his paintings not be self-evident to all?

In that manner, I feel "special," yes, but definitely not "blessed."  I'd be grateful if you could help me change my mind about this.  I know I have certain capacities, like seeing from both sides of the gender spectrum, that most people do not have.  I know I'm more creative than most people.  But, modestly, my intelligence can be the most stupid side of me.  I don't have the internal fortitude, like many in this room, to say "the hell with everyone else."  My weakness -- and I don't think I'm alone in this -- is the common human desire to be accepted and, yes, loved.

Teri Anne

I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink :icon_chick:

Hi Teri Anne.

Firstly I have never felt special or indeed blessed to go through a process that changed my world upside down completely and cost me a part of my life both emotionally and of course financially.

The process we go through does involve for some people, heartache, stress, a great deal of hurt and crying and constant negativity about ones life, appearance and how we will be viewed and accepted in society.

I do feel blessed however that despite all the above, I am by far a more happy, contented, well balanced person than I started off as many years ago.

I do feel special in that I have managed to let go of the past, vanquished my demons and can look forward, rather than constantly looking back with regret. History is purely that, what happened, what I had to do was a consequence of what I was, not what I am today. My aim is to ensure my future history is special and blessed, not dwell on the negativity of the past.

We all desire to be accepted and loved, the nature of most humans is they are sociable beings. For many years after SRS, I did not want to form relationships, to afraid of what would happen or people may think. But that has changed, life has only two certainties, birth and death and we can choose to do what we want in between. I no longer fear the future, I actively involve myself in life and relationships, otherwise what I would be is a Female version of my old self, with the same hang ups and issues I had as a guy.

To lead a fulfilling and rewarding life, involves taking risks, I am prepared to do that, I am prepared to go into relationships to find that person who accepts and loves me for who I am, the alternative is to not bother and miss out on what could be the very thing I seek.

The old saying "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is so true, without that risk there can be no reward.

I am not special, nor blessed to have gone through transition, but I sure am going to enjoy my life to the full as the woman I truly am.

Buffy

I feel special, and blessed. The reason I feel that way is not because I have not had my fair share of hardships, but because I have been given a unique station in life. By spending 42 years in the enemy camp, I know things about men, I am not supposed to know. Behavior that men will just not allow women to see. Just as women have behaviors they never allow men to see. That means I get to intimately know the true nature of humanity in a way that a non-transsexual person never will.

While there are many things about men's behavior that I don't understand, I have pretty much seen how men really behave, and it's nothing like what women think it is. There are a lot of women who have been my friends over the years because I have been willing to violate the "dude code" and give up information about the true nature of men. Women are always asking me, "my boyfriend says this, what does he really mean?". And no matter what he says, the answer is "because he wants to have sex with you", in one way or another. That is his only interest in you. They never believe it, and then later come back and say, "you were right".

Having said that, I also get to see the true nature of women, something they never show to men. I mean, yeah there are women who consider me to still be in the enemy camp, but there are also many who after talking to me, realize I am a woman and then open up to me like any other woman. And even if that is not the case, it seems that way to me, which is good enough.

It almost puts me in a superior position. Even when I don't pass, I still get the same courtesy as if I did pass. So? if people are willing to act as if I am passing? What is the difference between that and actually passing? Only what they say behind my back. Stuff I never hear and is not a part of my experience. People can talk all they want about how I am this or that, but if in the end they still treat me the same as they would if I were passing, who cares? This is special treatment. If one gets special treatment, than one must be special.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Quote from: Tink on August 13, 2007, 03:16:49 AM
I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink :icon_chick:

im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R :police:

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 07:00:44 AM

Quote from: Tink on August 13, 2007, 03:16:49 AM
I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink :icon_chick:

im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R :police:

I never said I was happy about it, but as I see it we are not defined by our happiest times, what truly gives us character and the spirit to carry on is overcoming our lowest times. It is those hardships that make us who we are. But at the same time, I feel I am lucky to have been one who endured the hardship in exchange for the knowledge I gained from it. Our life is just an experience. I was lucky enough to be one of the ones to see things both ways, even though it has been difficult. Get it?

Love always,
Elizabeth

not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R :police:

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:09:39 AM
not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R :police:

I can not speak for you Rachael, only you know what has made you the person you are. However the simple fact that you have brought it up as something you wish not to define you, tells me that at least in this regard, it already has. How else could you know that it is something you don't want to define you?

Love always,
Elizabeth

correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R :police:

No, Teri Anne,

I don't feel blessed with transsexuality. That was a stage I passed through, kinda like adolescence, both of them! :)

I feel blessed in having my sons and their love and respect. I feel blessed in having a partner who shares my life, all its ups and downs, who grants me the opportunity to allow my love to grow and thrive with her. Unlike Deana Carter I don't lament: Is this what I shaved my legs for.   

I feel blessed to be able to write this to you.

Life is good: not perfect with my desires all the time, but perfect in that I am able to live and grow.

I doubt that anyone ever has greater blessings than those. Provided that they can see and accept them as the blessings they are.

Nichole

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 07:00:44 AM

Quote from: Tink on August 13, 2007, 03:16:49 AM
I feel very blessed to have the life I have.  I feel extremely happy and blessed to be living a life that finally makes sense to me.  I feel very blessed to be a woman.  I don't see myself as a transsexual (just as I don't see myself as "chicken pox") since transsexuality is merely a label to name a medical condition and not the essence of who I am, a woman.

tink :icon_chick:

im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transsexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R :police:

Or, perhaps, you are able to see things on a deeper philosophical basis.

Blessed? Blessed? ha ha Yeeeeaaah. Sure.
I am blessed to have had a perfectly normal childhood. Blessed to have a high school diploma and decent education. Blessed to be married with 2.5 kids. Blessed to be the picture of perfect health. Blessed that my transition went off without a hitch. Blessed to be the successful family man that I am.

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:31:35 AM
correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R :police:

Doesn't bringing up at all, allow it to define you? It is now attached to you. You have told the world on a public forum that you were raped. You don't think people are going to look at that and say "she is so brave to move forward with her life, unscathed by this incredibly traumatic event". If it were left unsaid, no one would think to attach it to you. If you don't want it to define you, then don't bring it up, because everything you bring up about yourself defines you, regardless of if people attach stereotypical meanings to such events, that do not alway occur, or not.

Love always,
Elizabeth

I don't consider myself special just because I'm trans, however I've gained much insight from my experiences of being trans, I could not have learned in any other way. That is indeed a blessing.

Zythyra

I certainly don't feel special, why would I?  And blessed, I never considered that I was blessed as I grew up.


Sarah L.

Quote from: Elizabeth on August 13, 2007, 09:11:52 AM

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:31:35 AM
correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R :police:

Doesn't bringing up at all, allow it to define you? It is now attached to you. You have told the world on a public forum that you were raped. You don't think people are going to look at that and say "she is so brave to move forward with her life, unscathed by this incredibly traumatic event". If it were left unsaid, no one would think to attach it to you. If you don't want it to define you, then don't bring it up, because everything you bring up about yourself defines you, regardless of if people attach stereotypical meanings to such events, that do not alway occur, or not.

Love always,
Elizabeth

haha, i was raped? no, it was an example, mentioning somethin doesnt mean it defines you. ive 'mentioned' dislikeing cheese on chips, but that doesnt define me does it? yeesh, get over it.

I am blessed, not because I am trans but I am blessed to be who I am. I also feel blessed to be born late enough to be able to transition, even though in my case transition was not an option early. (That is an even bigger blessing for young transsexuals)

Not being able to feel blessed is just the self-pity ego mentality rearing it's head. It has taken a lot of work to shed this self-pity albatross for me and I still haven't slain the beast but I am getting there.

If we were not trans we wouldn't be ourselves, we would be someone else. There are individuals with far more debilitating conditions than we have who are able to see the big picture. The big picture is every time we breathe in and breathe out, we are blessed, every moment we live is a blessing, feeling gratitude, love, compassion, empathy, selflessness etc and a feeling of being blessed beats being attached to feelings of fear, lust, self-pity, envy, vanity, greed, hate, anger, etc.

I also feel very blessed to be a recovering alcoholic as well as having re-discovered my spirituality. There are so many reasons to feel blessed, I can't imagine feeling otherwise.

i serve that 'special cheese' sauce at work to drunkards, i know what goes in it...
R :police:

Actually, likes and dislikes are things that define you, minor things when it comes to food , but still part of who you are.


BTW anyone who does not like nachos just may be nuts!  >:D >:D >:D ;D ;D ;D

Quote from: melissa90299 on August 13, 2007, 10:13:01 AM
Actually, likes and dislikes are things that define you, minor things when it comes to food , but still part of who you are.


BTW anyone who does not like nachos just may be nuts!  >:D >:D >:D ;D ;D ;D

Rach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries. :icon_blah:

QuoteRach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries.

Catsup or ketchup on fries is the norm in the US, I dislike it though... actually most of what passes for fries is pretty scary too.

Z

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 09:21:53 AM

Quote from: Elizabeth on August 13, 2007, 09:11:52 AM

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:31:35 AM
correction: something i wont ever use or allow to define me....

R :police:

Doesn't bringing up at all, allow it to define you? It is now attached to you. You have told the world on a public forum that you were raped. You don't think people are going to look at that and say "she is so brave to move forward with her life, unscathed by this incredibly traumatic event". If it were left unsaid, no one would think to attach it to you. If you don't want it to define you, then don't bring it up, because everything you bring up about yourself defines you, regardless of if people attach stereotypical meanings to such events, that do not alway occur, or not.

Love always,
Elizabeth

haha, i was raped? no, it was an example, mentioning somethin doesnt mean it defines you. ive 'mentioned' dislikeing cheese on chips, but that doesnt define me does it? yeesh, get over it.

Sorry, sometimes how you word things confuses me. I thought you were saying it happened to you, but it would not define who you were. I didn't realize you were just using it as an example. Anyway, sorry about the confusion.

Love always,
Elizabeth

My god, Terri, you were a member of a show's post-production team, if I remember rightly.  Once a week, even after 12-hour days, you could see and hear the results of your efforts, and it was right up there with all the other shows.

You'd feel people would value your talent and skill.

Even before I transitioned, I found (even in my own little tiny corner of Corporate Video,) that sometimes other people were chosen by the clients to work on high-viz projects.  I could see I would have done it much better, friends and supporters would see that in comparison to my usual product theirs was a pale, amateurish piece, but the client most times seemed to feel that they had rightly chosen the other over me to produce their video, and that their product was of higher quality than what I could have produced for them.

Quality is in the eye of the beholder...

While a majority of people where I work are supportive-to-celebratory, and some more are stuck at just-tolerant, I do work in a subculture that is highly renowned for its homophobia -- the Department of Defense.  There is no lack of people who would rather not see me at all, ever, doing anything in support of our One Nation Under God.  To them, I MUST lose, in fact, I already have, and am deserving of being treated as less than human.

But, we all know that...

I'm blessed with finally figuring myself out.  When I had my epiphany, I imagined the worst it could be (say, having to live in a town of radical fundevangelists who believed I was a super-->-bleeped-<-got-pedophile, and support myself by dumpster-diving,) and decided that it might be bad, but rarely THAT bad, and that I needed to transition in the face of THOSE odds and possibilities.

I'll suffer random indignities.  I see the stares, the raised eyebrows, and hear the snort-giggles behind my back.  They're rare, but they're there.  And it hurts.  But I just keep on keepin' on.  Sometime I come out agressively to some dunderhead, telling him or her this is a medical condition and that what I'm about to reveal to them is protected by HIPAA privacy, and they can't reveal what I'm about to tell them.

But most of the time, life is much better now that I'm transitioning.

Everybody has to put up with random indignities--

Karen

Quote from: Nero on August 13, 2007, 11:30:48 AM

Quote from: melissa90299 on August 13, 2007, 10:13:01 AM
Actually, likes and dislikes are things that define you, minor things when it comes to food , but still part of who you are.


BTW anyone who does not like nachos just may be nuts!  >:D >:D >:D ;D ;D ;D

Rach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries. :icon_blah:

I stand corrected. Anyone who likes cheese on fries is most likely nuts!

I don't feel either "Blessed" or "Special". I would have liked to have been born in either mode but not to have had to go through what I went through in my life. I had a lot of other crap in my life and this was just one more. I have fought for my sanity and my life and it wasn't a fight that could be dealt with physically but very emotionally. I have to say that I'm a survivor and that my last hurdle was three years ago. I am now complete and all the other emotional baggage that I had, has been tempored. I will never get over some of it, but I do know how to handle it now. So, I am very happy now and in doing so, I only lost a few people. Those, with the exception of my son, I could do without. As far as very intellectually goes, I would be in the minority here. There are a lot of very smart people on this list. I feel very fortunate to be associated with them.
Sheila

Quote from: Buffy on August 13, 2007, 03:50:11 AM

The process we go through does involve for some people,  heartache, stress, a great deal of hurt and crying and constant negativity about ones life, appearance and how we will be viewed and accepted in society.

Dunno what you mean by "some people".  Everyone that transitions is faced with a number of obstacles, hardships and pain.  I still have to meet a trans-woman or a trans-man who's had a relatively easy transition.  It'd be very selfish on my part to say or think that my transition has been "more" painful than everyone else's.

I feel blessed to be where I am now.  Five years ago my enthusiasm wasn't that positive but now I've come to accept myself with my weaknesses and strengths & I dont fret about them anymore.

Life is what you make of it.  It's up to you to make your own life happy, worthy, special and blessed.

All interesting thoughts...thank you.  I know that self-pity is a form of victimizing myself.  We shouldn't do that.  But bigotry is hard to avoid.  You turn on a television and, given a few hours, there usually is some kind of joke about transgenders or, at the very least, the oh so funny guy in a dress jokes.  This fodder doesn't, even though it's not directed at me personally, make me feel "blessed."  Did "Amos and Andy" make Afro-Americans feel "special?"

They say that "anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  I don't know about that.  Ask the dog who is fearful of people because an owner has beat him...is that dog stronger?  Better?  Special?  Blessed?

Being raped, like someone pointed out, doesn't define that person in any positive way.  I've pondered if transitioning is a form of rape.  Perhaps that's why I stated, in my beginning post, that it made me feel like "damaged goods."  Transitioning can be an interesting process if looked upon philosophically and intellectually.  But it can also mess up your head and your life, no matter that you know you ARE who you are.

Yes, Karen, I did get positive feelings about my editing talents but, in the end, people can be afraid of hiring someone like me.  Does hiring me infer some kind of hidden gender thing about them?  Of course not.  But it's a lot easier to hire someone "normal."  Bigotry goes on in all kinds of ways in society.  I've seen documentaries where handsome/pretty people are hired over average-looking people.  With that going on, is it any wonder that anyone further in the extreme is pushed away a little farther?

You can look positively at anything.  Some people that survived that bridge falling down in Minnesota consider themselves "lucky."  Others would say that the truly lucky weren't there that day.  Yes, "life is what you make of it."  You make your own happiness.  You've just caught me in an introspective day.  If, like some of you, my 21 year relationship had been able to continue, perhaps I'd feel a little luckier today.  Having to tell someone I begin to care about, after some dating, that I have a different past than most and seeing them disappear from my life...that's not a blessing.

Teri Anne

Quote from: Elizabeth on August 13, 2007, 05:41:11 AM

While there are many things about men's behavior that I don't understand, I have pretty much seen how men really behave, and it's nothing like what women think it is. There are a lot of women who have been my friends over the years because I have been willing to violate the "dude code" and give up information about the true nature of men. Women are always asking me, "my boyfriend says this, what does he really mean?". And no matter what he says, the answer is "because he wants to have sex with you", in one way or another. That is his only interest in you. They never believe it, and then later come back and say, "you were right".

Elizabeth

To sum up (in my own opinion): Men are driven by sex, women are driven by love. And do I feel special? No, I feel different and my previous sentence is the reason why.
Louise

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 07:00:44 AM
im with the vain bird on this....

Transexuality is something that happened to me and it doesnt define me, its certainly not something im AT ALL happy about.
if you like this, or are happy about being 'transexual' maybe, just maybe, your nuts....

R :police:

I'm with Rachael on this one......it's never easy being TS and not something to celebrate. But I'm glad I stuck to my guns in not responding to conformity for most of my life but I do think we are born this way, and it's not something that is a fun time trying to eradicate male traits or painlessly trying to locate the right surgeons....

I don't have a 'fairy tale' take on this and the hard reality is that I don't feel special......it's just something I deal with..

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:09:39 AM
not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R :police:

Comparing being transexual to being a rape victim is a tad overly-dramatic, no?

As for whether I feel special or blessed, I don't feel inferior and damned.  By being trans I've got some experiences others will never have, but I've also missed or will miss experiences that others may have.  It's not special or blessed, it's not terrible and horrible, it's just diffrent.

The only reason at all that being trans is the trouble it is, is because of ignorant bigots, and the society they have built around them like some crazy fortress.  If you think about it, at least 80 percent of the horrible things that have happened to you during transition, are not a result of who you are, so much as who THEY are, and their inability to have a better perspective.

Being trans isn't something to be mourned over.  You are who you are.  It's not good, it's not bad.  It just is.

Reading some of the responses here, it makes me question the wisdom of treating transgender people as an affliction.  It can't be good for any of our self-esteems to have what we consider whole, to be labeled damaged.  I wish there was a better way in terms of access for us that didn't involve the labeling of what we are as an illness.

Posted on: August 14, 2007, 04:48:12 AM

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Quote from: louise000 on August 14, 2007, 02:43:01 AM

To sum up (in my own opinion): Men are driven by sex, women are driven by love.

Yeah.  That's not true at all though.  You might consider re-examining that opinion.

i´ve always felt sort of special. i have no idea why. i think it´s cos i am alive.

Quote from: Pica Pica on August 14, 2007, 06:24:04 AM
i´ve always felt sort of special. i have no idea why. i think it´s cos i am alive.

That is a great reason to feel blessed! Not only are you alive but probably have good karma.

Not feeling blessed because you are trans is symptomatic of the victim mentality that I have worked/ am working so hard to shed. And I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.


Posted on: August 14, 2007, 08:22:36 AM

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Quote from: Teri Anne on August 14, 2007, 02:01:10 AM
  Yes, "life is what you make of it."  You make your own happiness.  You've just caught me in an introspective day.  If, like some of you, my 21 year relationship had been able to continue, perhaps I'd feel a little luckier today.  Having to tell someone I begin to care about, after some dating, that I have a different past than most and seeing them disappear from my life...that's not a blessing.

You also make your own suffering.

How do you know it wasn't a blessing? Maybe had you continued the relationship, it would have brought you more dukha. (suffering) Perhaps, there is something in store for you that is better. Clinging to attachments and karma are the causes of all dukha. It is not the relationship ending that is the cause of your dukha but your clinging to the attachment to it.

Quote from: melissa90299 on August 14, 2007, 08:47:07 AM

Not feeling blessed because you are trans is symptomatic of the victim mentality that I have worked/ am working so hard to shed. And I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.

Well, maybe. I recall reading a few years ago at someone´s site about a sister in 15th or 16th century England who was arrested, jailed a short while and fined for impersonating a woman. She was married to a miller, I think, who claimed he never knew.

At the same time she was a tavern maid (?) and married to a woman in her male role as well.

She certainly wouldn´t have had hrt, ffs or srs, but she seemed to have definitely transitioned. For some, perhaps the obstacles are overcome no matter what.

Our perceptions of the possible are different due to the technological possibilities we have now, I imagine.

Quote from: melissa90299 on August 14, 2007, 08:47:07 AM

You also make your own suffering.

In light of your Buddhism and my own influences of same, I agree. At least overall. I would rather state the case a bit differently, but that probably is a difference without a difference.

I find my suffering to be a combination of my reality clashing like a billiard ball with another billiard ball´s reality. Then I insist on perceiving that I am not a billiard ball and forget that the richochet of realities can lead to pain. I believe, consequently, that the other billiard ball is somehow inimical to me.

An illusion, but one I sometimes still cling to, regardless of what I think I know.

Sometimes we peel the onion of ourselves. Sometimes we cry. Sometimes we feel joy in the peeling.

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 14, 2007, 04:53:45 AM

Quote from: louise000 on August 14, 2007, 02:43:01 AM

To sum up (in my own opinion): Men are driven by sex, women are driven by love.

Yeah.  That's not true at all though.  You might consider re-examining that opinion.

It's just my opinion, you don't have to share it.  Most of the males I've worked with are thinking about it even if they're not talking about it, it's probably testosterone driven. Many of the women I've known have had their hearts broken when they realised the man only wanted them for sex, because they feel love on another level, I believe. It's a generalisation I know and it may not apply these days anyway, so much has changed since I was young.
I know I've dragged things a bit off topic, sorry.

I feel blessed about the fact that there was a way for me to finally transition to being a female.  Not being able to do so would have killed me.  As for how I feel about being TS?  Well I don't really feel TS; just female.  I certainly don't take being a girl for granted and I try and live life to it's fullest as a girl now. :)  Sometimes I just sit back and relish how much better I love having a female life.  So I guess more than anything, I really just feel blessed to be female.

Did you ever notice that most of the people who are proud usually don't pass anyways?  Perhaps they just don't know what they're missing. ???

Quote from: Nero on August 13, 2007, 11:30:48 AM
Rach is British. She means fries. I too hate cheese on fries. :icon_blah:

Right, what we call fries, they call chips.  What we call chips, they call crisps.  I like learning international phrases. :)

Quote from: Nichole W. on August 14, 2007, 09:32:48 AM

Quote from: melissa90299 on August 14, 2007, 08:47:07 AM

Not feeling blessed because you are trans is symptomatic of the victim mentality that I have worked/ am working so hard to shed. And I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.

Well, maybe. I recall reading a few years ago at someone´s site about a sister in 15th or 16th century England who was arrested, jailed a short while and fined for impersonating a woman. She was married to a miller, I think, who claimed he never knew.

Of course, we know about the hijras in India but they only castrate themselves. That is probably the closest thing to transition that I am aware from the past.


Transsexuals have existed since time immemorial. But the ability to transition has only been realistically available the last forty years or so and even now (as you well know) the results are not perfect.

QuoteAnd I want to remind everyone that transition was not even possible for those born in earlier generations.

Complete physical transition wasn't possible, however even in biblical times there were eunuchs and native societies also had what we'd now consider trans people. We've been here throughout human history, finding whatever ways possible to live as our desired genders. Leslie Feinberg's Transgender Warriors is a good trans history book for folks to start with.

Zythyra

The sao praphet song (In Thai loosely means another kind of woman) have been around for quite awhile as well. The term kathoey apparently dates back a long time and is now considered a pejorative.

Quote from: melissa90299 on August 14, 2007, 10:48:41 AM
The sao praphet song (In Thai loosely means another kind of woman) have been around for quite awhile as well. The term kathoey apparently dates back a long time and is now considered a pejorative.

Republican has been around for much less time. I consider it pejorative. :)

If the woman I mentioned above did not transition, what did she do, Nicole?

There are numbers of TSes in this age who do not purchase surgeries or follow hormone regimens. But, many of those are also like you or me: they are TS, real TSes, I believe. (Please excuse the neglect of various other designations within the TG umbrella, I mean no slight, I just do not see that the matter Nicole and I are discussing applies to them.)

Like I said. I have only answers that satisfy me. That seems enough for me right now.

I fail to accept that there have been no women like me and no men similar in respect to gender id as I am before Christine Jorgenson. The fact, for me, is that they transitioned in some recorded cases to the level possible to them. I perceive that as transitioned.

Nichole

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 14, 2007, 04:53:45 AM

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:09:39 AM
not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R :police:

Comparing being transexual to being a rape victim is a tad overly-dramatic, no?

I dont think so, its a situation forced upon us that we cant control, we have to survive, mental anguish, pain, suffering. and stigma. i think its fine.

Quote from: louise000 on August 14, 2007, 10:06:45 AM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 14, 2007, 04:53:45 AM

Quote from: louise000 on August 14, 2007, 02:43:01 AM

To sum up (in my own opinion): Men are driven by sex, women are driven by love.

Yeah.  That's not true at all though.  You might consider re-examining that opinion.

It's just my opinion, you don't have to share it.  Most of the males I've worked with are thinking about it even if they're not talking about it, it's probably testosterone driven. Many of the women I've known have had their hearts broken when they realised the man only wanted them for sex, because they feel love on another level, I believe. It's a generalisation I know and it may not apply these days anyway, so much has changed since I was young.
I know I've dragged things a bit off topic, sorry.

Yeah the only reason I even mentioned it, is that you should be careful about overly idealizing one gender over the other, because it can lead you to sell some people short that you shouldn't, or put too much trust in someone you shouldn't.  My two best friends are GGs, and both of them have a higher sex drive than any men I've known.  One friend said that she won't stay in a relationship where she isn't having sex at least every 5 days.  I think in the past women were forced to repress their sexual urges more, and that led to the impression that they didn't like, want, or enjoy sex as much as men.  I know some women are afraid to admit to having the sexual urges that they do have, and that can cause problems in their relationships.  Not saying every woman is a sex fiend, but just challenging the perception that you put forward, because I think it would be healthier for you to view it that way long term probably.  Or at least give you a wider perspective.  I dunno.  Maybe I just wanted to sound like I had something to contribute  >:D

Posted on: August 14, 2007, 06:28:38 PM

---

Quote from: Rachael on August 14, 2007, 02:30:39 PM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 14, 2007, 04:53:45 AM

Quote from: Rachael on August 13, 2007, 08:09:39 AM
not really, im defined by my good bits.
rape victims dont define themselves by being raped... they are women, i define myself as a woman, transexual holds neither specialness, or blessing to me. If you find it a blessing, or special. then you evidently LIKE being trans, which is something i cant comprehend. as its the worst thing thats happened to me.

R :police:

Comparing being transexual to being a rape victim is a tad overly-dramatic, no?

I dont think so, its a situation forced upon us that we cant control, we have to survive, mental anguish, pain, suffering. and stigma. i think its fine.

You could compare it to puberty and maintain all of those attributes in a more accurate way.  The experience of being raped is nothing at all like the experience of transitioning.  You're not born a rape-victim.

Do I feel blessed to be a transsexual?

I rarely use expletives... really... but my answer to this question is "Hell no!".

I've had to fight, scrape, and slither to get everything I've got.  What I have has been earned. Nothing has been given to me except for my life and for that I thank my parents.  I am grateful for their love.

But I do not feel blessed.  No one has favored me with their blessing of anything ;)  I think that being TS is one of the nature's cruelest jokes.

So, my dear.  Don't feel guilty for living a good life. After all... .you've earned it!

Cindi

Special? Blessed? Ha Ha Ha. :laugh: 
First, it's a hard thing to come to terms with. Second, You're always a little scared. Third, confusion, Is this right for me?
These and many more thoughts constantly dance around in my head since I was a teen. I know that i'm a female inside, but living so long in a males body,makes it a little scary. You wonder, how will I turn out. Family,Friends and colleagues, these people you've known all your life or most of it. How will they take it? do I have to start a whole new life? All I want to do is get it overwith and move on.
No, I don't think that this is a blessing nor does it make me feel special. It's just there and it's something I have to deal with.

One thing that I do think is a blessing is getting to know and understand  all you people here at Susans.  ;D

Quote from: Karla B on August 16, 2007, 01:46:22 AM
One thing that I do think is a blessing is getting to know and understand  all you people here at Susans.  ;D

Now there's something that's a bright light in the doom and gloom!

Cindi

Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 15, 2007, 11:04:52 PM
I think that being TS is one of the nature's cruelest jokes.

There are so many worse things that you could have to deal with than being TS.  It's not a bad thing or a good thing.  You're not a victim of this.  It's just a part of who you are.  It's not all of who you are either.  You started off in one gender, that was wrong.  Eventually you were able to start transitioning, and eventually you are transitioned, and then you are in another gender.  In the mean time, it's okay to have friends, read books, enjoy literature, take up some kind of hobby.  There's so much to life that you can enjoy regardless of your gender status.  Don't make TS the thing that hangs over your head.  Because like anything, it will if you let it.

Like if I said my parents divorce was this horrific terrible thing, that made my life so completely awful and unliveable, and I believed it, it would be just as traumatic to me as transitioning is for some of you.  It's all as bad or as good as you make it.  Sure sometimes you will run into adversity.  Sometimes more or less than other people, and some of that adversity may be due to your gender status, some of it may not--but hey, welcome to the rest of the world.  There's things that suck about being in any gender.  Their are straight white heterosexual males, from wealthy homes, with their lives handed to them on a platter, who are suicidal and making complete misery out of their lives.

Don't ever think you at least more than anyone else has been dealt a bad rap just because of who you are.  It only makes life harder and more miserable.

Forget that your trans for a moment, and remember that you're human, and respect yourself and your history for it.

Regarding technology helping transitioning:  Medical technology has come a long way.  Hopefully, medical research will one day kill the psychobable that labels transsexualism as a mental "disorder."  That diagnosis just FEEDS the bigotry of society thinking that, "Aha!  I knew they were crazy." 

Television broadcasting technology has helped and hurt transitioning:  It's helped explain our predicament to those who are more open to diversity and they have come to our aid.  It's also stigmatized us with shows like Jerry Springer that seek to put the "white trash" of us up there on screen, fighting, screaming and wearing ridiculous scantily-clad outfits on over-sized bodies...things that would ridiculous on a GG.

I once read that Christine Jorgensen, despite being at what most would consider the infancy or dark ages of our ability to transition, felt that, in some ways, she had it easier than us today.  She said that, in her days of transitioning, most people in society did not know about that possibility and, thus, she could be more stealth and blend in. 

I've said, like some have here in this post, that my trauma is directly related to my perception of how society treats me or people of my kind, TS's.  If I was on an island by myself, there would be no trauma...I'd still be happy that I made the choice to have the operation, even if I was the only one that knew about it.

Some in this post have said that they accept being TS as something that just "is" rather than something that makes them feel "special" or "blessed."  I feel that way, also but, admittedly am jealous of those who feel like being transsexual is a great positive thing in their life.  I don't know if it's just that they're positive generally about everything in their lives or  whether religious faith helps them (even though many religions are historically bigotted).  An acquaintance told me that, if people feel "blessed" to be TS, perhaps they were being "happily delusional."  I responded that maybe being happily delusional in the face of a society that condemns us is a HEALTHY thing.  We all need a certain amount of ego to survive.  But, in thinking about it, "delusional" is a wrong and insulting word to use because you can be morally and scientifically correct but society can still drag you down to it's own incorrectness.  I guess, for me, the posibility of "delusional" entered into my thoughts when I saw 9/11 survivors proclaim that "God wanted me to live."  Because I'm not very religious (I believe in a higher being but not in organized religion), the idea that God would select THAT good Christian to live when thousands of Christians died seems, well, delusional.  It insults those Christians who died. 

Is calling yourself "blessed to be TS" some kind of self-protective illusion?  An illusion that helps us to survive?  I do understand, more, the argument that "I'm glad I'm a woman."  The road, for me, to get there, though, was so filled with ruts and depressions, I'm still shaken and, admittedly, wounded (I'm sorry if this sounds like self-pity but I'm trying to be honest).  Maybe, like any traumatic event, some of us undergo Post Traumatic Disorder (oh, dear, another disorder!).  But it's not all my fault:  I'll live my life as a woman and then, just when I think things are going nicely, HAVE TO REVISIT the TS world when I have to admit to a loved one (prospective mate) things about my gender past.  That is something a genetic woman never has to face.  I'm still hoping to find some more positive way of looking at it from your posts, so I appreciate your help.

For now, for me, being transsexual just "is."  Like water flowing down a river and out to sea, it couldn't be stopped.

Teri Anne

Quote from: Teri Anne on August 16, 2007, 02:07:56 PM
  But it's not all my fault:  I'll live my life as a woman and then, just when I think things are going nicely, HAVE TO REVISIT the TS world when I have to admit to a loved one (prospective mate) things about my gender past.  That is something a genetic woman never has to face.  I'm still hoping to find some more positive way of looking at it from your posts, so I appreciate your help.

Yes, but disclosing your gender past to a loved one, only hurts because of the threat of bigotry.  It isn't inherent in being trans.  I feel like a lot of the negative aspects about transitioning are more the negative aspects of living in a cold bigoted ignorant world, and not like things that are internally wrong with being or not being trans. 

I mean, can I control whether or not my gender past bothers someone or not?  I really can't.  That's their problem.  But I can control the extent to which I let it bother me.  And I think that if you start to feel pride in your situation, it can give you the confidence to make it through those situations.  Because eventually you are going to encounter if you haven't already, people who don't care about your previous gender status, anymore than they care about what clubs you were in high school.  And when you get to those people, the confidence to let yourself be out there, is going to bring you the return of so much love and happiness.

I'm just saying, don't let other people define you.  You didn't when you decided to transition, don't let them do it now that you should be at the good part.

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 03:37:43 PMI feel like a lot of the negative aspects about transitioning are more the negative aspects of living in a cold bigoted ignorant world, and not like things that are internally wrong with being or not being trans.

That may be, but don't forget bigotry and prejudice exist even in the community.  I'll admit I likely have my own somewhat bigoted views of certain people.  I try and not let it affect how I treat them, but it may come through anyhow.  That being said, if a person is raised to be bigoted against gays and lesbians, yet they are a lesbian or gay themselves, that can cause them a lot of inner turmoil.  However, if that person had never been raised to be so, then perhaps all would be well and good.  Unfortunately, the reality is that there *is* bigotry in the world and I doubt it will ever completely go away.

Quote from: Melissa on August 16, 2007, 03:49:51 PM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 03:37:43 PMI feel like a lot of the negative aspects about transitioning are more the negative aspects of living in a cold bigoted ignorant world, and not like things that are internally wrong with being or not being trans.

That may be, but don't forget bigotry and prejudice exist even in the community.  I'll admit I likely have my own somewhat bigoted views of certain people.  I try and not let it affect how I treat them, but it may come through anyhow.  That being said, if a person is raised to be bigoted against gays and lesbians, yet they are a lesbian or gay themselves, that can cause them a lot of inner turmoil.  However, if that person had never been raised to be so, then perhaps all would be well and good.  Unfortunately, the reality is that there *is* bigotry in the world and I doubt it will ever completely go away.

Certainly there is bigotry.  I'm saying you have to realize you can't control that, and it's really nothing to do with you.  You don't have to let bigotry ruin your own self-perception, and run dictator over your life.  People are bigoted against skin color, sexual orientation, social class, social cliques, gender identity--basically anything that can be an Us vs. them thing, but you have to remember who YOU are.  You can't do anything about bigots, but you can do something about how you feel about yourself.  And not viewing yourself as an affliction is a step in the right direction, right? 

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 04:57:39 PMAnd not viewing yourself as an affliction is a step in the right direction, right?

Well, I don't view myself as an affliction, but I do have trouble with having a lesbian relationship (which is why I used that example).  For the most part, it IS socially acceptable in the area I live and work in, yet I still feel reticent to go around being as romantic with another woman as I would in a straight relationship.  I KNOW that this is largely fueled by how my extremely conservative parents brought me up, but I haven't figured out exactly how to get past this.  What's even more frustrating is I think I'm still more attracted to women than men, and so I know that I'll need to get past this if I'm ever to maintain a relationship. :-\

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 03:31:10 AM

Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 15, 2007, 11:04:52 PM
I think that being TS is one of the nature's cruelest jokes.

There are so many worse things that you could have to deal with than being TS.  It's not a bad thing or a good thing.  You're not a victim of this.  It's just a part of who you are.  It's not all of who you are either.  You started off in one gender, that was wrong.  Eventually you were able to start transitioning, and eventually you are transitioned, and then you are in another gender.  In the mean time, it's okay to have friends, read books, enjoy literature, take up some kind of hobby.  There's so much to life that you can enjoy regardless of your gender status.  Don't make TS the thing that hangs over your head.  Because like anything, it will if you let it.

Like if I said my parents divorce was this horrific terrible thing, that made my life so completely awful and unliveable, and I believed it, it would be just as traumatic to me as transitioning is for some of you.  It's all as bad or as good as you make it.  Sure sometimes you will run into adversity.  Sometimes more or less than other people, and some of that adversity may be due to your gender status, some of it may not--but hey, welcome to the rest of the world.  There's things that suck about being in any gender.  Their are straight white heterosexual males, from wealthy homes, with their lives handed to them on a platter, who are suicidal and making complete misery out of their lives.

Don't ever think you at least more than anyone else has been dealt a bad rap just because of who you are.  It only makes life harder and more miserable.

Forget that your trans for a moment, and remember that you're human, and respect yourself and your history for it.

This IS the cruelest joke of nature there is. There are children with horrible birth defects, people born blind, deaf, quadrapilegic, etc of course these are hardships. However, they are not denied their very identity as we are. Everyone knows their condition is real and not of their own making.

Quote from Sarah FaceDoom

QuoteDon't ever think you at least more than anyone else has been dealt a bad rap just because of who you are. it only makes life harder and more miserable.

I DO think that very thing. Being born the opposite gender is the absolute worst card anyone could be dealt.
Every human has their own hardships, but we have being trans to deal with on top of the usual hardships everybody else faces.
I love and respect myself. I love my body. I have no superior. My history is my treasure. But I still was dealt the cruelest blow imaginable at birth.

Have your cheery, optimistic view Sarah, but understand that others here see this as a curse and have suffered terribly under this affliction.
Share your views and opinions, but do not belittle or minimize the pain of others, just because you do not experience that yourself.

Positive thinking will not eradicate my feelings, my losses, my buried dreams, nor will it right this wrong.
I find your 'think happy thoughts and all is well' insinuation insulting and patronizing.

Quote from: Nero on August 16, 2007, 07:34:50 PM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 03:31:10 AM

Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 15, 2007, 11:04:52 PM
I think that being TS is one of the nature's cruelest jokes.

There are so many worse things that you could have to deal with than being TS.  It's not a bad thing or a good thing.  You're not a victim of this.  It's just a part of who you are.  It's not all of who you are either.  You started off in one gender, that was wrong.  Eventually you were able to start transitioning, and eventually you are transitioned, and then you are in another gender.  In the mean time, it's okay to have friends, read books, enjoy literature, take up some kind of hobby.  There's so much to life that you can enjoy regardless of your gender status.  Don't make TS the thing that hangs over your head.  Because like anything, it will if you let it.

Like if I said my parents divorce was this horrific terrible thing, that made my life so completely awful and unliveable, and I believed it, it would be just as traumatic to me as transitioning is for some of you.  It's all as bad or as good as you make it.  Sure sometimes you will run into adversity.  Sometimes more or less than other people, and some of that adversity may be due to your gender status, some of it may not--but hey, welcome to the rest of the world.  There's things that suck about being in any gender.  Their are straight white heterosexual males, from wealthy homes, with their lives handed to them on a platter, who are suicidal and making complete misery out of their lives.

Don't ever think you at least more than anyone else has been dealt a bad rap just because of who you are.  It only makes life harder and more miserable.

Forget that your trans for a moment, and remember that you're human, and respect yourself and your history for it.

This IS the cruelest joke of nature there is. There are children with horrible birth defects, people born blind, deaf, quadrapilegic, etc of course these are hardships. However, they are not denied their very identity as we are. Everyone knows their condition is real and not of their own making.

Obviously I disagree.  Yes, but not everyone denies your identity.  Whereas conversely, if your quadrapiligec, you can't just pop up for a walk around the block sometimes just because your best friend is in the room.  Their are bigoted people out there to be sure, but there's more people who have too many things to do to worry about your identity, and they'll generally take what you give them. 

Quote
I DO think that very thing. Being born the opposite gender is the absolute worst card anyone could be dealt.
Every human has their own hardships, but we have being trans to deal with on top of the usual hardships everybody else faces.
I love and respect myself. I love my body. I have no superior. My history is my treasure. But I still was dealt the cruelest blow imaginable at birth.

Have your cheery, optimistic view Sarah, but understand that others here see this as a curse and have suffered terribly under this affliction.
Share your views and opinions, but do not belittle or minimize the pain of others, just because you do not experience that yourself.

Positive thinking will not eradicate my feelings, my losses, my buried dreams, nor will it right this wrong.
I find your 'think happy thoughts and all is well' insinuation insulting and patronizing.

Well sorry if you find me telling you that you matter more than the bigotry you let make you feel like crap, is insulting.  I just don't really agree with having something I'm living through just fine compared to being raped, being born blind, and being called the worst possible joke by nature.  These are all really negative and insulting things to think about yourself and your community.  So I'd like to share my personal perspective from my transition as a counterpoint to that, so if someone were to read this board, they wouldn't have to think that just because they were trans that their life was a setback.  I have pride in myself and in this community, and I wish I could convince some of you to be a little easier on yourselves.  I'm definitely not intending to be insulting or patronizing, just offer a different perspective, which is just as valid.

Posted on: August 16, 2007, 11:07:14 PM

---

Quote from: Melissa on August 16, 2007, 06:36:28 PM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 04:57:39 PMAnd not viewing yourself as an affliction is a step in the right direction, right?

Well, I don't view myself as an affliction, but I do have trouble with having a lesbian relationship (which is why I used that example).  For the most part, it IS socially acceptable in the area I live and work in, yet I still feel reticent to go around being as romantic with another woman as I would in a straight relationship.  I KNOW that this is largely fueled by how my extremely conservative parents brought me up, but I haven't figured out exactly how to get past this.  What's even more frustrating is I think I'm still more attracted to women than men, and so I know that I'll need to get past this if I'm ever to maintain a relationship. :-\

You will get past it if you keep working at it.  Do you watch Six Feet Under?  The gay guy on that show had the same problem in that he was gay, but also really religious and had homophobic problems which kept him from being publically intimate with his boyfriend.  I think it's just something you have to work through.  But you're off to a good start because you recognize it's a problem, and surely your partner can help you out too.

At least you know what you're attracted to.  And are actually dating.  I have problems trusting people to begin with, and in a relationship even more.  I don't really know what I'm attracted to.  I like women, and I think some men are cute, but I don't know if I'd want to have sex with them, but then I don't know if I'd want to have sex with anyone.  Not that I'm being deluged with offers from either gender at the time though.  Or that I'm even looking right now.  But I do think about it.  I wish more transpeople would write about their relationships, so often on the internet the perception is that we'll all be alone forever.  But that's skewed by the fact we're all sitting in front of computers too much to really have the opportunity to be proven wrong.

I'm not proud or ashamed of being trans. It's not of my doing, it just is.

I AM proud of my decisions in facing this at last. But I'm also ashamed I waited so long and ended up hurting myself and my wife needlessly due to my cowardice.

The thing about pain is it tends to adjust to the person. I swear it seems like no matter "what" causes our pain, we all validly feel our pain terribly, whatever it is... because we ARE our own world. Our pain is as bad as it can be TO US.

But GID is a cruel joke. I've likened it to mean kids pulling the wings off a fly "just to see how it deals with it, ha ha ha..."

I hope God at least learned that He can do whatever he wants to me... birth me a male, throw every distraction and temptation in my way... but in the end, He couldn't deceive or beat me. *I* couldn't deceive me. Truth 1 - God 0.

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 11:22:29 PM
I'm not proud or ashamed of being trans. It's not of my doing, it just is.

We are born to be transsexual. its becomes our desiny, it is not our fault.

Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 11:22:29 PM
I AM proud of my decisions in facing this at last. But I'm also ashamed I waited so long and ended up hurting myself and my wife needlessly due to my cowardice.

Me to, my only shame and indeed guilt, is what the effect of being born Transsexual had on my wife and family

Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 11:22:29 PM
I hope God at least learned that He can do whatever he wants to me... birth me a male, throw every distraction and temptation in my way... but in the end, He couldn't deceive or beat me. *I* couldn't deceive me. Truth 1 - God 0.

God is something that desperate people cling to in times of need, the truth is that this is just biological and happens from time to time in nature. Any shame belongs to how society views and treats us in general, there is no shame individually in being born with a recognised medical condition.


Buffy

SarahDoom

[qoute]I wish more transpeople would write about their relationships, so often on the internet the perception is that we'll all be alone forever.  But that's skewed by the fact we're all sitting in front of computers too much to really have the opportunity to be proven wrong.[/quote]

Speak for yourself.

I was posting about sexual adventures back in my drug, alcohol and sexual addiction days that people got ticked off and accused me of making. As far as men go, there are more men out there who want to have sex with you then you can ever accommodate in three lifetimes!

Even at 59, I could sell it if I wanted.

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 11:15:42 PM
You will get past it if you keep working at it.  Do you watch Six Feet Under?  The gay guy on that show had the same problem in that he was gay, but also really religious and had homophobic problems which kept him from being publically intimate with his boyfriend.  I think it's just something you have to work through.  But you're off to a good start because you recognize it's a problem, and surely your partner can help you out too.

Unfortunately, it gets even more complicated than this.  Since she's a member of Susan's though, I can't really post any more details.

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 11:15:42 PMAt least you know what you're attracted to.  And are actually dating.  I have problems trusting people to begin with, and in a relationship even more.  I don't really know what I'm attracted to.  I like women, and I think some men are cute, but I don't know if I'd want to have sex with them, but then I don't know if I'd want to have sex with anyone.  Not that I'm being deluged with offers from either gender at the time though.  Or that I'm even looking right now.  But I do think about it.

Well, I don't *know* for certain what I like, but I'm getting a better idea of what it is.  Dating is how I did get a better idea of what I like, but I'm still not sure.  Your description of your feelings on who you find attractive resonates very well with me.  It has involved complete honesty on my part in order to figure out what I tend to find more attractive.  However, since I haven't had any actual boyfriends, I really don't know whether or not I am making a fair assessment of myself.  This confusion part is yet another aspect of the additional complications I mentioned.

Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 11:22:29 PMI'm not proud or ashamed of being trans. It's not of my doing, it just is.

This sounds a lot like something I had posted the day before:

Quote from: Melissa on August 15, 2007, 09:42:28 PMI'm not ashamed, nor am I proud; I just am.

I feel blessed because I'm me. and there's only one me. Being transsexual has brought some very challenging experiences to my life, but there are other things that make up who I am. for instance, I'm an interior designer, too.  I also feel special, because I love myself, not to be all conceited, but I love being who I am, and who I date, love, or mess around with has nothing to do with it. I'm happy with myself because I am doing something with my life, and I am succeeding.

Kate wrote, "The thing about pain is it tends to adjust to the person. I swear it seems like no matter "what" causes our pain, we all validly feel our pain terribly, whatever it is... because we ARE our own world. Our pain is as bad as it can be TO US."

Yes, we make our own world in our heads.  I remember going to a cognitive group-therapy session at Kaiser Permanente.  Many of the people expressed problems that hurt them deeply and yet seemed somewhat trivial to me.  But I wasn't in their shoes.  Their angst seemed to cause depression and suicidal thoughts.  Experts say, on suicide advice sites, to not trivialize people's angst and tell them, "You'll get over it."  To them, it's serious.

I guess there's a part of me that likes some of the negative posts because it can be helpful, perhaps, to the newly transitioning TS's...ie. caveat emptor, buyer beware.

That said, I do appreciate what Sarah said:  "I mean, can I control whether or not my gender past bothers someone or not?  I really can't.  That's their problem.  But I can control the extent to which I let it bother me.  And I think that if you start to feel pride in your situation, it can give you the confidence to make it through those situations."

I had a recent experience that ended up helping me and maybe it can help some of you.  I had lamented to a friend, about how dating is difficult for me.  She decided that THIS would be a good time to tell me some critical things about me -- things people might not like about me -- to HELP me!  I told another friend about this and she told me to TALK LESS about myself to others.  When I do, she suggested, I'm just opening myself up for criticism.  In any case, she didn't agree with these critiques of me.  They were subjective criticisms and there were plenty of people out there who wouldn't give a damn.

So, in working on my own self-pride, one thing we might consider is to do what we were taught to do as guys:  plow ahead and stop being self-critical.  Guys are taught to hide their doubts and put on a knowledgeable firm front (even if we don't know what we're doing).  Liberated women have learned that technique and now do the same.

Perhaps feeling like I'm special and blessed requires that I complain less and stop being the woos I've become since transition.

Teri Anne

i understand that, thats part of my main problems, i know my issues are minor, but to me, they feel like mountains...
ill get over it eventually, but it takes time.

R :police:

I'm grateful for all the pain i endured to get here. I'm blessed only because i'm alive to start enjoying my life as me.

Do i feel special? I did that first month when i came out of the closet (well, the first year) I'm glad that feeling did not last. I would of started expecting people to give me special treatment.

As if.......

Cursed is more like it. I wonder as a female in a previous life, I did something really really bad. :o I would be blessed to have started life itself either in the right body or without this brain. Blessed to maybe have been born in this time where the technology for change is available.

Quote from: Christine Eryn on September 01, 2007, 12:48:40 PM
Cursed is more like it. I wonder as a female in a previous life, I did something really really bad. :o I would be blessed to have started life itself either in the right body or without this brain. Blessed to maybe have been born in this time where the technology for change is available.

I feel the same.....but disagree about technology......there is very little technology available these days, than there was 20 or 30 years ago. I'm hoping eventually they will be able to find the technology to make hormones work properly.....once we are well past puberty (30's or 40's) hormones do very little..

Also psychiatrists and therepists need more education into the needs of transexuals and not all transsexuals are only interested in just genital surgery, some like myself are more interested in physical change...i.e fat distribution and a more female appearance..

For many people being transsexual is a real curse and even harder if you don't entirely pass as a female..

Hormones, of course, can help with "fat distribution and a more female appearance" but no amount of fat distribution is going to change bone structure that gives some of us very broad shoulders or prevents us from having stereotypically female hourglass figures.  But, over time, GENETIC women over 50 face the same problem of losing their narrow waists.  Women over 60 can get thinning hair.  Older women's voices are lower in pitch than teenage girls' voices.  Smoking can cause some older genetic women to have lower voices than most of us.

Some have the perception in the TS world that ONLY young TS's have it good.  As time goes on, older TS's like me find life easier as genetic females' features change.  We blend in with them.  We may not look like young Vogue models but neither do the genetic women of my age.  Like genetic females, we older TS's also become less obsessed with APPEARANCE as we get older and discover there can be more to life.

We may not feel "blessed" but fitting in can give us something better than being "special" - having peace.

Teri Anne

thats  what i feel, younger has it harder, as we have a greater physical image expectation on us....
R :police:

Rachael,
When I first transitioned (in 1997), I subscribed to a few women's magazines and all they did was make me feel sad.  The beautiful women were something I couldn't identify with.  Surprise!  Genetic women have the same problem.  They, too, cannot compete with photos of beautiful models.  And, of course, even the models are not perfect enough -- the photos are airbrushed to make the models even more perfect.  For anyone who subscribes to such magazines, my first suggestion would be to cancel them all.  Today.

I'm sure you know that genetic teenage women torture themselves over beauty and it's a leading cause of depression.  Please just consider that you have physical attributes I will never have and that you will, if you choose, have the option of a longer life as a woman.  Being a woman, contrary to society's stereotype, is more than outward appearance.

It's what's IN you.

Teri Anne

Quote from: Teri Anne on September 06, 2007, 01:40:00 PMHormones, of course, can help with "fat distribution and a more female appearance" but no amount of fat distribution is going to change bone structure that gives some of us very broad shoulders or prevents us from having stereotypically female hourglass figures.

Well then, I certainly won't be giving HRT credit for my narrow shoulders, normal sized hands and my "stereotypically female hourglass figure". ::)

yeah, im not very male shaped, but thats another story. and no, i do subscribe to teen society, because thats my world, i cant say 'eff you' to the world and be a loner hippey, im a 20 yearold girl at university. and i want to be stylish, fashionable, and popular, if that means dropping a pound or two so i look extra awesome in that dress for friday night, so be it. thats part of the life i should have, im not being lazy, my peers arnt.
R :police:

My ex (who I'd lived with for 21 years) told me, during my transition period, "if you are dead on a morgue table, your bones will show that you are male."  Harsh words but, yes, she's correct. 

I've moved beyond the point of worrying about things too much.  It's like the saying about not worrying about weeds.  We all, genetic and TS women alike, have weeds, be it physically or mentally. 

I have smaller bones/physique than most males and some women are larger than me.  But such thoughts are just weeds.  Look out...There's sun glistening on the water.  There's a cloud crossing the sky.  We need to think OUTSIDE ourselves.  I get tired of TS angst and like to think of other things.  That, for me, is where true happiness lives.

This is not to say that I wasn't obsessed before transition.  But now, I think of other things...

Teri Anne

lucky you....
R :police:

Sorry, Rachael.  While my comment about not thinking about TS things might seem idealistic, it is, when you get through transition, what I think we might all aim towards...

It's not always possible.  I, too - even after transition - fall into fits of depression due to societal bigotry regarding transsexualism.  Comedians, especially, seem like something I have to try to avoid.  People like Bill Maher, despite their supposid liberalness, seem to like "guy in dress" jokes.  While it's been awhile since I've worn a dress, it still hurts.

So, my thought of looking outside yourself is not intended to be a boastful thing...it is, instead, a suggestion of how to deal with all the crap in the world.

Teri Anne

Quote from: Teri Anne on September 06, 2007, 02:13:33 PM
Being a woman, contrary to society's stereotype, is more than outward appearance.

It's what's IN you.

Teri Anne

Truer words have not been spoken.  Weirdly after the physical things I have done to my body, all it's done is allowed me to finally see better past the aesthetics of everything and take myself and the world more on their inate values.

Which isn't to say I don't enjoy looking good.  But it is to say that I try not to hinge my self-worth on it.

Re: Do you feel special and blessed as a transsexual?
Nope!

Hi,

Well at one time I would have said no, it felt more like something evil wanting to posses me and fifty years ago there wasn't anyone where I could go to consult about these thoughts and feelings. So I kept it inside of me for all those years thinking I was going to go to hell. I dropped out of the church and stayed away from any church for fear that they would find out some how, yes paranoia, big time. I will tell you about why the paranoia. I am an empath and can feel peoples' feelings and even their thoughts at times and since I had this ability.  I thought that those in authority could do the same with me.  Needles to say I spent to many years with my friend paranoia and his twin low self esteem of myself.

I only just wish I had known years earlier that this was Gender Identity Disorder/Gender Dysphoria and was treatable.

Anyway, I was volunteering as a support worker at a walk-in center for street people in the basement of an Anglican church and I got to be pretty good friends with the lady minister to that church.  One day I got the nerve to go to talk to her about my problem, GID.  I was so scared, thinking that I would not only lose her as a friend but that she would say I was going to hell in a hand basket.

Not at all, I was lucky that she knew some about people like me and recommended that I go see my shrink and have a talk with him as well, that he would most likely know where to direct me to get the proper treatments. He did, and five years later I came out full time. I was finally liberated and began my new life as my true self. So I feel blessed for finding out who I am and I love the person I am.

Cindy   

Most of the time, we think we aren't special because we believe that something's wrong with us.  That's just rubbish.  There's nothing abnormal about us.  We can all be happy.

I also think that the best solution for our feeling of alienation is to socialize and communicate with other people. Explore the background around us. It's like let's not put ourselves in a box...instead, let's go beyond that box and see what more life can offer.

if only you knew that being alone and depressed is a choice.  ~sigh~ - be open to new things, go out and find someone to share some time with.
take them to your place, get to know some one, let loose. ;)

Quote from: Butterfly on September 11, 2007, 04:20:23 AM
Most of the time, we think we aren't special because we believe that something's wrong with us.  That's just rubbish.  There's nothing abnormal about us.  We can all be happy.

I also think that the best solution for our feeling of alienation is to socialize and communicate with other people. Explore the background around us. It's like let's not put ourselves in a box...instead, let's go beyond that box and see what more life can offer.

if only you knew that being alone and depressed is a choice.  ~sigh~ - be open to new things, go out and find someone to share some time with.
take them to your place, get to know some one, let loose. ;)

Excellent post.

So many do not through fear of reception, unwillingness to leave the old ways, lotsa different things. People just do not want everything to change. I cannot blame anyone for that feeling, but, hey! the world does change, constantly.

Best thing in the world: find a life that doesn't center on a fantasy: either on the web, in your room or in your mind. Find a life that is something a bit more tangible, a bit more centered in a physical reality.

The big question is can I make and remake my life and walk through that as me? And that is the test each and every human being must pass.

BBs and chats are great: I can discover information, that I am not alone, I might even make a friend or three.

But, does it dawn on me that I might make ten or fifteen friends with a life that centers on where I am in my physical world? That there are women and men on this planet who are not ts who can be accepting and friendly and just find me to be who I am. Ya know, not a woman with an asterisk, but a woman?

At first it didn't. I was as frightened as anyone else. But, after awhile I found either I was to have a life, or I was to have a fantasy.

Am I blessed? Yes. I have certain physical features that have been blessings. But, when push comes to shove those features do not gain me any friendships. They haven't made my professors give me grades, nor have they made me any friends. Personality, expression, overcoming fear, a willingness to risk myself: those have been blessings that I grasped for myself.

I am blessed, but not just as a ts, as a human being, like every other human being.

Nichole W.

D

Quote from: Butterfly on September 11, 2007, 04:20:23 AM
Most of the time, we think we aren't special because we believe that something's wrong with us.  That's just rubbish.  There's nothing abnormal about us.  We can all be happy.

I also think that the best solution for our feeling of alienation is to socialize and communicate with other people. Explore the background around us. It's like let's not put ourselves in a box...instead, let's go beyond that box and see what more life can offer.

if only you knew that being alone and depressed is a choice.  ~sigh~ - be open to new things, go out and find someone to share some time with.
take them to your place, get to know some one, let loose. ;)

Quote from: Teri Anne on August 13, 2007, 03:03:31 AM
I know what some will say -- Yes, I TOO had plenty of tears throughout my life because of gender dysphoria and, for me, it was "transition or die."  Unfortunately, I definitely underestimated the grief and suicidal thoughts I'd encounter in the process of transitioning




Teri Anne

Hi Teri,

I don't feel it is a blessing, in fact I call it a curse. I had thought's again last night of why I can't die. Sometimes I wish I could. it seems it would be easier than living with GID. Sorry to seem depressed I don't mean to. I would not wish this on my worst enemy (hope I really don't have any, lol).

As you have said it is transition or die, is that a choice?

hugs

Nigella

Dear Nigella,
I (and probably many in this room) can relate to what you say.  I vacillate between thinking of it as a curse and thinking of it as something that just IS.  I can't get excited enough about it to consider it a "blessing" regardless of what extra insight transitioning has given me.  People who endure wars can appreciate life more or, contrarily, can get bogged down with post traumatic stress.  Psychologists say that when you endure extreme pain, that incident can become something you "churn" about over and over.  Post Traumatic stress therapists use Cognitive Therapy as the best solution -- it teaches you that it's not the incident that is so terrible but rather how you choose to think about it.

Regarding suicide, I find that when I begin thinking about it, I instantly get very sad.  It can easily bring tears to my eyes.  Rather than wallowing in it, though, I've come to realize that my reaction is probably good for my health -- if I'm sad at the prospect or even thought of death, that must mean that, deep down, I have a need or WILL to live.

Another aspect that tempers any suicidal thoughts I may have is the realization that, for friends and family, suicide of a loved one can be a torturing thing.  So, instead of me being the only one that's tortured, my death could create a small GROUP of people what would forever wonder what they could have done or said -- they would be forever tortured.  Though I may sometimes be selfish, my bottom line is that I have no desire to pass my torture to them.

Nigella, you asked if "transition or die" is a choice.  Yes, it is a choice, a good choice, for many of us who choose to live.  One of my favorite sayings is:  "the meaning of life is find out what happens next."  You'll never know what might happen if you choose death.  If you're philosophical like me, curiosity will rule over self-torment.  I want to see what's going to happen next...

And, of course, there's a third choice.  Please don't get attached to the "transition or die" mantre that many of us in this room have expressed.  There is a third obvious choice:  Continue as you are and forget about all this gender stuff.  People who have panic attacks are sometimes told to just concentrate on OTHER things around them, a table, a chair, a shoreline, a tree. 

Life is not just inside us but is OUTSIDE us, too.

Looking carefully at the wonder/miracle of nature can be a calming thing.  Sometimes, NOT transitioning can be the best choice.  When you're transitioning, it can become an all-consuming thing.  After transitioning, if you're like me, you'll say, "Okay, now that's done.  Now what?"  You can't keep obssessing over gender forever because you've crossed the bridge.  You've checked it off.  You have to find OTHER THINGS to do.

You can go directly to the OTHER THINGS and skip the transitioning stuff.  It's a perfectly acceptable third choice.  Remember, Cognitive Therapy teaches us YOU control how YOU think about something traumatic.  The trauma should not control you.

Teri Anne

Hi Nigella

Well your free to make any choice you want, but to be honest with you if you are truly TS there is only the two choices as mentioned bellow, transition or suicide. Obviously I picked the former. I was fortunate in many ways in the sense that once I made the decision and made whatever arrangements I needed to do that were necessary, like change of ID hormones and a good shrink, and in as stable and orderly sense of mind as I could. I just stepped out that one morning as Cindy and never looked back. I was surprised as to how well things turned out. I was actually supported by the girls at work and was never given a hard time by anyone at work or out in the community. And this was in one of those typical small town where everybody knows everybody. There is light at the end of the TS tunnel, you just have to get serious about transitioning and do it.

With Love

Cynthia 

Posted on: September 11, 2007, 04:26:02 PM

---

Hi Nichole

Hmmm, about fantasy, during the hard parts of my life that finally lead to transitioning I wrote six children's fantasy novels. It was my way of escaping reality and played the role of the main character in my stories. I am quite grateful that I spent all that time in fantasy, it was an escape from the big bad world out there. It turned out that writing those six children's novels was what gave me hope and the strength to keep going until I made up my mind about transitioning. All that book writing actually opened the conscious mind to many possibilities of the different potentialities here in this life and beyond this reality.

"Hee, hee." I can quite assure you that I am more sane now then I ever was in my life and I still write now and again as a hobby.

Cynthia
 

Quote from: Teri Anne on August 16, 2007, 02:07:56 PM
Regarding technology helping transitioning:  Medical technology has come a long way.  Hopefully, medical research will one day kill the psychobable that labels transsexualism as a mental "disorder."  That diagnosis just FEEDS the bigotry of society thinking that, "Aha!  I knew they were crazy." 

***Break In Quote*****

I once read that Christine Jorgensen, despite being at what most would consider the infancy or dark ages of our ability to transition, felt that, in some ways, she had it easier than us today.  She said that, in her days of transitioning, most people in society did not know about that possibility and, thus, she could be more stealth and blend in. 

I've said, like some have here in this post, that my trauma is directly related to my perception of how society treats me or people of my kind, TS's.  If I was on an island by myself, there would be no trauma...I'd still be happy that I made the choice to have the operation, even if I was the only one that knew about it.

*****Break In Quote*****

Is calling yourself "blessed to be TS" some kind of self-protective illusion?  An illusion that helps us to survive?  I do understand, more, the argument that "I'm glad I'm a woman."  The road, for me, to get there, though, was so filled with ruts and depressions, I'm still shaken and, admittedly, wounded (I'm sorry if this sounds like self-pity but I'm trying to be honest).  Maybe, like any traumatic event, some of us undergo Post Traumatic Disorder (oh, dear, another disorder!).  But it's not all my fault:  I'll live my life as a woman and then, just when I think things are going nicely, HAVE TO REVISIT the TS world when I have to admit to a loved one (prospective mate) things about my gender past.  That is something a genetic woman never has to face.  I'm still hoping to find some more positive way of looking at it from your posts, so I appreciate your help.

For now, for me, being transsexual just "is."  Like water flowing down a river and out to sea, it couldn't be stopped.

Teri Anne

Hello, Teri Ann,

I have read many of your posts in this thread and what you write makes sense to me.

For many years I believed that my transsexuality was a curse because there it was, me as I saw her, and all I could do is imagine my dream.  After I turned 50 I decided that I had lied to myself long enough and I began research on transitioning.  What a relief that was!

Like you, I believe in a Supreme Being and when I made my prayers to this Being I gave thanks for having been allowed to be born transsexual.  After my first session with a gender therapist, the knowledge that I really am she who I had been eluding and chasing at the same time was intoxicating!  I still give that thanks.

Am I blessed?  I am in the respect that I have lived in both genders in the same lifetime, that I did not opt for suicide or do-it-myself surgery; that I had the psychological, psychiatric, and medical help available to help me find my way, and that there was a whole lot more information and acceptance around when I began my transition than there was when I first tried on my sister's skirts.

We do create our own suffering, comfort, joy, or misery.  I have my depression and anxiety under control with the help of medication and a caring psychiatrist.

I am simply a woman, a woman first and always, making my way as all of us must.  What is special and a blessing is what's within me, who she is, and how she goes about her business.  Bone size ratios make no difference to me because, as you said, it's only in autopsy that anyone will measure my bones and when they do I'll be long gone.  I have observed younger women and there are many who are taller than me, with thick temporal bones, shoulders wider than their hips, small or no visible breasts, and no observable fat or cellulite on them.  I worked for one who fit that description.

I am blessed more than I can understand, not for what I am, but for what that has allowed me to become.

Thank you for hearing me out, Teri.  I'll be reading and learning.  And so my river flows.

Wing Walker

...it's like saying...'do you feel blessed you were run over by a truck'....

Hi Berliegh
Did you get the licence plate number? It might have been a low flying aircraft or maybe a meteorite from outerspace. Next time bring your tin umbrella with you."hee, hee." Just kidin.

Kidding aside though, I certainly didn't feel like it was a blessing before I transitioned and maybe it is a blessing but back then it felt more like a curse. But after i made up my mind and went ahead and transitioned. I found myself being grateful that for once in my life It felt like the most  right decision I have ever made. I quite enjoy being a girl. The most amazing part is how one changes on how one feels and think and the way we do things is much different. The only thing I feel sorry for is that I wish I would have done it much sooner in my life.

Cindy 

Dear Wing Walker - I'm glad if my words offered comfort.  I have guilt, though, if anyone takes my words as a reason or argument in favor of transitioning.  Being a post op TS, for me, has not stopped my feelings self-doubt.  But I know I'm prone to being suspicious and that trait can seal my fate - always questioning - on the slippery slope of life. 

They say that "happiness is freedom from want."   Wanting stuff is characteristic of mankind.  We always seem to be unsatisfied, often by jealousy of what our neighbor, coworker or star in the news has.  And yet, I know I've bought things and then wondered why I bought them.  So it's not unusual in me that I'd doubt why I bought transsexualism. 

Many or even most days, I feel good that I've been able to transition.  It's often a little thing that makes me happy.  When I first transitioned, I was amazed at how the male guards at the gate began talking to me.  Before, I had just been a moving mass, not worthy of looking towards when I passed by the gate.  Now, suddenly, I was a person.  I've heard F2M's complain about the opposite:  That they become non-entities when they "become" men.  Suddenly people stop noticing them.  It's a strange phenomenon.

I guess I haven't considered medical science for transitioning to be such a blessing because it came so late in my life (I'm 55).  The internet also came late in my life.  Like so many others, I would have transitioned younger if I'd known transsexualism existed (I had felt like I was the only one for a LONG time).  And then, once I found out it existed, there was the long trauma (10 years worth) and guilt of causing torment to my spouse of 21 years.  Kind of hard to feel "blessed" when you're causing someone huge trauma.  And now she's gone.  Another non-blessing.

So I have to date and reveal IT to anyone who might be my next soulmate.  And then they walk away.  And I'm told by others that it simply proves that they didn't deserve me.  They didn't appreciate me.  Yeah, I know there's plenty of good in me.  Good that, given a chance, someone would cherish.  But my "label" shoooes them away.  Yeah, some blessing.

But then someone treats me gently, as they would any woman, because society (in its better circles) has a rule:  "Be kind to women and children -- never hurt them."  I have no idea why society doesn't circulate the rule that men should be kind to men also but it doesn't.  If it did, maybe there would be less wars.  Maybe male kids wouldn't think it's their place to lord over other male kids.  I realize that some of this is NATURE but I feel NURTURE is at least half-responsible for man's aggression against man.  Men in a Muslim crowd see other men waving their guns in the air and they do likewise, thinking it's appropriate.  It's not.

You would think men would fight against their being stereotyped as rough and tumble fighters.  But society won't let them.  It would be considered too passively sissy.  Did I transition because I hated the stereotype role that men are expected to play?  Honestly, there are times I'm uncertain.

But nothing is perfect.  Today's younger women, in some circles, are more accepting of violence between women.  As those lines between gender dissolve, I ponder the future will bring.  Will women die of heart attacks earlier?  Will more women end up in jail?  Will bigotry against women in the workplace dissipate? 

Will the advancement of women's liberation also include liberation for men?  These days, need I point out, softer gentler men are considered "less manly."  This opinion is no "blessing" for men.  It makes their life harsher -- many men, despite their macho protests, may in reality not want that.  Many would prefer to be "gentle"men rather than having to accept the admonition from parents to "get tough."

Thus, in my opinion, neither males or females or transsexuals have totally "blessed" or "cursed" lives.  There are advantages and disadvantages to all sides... 

One day, the deck seems stacked against you.  And the next day, life can be a wonder.

Teri Anne

Dear Teri Anne,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.  You've sent me more grist for the thought mill.  Lots more.

When I transitioned I went out wherever I pleased and feared nothing,  I didn't tempt fate but I didn't look for "T-friendly" businesses.  If they wanted my money, they had to treat me like a customer.

Going full time was pretty easy for me.  Other than tripping on the exit stair of a city bus and landing without a hair out of place, all went fine.  I showed my badge and chatted the guards as I usually did.  All went well.  Outside of the guard force I got on much better with other women thank I did with men.  I found most turned even more narrow-minded and bb-brained than they had always been.

Quote from: Teri Anne on September 18, 2007, 09:46:24 PM
Dear Wing Walker - I'm glad if my words offered comfort.  I have guilt, though, if anyone takes my words as a reason or argument in favor of transitioning.  Being a post op TS, for me, has not stopped my feelings self-doubt.  But I know I'm prone to being suspicious and that trait can seal my fate - always questioning - on the slippery slope of life. 

They say that "happiness is freedom from want."   Wanting stuff is characteristic of mankind.  We always seem to be unsatisfied, often by jealousy of what our neighbor, coworker or star in the news has.  And yet, I know I've bought things and then wondered why I bought them.  So it's not unusual in me that I'd doubt why I bought transsexualism.

If I feel any guilt it's because I didn't live alone instead of  marrying three times.  I knew who I was way back then (I'm 56 next month) and I should have lived by myself, but I bought into what I believed society expected of me.  I looked like a particular role so I played it with no children (thankfully!) as I tried to explain to my exs what I needed, how it felt, what they could do to help me live my truth, and why.

I had no takers.  And I feel no guilt because I have no accusers.

QuoteMany or even most days, I feel good that I've been able to transition.  It's often a little thing that makes me happy.  When I first transitioned, I was amazed at how the male guards at the gate began talking to me.  Before, I had just been a moving mass, not worthy of looking towards when I passed by the gate.  Now, suddenly, I was a person.  I've heard F2M's complain about the opposite:  That they become non-entities when they "become" men.  Suddenly people stop noticing them.  It's a strange phenomenon.

Enjoy your gifts, Hon, and just smile politely when anyone holds the door for you!

QuoteI guess I haven't considered medical science for transitioning to be such a blessing because it came so late in my life (I'm 55).  The internet also came late in my life.  Like so many others, I would have transitioned younger if I'd known transsexualism existed (I had felt like I was the only one for a LONG time).  And then, once I found out it existed, there was the long trauma (10 years worth) and guilt of causing torment to my spouse of 21 years.  Kind of hard to feel "blessed" when you're causing someone huge trauma.  And now she's gone.  Another non-blessing.

May I agree with you, Teri Anne?  Had I a spouse worth missing I could easily be in your place.  The first one was nuts over having a baby and I was found medically not able to do that.  We parted after she forged my signature to get my medical records and sign me up for in-vitro.  The second turned over time into a nasty alcoholic.  Two marriages, 25 years down the drain and it's obvious that I never intended divorce.  The third lied about her religious convictions and began to force them on me.  I was gone in 7 months.  Two years later I began my transitioning. 

May your hurt become less and your empty space be filled by someone very nice and caring.

QuoteSo I have to date and reveal IT to anyone who might be my next soulmate.  And then they walk away.  And I'm told by others that it simply proves that they didn't deserve me.  They didn't appreciate me.  Yeah, I know there's plenty of good in me.  Good that, given a chance, someone would cherish.  But my "label" shoooes them away.  Yeah, some blessing.

I'm not sure why I would ever tell anyone that I was post-op transsexual.  They can't tell and neither will I.  I might get a strange look at times but I laugh to myself and dismiss it.

Soulmates are something I believe hard to find.  There are many dates, a few friends, one or two serious involvements, and maybe one with whom you can share life as an *equal.* 

One of the "gifts" of our gender is problems with self-esteem.  I have no cure for it, just ideas and opinions.  IMHO, self-esteem can be a genetic gift that is awakened in the presence of estrogen and made worse by society's ideals.  I have no choice but to feel good about myself and my appearance because I cannot depend on anyone else to help me with that little chore.

QuoteThus, in my opinion, neither males or females or transsexuals have totally "blessed" or "cursed" lives.  There are advantages and disadvantages to all sides... 

One day, the deck seems stacked against you.  And the next day, life can be a wonder.

You are sooooo right!

I'll stop here for the moment as I feel a case of the run-ons and foot-in-mouth disease coming on.

Thank you for sharing with me and hearing me out.  There is much in your posting that I need to have a good think-on, especially male stereotypes.

Have a pleasant evening.

Wing Walker

Hi Teri
For some reason, well maybe because of all the dumb stunts I have pulled during my younger years, like with, cars, trucks, dune buggies, a rocket propelled hot rod, well it sounded like it was rocket propelled, anything with wheels and tracks at one time, snow machines, and yes including anything that had wings, bush planes. The cat used up more then her 9 lives and I am still here, so transitioning was a piece of pie. 

Back then if the devil himself would have appeared I probably would have told him to "back off!" I'm coming through. Well actually I said something close to that to this big guy in a bar once, needles to say he wasn't to impressed he about 6' 6" tall 300 lbs and he just picked me up like I was a rag doll and hung me up on a coat hook by the back of my coat. I shouted all kinds of curses and other profanities at him. Didn't even know better that zipping up to start with could have been the better rout to take. But at least looking back it puts a smile on my face. I share these things with my Soul mate and both of us get a good belly laugh about it. My soul mate recovered from TS syndrome herself and her and I are a pair, we got married back in Ontario 3 years ago and we support each other or took turns at chewing the rag so to speak.

I don't really have any idea where I am going with all this, sometimes I am all over the map and even off the map now and again. An over active mind and imagination at times I guess, and one heck of a sense of humor. I bought into freedom seven years and have never been as happy in my life  as I have for the past 7 years. First time I ever carried out something to it's conclusion in my entire life. I guess if I never really accomplished something to it's conclusion before well at least I carried the transitioning thing to its conclusion. But between you and me I would still enjoy flying a bush plane and then I can watch my soul mate how many different shades of green,  red, purple and blue she could turn into, just as an experiment you know  ;D

Feeling guilty separating from ex spouses I did that only 2 times in my life and that was enough. The first one was the bitch from hell and the second one we parted ways amicably, she knew about my secret or least ways she suspected it. No feeling of loss there. Family? What can I say they are the toughest nut to crack. My friends quickly adjusted to the change some were even supportive, even the guys and gals at work after a couple of weeks accepted me,so both clients and staff treated me good where I worked.

As for the transitioning I transitioned in the summer of 2000, 55years old. The retired Rocket Jockey takes his space suit off and replaces it with a dress. Retired? Hell no way! I got to much dynamite in me to just lay down and die, I run two Yahoo groups and three meetup groups and when I stumbled over the email for this place I knew it wasn't time for the old folks home for me yet.

You wanna believe there is a lot of good in you, you glow with it hon. Life can be a wonder and since I transitioned I have not seen it more then one day feeling down. Most of the time I am very upbeat and love to have a good laugh.

You can private email me any time, I am usually not far from the pooter.

Your friend

Cindy     

I feel blessed to have the life I do and I'm certain I would not have this life if I were not TS thus it logically follows that I'm blessed to be TS.


I am however speaking as someone who transitioned at 18 and couldn't pass for a guy to save her life, I've had it ridiculously good.

Quote from: Melissa on August 16, 2007, 03:49:51 PM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on August 16, 2007, 03:37:43 PMI feel like a lot of the negative aspects about transitioning are more the negative aspects of living in a cold bigoted ignorant world, and not like things that are internally wrong with being or not being trans.

That may be, but don't forget bigotry and prejudice exist even in the community.  I'll admit I likely have my own somewhat bigoted views of certain people.  I try and not let it affect how I treat them, but it may come through anyhow.  That being said, if a person is raised to be bigoted against gays and lesbians, yet they are a lesbian or gay themselves, that can cause them a lot of inner turmoil.  However, if that person had never been raised to be so, then perhaps all would be well and good.  Unfortunately, the reality is that there *is* bigotry in the world and I doubt it will ever completely go away.

The problem in a totally non-bigoted world is the threat of non-diversity...As TOTALLY ironic and messed up that seems. I don't know really...I know the balance of this world, with its darks and lights, is totally off right now, but I just wouldn't want it to bounce all the way over in the opposite direction. That would seem like a fatal arithmia in the wave of things.

You know...Blablabla...

But do I feel blessed? No. If humans minds TRULY create gods I'd say no to spite them. However, I do feel like the ME today wouldn't exist if it weren't for my gender dysphoria. Its opened up my mind more than any of my friends. It has its good parts to me and bad parts to me. I've always thought the most interesting things are confusing BECAUSE of their complexity. However...As optimistic as I try to be, I'm also genetically pre-disposed to extreme boughts of depression, so I really don't feel too good about it all the time. Point is, too many sides are intriguing to have JUST ONE be entirely correct, unless Its some sort of AVERAGE, and in that case, in order to calculate, we'd be flatlined like I talked about before. Thats BAD. Thats like THE BORG. Living in the biological sense, but no POINT really. I'm mostly not religious, because scenarios like that shouldn't EXIST in a world of fairness, or the mortal plane entirely. That stuff should be PUNISHMENT...And thats if said religion thats true is HUMANLIKE and SECULAR-EY...Which I find questionable when so much sense points to extraterrestrials. So BLA AD NAUSEUM. ;D

Hi Tink, I like that photo the best.  :)  Ok I see I already posted here on this topic. I guess I should try to scroll up first. ;D Well I have been living in female mode for 7 years and post opp four years ago. Well before this well about twenty years ago I thought I was possessed by Satan himself, it got worst and was diagnosed with being bipolar, but even with the meds I was still having a hard time of it until 8 years ago I learned what the word transsexual was. Any way it's a long and scary story. I would in all honestly say that yes I literally thought it was a curse. But now I love being a woman, at first I found it kind of strange not because of any outside influence just kind of a disoriented feeling. Well my moods, my personality and attitude and the way I perceive things changed a lot and I certainly learned all about honest to goodness emotions, nothing like I had ever experienced before. Things just felt right for the first time in my life and yes I believe I am blessed to be who I am today.

Cindy

Not even a little.  I am blessed in that I have been able to transition, keep my life largely intact, and pass without question, but
I would have preferred to be born female instead made female.  To feel special and blessed, there would have to be some tangible
benefit to living a lie for most of my life which I have yet to see.  Other than the "that which does not kill me..." logic, I see no
benefit to having been born and forced to live in the wrong gender. 

Stormy

I feel cursed.

I feel a tangible wall preventing all progress in what I like. Its almost as If I'm being nudged into a, "MORE WORTHY" category. This puzzles me cause I'm a faithless person. I hate the wall though...


IT ALWAYS COMES BACK

Wing Walker - Again, thanks for the kind words.  Regarding self-esteem:  I remember once seeing a young beautiful woman who spoke as a tortured person -- her self esteem was in the basement because she was a lesbian.  I couldn't understand it.  She was so beautiful in appearance that I felt, as most of society probably felt, that her life must be wonderful.  Of course, I would have died to look like her and yet all she could think about was dying -- suicide.

It brings us back to something I mentioned early in this thread -- that we have no idea what torture some of us put OURSELVES through.  To an outsider, the trauma is ridiculous.  So, I try to remember this:  Issues that I consider monumental are things that I probably over-emphasize myself.  Though I don't consider being TS to be a blessing, to many or most of society, it's just nothing they concentrate on.  They have their own lives.

Many Afro-Americans are upset with courts giving stiffer sentences to them as opposed to caucasians.  It's nothing white folk think about but, given the O.J. thing, our country is divided.  Afro-Americans just want what we want:  to be treated and respected like others.  I don't know if Afro-Americans every think about themselves as being "blessed" - presumably, given "black pride," they've instilled in themselves to move on...have pride in what they are.  And that's what we should do, too.

Cindy - May we all be as brave as you.  I appreciate your upbeat nature and try, as best as I can, to do the same.

Stormy - I think I mentioned the "that which does not kill me" quote at some point also.  Pychologists and any rational people would probably tell us, "you have every right to be upset with how hard this is because IT IS HARD."  This won't turn it into a blessing but might turn it into:  "don't worry about that which you cannot control."  Unlike the first quote, it doesn't intimate that we're getting stronger but rather tells us to not worry about it -- let's us find our own peace.

Teri Anne

QuoteWing Walker - Again, thanks for the kind words.  Regarding self-esteem:  I remember once seeing a young beautiful woman who spoke as a tortured person -- her self esteem was in the basement because she was a lesbian.  I couldn't understand it.  She was so beautiful in appearance that I felt, as most of society probably felt, that her life must be wonderful.  Of course, I would have died to look like her and yet all she could think about was dying -- suicide.

Hi, Teri Anne,  Thank you for writing and giving me pause.  What I find to be wisdom may not be wisdom for anyone but me.  The way that I handle something might work well for me but I cannot and do not hope it to be more than "grist for the thought mill" for anyone else.  And so it goes with blessing/curse, happiness/misery.

QuoteIt brings us back to something I mentioned early in this thread -- that we have no idea what torture some of us put OURSELVES through.  To an outsider, the trauma is ridiculous.  So, I try to remember this:  Issues that I consider monumental are things that I probably over-emphasize myself.  Though I don't consider being TS to be a blessing, to many or most of society, it's just nothing they concentrate on.  They have their own lives.

You're right about the torture that we cause ourselves, and it's completely unnecessary.  What do we accomplish by doing it to ourselves when the rest of the world will do it for us?  My ex was giving me lots of distress until one night I just quietly looked at her.  She had never seen that look on my face before and had no inkling of what was crossing my mind.  I had my hands behind my back and I told her that if had wanted a ration of stuff I could have gotten it without marriage.

I believe that 99+% of us are interested in what is on our plate that day and couldn't care less about anyone else.

You make a good point about "black pride."  Years ago I was talking with a black man with whom I worked.  This was in 1971 and we were having a talk about race.  I was not taught to hate anyone or to act hurtful or offensive to anyone because of their race so the notion of race discrimination was a non-starter with me.  I just didn't have it.

He asked me to think about seeing a man walking down the street and asked what I noticed first.  Was it his clothes, hair, shoes, height, weight?  Nope, it was his color!  I began to wonder about myself and how not-biased I was - or not.

Black pride, gay pride, and transsexual pride all stem from the same root:  pride in ourselves.  it's not like we're selling anyone that it's a great idea to voluntary become black, gay, or transsexual, but we won't let ourselves be walked-on because of who we are.

An old farmer once observed that 90% of what we fear and worry about doesn't happen to us and the other 10% isn't as bad as we thought it would be.  That's just one fictional farmer's opinion.  I wish that I had heard it long before I did.

Again, thank you for the high-quality grist for the thought mill.  Let us in here be happy in ourselves and endeavour to contribute to the happiness of others.  Perhaps by that behaviour we will be able to make a micron-sized change in one life, starting with our own.

Please accept my warm and sincere hugs,

Paula

Hi Teri Anne,

Thanks for the compliment but I don't know about brave, maybe I don't get scared about much, but brave? wary, maybe, like I won't step out during a storm with a tin umbrella.

Since I was a kid I have been a rescuer. It started with me bringing home stray animals or wounded animals and try to doctor them back again. Then I graduated to bringing home stray people, hitch hiker , park bench scholars, or so they thought they were.

One night when I was 18 years of age I brought home a prostitute who had been beaten and left lying on the sidewalk to die, I guess.  So I brought her home with me and doctored her the same as I had with the critters.  Occasionally I was called out to extricate an abused mom and her children to go home with me.

Well nothing has changed much. Some 25 years after I began the career of being a Social Worker and worked as a social worker for twenty years. Hmmmmmm, a one woman Coast Guard.

I really don't think I need an academy award for search and rescue but certainly not a hero.  I would be just as happy to see myself in the National Enquirer. Naw, just don't scare too easily.  I was a worry wart for a lot of years but I am doing a good job of getting that under wraps and having a soul mate that does most of the paper work has done wonders in relieving me of the worry wart thing, I hate mailboxes. Not to mention it frees to spend more time to do search and rescue on the net. 

As for an unemployed comedian, yes. Putting a smile or laughter on people's faces is the best medicine for any one that is hurting about stuff.

Cynthia         

Wingwalker, you mentioned, "An old farmer once observed that 90% of what we fear and worry about doesn't happen to us and the other 10% isn't as bad as we thought it would be.  That's just one fictional farmer's opinion."

Or, there's Roosevelt's line, "the only thing to fear is fear itself."  Certainly, Bush's White House seems to interject a lot of fear about why we have to this or that in war.  To me, it's a sordid argument.  No one should do things solely out of fear.  Recently, a terrorism expert on television asked (and I'm paraphrasing), "Why do we jump so headlong into fear?  Even if the worst happens, and one or two cities get bombed, does anyone think that America is just going to crumple?  Of course not.  Terrorism didn't work on 9/11 and it won't work in the future.  The United States has much power and its citizens will never let anyone take them over." 

Somehow, this pronouncement helped dissipate my fears a bit regarding terrorism.  He's right.  There might be tortured cities and we would, of course, feel great sadness.  But converting the United States into a Muslim country, as the Muslim extremnists want, ain't gonna happen.   We would never surrender.

Bigotry is a form of terrorism.  And we, as TS's, must not surrender, also.

Cinthia, you're right about humor -- the best medicine.  I've started another post regarding that.  Thanks for the suggestion.

Teri Anne

You know after thinking about this question for a while and from a point of view of someone that is somewhat lost
right now and un-sure about where things stand, I do feel special.

I think my life would be so different. I really value the way my inner feelings have allowed me to
interact and relate to women. I'm thinking that if I were not like this on the inside I never would have developed the
Friendships with women that I have. I certainly would not have the love of my life.

I cannot imagine treating and talking about women the way some guys do.

Regardless of where I end up, I would not change how I feel inside for anything.

Yep, I feel so special and maybe a little proud (for the first time) that I'm like that.

maybe Amanda

Well I am trying very hard to see the blessing in it, but it is difficult.  I do think I see the world from a woman's point of view and I can remember well what it was like to see it as a man.  So from the point of being in empathy with others, there's an obvious advantage.  But I still wonder:  If they made the magic pill that would make us totally happy in the gender our physical bodies were born with, how many of us would take it?  If we answer no, then I guess we consider ourselves blessed.  I'm having a hard time answering yes, though.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Buffy said:

We all desire to be accepted and loved, the nature of most humans is they are sociable beings. For many years after SRS, I did not want to form relationships, to afraid of what would happen or people may think. But that has changed, life has only two certainties, birth and death and we can choose to do what we want in between. I no longer fear the future, I actively involve myself in life and relationships, otherwise what I would be is a Female version of my old self, with the same hang ups and issues I had as a guy.

To lead a fulfilling and rewarding life, involves taking risks, I am prepared to do that, I am prepared to go into relationships to find that person who accepts and loves me for who I am, the alternative is to not bother and miss out on what could be the very thing I seek.

The old saying "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is so true, without that risk there can be no reward.

I am not special, nor blessed to have gone through transition, but I sure am going to enjoy my life to the full as the woman I truly am.

Buffy

I think this is very, very wise and insightful.  Beautiful thoughts, Buffy.

Hugs!

HUH-HA! YES I am TRANSSEXUAL. HOORAY!
WOOHOO!
Now I must join the Darkside and complete my training.

Absolutely not in any positive way.

Special? Not really. Blessed? Most certainly although it took me a long while to realise it.

Without being TS I would never have met my dearest friends nor my wonderful wife. Never really felt religious guilt about it even though I'm Muslim. I really believe the blessing lies in the interaction with people. It's hard for us but good people find each other across the world and through the most unexpected circumstances.

Would I change it for being "normal"? Can't answer that as I've never been there so I'll try and live the life I've been given to the best of my ability

I've never felt that I was blessed for being transsexual, but I do feel blessed overall.

This is primarily a religious / spiritual issue to me - the relationship I have with God/Godess/Source (GGS) energy.  In the way that I relate to that energy, I am surely blessed.  There isn't anything about a particular aspect of life that could overwhelm that relationship.  I think that is the gift of relationship with GGS energy - there is a wholistic engagement, like being networked with a universal mainframe.

I feel that as a human, 'blessing' is what I do to myself.  If I tell myself I am blessed, then sobeit.  I am  blessed.  If I tell myself I am special, similarily, I am.  The same works for blessings I make to another entity, being, aura, planet, solar system, universe... The blessing is confirmed (returned) in my eyes, in my mind, in my being.  This is just how I experience it.

If I am in harmony with GGS energy , or doing what I think of as 'the work', then I am of a will to bless myself and others. Once that is done (each day), the all and everything becomes clear, truth is revealed: the ultimate blessing.

I am not trying to be poetic or prophetic, this is how I percieve and live my life, and when I give thanks, it is because I am able to have this perception / connection.  There are of course 'things', 'inventories' I learned as a chilld to give thanks for, and the mode of transsexual being is like one of those things.  In childhood, relating to GGS energy was subconscious, but it set up a channel of communication.  Relating to GGS energy through my adult years has been akin to breaking open the universe, like a nutshell inside of me and staring into the face of the truth.  For this, I feel Blessings are powerful things.

I promised myself to be brief...  I just want to say too, that for me, practicing what I'm preaching here - it's the hardest thing I do every day, and the most valuable.

Thanks to all - I read most already and I'll go back now to finish.  I just felt I needed to say something. 

I don't feel blessed, no, but I am glad that I was born who I was. Sometimes I wish I was jus born a guy, it would've definitely made my life a lot easier. But then I think about how much I've learned just by being me. Right now it's hard because I haven't started the physical transition yet and I get really dysphoric sometimes but I know once I've had my surgery I'll be content. Maybe it isn't something I should feel proud of, but it takes courage to transition, it's probably one of the most drastic changes someone can go through in their life, and I'm glad I'm going through it

Re: Do you feel special and blessed as a transsexual?

no. ask me again after surgery.

I feel whatever the opposite of blessed or special is. Absolutely not.

to have lived two lives regardless of what drove me to change, yes i can say i feel blessed and enjoy this beautiful journey im on the more for it.

I've never really thought about it. But being transsexual is just something I have to deal with, it's not who I am. In my mind there's a distinction between being transsexual and being a transsexual. The latter doesn't compute. To me it's not the end of the journey, it's just part of the road surface I walk on as I become myself.

The destination on this particular part of my journey is to be, as close as current procedures will allow, physically female, to match being already mentally and spiritually female. And while I walk this path I feel blessed by, and grateful for those who help me along the way, the lives I touch, and those which touch mine.

This is something I have given much thought to.  I have come to the conclusion that I am this way because my life could not be what it is today had I been a natal female.  Most importantly to me, If I had been born a natal female, I would not have met my wife.  It is with that in mind, that I look back at my life and everything I have seen and experienced, (true, it hasn't always been easy) and am to thankful for having it.  There are so many parts of my life that I am thankful for.  I've had some great friendships over the years, really fond memories of events that I would not have experienced, and to be honest, this has made me a much stronger person.  I'm sure had I been born a natal female I would have made friends and hat some great times, but I would not be the person I am today.  Who knows what I would be like, I may not like the person I would have become and I can honestly say that for the most part, I like the person I am today.  Being a transsexual is just a part of what I am.  There is so much more to me that the transsexual part is pretty much lost in the numbers.

I believe we are given weakness that we may learn humility.  I have certainly been humbled by my transgendered condition, and the humility it has brought has made me more accepting and considerate of others in general.

I have definitely never felt blessed, although if I had been born like I should have I might not be as open-minded towards the LGBT community.

I've always felt like it was a curse, especially since I've never had much support or anybody pushing me forward. I've just always felt like it's a defect I have, and that I wish I just wouldn't have been born with it.

It sure would make life so much less complicated, and a bit less painful...

I have always referred to this condition as a blessing within a curse.

Prior to my transition, my feelings of worthlessness were overwhelming.  Leading me to the brink of suicide and abject despair.

However, now that I have become on the outside that which I have always been on the inside, I am much calmer, more sane, and see the world in color and joy that I have never known.

I see life now in ways that I never knew before.  I have always wondered if I would have seen the world in this light or have had this much joy without being trans.  I will never know.

But now, I do feel so very blessed.  I don't know if that conveys to feeling special.  I do feel a comfort being identified with the gender I should have always been, so in that way I do feel a bit special.  But I don't feel that I am better than anyone else.  Just the opposite, in fact.  But that is such a step up from the way I felt before my transition.

-Sandy

"Transsexual" is a thing of the past & doesn't form part of my vocabulary anymore.  "Transsexual" is a disease I cured with GRS.  "Transsexual" is what society took pride in labelling me with.  Female is what I am.

Word sister....

my stomach churns every time i hear women refer to themselves as "a transsexual".  think i posted this before but what the hell.

QuoteIn any case, transsexualism is a badly defined term. To use transsexual as a noun is dehumanising, leaches people with Harry Benjamin Syndrome of their personality, and makes it easy for the bigoted to think of them as being "other", "weird", and "perverted". People with Harry Benjamin Syndrome have a particular medical condition, it is not the basis and ground of their identity, and we should not see them as "laboratory specimens" or "circus freaks".

The adjectival use is hardly better. People all too easily construe "transsexual man" or "transsexual woman" as "false man" or "impostor woman". Many are confused because of this term as to the proper term to call a person with Harry Benjamin Syndrome. They wonder whether they should address them as "man" or "woman". This is the source of such vile constructions as "he-she".

After a childhood spent in the wrong social gender, and being in much confusion consequently, a person with Harry Benjamin Syndrome is most in need of consonance in their psychophysical identity. The driving need in one's life becomes the achievement of congruence between neurological gender and anatomical reality. At the same time, there is a desire to leave all sexual ambiguities behind, to have wholeness in the gestalt of body, soul, and mind.

It is diabolically cruel to affix the label of "transsexual" onto a person for the rest of their life. They do not engage themselves in a life-long journey between the sexes; it is only a temporary stage on the way to total personal congruency. This usage of transsexual clearly suggests and implies that the person involved is never a true man or woman, but rather a pariah and on a perpetual pilgrimage between the sexes.

Whenever the term "transsexual man" or "transsexual woman" is used, the strong implication is that they are not truly men or women. It matters not if the person involved is at peace because they have finally reached congruence or if their personal appearance is well within the bounds of their sex.

This term robs the person with Harry Benjamin Syndrome of full completion, it steals the peace of congruence, and it smirkily informs one that no matter how much one tries, you shall never be allowed to end the perpetual wandering of transsexuality. The continual accusations never give you rest, and you shall never be finally safe at home, in concord and harmony.

This is ironic, because we live in an age where we can correct the physical anomalies completely. This is cruel because the time of transition is only a year or two at most, but as long as one is a "transsexual", many shall never allow you to reach the far shore.

You must stay anchored out in the harbour, and only hear the laughter and joy of others ashore in the city. You must wear a placard about your neck proclaiming your status, ring a bell loudly, and shout, "Leper, Leper! Unclean, unclean"! as you make your way amongst the crowd.

The term transsexual comes from two Latin roots. "Trans" is a prefix that means through, across, beyond, or to change. "Sexual" is a verb that comes from the Latin sexualis, which means anything associated with sex or the sexes. We can see where the original derivation of the word came from. It referred to someone who was in the process of moving between the two sexes.

It is unfair to burden people permanently with labels that are no longer appropriate or applicable once changes are made, obstacles are overcome, surgery is finished, and they have taken their place in society in their proper gender. If you must give a classification, let me suggest two: "man" and "woman". Full stop.

Why can't you be both?

Quote from: Katia on February 22, 2009, 11:33:31 PM
my stomach churns every time i hear women refer to themselves as "a transsexual".  think i posted this before but what the hell.

I don't like the term either but to be 100% honest I love it when people are turned on by how I am. Yesterday was a very, very good day, I met the sexiest girl I've met for many years, it was just amazing. I don't feel guilt that she fancied me for who I am and it just makes me feel really good about myself.

Quote from: Ashley315 on February 23, 2009, 12:02:05 AM
Why can't you be both?

Why do you want to be? Honestly tell me what about transsexualism excites and draws you to it so much that you want to identify as it?
I know that when i first had these feelings in my early teens, I felt odd... But i knew i was a girl.... And thats never changed.... I transitioned because i was a girl. Transsexual and all the other crap is incidental, and just a medical fact in my list of many... Its hardly an identity....
Didn't all of you transition because you were female? really? at the crux of the matter? (to the m2fs before you guys go nuts) If you didnt... i have to question your motivation....
To be bruitally honest, and i doubt you'd have me any other way, Identifying as transsexual is simply an annex of the Victim complex. People want a reason to stand out, 'look at me! I'm special!' Everyone wants to feel special, feel individual, different, have some reason to be remembered. But i garuntee using transsexual for that is quite a mistake.... and will garner no favour for you with those you force it on.

Get a life
get love
get a hobby
excell at something... Identify as an artist... a writer... a lover.... a doctor, a nurse, a firefighter, a lawyer... anything.... So many here live thier lives as transseuxals because its all they know.... Find something else.... Make a life for yourselves... this transitional state is hardly a basis for a happy life.

Quote from: Rachael on February 23, 2009, 07:33:45 AM
Why do you want to be? Honestly tell me what about transsexualism excites and draws you to it so much that you want to identify as it?
I know that when i first had these feelings in my early teens, I felt odd... But i knew i was a girl.... And thats never changed.... I transitioned because i was a girl. Transsexual and all the other crap is incidental, and just a medical fact in my list of many... Its hardly an identity....
Didn't all of you transition because you were female? really? at the crux of the matter? (to the m2fs before you guys go nuts) If you didnt... i have to question your motivation....
To be bruitally honest, and i doubt you'd have me any other way, Identifying as transsexual is simply an annex of the Victim complex. People want a reason to stand out, 'look at me! I'm special!' Everyone wants to feel special, feel individual, different, have some reason to be remembered. But i garuntee using transsexual for that is quite a mistake.... and will garner no favour for you with those you force it on.

Get a life
get love
get a hobby
excell at something... Identify as an artist... a writer... a lover.... a doctor, a nurse, a firefighter, a lawyer... anything.... So many here live thier lives as transseuxals because its all they know.... Find something else.... Make a life for yourselves... this transitional state is hardly a basis for a happy life.

Harsh! How do you know I'm not an artist, writer, lover, doctor, nurse etc! ;D

To be perfectly honest I don't have any problem with someone fancying me either because I'm a woman or because I'm TS. That's me, we are all different, it's no big deal.

I don't think being transsexual makes me "special".  It's just a part of who I am.  Am I a woman?  Of course.  Have been all my life.  Being transsexual is just a part of that.  It's like being tall or being a brunette.  The roll it plays in your life is totally decided by you.  The simple fact is, that for many of us, we had to lead a life in a gender roll that was in fact not our own.  We were seen as that gender regardless of how we saw ourselves.  That fact alone has, like it or not, is a major influence on the person you are today.

I don't see being transsexual as a flaw, or something to be ashamed of.  It's only a negative thing if YOU let it be.

I've yet to see a decent explanation of how its a blessing however....

And Imaz: This is so not about people fancying you for ts or being female.... this is the culture of 'im Ts, i love being ts! ts ftw! *gag*

Quote from: Rachael on February 23, 2009, 08:26:15 AM
And Imaz: This is so not about people fancying you for ts or being female.... this is the culture of 'im Ts, i love being ts! ts ftw! *gag*

I'll touch my toe into this discussion, but I may pull back quickly.  This type of topic can devolve into hair splitting and such.

But, I do consider being transsexual a condition or disease much like diabetes.  And I refer to it as such to others.

Now that I have completed my transition, I no longer suffer from the disease of transsexuality, but it does not erase my history.  Like someone who has corrected their diabetes, they are still diabetic.  Because I am a woman who was born a transsexual, but I have now corrected that birth defect, I no longer suffer from the effects of the disease, but I am still a woman who was born a transsexual.

Now I don't make a big deal about it in my life, any more than a person who has diabetes makes it a big deal in their life.  I don't wear a sign around my next that says "TRANSSEXUAL!" but I don't hide it either.

When I was trying to straighten out my life following my transition, I contemplated whether or not to go stealth.  For me there is no reason for me to hide.  I am a female, but I am also so many other things too, I'm a parent, a grandparent, breadwinner, and oh by the way, I am transsexual, big deal.

I love life!  My life.  I'm proud of who and what I am.  All that I am.  And being transsexual is only a part of that.

And that is my take on it.  And only really applies to me.

-Sandy

No, I don't feel special. No I don't feel blessed.
I remember when I was growing up, when we were taught to say our prayers before going to sleep, I would silently pray to yhwh to turn me into "a real boy" while I slept. Needless to say, the prayers weren't answered.

I agree with what a few people have said about being richer for the experience. Blessed is not exactly the word I would use...  :-\

Certainly we can all agree that we wouldn't wish transsexualism on anyone. It sucks.

BUT,

I do think being transsexual has had some positive effects. It's put me on a path on which I've gained knowledge and experiences I otherwise would not have had, and I think I'm better off because of that. My computer's dictionary defines special as - "better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual".  I think that fits.

So, special? yes. Blessed, no.

I can only see 'different from usual' fitting... whats better or greater about suffering transseuxalism? What are these benefits? If im missing the big free buffet for ->-bleeped-<-s then let me know!

Quote from: Rachael on February 23, 2009, 11:04:34 AM
What are these benefits? If im missing the big free buffet for ->-bleeped-<-s then let me know!

LOL. Well, I wouldn't be the one to ask... I didn't even know we had our own agenda until a few days ago.

But I mean that we have more insight into the human experience than your average cisgender person. Our struggles give us strength.

Personally, i dont have any greater insight or knowlage than my peers... Yes, biggotry is bad....  yes, people can be arseholes... but at the end of the day, My experience is fairly normal for someone suffering from a birth defect that inhibits thier life.... the same way as  MANY more people than just trans experience.

Being like this has given me no magical powers, i can not read people better... i can not tell how someone feels by looking at the size of thier hair.... its all hugely relative.... Being transsexual COULD give you an insight... but i dont belive all people are enlightend by this... we seem to think all transpeople are educated, inteligent beyond reason, and totally nice people...

Sorry, theres as many idiots, biggots and morons within the ts community as anywhere...

Plus not all of us LET trans take over our life to a point where it influences us... some of us get on with things and live... Feel special for who we are, what we accomplish, and what we do in our lives with our minds and our bodies....  I swear we make far to big a deal out of gender.... 99% of the world doesnt think about it nearly as much.

Quote from: Rachael on February 23, 2009, 11:04:34 AM
I can only see 'different from usual' fitting... whats better or greater about suffering transseuxalism? What are these benefits? If im missing the big free buffet for ->-bleeped-<-s then let me know!

A buffet??!! Nobody told me about the free buffet!

See you over by the bagels and lox  ;D

Z

why can't i be both? because i'm female (in body & mind).  transgenders pride themselves on being "both".  nothing wrong with that (if you can pull it off in the kind of society we live in) that is.

My experience in passing from appearing male to appearing female, was a spiritual awakening for me.  I realized that if I can do such a thing as it applies to gender, then all things are possible.  Also, in facing the fears around what would happen to me after transition, I lost my attachment to those things, and I found that I had then lost my FEAR of losing them.
This was a great blessing, over and above the fact that now I was honest with the world as appearing female.
So being trans is very much a part of my grand drama on the stage of life, and I could not be anything else.  And yes, I feel blessed, and I have had a special experience.

It's not about being a "proud transsexual" for me.  I'm just not ashamed of it nor will I deny it as being a factor in my life.  It has made me who I am today for better or worse, and the FACT is, it's the same for the rest of you.  Deny all you want, if it makes you feel better about yourself.  I'm not here to judge you.   Some do enough of that already.

I am frankly sick of that attitude.... forcing your views on those who do not share them.

Then I will leave you to your thoughts.   ;D

Quote from: Ashley315 on February 23, 2009, 01:10:55 PM
the FACT is, it's the same for the rest of you.  Deny all you want, if it makes you feel better about yourself.

Excuse me. With all due respect, I find your comments very rude & condescending. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't speak for me.  I didn't transition to be a ->-bleeped-<- so please don't speak for me.  Always speak for yourself.

Quote from: Valentina on February 23, 2009, 02:12:17 PM
Excuse me. With all due respect, I find your comments very rude & condescending. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't speak for me.  I didn't transition to be a ->-bleeped-<- so please don't speak for me.  Always speak for yourself.

I can be that way from time to time.  The fact is that most of us are genetically one sex, so if you change that sex, you are in fact a TRANSSEXUAL.  That doesn't make you less of a woman.  It just makes you a woman plus that.  Jesus people, this isn't quantum physics here.  It's basic Biology 101.  Do we really need to break out the textbooks and see what real scientist say about this and not some bozo pseudo scientist.

Like I said, speak for yourself.  If you want to see yourself as a transsexual, go for it.  Don't speak for me, understood?

I see us all that way.  Understood?

Quote from: Ashley315 on February 23, 2009, 02:53:22 PM
I see us all that way.  Understood?

With the utmost respect please read your sentence, it starts "I see..."

Whatever our gender, whether it be genetic or otherwise we should be entitled to live it and express it how we wish and let others do the same. There is no right or wrong way to be a man, a woman or anything one wants to be.

Some of us wish to be women or men and forget the past which is fine, others are happy not to forget the past, some are on the road and others have yet to set out. Respect is due to all of them.

I've only been on this site a few days, it's the first "Transgender" site I've ever been on and frankly I'm shocked at some of the opinions coming from both sides. OK Mods if you want to warn or ban me that's your prerogative but tolerance is essential always in all societies.

There is NO correct way to be a human being, just let's try and be decent and help others and learn to love ourselves and the World will be a better place one day, God willing.

Anyway love and peace to you all whatever you believe :)

you saying you see us all as transsexuals basically is as bad as saying you see us all as men... or 'not quite women' Its biggotry....

Unlike some, and i know a lot will agree with this.... I transitioned because im a woman. Im not about to settle for being a second class woman... thats how i see the label 'transwoman' or transsexual woman' it means im not quite what i am. With all respect, and your quaisi biology aside. It doesnt matter. Belive what you want, but some of us transitioned out of a need to... not a choice, we havent decided to see ourselves as women. We are. so respectfully put a sock in it.

Quote from: Rachael on February 23, 2009, 04:04:39 PM
you saying you see us all as transsexuals basically is as bad as saying you see us all as men... or 'not quite women' Its biggotry....

Unlike some, and i know a lot will agree with this.... I transitioned because im a woman. Im not about to settle for being a second class woman... thats how i see the label 'transwoman' or transsexual woman' it means im not quite what i am. With all respect, and your quaisi biology aside. It doesnt matter. Belive what you want, but some of us transitioned out of a need to... not a choice, we havent decided to see ourselves as women. We are. so respectfully put a sock in it.

That is not what I'm saying!

There's too much anger on this site.

Imaz

Please don't construe the opinionated rantings of some color your thoughts about the rest of the people on this site.

We are quite tolerant of others opinions and all are truly accepted.

I was about to have this thread locked because of it had strayed too much off the point and seems to become a flame ware.  That is SPECIFICALLY forbidden by the TOS.

Please take some time to look at other areas here and I think you may find that it is more accepting.

Thanks.

-Sandy

Please, girls.  Arguments about this really don't go anywhere productive very often.  People tend to have their opinions, and they don't like changing them.  They cherish them.  I know we'd like to believe that progress is made by successfully convincing people to be more enlightened about their views, but the fact is that most 'change in opinion' is due to new people being born who end up more open-minded than their predecessors.

So let's put the argument and opinions aside for now and just concentrate on making sure the kids we decide to (or not to) have end up smarter than us.

*uh oh. here comes Nero with the lock*