Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: questions on August 13, 2007, 11:24:59 AM Return to Full Version
Title: trying to explain
Post by: questions on August 13, 2007, 11:24:59 AM
Post by: questions on August 13, 2007, 11:24:59 AM
So, my brother came out to us not too long ago about being transgender. He is starting to live his life as a man but not sure if he is going to go thru surgery or hormones or anything. He doesn't have a permanent name yet and is still not sure what he is- just that he doesn't fell like a girl. I am having a hard time when I am talking to people explaining his situation. It is easier to just say his birth name when I don't feel like getting into the converation (casual acquaintance)/ I have told 2 friends who know him from childhood and said the same thign I did, not too surprising, kind of makes sense etc.. I get confused on whether to explain it to everyone who knows him. Do I make a big deal out of explaing what is happening or just casually drop pronouns and see if anyone picks up on it? This is all new to us of course. I also have kids and he pointed out I don't use a name with them anymore. I told him that's because he doesn't have a name yet and they are little and I don't want to keep changing his name on them. I do not use his birth name with them at all as that would be unfair to my brother. What have others done in explaining their new family situation or have you just ignored it? Do you call people? I've found myself avoiding talking to certain friends because he hasn't come out to everyone yet and don't want it to get around the grapevine.
Title: Re: trying to explain
Post by: Sarah Louise on August 13, 2007, 11:29:07 AM
Post by: Sarah Louise on August 13, 2007, 11:29:07 AM
I don't think it is your responsibility to tell anyone. You can't really until your sibling makes up their mind and is ready to move forward. Sounds like just to many questions are still unanswered.
Sarah L.
Sarah L.
Title: Re: trying to explain
Post by: Dennis on August 13, 2007, 01:00:45 PM
Post by: Dennis on August 13, 2007, 01:00:45 PM
It does sound like it'll be easier when he settles on a name. And you should probably talk to him about whether he's comfortable with you telling people, or whether he'd prefer you to tell certain people. I found it easier when people just told other people, but he may not be ready for a lot of people to know yet.
Dennis
Dennis
Title: Re: trying to explain
Post by: questions on August 14, 2007, 12:05:25 PM
Post by: questions on August 14, 2007, 12:05:25 PM
Thank you guys so much, especially Gina- it's just nice to hear from others perspectives. It is a hard process for all involved. I'll just keep learning all I can.