Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have an idea of what I'd like to accomplish. I want to feel and be perceived as being female. I'm a whole lot older and  live where everyone knows me as male for the past 20 years with no plans to move. Given my age , I don't know how close to invisible I can  get, but I'm learning to accept that and am so  grateful for the changes that have occurred and still to come  how ever far it goes. I wish I could of seen the path when I was 18, but I didn't, I had too much going on and no one to point the way. so be it, I'm happy though to be transition no matter the out come. Do you think your expectations are achievable . ( disclaimer : question is not intended to cause harm in any fashion and if said question is misinterpreted as anything other then the harmless pursuit of knowledge I am truly sorry )

Quote from: stephaniec on November 20, 2014, 11:01:17 AM
Do you think your expectations are achievable .

I surpassed mine a long time ago. If anything I had too low of an expectation. Needless to say I am one VERY happy woman!  :)

I did not expect much. I figured I'd be one of the trans women that would always be read. The first time I passed, I nearly fainted. Now I pass most places, though not 100%. There are many people who can tell, but many others who make it clear they have no idea.

I don't know, its not somthing I think about much, I suppose in terms of passing, I don't exspect to pass, (this affects my scoical life some) don't go out alone if I can help sort of speak.

But as fare as everything ells is concearn I just don't think about it, it just leads to a lot of I'm not ther yets and this is taking to longs. So I take things day by day. I have some admierers, know I'm trans and pre op.  That's more then what I exspected.

I suppose that on a MtF scale of seen and treated as female then I do pass at time so its morr then what I exspectad, and on an intamassy scale as a trans is also beTter then what I exspected.

So realistick I don't know to be honest.

When I started transitioning pre-everything, I had braces and they planned jaw surgery for me. Their compliment was that I would get a very nice masculine jaw and it got me to think. I didn't want that. Did not know why not other than that it did not feel right. So I started exploring, changing. The only time pressure I really felt was my male baldness pattern. Even wrinkles I am not worried about.

Meaning I don't got any expectations at all other than the male baldness stops and I can save up to fix the little damage done. Anything extra I gain from it is a nice extra :P.

I leave the surgeries aside. I don't expect any breast grow and I will need SRS anyways eventually o.o.

Honestly I initially thought I'd be really really ugly and un-passable.

But then I began to figure out stuff, and clean up myself, and even now pre-transition I am seeing where I can go.

I think being passable is a reasonable expectation. I just need to work at it. However, unlike a lot of trans women I am not going to prioritize looks. My whole transition will be based on presentation and attitude. Voice is a must. Trying training and therapy first, if that doesn't pan out I'll be on a plane to Korea or heading to upstate NY. Looks will be icing on the cake.

I can't be 100% stealth as having a family and past will out me but I can be stealth to strangers which is good enough.

What is working against me is that there are pretty much few visible, passable transsexuals of my ethnicity and nationality. So I have to aim to look like my cis friends, which probably is not too hard.

i have relatively low expactations for myself when i am able to go on hrt.  trying to be a little realistic about things.   i would be happy with a A or B cup just enough to be noticeable.  less erections so that tucking is not as uncomfortable.  and even a little less libido.  and some filling out in some areas.  we'll see how much actually happens but id honestly be happy if it did anything at all.

i prefer to go into most things with low expectations but high hopes.

so that you dont get dissapointed, but things are that much better when it works out.

Well Stephanie if there ever were words that expressed my own situation, yours would be a good fit.  In regards to expectations, well I believe myself to be fairly grounded in the facts of my situation.  My T levels have always been extremely high which explains many of my life behaviors but in this instance it is the cause of a very solid settling in of my male features (approaching middle 60's myself.)  With that said I will just be a bit more excited with each new advancement hrt gives me.  In that little negativity room of my mind I suppose I align right along with others my age, which is that I hope I do not get stuck in that 'in between' place.  When in this mentally dark room fortuneately I am able to realize that the only way to get in here is by being fear driven.  One of these days it will only be a teeny tiny closet that is not worth the visit.   Dani

I expected I would never pass. Apparently that was an unrealistic expectation and I was glad to be wrong.

Yea. I still have a long way to go but I am not heavy set with my ectomorph build and have a big pile of money to pay for any surgery I need while only being 26 having started this aged 25.
This TG stuff gets me down a lot but really I am very lucky. I expect to achieve my goals. The hardest part was accepting myself and coming out cause my family is supportive :D

I kicked the goal post on the ground to make sure I cleared it easily.  If you want to hit the target every time, shoot first and whatever you hit, declare the target.

Mission accomplished.

Seriously, anything better than "shaven ape in a dress" works for me.

My expectations were low but I knew I had to try. I expected to never pass, to have few friends, and expected to be treated like a freak.

Instead I pass easily 99% of the time, have expanded my network of friends by leaps and bounds, and regularly get hit on by older guys. If anything my expectations were far too low.

I had no expectations when I started in my 20s. Inspiring role models were in short supply. Caroline Cossey's story fed me with optimism of what was possible. I don't think I was wide of the mark. I think I far surpassed all my dreams.

This scares me to death...I know that in a few years when my grandmother passes i will be left her estate and be able to afford anything extra(and i seriously hope she is around another 20 years because she is such a blessing to this world)...but right now i have just work on getting on HRT.. and a minimum wage job to pay for it...Im so scared at the moment...the dysphoria is started to affect me everyday and i go through phases of extreme discomfort that distracts me at work...As time goes on i just feel more and more discomfort with little things about my body and being called "Big Guy"  I have being called big guy...HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT...

Its starting to become borderline torture....I need to do SOMETHING...even if i start off as a freak...the butterfly needs to come out

I'm pre-hrt but my number one hope is to pass.  I know it sounds shallow but at 18 looks kind of are what most people care about sadly.  Being able to pass while going to college would allow me to enjoy college life more.

Wow, what a topic   ;D

I have not come out fully yet on a person to person basis, will I? Planning and really hoping so this time. Am I scared, a little, which is why I have not come out before, been very close to it at least a dozen times before.

Risks: lose all my family, may make finding work even harder than it is with my age.

So what are my expectations?
This time I have more of a womanly look (I hope more than just breasts and slim eyebrows), hope to pass scratchily except for voice (will need surgery).  Most likely will lose contact with most of my family (worst case)... Will be living in my caravan (trailer). Will have had facial hair removal, will have to keep wearing wigs; male pattern baldness is less now than it was 10 years ago, but still there. Actually not sure I would pass outside of a close set of friends.
So reality is I do have expectations I hope they are not insurmountable.

I am praying that worst case does not happen and that I take the leap. I am sort of happy as I am... But the urge to fully cross the line is the strongest it's ever been. I'll Keep the group updated as I progress on my journey.

Personally my only goal is to be a woman and at leather feel female and preferably look it too. I hope its not asking to much from fate.

Quote from: Releca on November 20, 2014, 04:07:29 PM
Personally my only goal is to be a woman and at leather, (least?) feel female and preferably look it too. I hope its not asking to much from fate.

I find the question of the OP confusing.  My best interpretation is, "Am I being realistic re: my transition goals?"  This of course begs the question of just what those 'goals' are.

I think setting realistic goals is an important component of a successful transition.

Susan yes I'm using a phone to write post. Though some good leather may be nice too.

I agree that you need to set realistic expectations like I can't say I want to look like Michelle Kuan
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.huffpost.com%2Fgen%2F1283461%2Fthumbs%2Fo-MICHELLE-KWAN-facebook.jpg&hash=e3a3fbe54a1dca914ad0fe7e201164c6902c76b4)
or other superstars. For one I'm not Asian and two i need to be realistic. I gave seen some transitions that are eye poppongly wow but I'm not going to say I'm unhappy with myself unless I look like a super model.

Good question. I find that my perception and whether I'm being realistic about it are always shifting. When I first began the process, I, like many, just wanted to pass to avoid what I thought at the time would be ridicule and danger if I did not (I've since learned that those are not realistic outcomes). Once I started passing and became attracted to men, I started dating. And now that I'm dating, I want to find a heterosexual partner to fall in love with who might also be a partner in raising my children. Am I being realistic? I have no idea. I think the only realistic thing is that I have no idea what the future will hold, and thinking that I do makes my world smaller.

This was actually a subject that was brought up in my therapy session recently. It's interesting because I still present as male (unable to present as female due to family etc.) when it comes to thinking though I have always thought negatively towards my transition (specially when triggers came about.) but in my recent session I learned about rational thinking. I started to think about my transition such as things what can I do the improve my presentation. I actually had a passing moment for the first time. :) (sorry that it was a bit off topic.)

My thinking has became neutral lately, like I don't think positive. I also don't think negative. :3 But thinking neutral has allowed me to control my emotions a bit better! :)

Quote from: Jane's Sweet Refrain on November 21, 2014, 05:19:26 AM
Good question. I find that my perception and whether I'm being realistic about it are always shifting. When I first began the process, I, like many, just wanted to pass to avoid what I thought at the time would be ridicule and danger if I did not (I've since learned that those are not realistic outcomes). Once I started passing and became attracted to men, I started dating. And now that I'm dating, I want to find a heterosexual partner to fall in love with who might also be a partner in raising my children. Am I being realistic? I have no idea. I think the only realistic thing is that I have no idea what the future will hold, and thinking that I do makes my world smaller.

Why would happiness with a good husband and kids be unreasonable.  Go for it girl!  :)

Quote from: Skylar105 on November 21, 2014, 06:13:19 AM
This was actually a subject that was brought up in my therapy session recently. It's interesting because I still present as male (unable to present as female due to family etc.) when it comes to thinking though I have always thought negatively towards my transition (specially when triggers came about.) but in my recent session I learned about rational thinking. I started to think about my transition such as things what can I do the improve my presentation. I actually had a passing moment for the first time. :) (sorry that it was a bit off topic.)

My thinking has became neutral lately, like I don't think positivealso don't think negative. :3 But thinking neutral has allowed me to control my emotions a bit better! :)

I'm glad your family is starting go open up a bit. I'm pre hrt myself and my family still disapproves of my choice. Well my in-laws that is disapproves my actual family is either to religious or to disconnected to talk about it with

My concern too, Stephanie. I'm 58 and just starting. I've lived in the same house for 30 years and we have a very friendly neighborhood--good for crime prevention, hard to stealth transition. I'm working at a company at a job I love. The bottom line is I have to transition in-place and I'm dealing with my concerns: I don't want to be the neighborhood or work "->-bleeped-<-" (and I use that word advisedly and deliberately), and I don't want relations with my wife's family to suffer. But, my biggest worry is whether I can really own this. 58 years of putting "me" in a box makes me wonder if I can ever relax and be genuine, open and confident. The woman I see in my mind isn't beautiful, or svelte, or sexy. But she's confident, put together and a lot of fun to be around. And I worry about my shame, my secretiveness, and my total lack of self-confidence now.

I can do the logistics: the hair, the face, the weight loss. I'm not sure about my ability to become that woman, though...

Quote from: Releca on November 21, 2014, 12:31:28 AM
Susan yes I'm using a phone to write post. Though some good leather may be nice too.

Sorry to interject, but "leather"? My first language is English, but don't get its use in your context. Is this a typo or meaning "get it on with someone nice" or new slang?

I try to be as realistic as I can be. I know I'll be okay no matter whether I fully pass or not. I know I am a woman and we all come in many different forms and faces and presentations.

Do I have dreams? Of course, every girl does. I would love to one day get to near or 100% passing both with looks and voice, living full-time as the woman I know I am, dating (right now it's a preferred woman, but who knows as I transition), and whatever else comes along.

I take such joy in seeing everyone in whatever looks they present, as it's the confidence and security of the person within that really shows how they are perceived by everyone else.

I'd say I'm pretty realistic. I mean, I understand that I may never be 100% passable without FFS & That's okay with me. I know there's a 100% chance I'm going to get it so it's not something I think much about. How I'm going to get it? Not sure. I'm not worried about that right now. What I'm worried about is getting my first car, getting a job somewhere I like, & getting my associates degree & then continuing to University. I used to worry so much about my surgeries & I've reached a point in my life where I stopped because I learned to stop caring if anyone knew I was a tgirl. Some don't, & some do. Either way, if it bothers anyone, it's their problem, not mine. Plus, I have no doubts whatsoever that I'll be getting FFS one day, & chances are, it may be a lot sooner that I think. or farther. Either way, it's not the most important thing in my life atm. So, overall, yes. I would say my transitioning perception is pretty realistic. I just prefer to focus on other things so I don't have much time to care about the dysphoric features since more often than not, HRT will help them significantly. I'm just leaving it to time & my HRT to give me the strength to get through it :)

Quote from: Nicolette on November 21, 2014, 10:36:29 AM
Sorry to interject, but "leather"? My first language is English, but don't get its use in your context. Is this a typo or meaning "get it on with someone nice" or new slang?

Leather like pants or depending on how you spin it is also slang for bdsm. Just be warned if you look it up you can never go back and only do it in a place you are comfortable with alternative activities. Quite the world. I meant it in the sense of jacket or pants though.

Quote from: JenniR04 on November 21, 2014, 10:52:59 AM
I try to be as realistic as I can be. I know I'll be okay no matter whether I fully pass or not. I know I am a woman and we all come in many different forms and faces and presentations.

Do I have dreams? Of course, every girl does. I would love to one day get to near or 100% passing both with looks and voice, living full-time as the woman I know I am, dating (right now it's a preferred woman, but who knows as I transition), and whatever else comes along.

I take such joy in seeing everyone in whatever looks they present, as it's the confidence and security of the person within that really shows how they are perceived by everyone else.

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable goal to hit and I don't see why you are not able to reach it. Its the same one I  have, now if only I stop looking at other women and getting mad/jealous I'm not there yet.

Realistic, I am not even sure what that means anymore...

Some say I look like a woman, and think I never get clocked. Others clock me on the get go or are confused about me, and prolong their staring activities beyond reasonable interest. What do they think? I don't know. Maybe they like something about, or maybe they are repulsed. I will never know, so why bother.

Truthfully, I have given up on passing. I might pass 100% with FFS, but why would I? I think I pass 80% of the time. 20% is clocking time. At the one hand, being passable sounds nice and all, but at the other hand I am who I am, and no FFS can change the fact I was born a boy, and somewhere, someone will know.

I am not sure what to think about it anymore...

Pink what is important is do you feel happy with yourself being whom you are. Everyone sees the world differently and somewhere someone may know you're born male and someone may look at a cis woman and think she is a man. That really doesn't matter in my opinion but how you feel yourself is. If you feel like a woman then as far as it matters its nice to meet you Ms cloud.

Quote from: Releca on November 21, 2014, 09:06:38 AM
Why would happiness with a good husband and kids be unreasonable.  Go for it girl!  :)
I'm glad your family is starting go open up a bit. I'm pre hrt myself and my family still disapproves of my choice. Well my in-laws that is disapproves my actual family is either to religious or to disconnected to talk about it with

.

Well my family still hates me for it. Because of their beliefs. Butttt the fact I passed to a complete stranger made me very happy. I'm 9 months into hrt now, and even with my family being the way they are I'm able to have hope because of the one stranger. basically if it can happen once it can happen again. I'm starting to disconnect from my family because they always made things my fault when I try to talk with them. I was also recently diagnosed with aspergers (which explains a lot.) but once I get out everything can be good! :)

Quote from: Skylar105 on November 22, 2014, 01:28:51 AM
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Well my family still hates me for it. Because of their beliefs. Butttt the fact I passed to a complete stranger made me very happy. I'm 9 months into hrt now, and even with my family being the way they are I'm able to have hope because of the one stranger. basically if it can happen once it can happen again. I'm starting to disconnect from my family because they always made things my fault when I try to talk with them. I was also recently diagnosed with aspergers (which explains a lot.) but once I get out everything can be good! :)

I can related to that I'm being hit on both sides. My family are Quakers and on my in-laws are LDS so for me I'm getting hate three ways till Sunday by one nor staying what god made me and two still having a much stronger pull towards women then men. I'm my families option I'm doomed to hell the moment I chose to do it and not when I actually start.

I know having any mental limitations can also make your family see you as something else. I have ADHD and depression so my family always tells me that its only my depression or its because I'm sick that I want to be a woman and not that I'm actually a woman. Its making it hard for me to start among other little factors and the best advice I can give is to do what makes you happy. Now if I could follow my own advice.

I'm not sure if it is my nature or an occupational hazard, how I always look at life in terms of balance, or trade-offs. There are no perfect solutions. There are always compromises that come with every choice, whether you are aware of them or not.

To paraphrase  Grace, I never expected to achieve my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. Yet, it happened. I also never expected to once again be seriously looking at transition. Yet, it's happening. Though I achieved my dream, any decision is harder then ever. Plenty of tradeoffs for both pro and con. Ultimately I suspect to know a decision is going to based on pure emotional need. Will I be happier? So far with every step I've been taking the answer is yes

My only expectation these days I guess is always expect the unexpected. So far I haven't been disappointed.

same here, never truly thought I would be actually doing this, always kept it hidden. Instead of accepting I was denying until it finally  appeared before me as doable