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Title: hello everyone
Post by: cyanide on August 13, 2007, 07:16:16 PM
Post by: cyanide on August 13, 2007, 07:16:16 PM
hi everyone,
i am new here. was introduced to this forum by a friend of mine.
it has been a bumpy road for me and i generally just talk about transgender things online with those whom i told the truth.
most have been supportive....some tried to change me... some also jus stopped talking to me.
i am unsure where i actualy stand: CD, TG, TS, ... (?) i have been considering hormone therapy though.
maybe i'll be able to figure it out soon.
---
so, how did it begin?
i mean, sure an article of female clothing ignited that 'spark' (i distinctivelly remember my parents gave me pantyhose to wear cuz it's cold in the winter) but i believe that it is mainly the mind of wanting to be a female(character) that set the road for me.
ahhh... the naivety of role-playing...
'alice in wonderland' is the book that spark my imagination wishing that i can be her and travel through the wonders.
i like to play pretend and i like to play female characters even to a point where i will be silent when picking roles among friends and be left, unwillingly, to play a female part. there are times that it can go as far as being able to wear a dress. of course, when you are a child, you may look adorable.. for the first few times, of course.
from then on, it is a cat and mouse game. i find places where i can hide things and my parents, noting my clumsiess of constantly going to my room or their room, tend to discover clothings that 'accidently' got there for no apparant reason.
i hate myself at times,and still do, to be cursed with something like this. i mean, i can't even look at girls the same way. i am straight and i know that.. but when i stare at a girl's breast, i was wishing for being able to have breasts rather than lusting over it. ok, having said that, maybe i can consider it a blessing.... (haha)
and perhaps, like many (considering myself lucky), the interweb displayed some of the other people that are like me. still i lurk in the dark for quite some time because most of the people at time are of no help. afterall, they already been through my current route and perhaps choose to forget it.
this went on for years in which i had the crazy idea that i am female when i put on a dress. it is pathethic now that i think back.
my transition did not really start - i mean following the rules and be who i am - until recent years where i met some friends who is willing to help me in choosing the right clothings (yes, girls don't dress like sluts everyday) and how to do makeup. it is then that i find out that i have done so many things wrong~
i have been to one or two events out in public. few say that i pass, but i think they are trying to be nice, and afterall, i am in a TG event.
i also gain the knowledge of who i am now and have my own philosophy and reason for what i do. personally, i still don't consider myself as a girl because i haven't perfected my skills. maybe one day i will be able to go out in full gear and hear people call me 'miss' =) or that day may never come.
even more recent news, i am looking into hormones thearpy. still trying to find doctors at my area...
what lies ahead is still unknown...
thx for listening. see you around~
i know that this probably need heavy revision for grammar and detail - especially last part.. but that's all i have to say for now :)
btw, cyanide is just a random handle i picked... nothing devious or poisionous about this.
i am new here. was introduced to this forum by a friend of mine.
it has been a bumpy road for me and i generally just talk about transgender things online with those whom i told the truth.
most have been supportive....some tried to change me... some also jus stopped talking to me.
i am unsure where i actualy stand: CD, TG, TS, ... (?) i have been considering hormone therapy though.
maybe i'll be able to figure it out soon.
---
so, how did it begin?
i mean, sure an article of female clothing ignited that 'spark' (i distinctivelly remember my parents gave me pantyhose to wear cuz it's cold in the winter) but i believe that it is mainly the mind of wanting to be a female(character) that set the road for me.
ahhh... the naivety of role-playing...
'alice in wonderland' is the book that spark my imagination wishing that i can be her and travel through the wonders.
i like to play pretend and i like to play female characters even to a point where i will be silent when picking roles among friends and be left, unwillingly, to play a female part. there are times that it can go as far as being able to wear a dress. of course, when you are a child, you may look adorable.. for the first few times, of course.
from then on, it is a cat and mouse game. i find places where i can hide things and my parents, noting my clumsiess of constantly going to my room or their room, tend to discover clothings that 'accidently' got there for no apparant reason.
i hate myself at times,and still do, to be cursed with something like this. i mean, i can't even look at girls the same way. i am straight and i know that.. but when i stare at a girl's breast, i was wishing for being able to have breasts rather than lusting over it. ok, having said that, maybe i can consider it a blessing.... (haha)
and perhaps, like many (considering myself lucky), the interweb displayed some of the other people that are like me. still i lurk in the dark for quite some time because most of the people at time are of no help. afterall, they already been through my current route and perhaps choose to forget it.
this went on for years in which i had the crazy idea that i am female when i put on a dress. it is pathethic now that i think back.
my transition did not really start - i mean following the rules and be who i am - until recent years where i met some friends who is willing to help me in choosing the right clothings (yes, girls don't dress like sluts everyday) and how to do makeup. it is then that i find out that i have done so many things wrong~
i have been to one or two events out in public. few say that i pass, but i think they are trying to be nice, and afterall, i am in a TG event.
i also gain the knowledge of who i am now and have my own philosophy and reason for what i do. personally, i still don't consider myself as a girl because i haven't perfected my skills. maybe one day i will be able to go out in full gear and hear people call me 'miss' =) or that day may never come.
even more recent news, i am looking into hormones thearpy. still trying to find doctors at my area...
what lies ahead is still unknown...
thx for listening. see you around~
i know that this probably need heavy revision for grammar and detail - especially last part.. but that's all i have to say for now :)
btw, cyanide is just a random handle i picked... nothing devious or poisionous about this.
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: candifla on August 13, 2007, 07:23:49 PM
Post by: candifla on August 13, 2007, 07:23:49 PM
hi cyanide
don't worry too much about the labels. just do what you need to do.
and welcome!
don't worry too much about the labels. just do what you need to do.
and welcome!
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: cyanide on August 13, 2007, 07:26:56 PM
Post by: cyanide on August 13, 2007, 07:26:56 PM
thank you for the welcome~
btw, i like your hair
btw, i like your hair
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: candifla on August 13, 2007, 07:32:59 PM
Post by: candifla on August 13, 2007, 07:32:59 PM
Thanks!
That pic is a year old, my hair is down to past the shoulder blades. Feels wonderfully silky and nice on the backside.
And to think I lived 30+ years with very short hair. Call me Buzz!
That pic is a year old, my hair is down to past the shoulder blades. Feels wonderfully silky and nice on the backside.
And to think I lived 30+ years with very short hair. Call me Buzz!
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: Kate on August 13, 2007, 07:41:18 PM
Post by: Kate on August 13, 2007, 07:41:18 PM
Hi cyanide, and welcome to Susan's!
Feel free to browse around, as you'll find many people searching for answers here. A therapist experienced in GID issues can also help a LOT when it comes to helping you sort yourself out, especially if you'd like to start HRT at some point.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to hearing more about your story, if you'd like to share?
And please take a peek at the Forum Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.msg27408.html#msg27408) when you get a chance ;)
Welcome again!
~Kate~
Feel free to browse around, as you'll find many people searching for answers here. A therapist experienced in GID issues can also help a LOT when it comes to helping you sort yourself out, especially if you'd like to start HRT at some point.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to hearing more about your story, if you'd like to share?
And please take a peek at the Forum Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.msg27408.html#msg27408) when you get a chance ;)
Welcome again!
~Kate~
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: RebeccaFog on August 13, 2007, 07:43:22 PM
Post by: RebeccaFog on August 13, 2007, 07:43:22 PM
Hi Cyanide,
Welcome to Susan's!
You don't have to worry about knowing exactly where you stand within the gender spectrum. It can take time and some work before you know yourself. It's better to take your time and learn different possibilities available to you.
You have plenty of opportunity here to mix and mingle. So, have a good time.
Please remember to read the TOS at
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
See you around,
Rebis
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: tinkerbell on August 13, 2007, 10:50:35 PM
Post by: tinkerbell on August 13, 2007, 10:50:35 PM
Hi Cyanide and welcome to Susan's!
Thank you for your introduction. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the forums of the site, review the site rules and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay! :)
tink :icon_chick:
Thank you for your introduction. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the forums of the site, review the site rules and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay! :)
tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: cyanide on August 14, 2007, 01:58:39 AM
Post by: cyanide on August 14, 2007, 01:58:39 AM
forgive me.
i guess i could've find the answer but i've read the TOs several times already.
have i violated some rules? cuz this is the 3rd time that someone has asked me to read the TOS ;P
i apologise if i did (either violated rules or misunderstood the welcome)
and thank you everyone for the warm welcome~
i guess i could've find the answer but i've read the TOs several times already.
have i violated some rules? cuz this is the 3rd time that someone has asked me to read the TOS ;P
i apologise if i did (either violated rules or misunderstood the welcome)
and thank you everyone for the warm welcome~
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: tinkerbell on August 14, 2007, 02:03:22 AM
Post by: tinkerbell on August 14, 2007, 02:03:22 AM
Quote from: cyanide on August 14, 2007, 01:58:39 AM
forgive me.
i guess i could've find the answer but i've read the TOs several times already.
have i violated some rules? cuz this is the 3rd time that someone has asked me to read the TOS ;P
i apologise if i did (either violated rules or misunderstood the welcome)
and thank you everyone for the warm welcome~
You haven't violated any rules, Cyanide. :) We (the staff) usually remind new members to get familiar with the site rules so that they know what is and isn't permitted to post here at Susan's. So, no need to worry. Keep enjoying the site and let us know if we can be of further assistance. :)
tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: louise000 on August 14, 2007, 02:36:39 AM
Post by: louise000 on August 14, 2007, 02:36:39 AM
Hi and welcome!
I hope you will find some answers here on Susan's. All I can tell you is that it has helped me tremendously to be amongst people who know what I've been through and what I'm going through. Hope you find it the same.
Good luck and best wishes, Louise
I hope you will find some answers here on Susan's. All I can tell you is that it has helped me tremendously to be amongst people who know what I've been through and what I'm going through. Hope you find it the same.
Good luck and best wishes, Louise
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: cyanide on August 16, 2007, 11:48:51 AM
Post by: cyanide on August 16, 2007, 11:48:51 AM
so... if i crossdress not for sexual reasons and i want to go further in to HRT (not CD nor TV); but i haven't considered SRS nor is staying "in-between" for sexual reasons (not ->-bleeped-<- nore TS). i am 'straight', ie. i like genetic girls.
what am i then, really? so psychological-disordered freak :/
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: Pica Pica on August 16, 2007, 02:50:25 PM
Post by: Pica Pica on August 16, 2007, 02:50:25 PM
I suppose then that you somebody on the outside of the spiral, turning and turning until the centre is reached.
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: RebeccaFog on August 16, 2007, 07:12:29 PM
Post by: RebeccaFog on August 16, 2007, 07:12:29 PM
Quote from: cyanide on August 16, 2007, 11:48:51 AM
so... if i crossdress not for sexual reasons and i want to go further in to HRT (not CD nor TV); but i haven't considered SRS nor is staying "in-between" for sexual reasons (not ->-bleeped-<- nore TS). i am 'straight', ie. i like genetic girls.
what am i then, really? so psychological-disordered freak :/
you're just a person who desires to live as an individual according to your unique self image.
Title: Re: hello everyone
Post by: Jay on August 17, 2007, 07:07:57 AM
Post by: Jay on August 17, 2007, 07:07:57 AM
Hi cyanide and welcome to Susans :)