Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: LittleBoyBear on November 19, 2014, 02:50:46 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Family update
Post by: LittleBoyBear on November 19, 2014, 02:50:46 PM
Post by: LittleBoyBear on November 19, 2014, 02:50:46 PM
Well, finally heard from my Dad after a month of silence from my family. Not the worst conversation, he's more level-headed than he used to be. However, he used words like "devastated" and "sick". He also said that if he had wanted a son, he'd have had more kids. Other highlights of the conversation were "there's got to be a cure", and (maybe my favorite) "You're an adult. Adults don't do this kind of sh**".
I'm not angry, I just wanted to share. I kept reinforcing certain ideas like it not being my parents fault, transitioning is not me trying to solve ALL my problems, just one MAJOR one. I also said I don't expect everyone to understand and be supportive right away, the first step is for them to know. Lastly, any time he said something particularly negative, hurtful, or ignorant, I would say "Your reaction to this is normal and I accept it and I love you."
Hope with time this all simmers down and they understand that this is not going to change me so much as help me become who I've always felt I am....
-Bear
I'm not angry, I just wanted to share. I kept reinforcing certain ideas like it not being my parents fault, transitioning is not me trying to solve ALL my problems, just one MAJOR one. I also said I don't expect everyone to understand and be supportive right away, the first step is for them to know. Lastly, any time he said something particularly negative, hurtful, or ignorant, I would say "Your reaction to this is normal and I accept it and I love you."
Hope with time this all simmers down and they understand that this is not going to change me so much as help me become who I've always felt I am....
-Bear
Title: Re: Family update
Post by: captains on November 19, 2014, 02:54:08 PM
Post by: captains on November 19, 2014, 02:54:08 PM
Dude, you're much calmer about that ->-bleeped-<- than I would be. I'd have been bawling. Got to give you serious kudos, man, that was level-headed as hell. Hope your dad gets his head together and sees the truth of things, stat.
Title: Re: Family update
Post by: Jill F on November 19, 2014, 02:57:18 PM
Post by: Jill F on November 19, 2014, 02:57:18 PM
Big hugs to you.
Sometimes these things take time to process, and I think you are handling the situation like a real adult.
My parents kind of freaked out at first, but when they saw me truly happy for the first time, I think it really sank in.
Sometimes these things take time to process, and I think you are handling the situation like a real adult.
My parents kind of freaked out at first, but when they saw me truly happy for the first time, I think it really sank in.
Title: Re: Family update
Post by: LittleBoyBear on November 19, 2014, 03:04:41 PM
Post by: LittleBoyBear on November 19, 2014, 03:04:41 PM
Thanks, guys. FYI, my mom and sister are still not speaking to me, all because I mentioned my mom being drunk and mean to me when she confronted me about my sexuality like, 12 years ago. Now my mom is apparently really pissed at my dad for not siding with her, and reaching out to get my side of the story...
Title: Re: Family update
Post by: Devlyn on November 19, 2014, 03:07:02 PM
Post by: Devlyn on November 19, 2014, 03:07:02 PM
Nice job, Bear! I hope everyone comes around.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Family update
Post by: gennee on November 19, 2014, 03:11:01 PM
Post by: gennee on November 19, 2014, 03:11:01 PM
At least it wasn't a disaster. It does take time to process such a life changing event.
It's sad that your mother and sis won't speak to you.
It's sad that your mother and sis won't speak to you.
Title: Re: Family update
Post by: FTMax on November 19, 2014, 03:53:42 PM
Post by: FTMax on November 19, 2014, 03:53:42 PM
You're so nice, dude.
I've always felt like there's a really fine line between letting someone express negative feelings to/about you, and allowing them to disrespect you. I know that's not the case - everyone should have the opportunity to talk about their feelings in light of specific situations, but I'm terrible about letting them finish their thoughts if I feel like they're venturing into that disrespectful territory.
Kudos to you for getting through it, and good on him for reaching out even if his opinions are currently a little less than stellar. In terms of your other relatives:
"The people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander."
I've always felt like there's a really fine line between letting someone express negative feelings to/about you, and allowing them to disrespect you. I know that's not the case - everyone should have the opportunity to talk about their feelings in light of specific situations, but I'm terrible about letting them finish their thoughts if I feel like they're venturing into that disrespectful territory.
Kudos to you for getting through it, and good on him for reaching out even if his opinions are currently a little less than stellar. In terms of your other relatives:
"The people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander."